


Like wildflowers, which have nowhere else to grow

by Aesoleucian



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/F, Multi, Third Shinobi War, another war is hell story but with less focus on the actual fighting bit bc I'm not interested
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-10-19
Packaged: 2019-04-22 07:38:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 98,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14303943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aesoleucian/pseuds/Aesoleucian
Summary: What is a girl to do when she's too valuable to ever get to come home and mack on her girlfriend? If that girl is Uzumaki Kushina, she's not sure yet but it will definitely involve a lot of yelling.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another longfic, because I have not yet figured out how to write anything less than 30,000 words long. SMH. Also these chapters are really big so it's a once-every-two-weeks kinda fic. The title is from a Rilke poem (because I am being That Guy) about people in deep poverty, their beauty and humanness, how the world crushes them down. Is it appropriate to plug a book of poetry here?? Check out the Barrows and Macy translation of the Book of Hours, y'all. It's transcendent.

There’s a knock on the door.

“Come in!” yells Kushina. “It’s probably unlocked!” Mostly she doesn’t want to get up right now because she is _never_ going to find her place in this seal again. As she hears the door open she’s writing one last line that will protect her from getting her own energy sapped if she steps on it, and now that she knows its position she can link it to the main circle…

“I’ll just make my own tea, shall I?”

“Yeah, that’d be great. If you could bring me a cup too.” Fuck, is it three pins or four? Four seems more stable, but it’s also unlucky, and she can’t remember if she’s read that it’s unlucky in seals too. She puts her finger on the sheet to mark her place, realizes she can’t put her brush down anywhere, and sticks it in her mouth so she has one hand free to unroll the scroll sitting next to her.

At some point a cup of tea appears next to her. She picks it up to drink, realizes there’s still a brush in her mouth, and… spills it all over herself.

The seal has gotten wet too. That just figures.

Well, if she has to make another one at least she’ll have time to look up the thing with the pins. She writes it on the edge of the paper and circles it so she’ll remember.

Then she sits back on her heels and grins sheepishly up at Mikoto. “Sorry to ignore you when you just got back from a mission. You know how it is with seals.”

Mikoto, who is sitting very elegantly on the couch despite how tired and filthy she looks, takes a delicate sip of tea. “I do. And I don’t need you to interrupt your work on my account, I know how important it is. It’s enough that I can rest here before I have to go home.”

“Bit of a madhouse,” Kushina agrees. “It’s about dinner time, too, so even worse. If your mom knew you were skipping family dinner to hang out with me she’d have a fit, you know.”

“You’ve got some ink here,” says Mikoto, patting the air in front of her face.

“You just pointed at your whole… oh, well, I’ll go wash it off.” She immediately steps in the puddle of tea, feels warm water soaking into her sock, and heaves a dramatic sigh before resuming her journey to the sink. “I hope your mission went great, because it seems like you carried some bad luck in with you.”

“I think that’s just what happens when you move.”

Kushina flicks water at Mikoto, who doesn’t even have the decency to flinch. She raises a beautiful perfect eyebrow and takes another sip of tea. Straight off a two-week assassination mission that was probably _on_ the battlefront she’s more put together than Kushina could manage on the best day of her life, and she’s a being jerk about it. Kushina loves her to distraction.

“Well, you’d better not do any moving. Just rest. I’ll make you dinner. Do you fancy seared tuna? I can do a soup to go with it.”

“I’d love some, thank you so much.”

“Don’t sound _too_ excited, now,” Kushina grumbles as she starts looking for wherever she put the rice yesterday. “So, anything interesting to report?” It’s a ten-kilogram bag, it can’t just have _evaporated_.

“Not really.”

“Jounin gossip? Come on, give me something.”

“I was the only jounin _on_ my team. Chuunin gossip is…”

Kushina laughs. “I do _not_ miss being a chuunin, you know. Everyone was such an idiot. Jounin are really cool, though. I hope some day someone actually looks up to me.”

“I’m imagining you as a jounin instructor,” says Mikoto. “It’s kind of a horrifying thought.”

“You’re the worst friend ever!”

“And yet you’re making me the best dinner anyone could hope for after a mission.” Mikoto smiles at her, and her heart goes _thump_. “Maybe in ten years you’ll be a great teacher.”

Kushina sticks her tongue out and pours way too much rice into the cup so it overflows onto the counter.

“Twenty years,” Mikoto corrects herself.

 

To be quite honest, she has a point. Kushina’s not sure anyone’s ever even going to respect her as a comrade. At _best_ most Konoha ninjas seem to think she’s scary and could kill them. She’s not even that scary! They just don’t get sealing! Or lightning release, probably, given that there’s like three other people who use it here and one of them is Mikoto.

When she comes into the jounin dispatch station to see who her partner is going to be for this courier mission, everyone kind of stops talking or gets quieter. A couple of them nod at her but no-one says hi, because of course not. Some days she wants to dye her hair black so she can be a normal shinobi. But most days she wants to say _fuck all of you, stop looking at me like that or I’ll kick your asses!_

So really, having red hair is a compromise.

“Hey, Gen-san,” she says to the desk ninja. “Got a scroll and a partner for me?”

“Uzumaki,” he says, as if reminding himself. “Yes. That was fast. Your partner should be here shortly, you can wait for him. He’s a chuunin, so you’re in charge of the scroll.”

Right, because Kushina couldn’t possibly get picked as mission leader if she was working with another jounin. She doesn’t scowl at Gen, though, as she takes it. She doesn’t _smile_ at him, but hey. She is all about compromise between what she should do and what she wants to do. That way she’s mad and so is everyone else.

She flops down on the couch, daring the other two people sitting on it to move. They edge away from her so subtly that no-one who wasn’t (justifiably!) paranoid would ever notice. She ignores them and pretends to read the mission scroll, because she is the definition of classy or high moral ground or whatever. She’s done picking fights now that she’s a jounin.

A few minutes later someone taps her on the shoulder, and she sits up sharply, ready to fight. A little kid with white hair is looking down at her, bundled up in a scarf. He looks like some kind of baby snow spirit.

“What is it?” she asks him. “Do you have a message for me?”

He gives her a flat look. “I’m your mission partner.”

She sits up and gapes at him. “ _You’re_ a chuunin? You’re like five years old!”

“I’m _eight_ ,” he says. People in the dispatch station are starting to laugh quietly, although she’s not sure who they’re laughing at. Maybe it’s the pair of them, the thought of Uzumaki Kushina as a babysitter.

“Right, whatever.” She jumps to her feet just to watch him back up. “I have our scroll, let’s get out of here before someone pulls something laughing.”

The snow spirit follows her sullenly out the door, and then folds his arms to give her an unimpressed look once they’re outside. “You already packed?” she asks him. He stares at her. “You should have been told how long it’s going to take.”

“ _You’re_ not packed.”

Kushina pulls her pack out of the seal on her right wrist and dangles it, looking at him with raised eyebrows. “Meet me at the west gate in half an hour, then.”

He vanishes, as if he’s actually keen to get going. What a weird kid. How does an eight-year-old get to be a chuunin, anyway? When Kushina was eight she was an idiot, though maybe it’s different when you’re freshly arrived in a different country and no-one will shut up about how you don’t know anything.

She cheers herself with the thought that the snow spirit probably actually _is_ an idiot, but just one who happens to be good at fighting.

She hangs out by the west gate for a while trying to spit apple seeds all the way to the other side and not looking at the guards, who are probably judging her, except to show them she has clearance to leave. She’s not actually timing anything, but when the snow spirit arrives, he’s definitely early. Good! It’s a good quality for a shinobi. It looks like they didn’t have any backpacks small enough for him, so he’s wearing one almost as big as he is. Awww.

They set off without speaking. For the first time in years Kushina has to slow herself down to let someone else keep up, which is annoying. But she’s not going to give him a hard time about it. She figures he already has a hard time being a chuunin at his age, and boy does she know what it’s like for no-one to take you seriously. She just gets into the meditation of running, making sure to keep an eye on him so she can coincidentally call breaks when he gets tired.

He has _such_ chubby little cheeks.

While they’re setting up camp it occurs to her that she might need to get his attention at some point. “Hey, what’s your name? I’m Uzumaki Kushina.”

“Hatake Kakashi,” he says without looking up from rummaging through his pack for food. Oh. Shit. This is _Hatake Sakumo’s_ son. He’s not only a chuunin way too early, his whole family’s dead. That makes it about five times as depressing that he’s here running this mission with her. She sticks on her friendly face with extra determination, because she knows he doesn’t want her pity.

“So how’d you get to be a chuunin? I can’t imagine you on a genin team with normal nine-year-olds when you were like six.”

“I took the solo exam.”

“You must have been pretty hot shit if they let you do that.”

He shrugs. Not much of a talker.

“Well, don’t leave the perimeter. It’s big enough that you can pee inside if you need to. The great thing about this is it’ll wake me up if anyone touches it, so we don’t actually have to have watches. Can you get up at dawn on your own?”

He nods.

Great. Because she can’t. She spends the rest of the failing light inventing a seal that will wake her up at sunrise. It’s such a headache, she hates astronomical seals. She keeps having to make a little strip of lightning to see by between the fingers of her left hand, but she can only hold it for a second before it starts to burn her.

It turns out Kakashi finds it pretty interesting.

“How do you do that,” he asks, the third or fourth time she does it.

“Elemental transformation,” she answers absently. She’s more concerned about trying to derive a formula for sensing the position of the sun.

“I know that. I’m not an idiot. But you’re not using any hand seals.”

“I dunno.” She carefully places the character _sun_. “It’s one of my affinities, so I just kinda do it.”

“Can you teach me?”

She finally looks up, marking her place with her finger. “Oh, yeah, your dad had a lightning nature, huh? I guess it’s kind of your clan’s thing.”

His face is very still and blank, somehow moreso than a second ago. Immediately she feels terrible. Don’t talk while distracted. Bad Kushina. “Well, the way lightning works is it jumps between things. You kind of have to have one of them be the start point and one of them be the end point, so they feel different. You start with your fingers touching, and then when you pull them far enough apart it stops.” She demonstrates, pleased to watch him lean forward with the white streak reflected in his wide eyes. He looks down and starts touching his finger and thumb together, frowning in concentration. Kushina leaves him to it, since she’s honestly not sure _how_ she does it at all, and she’s kind of a crappy teacher, and goes back to her seal.

Some time after full dark the air lights up to her left, and she looks over in surprise to see that he’s gotten it. “Don’t hold it for too long, or—”

But he’s already burned himself. She sighs. “You want me to wrap that up for you?”

“I know how to treat a burn,” he says. He’s sulking.

“Obviously, or you wouldn’t be a chuunin. Do you want me to or not?”

He holds out his hand and she gets out some salve and bandages from the seal on her arm. He holds his arm really stiff, like he’s trying extra hard to make sure it doesn’t move. It’s not what she imagining treating a kid would be like, but he’s not quite like a shinobi yet either. He’s caught between the two, unable to be what he wants _or_ what would probably be good for him.

“All done,” she tells him cheerfully. “Now go to sleep. If you hurt your other hand and we end up having to fight and you’re useless, I’ll kick your ass. So don’t practice the finger thing any more until you’re healed.”

He bundles up in a blanket, and she continues working on her seal.

 

All in all it’s an easy mission, even if she accidentally stayed up until dawn the first night. Kakashi takes orders well, since he’s very eager to impress her with how grown-up he is. They only meet one Iwa nin, and she doesn’t even let him get near Kakashi. She sticks a seal kunai in the ground by his feet and paralyzes him. She doesn’t even have any kind of sword, so she has to break his neck, which is kind of gross, but having a sword would honestly be a liability for her.

They deliver their message. They go back to Konoha. Kakashi absorbs as much information as she can give him, as fast as she can give it, about lightning release. He even asks about sealing; he’s the kind of person who thinks knowing more stuff will help him fight better. She doesn’t tell him otherwise, because she wants him to be able to think that a little longer. It’s kind of sweet. Plus, everyone likes smart boys, so there.

When they’re done reporting she leaves him with a punch on the shoulder. “If we’re ever off duty at the same time come find me. I’m always up to show you a thing or two, a smart guy like you. If every mission partner I had was like you I’d have a lot more fun being a shinobi!” She winks at him and then flickers away, because why _not_ be dramatic when you can be?

She barely gets two days of rest before the Hokage summons her to his office, and she finds herself standing in a small crowd. There’s an Aburame who… well, he looks the same as all Aburame because she can’t see anything of him, and someone who’s probably a branch Yamanaka, a couple other people she thinks she’s seen before, and a blond guy who looks familiar (and strangely enough has an immediate association with _wimp_ in her mind) but whose name she doesn’t know.

Look. She doesn’t pay a lot of attention to anyone else, seeing as she has no chance of getting them to like her anyway. She’s only ever been on long-term missions with her genin team, which was Mikoto and Kiinu-sensei and a guy she’s still only 80% sure is named Kenta.

Some of the people nod at her, and she nods back because there’s a lower limit for politeness, and Sarutobi starts talking. She listens just enough to figure out that she’s going to be the distraction like usual, then spaces out trying to come up with clues to make absolutely certain that guy was named Kenta. A few minutes in the Hokage says her name, and she reflexively replies, “Yes, Hokage-sama.” For some reason the other people edge out of her way to clear a path to Sarutobi’s desk, so she walks up to it, feeling a little nervous.

He hands her the mission scroll. _Oh_. What he said was that she’s going to be mission leader. “Are you, uh, sure you want me leading this?” she asks in a low voice.

He smiles at her. “You did well last week with a difficult mission partner, Kushina-kun. And anyway, it’s a bit of a formality in this case, because you’re the only one on your team. Namikaze is leading the sabotage team.”

“Right. Thank you, Hokage-sama. I’ll do my best to make you proud.”

They’re all dismissed, and Kushina has about a minute to figure out when and where to tell them to meet up before they naturally drift away. Oh. They’re all going on a border tour after this, and just trusting a messenger to bring their mission report back to Konoha. “Right, um, everyone should meet up at the north gate three hours before noon tomorrow. If you have something extra you want to pack but don’t have room for, you can bring it and I’ll seal it for you. Since I’ve heard how much fun the six-month border tour is. See you all tomorrow!”

 

And then she has the rest of the day to kill, not really feeling like she can start anything. She’s kind of torn on how to feel. On the one hand, she’s finally been picked for a big mission, something important to the war effort. On the other hand, she’s never done a border tour before, and she’ll be away from home for a long, long time. Not that more than one person is going to miss her.

That one person is why she’s jogging through the Uchiha district, doing dumb flips over old ladies with carts doing their afternoon shopping and stuff like that. The old ladies love her, they keep trying to stuff more tea and daifuku in her and figure out when she’s going to get married. Actually, that’s a cheerful thought! Maybe the old ladies of the Uchiha clan will miss her too!

As she passes she blows a kiss to Granny Benio, who laughs. A moment later Kushina is back, panting a little and jogging in place to make sure no-one tries to invite her for tea. “Um, do you know if Mikoto is at home?”

“She’s not _my_ granddaughter,” says Granny Benio. “I think you’ll find you’ll have better luck at the training grounds, though.”

“Right,” says Kushina, giving her a cheeky grin. “That’s what I meant by home.”

Granny Benio laughs again and slaps her gently on the cheek. “Oh, off with you, then. I can tell a girl in a hurry when I see one.”

Mikoto _is_ in the training grounds, practicing her kenjutsu among the leafless trees. Surrounded by grey and brown, she stands out, a black figure with wide pants that sweep behind her when she moves. She looks like an elegant crow, as sure in her movements and just as light. Kushina only has a moment to admire her grace, though, before Mikoto notices her and stops. It’s the hair. It’s hard to miss, and Kushina likes it that way.

“Kushina,” says Mikoto, sheathing her sword in one fluid motion. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Just stopping by,” says Kushina. She takes a few steps closer, and then grimaces. “I’m sorry, that’s a lie. I’m leading a mission and then going on a border tour. One of those six month things, leaving in the morning. And I know you’d miss me, so…”

She can’t quite manage to look at Mikoto, but Mikoto comes to take her hands anyway. “Six months,” she murmurs. Kushina is a _little_ bit combusting because she doesn’t get to hold Mikoto’s hands that often, and this feels special anyhow. She makes the most of it and squeezes them, hopefully a comfort. “I…” Mikoto says, and then swallows her words. When Kushina lets her eyes land on Mikoto’s face, she’s biting her lip, eyes downcast.

“What is it, Miko? I’ve never seen you look so nervous! If you’re going to confess your love you might as well get it over with!” She laughs to show it’s a joke, no way would she desperately want that, ha ha, but Mikoto’s cheeks turn dark red and she breaks her hold on Kushina.

“How did you…”

“Seriously?”

“I just—”

“Well I was gonna confess my love to you too so you don’t need to be nervous!”

Mikoto looks up at Kushina from under her brows, eyes wide. “Really?” she says. “You’re not just…”

“I mean, not really, but also it’s true?” Kushina looks up at the sky so she won’t be looking at Mikoto’s face, because she can feel that she’s blushing too. It makes her whole face look like a tomato. “Ugh! You’re usually the calm and cool one! Give me a second, I’m not used to cute blushy Miko!”

That just makes Mikoto blush even more and look away. But when she straightens up again she’s wearing her serious face, the one she wears at mission briefings. It’s a little ruined because she’s still red, but Kushina tries her best not to laugh, because then _she’ll_ laugh and then Kushina will have to be the calm one again.

“I accept your feelings, Kushina. Because you’re about to go on a six-month tour of duty, I feel it’s… it’s only appropriate to give you something to remember me by.” She widens her eyes again, but she’s not looking at Kushina, just a random patch of dirt. That’s the look she gets when she’s just said something very stupid and wants to be buried alive. “Also, uh, if you die before I have my first kiss I’ll never forgive you.”

“That’s a really easy problem to solve, Miko. I’m right here and I’m probably not gonna die in the next ten minutes, so… Oh my gosh. I just asked you to kiss me. I can’t believe this.”

Mikoto takes a nervous step closer at the same time Kushina does, and this is just such a mess. When she thought about it, Kushina always kind of assumed that Mikoto would have kissed _someone_ before, since she’s so beautiful and cool and good at everything. In her head it went like: _Well, Kushina, if you need someone to teach you…_

Kushina puts her sweaty hand on Mikoto’s cheek and leans down and almost bonks into Mikoto’s head when she takes a deep breath. “Stop chewing on your lip, Kushina,” says Mikoto. “That’s my job.”

Kushina laughs incredulously, and Mikoto looks horribly embarrassed at the stupid thing that just came out of her mouth. “That was the worst—ahahaha, Miko, you’re killing me.”

“I’ll do worse than kill you if you don’t kiss me right now!”

She sounds really frustrated, which probably means she’s too afraid to do it herself, so Kushina takes pity and kisses her soft, wet lips. Then she laughs nervously. “I know that wasn’t very good…”

“We can always try again.” This time Mikoto kisses her, and makes good on her threat to bite Kushina’s lip. Fuck, it’s really hot too.

Mikoto leans back and looks up at Kushina, licking her lips. She’s breathing a little hard like Kushina is, which is gratifying. “Was that the thing I’m going to remember you by, or do I get another present? Because if it’s as good as that one…” Mikoto pushes her face away, offended, and Kushina laughs. “I’ll write to you every week! I won’t even look at another member of my team! Though that’s not going to be hard, it’s not like any of them are something special. And you better write me too.”

She holds her arms out and Mikoto falls backward into them, tucking her head into the crook of Kushina’s neck. Kushina wraps her arms around Mikoto’s waist, just like she has so many times for a joke or for comfort or just to say hello. “Of course I’ll write to you,” Mikoto says. “I’ll try hard to do something worth writing about between assassinations.”

“Tell me how your family’s doing. I love every idiotic thing Michiru does. Tell me when your second cousins get married. Tell me what fruit they’re selling in the market. I won’t even care as long as it’s you writing it.”

“I have standards to uphold. I’ll make sure I have one thing of substance per week.”

“Good enough for me.” Feeling bold, she kisses Mikoto’s hair. “Do you want to train one more time before I go? Just plain taijutsu?”

“If you want to get muddy with me all you have to do is ask,” says Mikoto. Kushina can hear the cat smile in her voice. She slips out of Kushina’s arms and flickers a few meters away to take a neutral stance, still smiling like a dare. Kushina takes that dare, because she’s better at taijutsu and always has been.

…Correction. She’s better at taijutsu as long as Mikoto doesn’t use her damned sharingan. But being beaten has its advantages, namely Mikoto is really good at pinning, very thorough, Kushina can barely move even though she’s heavier by like fifteen kilograms and it’s really doing it for her. Sadly, Mikoto doesn’t take advantage. Her only prize is getting to look smug before she helps Kushina to her feet for another round.

 

Before Kushina lets them leave, she makes everyone introduce themselves and their specialty. She pretends it’s just in case they don’t know each other, but they probably know she’s horrible with names. And faces. And voices. She tries extra extra hard this time to remember who’s who, because she’s supposed to be giving them orders.

One: Yamanaka Isui, surveillance. This one’s not so bad because Kushina can get away with calling her by her clan name, and she’s not going to forget _that_ because even she can tell a Yamanaka from fifty paces.

Two: Nohara Genji, protection. She’s never actually heard of the Nohara, but they must be a ninja clan because Genji has facial tattoos. At least she won’t mix him up with anyone else.

Three: Aburame Shidan, surveillance. If his name starts with _shi_ doesn’t that mean he’s in the head family? He dresses like an Aburame, so that’s fine.

Four: Yonshaku Saburou, protection. Unfortunately, this guy is as generic as they come. He kind of looks like someone described the average resident of Fire Country (tan skin, dark hair and eyes, strong jaw) and then he was what got built in the workshop. She’s going to be calling him Sarutobi if she’s not careful.

Five: Kamizuki Rokusuke, explosives. Unfortunately he also looks pretty generic. The only difference between him and Yonshaku is that his hair is bigger and he’s slightly paler. She’s going to be mixing them up constantly. Just wait for Rokushaku Sabusuke. What a nightmare.

Six: Namikaze Minato, surveillance and infiltration. He introduces himself last, which reinforces her initial impression of _wimp_ , and he could pass for a Yamanaka from fifty paces too. He still looks kind of familiar, which bugs her.

In summary, everyone on the sabotage team is a man except Isui, which sucks for her and Kushina. But Isui is going to suffer more, since Kushina’s job title is ‘distraction.’ It’s what she always gets stuck with because she has more chakra than anyone in Konoha, plus flashy golden chains and lightning release, which Iwa nin hate. She’s got a bit of a reputation already from the few times she’s been deployed as a distraction. Kiinu-sensei managed to bring her home a bingo book from a dead Iwa nin a couple months ago and she was in there as Bloody Chains, which brought to mind a demon that escaped hell by gnawing off its own leg or something. She couldn’t stop laughing for a good five minutes. She has the inaccurate portrait hung up in her kitchen so she can admire it every night.

“Did anyone have something they wanted me to seal for them?” Silence. In the distance she thinks she hears a crow making fun of her. “Great! Then let’s go!”

They go. The road that points toward the battlefront is well known to all of them, and Kushina doesn’t even need to suggest a formation. Sensors stay in the middle and Kushina, the toughest one, goes in front. Even though the border is stupidly well patrolled and nobody’s going to be ambushing them a day out from Konoha.

Everyone in this group is tokujou or higher, which means that they all have more experience than her. It’s kind of unnerving how smoothly they do everything, from setting up camp to arranging watches. She has no idea why Sarutobi thought leading a single grumpy chuunin would prepare her for leading a seven-man cell of people who probably resent her for being captain and less experienced than them. Maybe he’s teaching her a lesson somehow. She has no idea whether she means that in the honest way or in the punching-your-fist-threateningly way. Maybe the old coot doesn’t even know.

Basically what it means is she feels totally useless. She just lets everyone do their thing and watches them like a (very distractible) hawk to make sure they keep at it. For three days, until they make it to the closest safe outpost to the Field Country border. Outpost Tsu seemed really far away from the border on her map, but she’s picking up a lot of tension from her squad that says the front is close—and they’d know, if they’ve spent more time here than her. Still, they’re happy to make it to an actual building with other people in it. It makes them feel like someone’s watching their back.

They only get to stay for a day, though, because shinobi are _always_ on a tight schedule. And finally Kushina gets the excitement she was, uh, dreading. Dreading-slash-hoping-for.

Almost as soon as they cross the border Yamanaka hisses, “Stop.” They stop and look at her. “There’s a five-man squad about a kilometer that way, moving fast toward the border.”

“Are they going to intercept us?” asks Kushina.

“We can avoid them, but we need to warn the outpost.”

“Cool.” Kushina runs a hand through her hair. “Anyone got summons? Ah, Aburame, can your bugs carry a message?”

He shakes his head. “Not fast enough to get there before the enemy.”

Fuck. If they slow the enemy down to get a message to the outpost, they’ll slow themselves down and maybe take injuries they can’t afford. Also, it’s not impossible that the other squad already sensed them, if they’re smart about team composition. “How does this sound: we shoot a flare at their location so the outpost knows to investigate, and then hightail it out of here in case they want revenge?”

“ ’s better than nothing,” says uhhh fuck what’s his name, Rokushaku?

The rest of the team nods, and Kushina blows out a relieved breath that she hasn’t fucked this up too bad. “Yamanaka, you’re my first choice to fire the flare since you have the longest sensing range.”

Yamanaka flushes slightly. “Actually that would be Namikaze, captain. He has me beat by half a kilometer.”

Kushina spins and points at him. “You’ve got flares?”

Namikaze is already digging through his pack. Good work ethic. Go team. Less than a minute later he’s asking Guydude Yonsuke or whatever the fuck his name is to light the fuse for him, and then the flare is off toward the border, shouting in orange: FUCK IWA ALSO THEY ARE HERE RIGHT NOW.

“Get your pack on and let’s book it.”

They book it. Kushina wonders why Namikaze didn’t say anything when he sensed the enemy half a kilometer before Yamanaka did. He’s probably not a _spy_ , but…

What if he is?

A spy probably would have had a cleverer plan, like noticing the Iwa squad and advising her to slow them down. Then again, maybe he’s just a really stupid spy? Never rule out human stupidity, that’s something Kiinu-sensei always says. She’s going to have to get on his ass at the earliest opportunity and chew him out for it, because seriously? Keeping information from your commanding officer?

She pulls him aside while the watches are being set up for the evening in the weird giant bamboo forest. “Namikaze, why didn’t you mention the enemy squad as soon as you sensed them?”

He blinks at her. He blinks again. “Um. Sorry, captain.” She raises her eyebrows at him to let him know that is _not_ an explanation. “I… wasn’t paying attention. If you must know I was thinking about tamagoyaki.” He gives her an embarrassed smile that is, in all honesty, _suspiciously_ cute, the kind of smile a spy would come up with to deflect blame. She glares at him.

“That’s no excuse. Pay attention next time. Our lives are on the line, and with your range we have the chance to avoid being noticed by Iwa’s sensors. Got it?”

“Yes, captain…”

She’s in a bad mood for the rest of the hour. What kind of crappy spy comes up with an excuse like that? Ah, fuck, but she’s going to have to appoint a second-in-command for the sabotage squad and tell them her suspicions, so in case Namikaze tries to sabotage their sabotage he can be stopped in time. Should it be Yamanaka, so she can be looking out for chakra signatures he’s missed ‘by accident’? Or Nohara, who’s the oldest and seems like a good leader?

She goes for Nohara while he’s on watch. Oh hell this is so awkward, how is she going to say it?

“I think Namikaze’s a spy,” she blurts out, in a whisper. “I want you to be looking out for it during the sabotage mission.”

He furrows his brows and gives her a disbelieving look. “Why would you think he’s a spy?”

“He didn’t warn us about the Iwa squad, and when I asked him why he said he was too busy thinking about fried eggs! He was trying to be cute so I wouldn’t suspect him!”

Nohara does a half-laugh, half-sigh. “No, he’s just like that. I’ve been on half a dozen missions with him, so rest assured I know what I’m talking about. He’s extremely clever and focused when the stakes are high, but frankly the rest of the time he’s a total airhead. When he was a new jounin he showed up to a mission a whole day early and came to my house frantically worried that no-one was waiting at the gate.”

“That sounds almost as dangerous as a spy,” mutters Kushina. “I still want you to be second in command and watch him.”

“I can do that,” says Nohara. “Give the boy a chance, though. He’s just an idiot who happens to be exceptionally talented. You should see him on infiltration—he convinces himself that he’s actually as stupid as he seems, and his acting is completely airtight.”

“So what you’re saying is that he’s actually a really, really good spy. And that’s why I should trust him when he acts like an idiot to excuse something a spy would do.”

Nohara rubs his hand over his eyes. “Yeah, I guess that is what I’m saying. I’ll keep an eye on him, but he’s never failed a mission before, even the most important ones.”

“That’s all I can ask,” says Kushina, and goes to bundle up in her blanket. It is all she can ask, but it’s not all she _wants_ to ask.

 

The next day they split up. Kushina’s going first. Her job is to make sure all the guards in the camp have to come running to her if they don’t want her to completely destroy the place. They’ll probably know she’s a distraction, but here’s the thing: they won’t know what she’s distracting them _from_.

She sends a seal kunai charged with lightning right through some poor idiot’s skull and into the next poor idiot, who… wait for it… bursts into flames. There’s a great deal of screaming. Kushina manifests a single chain as thick as her arm and strangles a woman who was about to call for help, then uses her body as a flail to knock over two other people who come running.

“Hey, motherfuckers! Pack the hell up and GO. Leave Field Country alone and I’ll leave you alone.” A volley of knives flies at her, and she catches them all on her meat shield. “Or not. I’m happy to just kill you all too.”

The earth below her feet turns to mud, and she replaces herself with a broken stalk of bamboo before completely flooding the battlefield with the ocean she spits out of her mouth. Iwa has approximately zero water users, but they can sure dig trenches real good. Except all that does is give her nice little reservoirs to work with, so who’s the real winner here?

She loses herself, as she always does, in the rhythm of battle. It’s simple and clean: kill or be killed. Puncture chests, ruin bombs with lightning, dodge crazy earth release techniques, shield herself with chains, repeat. She almost doesn’t notice the signal, which is a beetle landing on her neck, and narrowly avoids squashing it on instinct. She tries to do a quick headcount on the corpses, but too many of them don’t have heads or aren’t in one piece and she just has to estimate at maybe forty, which should be about a third of the camp.

She’s hurt bad enough that she can pretend she’s disengaging because she doesn’t want to die, not because her job is done. She spits out a curse at three terrified surviving Iwa nin and flickers away toward the rendezvous point, clinging to the edge of exhaustion.

Everyone else is already there, looking basically pristine. “Hey, guys,” she says faintly. “Any of you say you were medic-nin? ‘Cause that’d be real cool right now.” She sways, so slowly she almost doesn’t notice, and sharply corrects herself.

“Can you make it to Outpost Tsu?” asks a blur that sounds like Nohara. When did everything get blurry? “They’ve got a duty medic there.”

Kushina falls on her face in the dirt.


	2. Chapter 2

The next thing she knows she’s in a bed staring at the ceiling. She tries to move her arm to pull the blanket away and grunts in pain. It’s bound up in a sling.

“You’re awake already!”

She turns her eyes to the person sitting on her right. It’s Namikaze. “What do _you_ want,” she grumbles.

He blinks stupidly. After a moment he says, “If you’re asking why I’m here, I volunteered to watch you, to make sure you wouldn’t suffer any complications after being treated. I carried you here, so I thought it would be sort of, um, that I might as well.”

“Great, well, I’m as simple as can be.” She closes her eyes and stops trying to sit up, because she feels like she got stabbed in the gut. Oh wait. She did. “How long was I out?”

“Only about two hours,” he says, sounding a little confused. “It’s _incredibly_ impressive considering how bad your injuries were.”

“I have a lot of chakra. Can you do me a favor and ask the duty medic if they can come back and actually heal me?”

“Ah, not today. She’s already tired from keeping you alive, and she needs to make sure that if the patrol comes back wounded she can help them too.”

“When _I’m_ Hokage every outpost will have a minimum of two medics,” she mutters. “Even if I have to force people to learn.”

“That sounds like a good policy,” says Namikaze. “Do you have any ideas about how to create a training program that will turn out twice as many medics? I know Senju Tsunade wanted to mandate a medic in every four-man cell, but it didn’t stick, so maybe you could do research on her ideas? I wonder if anyone has written about why we don’t still use them. Maybe it’s like you said, and there just isn’t a good high-volume training program—”

“Would you shut up about the medics? It was—I was just complaining.”

He blinks at her again, looking extraordinarily stupid. “Then you don’t intend to implement that policy?”

Against her will, a surge of warmth washes through her. He’s the first person in… well, _ever_ , besides Sarutobi and her genin team, not to roll his eyes or give her a condescending smile when he hears she’s going to be Hokage. He just accepted it as a fact. His only question is whether she’s going to be a _good_ Hokage. Maybe she likes him okay, spy or not. “I do,” she says. “But it’s not like we have access to the library right now.” Then she brightens. “I could make Miko do research for me, though. I know she’ll care about medics too.” She lost one of her genin teammates, after all, the boy Kushina replaced when she graduated the Academy. No-one ever talked about it that much, but when Kushina joined the team Mikoto obviously resented her for not being him. “And I said I’d write her every week,” she concludes.

“Uchiha Mikoto?” asks Namikaze. Kushina nods; they’re a bit of an infamous pair. “She was a few classes ahead of us at the Academy, right? You made jounin at the same time.”

“Were you in my Academy class?” she asks, bewildered. There aren’t _that_ many people with blond hair, surely she would have remembered him. Is that why he looked familiar?

“Yes? I suppose you do stand out a lot more than me, though,” he says, rubbing the back of his head self-consciously.

“No-one stood out to me,” says Kushina. “It was basically people I needed to fight and background noise. Kinda like now, except now I have subordinates.” She says it rude, offhand; she knows what’s coming and she’s hardened herself against it.

He frowns, opens his mouth as if he’s going to say something, and shuts it. Go on, Namikaze. Do the lecture about how a Konoha shinobi isn’t going to get anywhere with that attitude. She’s heard it enough times before.

“That sounds… lonely.”

“Why don’t you make yourself useful and get me some paper and a brush?” Kushina snaps at him, caught off-guard. He looks at her sorrowfully for a couple of seconds before he gets up and leaves. Even odds on whether he actually comes back with paper. Or at all. On the off-chance that he does, and because she hates looking sick, Kushina slowly levers herself up into a sitting position.

But it’s only a few minutes before he returns. He even brought a board for her to write on. She takes the pen from him and just stares while he stands there holding out the paper and the board. I only have one working hand, idiot! Eventually he puts it down on her lap, looking a little like he thinks there’s a mine there.

 _March 3. Dear Miko,_ she writes. _Mission went okay but as you can see my left hand isn’t working yet. Next time I’ll be legible, promise. Not enough medics here (IE 1) so I’m stuck in bed until they’re feeling peppy enough to heal me. Vowed to have more medics when I’m Hokage and some guy took me seriously so I guess I need to start planning. Would you mind terribly doing some research on Tsunade’s one-medic-per-team policy? EG why it failed and we don’t have that. Guy pointed out it’ll be tough to train that many medics since we don’t have “standardized programs” and zilch about med. ninj. in the academy. Miss you already! Eat some ramen for me. Love + kisses, Kushina._

She finishes it off with a wobbly version of the cat face she used to use to make fun of Mikoto that has now become their private thing. After a moment, she adds some hearts around the cat face to make sure Miko remembers Kushina’s in love with her. She spends the next thirty seconds smiling dopily at the cat face, thinking about Mikoto reading her letter, just thinking about Mikoto. Until she remembers Namikaze is sitting right there and wipes all the expression off her face before folding it up (annoying with one hand) and holding it out for him.

He takes it and smiles at her for some reason. “I’ll make sure it gets sent right away,” he says, and then stands up to go.

Finally. Some peace and quiet. Namikaze is, frankly, extremely weird, and just trying to listen to him makes her tired.

…

Ten minutes later she has had enough peace and quiet for a lifetime, and would even take Namikaze Minato over the very distant sounds of people talking and walking around outside the recovery cupboard with its empty beds. The sounds aren’t bad, it’s just that Kushina can’t go see what they are and it’s _killing her_.

She recites all the shinobi rules in order (badly), except the ones she can’t remember, which is most of them. The only one she can remember clearly is the one about how ninjas aren’t supposed to cry, because she would always make the boys in her class cry and then taunt them with rule 25.

Whatever.

She starts playing stupid word games, which are no fun on her own, then for two minutes stares beseechingly at the ceiling, hoping it will blow up, trying to imagine the exact way each fragment of wood is going to spin and the way the little liquid bits of flame are going to look.

It doesn’t.

She decides to meditate.

…

She’s very bad at meditating, which is nothing new. She tries to meditate on the voices outside, but just ends up trying to figure out what they’re saying. She tries to meditate on the exploding ceiling, but it’s too much work. She tries to meditate on her itchy sling and then itches it and gives up. She tries to meditate on the huge weird chakra sealed into her gut, which is the only chakra she can sense even though she’s an Uzumaki because it’s just _so big_.

When she opens her eyes she’s in Uzushio. Not as it’s supposed to be, but as she imagines it in her nightmares, reduced to little more than rubble. Just enough that she can make out the buildings she knows—her school, her favorite market stalls, the administrative building where she begged Kanna-san to let her be a genin already. In the plaza in front of the administrative building Kyuubi is lying, bound by the golden chains that come up from the cracked paving stones. One red eye stares at her, smoldering like a dying coal.

“Hi, asshole,” she mutters. “Good to see you’re still doing well. Me? I’m stuck in bed for my heroic deeds.”

 **So you’ve been imprisoned** , growls Kyuubi in its ground-shaking voice. **That must be difficult.**

“When they let _me_ out I won’t immediately set everything on fire and kill thousands of people, you know,” she snaps.

**Of course not. Your fire release is shit.**

She scowls. She _is_ going to kill people when she gets out of bed, of course she is, she’s a shinobi. But only like a maximum of forty a day, which is completely different. “I don’t suppose you could see your way to lending me some more chakra to heal myself?”

Its black lips draw back in something that could be a smile or a silent snarl. **You want more of my chakra?**

“Yeah, or I wouldn’t have asked, asshole.”

The next second her entire body is on fire. She’s screaming before she even opens her eyes, trying to get away from it, out of her bed and onto the floor and that just makes it hurt _worse_ until—

Until she’s lying on the scratchy rush mats with cold from the ground seeping into her bones, silently crying from the ghost of the pain. The door opens and several people run in. “Uzumaki?” says one of them. “What happened?”

“I… I…” She takes a deep breath that hitches as she tries not to sob. “D-don’t actually know—how to do medical ninjutsu. I forgot.” And that fucking _asshole_ didn’t bother making its chakra safe for her to use. There are ways and _ways_ of lending chakra.

Hands grip her arms to pull her up, and she stifles a hiss because that makes it hurt so much more. “Did you give yourself _burns_ trying to heal?”

“Ugh, maybe.”

Yamanaka’s voice, quieter, from the doorway: “What was that chakra?” When Kushina doesn’t answer, she continues, “It wasn’t yours.”

Kushina groans theatrically as the unidentified picker-up puts her down on the bed again, to avoid the question. “Sorry for worrying everyone,” she mumbles. “Definitely won’t try that again.”

“You’re a menace to yourself,” says Rokusuke, or possibly Saburou. “Can we just get the medic in to see her? It’s not that likely the patrol is going to come back on the brink of death.”

“Yeah. I’ll get her in here.”

 

With the help of the medic, a tired woman named Hama, Kushina is back on her feet in time to join a hunting party the next morning. Her mission team, minus someone named Kamizuki (who the fuck??) is going to be running supplies to the furthest north outpost, Ri, and relieving half of the shinobi there. And since up north they don’t have as much in the way of game: hunting. Kushina can draw up as many scrolls for preserving meat as she needs to. Maybe when winter comes curing the hides will be useful.

Outpost Tsu’s commander pairs her with Namikaze, possibly because he’s the only one who doesn’t kind of want her dead for inconveniencing Hama-sensei and just being a general freak. The only way he knows how to hunt deer is by cutting their heads off. Has he never heard of stabbing? Now there’s blood everywhere and it’s just. Ugh. Literally who is this guy? Are his parents both ANBU who had an accident and chucked him in an orphanage? Was he raised by… rocks?

She entertains herself in this way for most of the journey back to Outpost Tsu. In the morning, they set off for the north border, which is going to take maybe four days to reach since they have to be actually stealthy. At least now everyone is impressed with her storage and preservation seals, seeing as how she’s pretty much singlehandedly feeding Outpost Ri for a month. She’s lucky she’s so good at killing, or she’d never get off courier duty.

The journey’s not so bad, and thanks to their sensors they manage to avoid three squads of foreign shinobi and ambush a fourth smaller one. When they search the squad, there’s a coded message and some maps that the Hokage and his tacticians will be interested in.

The trees get sparser and smaller as they go further north, until it can barely be called a forest at all. It’s more like scrubland, with lots of rocky outcroppings and occasional stands of bigger trees. Outpost Ri is a building dug into the side of one of the outcroppings, nearly invisible except for the man standing out front to let them know where it is. That’s the commander, which is a huge relief for Kushina. She has a hard time figuring out if her team resents her for being captain or just doesn’t care, and in situations like these, she tends to assume the worst. Outpost Commander Sarutobi Daisen is a huge man, even bigger than Nohara. He greets them with a long sigh and runs his hand through his hair, which hasn’t been cut in probably as long as he’s been here. “Thank heaven,” he says. “Come on in. Everyone will be happy you’re here.”

“We also brought a bunch of fresh meat,” says Kushina as they follow Daisen inside. “Don’t let the guys we’re relieving run away before we can have a barbecue.”

Someone sitting just inside the building laughs. “Careful, with good ideas like that you’re liable to get a few marriage proposals.”

Kushina turns with interest toward an older man (well, old for a shinobi, mid-thirties or early forties) lounging against the wall. “Are you telling me the people here only want me for my bodies?”

The man laughs and stands up as Kushina moves aside to make room for everyone else to come in. “I like you already. You’re Uzumaki, right?”

“My reputation precedes me,” says Kushina wryly, because when doesn’t it? How do Konoha shinobi have hair every stupid color of the rainbow except red? There was a guy two years above her in the Academy with _green_ hair. “Call me Kushina.”

“Pleased to meet you, Kushina-san. I’m Daruma Hiroyoshi. You can call me Hiro if you like. Everyone does, it’s shorter to shout when you’re getting clobbered by Kumo nin.”

She tries not to laugh as she clasps his hand. The room’s not well lit so she didn’t notice until he said it, but he absolutely has daruma eyebrows, and a moustache to match. “Pleased to meet you too, Hiro-san. Oh, shit, am I missing the tour? I’m team captain so I have to set a good example.”

Hiro gestures at the backs of her team as they all try to crowd into the next room. “I don’t think they’re paying attention. You’re not captain any more, anyway, leave it to Daisen-san. I can give you a private tour if you want later. Not that there’s much to see, it’s just like every other border outpost. Two of our teams are out right now patrolling, including two of the people who aren’t leaving. Me, I’m on leave for the day. Defending Ri, not that anyone’s gonna find us.”

“You do have great camouflage,” says Kushina. “So what do you do around here? Like, for fun? I refuse to spend six months sharpening my knives, you know.”

“We’ve got cards,” says Hiro, smiling sardonically. “Nah, mostly it’s training. I heard someone on the tour before last tried brewing sake.”

“Tried?”

“Well, he’s dead now, so…”

Kushina doesn’t ask whether he’s dead of trying to brew sake or not. It ruins the story. “Seems like kind of a waste of rice,” she says instead.

“You’ll change your tune after you’ve been here a couple months.”

She shrugs. She really doesn’t think she will. It’s not like they’ll have so much rice they can just throw half the energy in it away. They won’t even get that much sake out of it.

“You wanna play cards, then?”

 

Hiro is kind of right. Life at Outpost Ri is ridiculously slow despite the daily patrols, which hardly ever turn up any spies or enemy shinobi trying to cross the border. It makes Kushina kind of glad she’s such a shitty sensor, because Namikaze and the two Yamanaka are always getting stuck on night patrol. Really the only good thing about it is Kushina is getting _amazing_ calves from running a hundred kilometers per day. She has always been able to crush small melons with her thighs, obviously, but really every part of her legs is getting upgraded. It’s too bad Miko isn’t here to appreciate it.

Kushina spends a lot of time thinking about Miko appreciating various parts of her body. She misses not sleeping in a dorm with ten other people.

It’s not until a week and a half in that one of Kushina’s patrols actually sees action. They’re on the border near both Cliff Country and Rice Paddy Country, just about at the limit of Ri’s patrol radius, where they occasionally meet shinobi from Outpost Ru. Obviously, if enemy shinobi have any idea of where the outposts are they’ll try to get between them, so this is the place they’re most likely to meet enemies too.

“Incoming,” says Yamanaka Crap-What’s-His-Name. “From that way, it looks like a team of three. I don’t think they’ve sensed us yet, so suppress your chakra as much as you can. I’m trying to determine a path so we can set up an ambush. Are you any good with traps?”

“I know some trap seals,” Kushina volunteers. “Which would you want?”

“We need to keep them _alive_ ,” says the patrol leader, a woman named Kimura. “Unconscious would be good.”

“Yes ma’am. How long do I have?”

“A minute and a half at most.”

Kushina whips her paper, ink, and brushes out of her arm at top speed, realizes the ground is incredibly rocky, and pulls out a lap table. She’s getting disbelief vibes from her teammates, but it doesn’t matter right now. She has to concentrate on not fucking this up. Four mountains formation… pin to the earth… cave of the mole king… channels to direct the flow of natural energy… and now the worst part, the long list of specifications that radiate out from it like the rays of the sun…

And finally she’s done, shaking out her aching wrist and splattering ink on Yamanaka’s sandals. “I need to activate it when they get within five meters of it. But, this is important, we need to _not_ be within five meters of it. Yamanaka, do you know where you can put this?”

Yamanaka is already zooming away to the northwest. Kushina stuffs everything back into her arm, vaguely hoping the brush won’t get everything inky in there, and then jumps to her feet to follow him and Kimura. By the time she gets to the ambush site the seal is already set and camouflaged, and the other two are hiding behind a hill, Kimura tense and gripping a knife, Yamanaka with his eyes closed and his fingers forming a ram seal. Maybe it helps him concentrate.

Kushina hears them just a few seconds before Yamanaka hisses, “Do it now!” She sends her chakra into the seal to break the safety—there’s a kind of _whummm_ noise, and she hears a set of footsteps skid to a halt, and a muffled cry of pain. Hell. One of them’s outside the area of effect. The footsteps start up again as Kushina leaps to her feet; the enemy shinobi is already ten meters away and going fast.

“No—you—DON’T!” she roars, whipping golden chains at the shape. She just barely manages to catch one ankle, and he topples to the ground to be wrapped so thoroughly she can’t even see him any more.

Panting, she drags him back to the trap, where Yamanaka and Kimura are examining his unconscious teammates. Now that she has time to look, she can guess from their clothing (though their foreheads are unmarked) that they’re from Kumo. “You want me to deactivate it so you can tie them up?” Kimura nods distractedly, eying Kushina’s bundle of chains. Yeah, yeah, it’s a freaky power for a freak, tell her something she doesn’t know. Some of the kids in her Academy class had the nerve to call her a shinigami when she tried to show off her clan’s secret technique. Ungrateful brats. The bruises were lovely, though. “Also, are we going to do the rest of our circuit _carrying_ them? Because if they were some kind of, I dunno, advance party we’d be kinda screwed.”

“We don’t need _all_ of them for interrogation,” Yamanaka murmurs.

“But we don’t know which one, if any, has useful information,” Kimura points out. “Search them, and if any of them has something we’ll keep that one.”

One of them does have something, but Kushina’s team can’t read it. They take her with them anyway—Kushina has to carry her, since she’s the strongest and Yamanaka doesn’t want a chakra source over his shoulder. Reasonable, but annoying. She tries to look on the bright side: maybe Miko will admire her shoulders too. Does Miko have a thing for muscles? Shit, _does_ she, though?

She’s free to spend the entire run back to the outpost cataloguing every time Miko has showed a preference either way, since Yamanaka does all the hard work. That’s her, just the muscle. Well, muscle and seals, since she made today’s capture about ten times easier than it would normally have been. Muscle and seals and chains and, frankly, big elemental ninjutsu—

Basically she’s good for a lot of things. That’s why she’s a jounin.

When they make it back, Kushina dumps her burden on the floor, waves to the off-duty guy sitting in the front room (Yonshaku) and wanders off to do cooldown stretches while Kimura instructs him in where to put their Kumo nin. “If we can’t get anything out of her in the next day or so,” Kimura is saying, “we’ll have to bring her to Ra, since they have an Uchiha.”

Yonshaku does a hum-sigh thing. “Must be nice to be an Uchiha. Half of them don’t even have to get near the front lines, even with what they can do.”

“Don’t be an idiot,” says Yamanaka as they walk into the next room. “It’s because they’re not that stable on the…” And then the door closes and Kushina can’t pick out the rest. Kushina’s heard from Mikoto, though. She had an uncle who watched his best friend die during a mission, something happened to his sharingan, and he abandoned the mission to get revenge. He died, and so did the rest of his team, and that’s part of why the Hokage has started being more careful where he assigns them since the end of the second world war. Another part, of course, is that during wartime the military police are a big chunk of Konoha’s defense from infiltration.

Anyway.

She decides to take a nap.

She wakes up ravenous to the smell of incredibly bland cooking, gets mad, and stomps outside to fix it. She’s starting to think Hiro has been telling everyone that the easiest way to get her to feed them is to make shitty food. It’s a question of pride, okay? She _can_ cook awesome stuff, so there’s zero reason why she should let her outpost eat crap rations, even if literally only one of them likes her.

“Move over, idiot,” she says to Hiro, who’s back and looking bone-tired in what Outpost Ri calls the ‘rec room.’ He scoots two centimeters out of her way, so she rolls her eyes and hip-checks him.

“Nice to see you awake,” he says. “Anything I can do to help?”

“Sit down, you schemer.” Hiro sits, and Kushina starts pulling seasonings (which she brought in the first place) off the shelf. “Anything happen on your patrol?”

“Nah. Dead quiet.”

“What’s the point of even asking?” sighs a guy whose voice she can’t place yet, from another of the chairs around the single table. “If anything happened you’d know. We’d have wounded.”

“My team doesn’t have any wounded,” she says proudly. “Kumo nin never expect seal traps, you know. _And_ we have all the best sensors.”

Hiro nudges the back of her knee with his toe from where he’s sitting. “Nice job, kid. I head from Kimura that you captured some intelligence, but she was too busy interrogating to say how.”

“D’she get anything out of the prisoner?”

She glances over in time to see Hiro shrug. Aside from the guy who talked, Yamanaka… uhhh… Isui! Isui is asleep on the table, with her long blonde hair falling over her folded arms. The other guy is a clanless guy called Nori, which Kushina only remembers because his hair is the green-black of snacking seaweed.

“Kimura was saying we’ll have to take her to Ra if she can’t get anything,” Kushina continues.

“Oh, yeah, they’ve got an Uchiha,” mumbles Nori.

“Does everyone keep track of where all the Uchiha are posted?” asks Kushina curiously. “I know _I_ wouldn’t just have that memorized.”

“Eh,” says Nori. “We’ve had to send couriers to Ra before to get sharingan’d. Longer than I’ve been stationed here, though, which is weird.”

“Nah, Ra is like the designated Uchiha outpost,” says Hiro. “They _do_ get to go home, Nori. They just get replaced with another Uchiha.”

Around that point Yonshaku comes in, sniffing the air hopefully, and sits down at the table to talk to Nori about something something tips for not getting rocks in your sandals. Personally, Kushina thinks it’s dumb to wear sandals on the Iwa border, but who asked her? The longer she cooks, the more people gather in the rec room, and by the time her roast is done everyone is clearly very ready to eat. She smiles in satisfaction at the gusto of everyone saying it’s time to eat in chorus. Even if they don’t like her, she can be indispensable via kickass cooking skills.

 

She ends up doing a lot of sealing research, usually with either Hiro or Namikaze hovering around. Hiro because he just likes to talk to her, Namikaze presumably because he wants her secrets. Or he’s a plant assessing her for her fitness as potential Hokage, the weirdo. A month in the courier _finally_ comes with Mikoto’s reply. It’s really ruining Kushina’s plan to write every week, but, well, she does have four letters to give him. Courier day is a good day; everyone’s thinking about home, and Kushina gets to hear a lot of stories about people’s families and sweethearts and everything. She kind of wants to write it all down, because there’s something so sweet and good about the whole off-duty staff off Outpost Ri sitting in the rec room reading together. That night she stays up late to get it all down in her diary.

She’s still in the rec room when the west patrol night shift comes in—Namikaze, Inuzuka, and Commander Sarutobi.

“Kushina-san? What are you doing up?” asks Namikaze, as Inuzuka and her dog go to raid the pantry.

“Writing stuff down,” she mutters, finishing the last sentence before she looks up. “Were you guys here when the courier came?”

“Courier!” crows Inuzuka. “Let me at the letter pile! I gotta hear how my little girl is doing!”

Kushina bites her lip on a grin. “What’s she like?”

“She’s just five months old and way politer than any Inuzuka pup I’ve ever met. Barely screams at all compared to my nephew—her name’s Hana.” She slits the letter open with her clawlike nails and scans it. “Grandma says she misses me. Aww, and here’s a picture. Look.” She shoves a photograph under Kushina’s nose. Little Hana hasn’t gotten her tattoos yet, but she is surrounded by a pile of dogs, as a baby Inuzuka should be.  It’s the most adorable thing Kushina has ever seen. “Grandma says she’s having a hard time choosing a partner. At this rate she’ll have three!” She laughs, delighted.

Then she turns her head, maybe because she heard something Kushina couldn’t. “Oi, Namikaze, you didn’t even check the pile!”

He turns around, wide-eyed, and then swallows the painfully huge bite of roast deer he’s got in his mouth. “I’m not expecting any letters, Inuzuka-san.”

“No-one’s writing to you?” she demands. “Or are they on tour too?”

He tries for a smile and totally flubs it. “No. Just no-one to write to. I don’t have any family.”

“Getcherself adopted!” Inuzuka calls after him as he heads out of the room. “Find a nice girl from a clan!”

“People are sleeping, Inuzuka,” says Commander Sarutobi absently as he opens one of his letters. He’s got a pretty big pile, since he’s married and has a million cousins he keeps up with. It makes Kushina kind of homesick, not for Konoha but for her _real_ home. She knows her parents would write to her, and so would her Uncle Tatsu, and at least five of her cousins… Kushina was _born_ to have a huge family, and every day she has just herself and Mikoto (and sort of the Hokage) is killing her. Maybe she’ll write to the nice lady who runs the convenience store near Miko’s house, who asks her what’s going on in her life. No, that would be kind of pathetic, wouldn’t it?

She sighs. She’s way too young to start building a family for real, and there’s way too much war happening anyway. Maybe she _can_ get herself adopted. Miko’s family is really nice, although it’s quite possible they’ll stop being nice if they realize their daughter is more than friends with Kushina. She scowls. She and Miko are gonna get _married_ and they’ll get loads of kids from _somewhere_ and drag Princess Tsunade back from where-the-fuck-ever to be their auntie, plus Kiinu-sensei. Hiro can be uncle, and all Mikoto’s siblings for cousins. And the old Uchiha ladies who like Kushina can be their grandmas.

Namikaze sits down two seats away from Kushina to eat. After a little while he says, “Do you have anyone to write to besides Mikoto?”

“Nah. Closest thing I have to family in Konoha is the Hokage. And  he’s, y’know, kind of busy. Apart from that I have my genin team head, but she’s on some kind of deep undercover mission? Which is weird, you’d think the dog would be a dead giveaway. Is your whole family dead or something? I’ve been wondering for ages. I can’t imagine you having parents.”

“Ah… well, my mother is dead. I don’t know about my father.”

She leans way over to whack him on the shoulder. Oops. It was supposed to be a comforting pat. “I feel you. I’m lucky to know for sure both of my parents kicked it.”

“That’s—that’s not what I meant at all!” he stammers, and she laughs.

“No offense taken, you weirdo. I just think it’s funny, you calling _me_ lonely. What about your genin team and your jounin instructor? For most shinobi they’re as good as family.”

Namikaze looks away. Fucking oops. “Dead too. And my jounin instructor is… permanently assigned, I guess you’d say. Jiraiya-sensei hasn’t lived in Konoha for almost a decade.”

“Your jounin instructor was _Jiraiya of the Sannin_? No way. Then how come you’re…” She gestures with her brush at his entire body. He tilts his head, looking confused, so she finishes: “You know. Like that. I don’t exactly see you pulling senjutsu out to defend the outpost.”

She thinks that he flushes in the dim lantern-light. Certainly he takes an overly large bite of deer and mumbles something through it.

“What was that?”

“I’m not very good at it yet. I haven’t had a lot of time to practice. And before you say we have a lot of downtime here—shinobi have very loud chakra. I, uh, I do have a student though, who’s still in the village.”

“Just one?”

“He’s always been a special case. I got him when he was five years old and I’ve basically been—I wouldn’t say his father, maybe a cool older brother? Ah, he thinks he’s too grown-up to live with me now that he’s a chuunin, though.”

“You’re not talking about Kakashi, are you?” Kushina’s found herself doodling his dumb spiky hair in the margin of her notes on Inuzuka’s daughter. She adds a speech bubble saying “nyeh!”

“Oh, you know him, Kushina-san?”

“Yeah, I haven’t told anyone really, but the mission right before this tour was my first real leadership mission. Old Sarutobi was apparently testing me by giving me Kakashi, like he’s some kind of ultra-tough brat. Weird, right? He’s such a sweet kid. Dumb, but, you know.”

Namikaze looks surprised when she glances up. “He doesn’t really listen to anyone but me, so that actually is kind of impressive. Most jounin kind of treat him like a kid, and he hates it.”

“Whatever,” she scoffs. “Kids are just people who don’t know that much. He’s a chuunin. Whatever.”

“I can see why he likes you,” says Namikaze warmly. Her eyes flick up to his face and she accidentally makes eye contact—he’s smiling at her. She looks down, ears heating up. Stupid dumb cute spy smile.

“Yeah, well, uh, he better, he better be eating well. I hope you taught him to cook, Namikaze, ‘cos otherwise I’m gonna have to kick your ass, you know.”

“Er…”

“You didn’t?”

“I’m not an _amazing_ cook myself… that is to say…”

“Tamagoyaki is the only thing you know how to cook, isn’t it?”

“I can make omelettes too,” he mutters.

“Right, then. I’m going to teach your kid how to cook, because he deserves better, and because he’s cute. He was _so_ into learning lightning release. He’s like a little sponge. I bet he’d be a sponge for cooking too!”

“Of course, Kushina-san. Maybe I could learn from you too?”

She arches her eyebrows at him haughtily, a joke he doesn’t seem to be getting. “We’ll see,” she says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys but it’s basically canonical that Minato has ZERO charisma. Even less so as an 18-year-old. He’s an orphaned bookworm whose entire genin team died and Jiraiya is overbearing as hell when he’s not absent. Also, we’ve never seen Minato have a single friend as far as I know. It’s interesting to see how differently he’s perceived if he doesn’t have hiraishin; he’s still basically the same amoral weirdo, but he’s a lot less efficient at killing people so no-one sees him as especially competent or worthy of respect.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These letters are sorted in order of when Kushina receives or sends them; we get to read the letters that Kushina sent, and then Mikoto’s letters that Kushina received, and then the letters from Kushina to be delivered by the next courier, et c.

3-8

Miko! We made it to outpost Ri. That’s where I’m assigned now, along with most of my team. They’re all right, and so are the rest of the people from the last tour. I met a cool guy called Daruma Hiro, he looks exactly like you’re picturing him. Everyone likes my barbecue. Ha! Barbecue goddess Kushina-sama strikes again!

Miss you terribly. Love, Kushina.

PS: Yes my left hand is okay now. I realized I actually write MORE illegibly with my left hand because I can’t stand to go slow. I should train myself to be ambidextrous.

 

3-17

Dear Miko: Border tour SUCKS. Nothing ever happens, so I’m mostly working on my sealing. Hiro thinks it’s pretty cool but he doesn’t know shit about it. Maybe I can teach him! I’m always looking for Konoha nin to convert to my wicked foreign ways. Namikaze’s always hanging around too, but that’s because he’s a spy.

…I’m kidding, probably. I think he’s just an awkward weirdo. An awkweirdo. He would lap up sealing lessons like a cat getting into the cream. He’s this guy who kind of looks like a knockoff Yamanaka AND he’s a really good sensor, which like, suspicious, right? In a village full of eccentric shinobi, he takes the prize for offputtingness. Anyway I still haven’t gotten a chance to send my last letter, but when you get this can you copy the seal I drew at the bottom and use it to send some sweets or something good? I’m dying here, they have ZERO good ingredients besides what I brought with me. Actually maybe you could get me some of the really good shoyu they sell in the Uchiha district? From Nanami’s store?

LOVE YOU

 

3-26

Miko-cha~~n. Finally saw some action yesterday. Some chump was like ‘oh you couldn’t possibly have seen action because no-one on your team is injured!’ Um, suck it, dude? I’m just that good. Trap seals are basic. Actually this is the only interesting thing I have to say and it wasn’t even that interesting. We’re gonna send the Kumo nin we captured to Outpost Ra so the resident Uchiha can interrogate her. Maybe I’ll get to go and say hi to your cousin.

Think of me whenever you take a bath!

Kushina

 

4-1

Where the hell is the courier, right? I’m starting to wonder if they have a grudge against us poor schmucks stuck on the border. Is there any point writing separate letters if you’re just going to get them all at the same time? Apparently I JUST missed the last one, by about one day, and the new one’s very late.

Sigh. Love, Kushina.

PS: OH YEAH I didn’t get to go to Outpost Ra, but Nori and Kimura did and they said the Uchiha stationed there is really super boring, so I wasn’t missing much. I didn’t say anything but I was thinking, all the Uchiha I know are extremely interesting! I guess old Sarutobi is keeping you all to himself!

 

\-- 

 

3-12

Dearest Kushina: It’s good to see you planning for your inevitable and imminent promotion to Hokage. I was worried you would find yourself wearing the hat and have no idea what to do with it. I have just been called away on another mission, so I only had two days to do research for you (with the state of the courier system what it is). Attached are my notes from the library and a few interviews with hospital staff. For future reference, they are very tired and always welcome gifts of food and tea, as well as excuses to take a break for a little while. In summary, trying to implement a completely new educational structure during wartime was impossible, and during peace the council found it less important. You may have to do some arguing, dearest. A lot of arguing. Luckily it’s your specialty.

Nothing else especially notable has happened in Konoha since you left. I took two missions and appropriated a scroll on lightning techniques that you might find interesting. Mikori is walking quite well now—I wish we had a camera, he’s very proud of himself. I promised him I’d tell Auntie Kushina about his triumph. Michiru hasn’t done anything particularly idiotic that I’m aware of, but I’ll keep an eye on her to make sure I don’t miss it when she does.

All my love, Mikoto

 

\--

 

4-8

Dear Miko: I got your letter!! I waited to write until I had news, since I finally asked and found out couriers only come about every two weeks anyway. Dumb Kushina, why didn’t you ask that before, right? Anyway, I got to talk with Namikaze about the stuff you sent, and we’re coming up with a Plan. A Plot. A Scheme. After I kick old Sarutobi out and steal his hat, I’m for sure going to argue the council into submission (and replace them ASAP, obviously) to see how many retired medics we can get to come teach at the Academy. We also start emphasizing chakra control early, there’s no end of things that’s useful for so no-one can possibly complain. That way even if we CAN’T get any medical training in the Academy the new genin will still be equipped to learn it. Namikaze did some math (haha what a nerd) and said we can reduce deaths and forced retirement by 20% if every team has a medic! That’s like 150 people per year. Dang. Namikaze is still a weirdo spy but he can’t half do math.

Please tell Mikori-chan from me that I’m proud of him!! He’ll be running around like a champ by the time I get to see him again. Miss you!!

Love from Kushina

PS on 4-11: Oh the courier’s early, so just one letter for you this time!

 

\--

 

3-20

Dearest Kushina: I was fortunate enough to find some of Princess Tsunade’s journals in the archives, and I copied a few passages you’ll find interesting. She was just as frustrated with negotiations as I imagine you’ll be someday.

Michiru finally did something worth mentioning—she got into a fight at the Academy. I’m beginning to worry that her uncle has been emphasizing ‘Uchiha honor’ too much. It’s certainly not something to get in a fistfight over, and as far as I understand she wouldn’t be teased about it at all if she didn’t care so much. She never gives up, though. She’s like a tiny version of you. I thought of that and kissed her on the head as she told me proudly about the black eye she gave her classmate. Nonetheless, she lost the fight.

All my love, Mikoto

 

3-30

Dearest Kushina: I am sorry that I haven’t been able to write more often. I’m sure you remember how many missions one gets sent on when one is in Konoha. I hope that when you come back we can go on some missions together. It wouldn’t be so unpleasant if you were there with me making faces and stupid jokes. I even miss the animal game where you force me to say what animal our teammates remind me of, which is a sign that I’m truly going mad without you. I don’t want to wait another four months. I still haven’t received any more of your letters, although it has been over a month since you left. It’s stupid to believe that you aren’t writing to me—I know you wouldn’t do that to me on purpose. But I can’t help but fear that you’ve died and I haven’t received notice yet. I think it might destroy me if you died before I could see you again—if I only ever got to kiss you once…

Whenever I’m home I daydream about the life we’ll have together after the war. In my dream no-one cares that we’re both women, and we can adopt a child together. No, I’m sure you want as many children as you can possibly find. There are a lot of war orphans in Konoha, and no-one could possibly love them more than you. Naturally you’re picked as Hokage, but you still find time to make protective seals for the house we’ll build, to teach our children. My mother and Aunt Urimi help take care of them, and they have all the cousins they could wish. I’ll do everything I can to make sure you can have the family you’ve wanted since you came here, even if I have to give up running missions. It’s so unfair, it’s just so terribly unfair… but one day the village will recognize you for the shining sun you are.

Oh, look at me. I’ve become so sappy. Please write to me, Kushina. Tell me your dreams to temper my foolishness.

Love, love, to the ends of the earth—your Mikoto

 

\--

 

4-14

Dearest Mikoto: I LOVE the journal! I only got to meet Auntie Tsunade twice, while I was still in the Academy, but she was super cool and the journal only makes that even more obvious. I hope she’s out there somewhere kicking asses and taking names! Just like Michiru-chan, really. Buy her a candy apple for me. Every single one of your siblings is the best kid ever, how’d that happen??

OH NO MIKOTO I READ YOUR SECOND LETTER. I was saving it so I’d have something to look forward to, but I caved in three days. You’re gonna make me cry and then Tsume-san and Hiro-san are gonna laugh at me! If I could make the courier go any faster I would. I hope by now you’ve gotten at least one more letter. Anyway you’d better believe I’m gonna come home and kiss you senseless! If you don’t want me to do it in public as soon as I see you I’ll try to restrain myself, but you might be too beautiful. But you know, anyone who doesn’t like us being together can go suck eggs! That’s a lie, a little bit. Everyone here thinks you’re just my best friend too, instead of my best friend who I want to do SUCH THINGS to. Ugh sorry I’m embarrassed. You know it’s not like me to be scared of anything, but before I got your letter sometimes I’d think I imagined it and maybe you weren’t really my girlfriend. And then I’d wonder if you’d get trouble from the other jounin, if they knew. You KNOW I’ll beat them up for you, but I can’t right now. I don’t know what to do, Miko. I feel like a coward. Sometimes I think it’s just none of their business, and sometimes I want to get up on the roof of the outpost and yell how much I love you so all the Kumo nin come to check it out and then I trap them.

I’m so bad at writing letters, Miko. I just write the first thing that comes into my head. Write me back, write me back, tell me what to do, tell me how much you love me.

Kushina

 

4-25

Dear Miko: I keep rereading your letters since there’s really only so much sealing and scheming a girl can do without wanting to scream. Tsume and Hiro and I invented an entire new card game, and I finally gave in and started teaching Namikaze sealing. He has no concept of what’s impossible (I like that!) and he’s helping me come up with a seal that combines elemental transformations like a bloodline ability! Maybe we’ll see mokuton again in our lifetimes, wouldn’t that be something?

You said I should tell you my dreams. But you pretty much got them exactly right in your last letter! The only thing you missed is all the Uchiha shopkeepers are gonna be our kids’ grandmas—Benio, Nanami, Kotori—so many grandmas they don’t know what to do with them all. I’m gonna teach our kids sealing and you’re gonna teach them really good marksmanship and we’ll make sure they know about all their cousins and aunts and uncles from Uzushio. Also Hiro and Tsume called uncle and aunt on my future children, just like I wanted. Don’t worry, I think if anyone won’t care if we’re together it’s them. That’s why I like them.

Write! Soon! I know you’re writing but kick the courier’s ass! LOVE, KUSHINA

 

\--

 

4-7

Dearest Kushina: I’m starting to get a little frantic wondering where your letters are. I don’t have very much to say except that I miss you. Michiru has decided to be good, to Mother’s consternation. At the beginning of the month we had a party for flower-viewing—a little early, but it needed to be soon because this week my cousin Haruka is being sent on a border tour, and he never wants to miss flower viewing. I think he must be up to something with his girlfriend. It makes me sad to see them forced to part, very much like we were. All over the village people are being parted from those they love. I almost wish you had—forgive me—an important job, so I could tell you to end the war for them all. In the news they’re saying that we’re pushing Iwa back out of Field Country, and that we might be negotiating an alliance with Taki. That’s close to where you are—have you heard anything about it? Still, I suppose I know better than to trust the news by now. Half of it is for morale, and I have no way of knowing which half. I know a little about how the northeastern front is, because I’m sent on so many missions there. It doesn’t seem like the assassinations are sticking. We could learn something from Kumo’s command structure.

Please write back. I need to know you’re alive. Love, your Mikoto.

 

\--

 

5-2

Miko-chan: Sometimes your letters break my heart. So I’m not going to reply to your last one! Just know that I keep it by my heart, and I will until I get your next one. Well, I’ll reply a little bit. I’m mad that I’m going to miss the flower-viewing too. I want to see flowers with you, and there really aren’t any up on the plateau. Scrawny little weedy things are starting to get green but they haven’t flowered yet. I’m really glad I wasn’t stationed here for the winter, because it’s cold enough now. Sealing progress: we sort of have Mokuton now! Except it’s extremely complicated to use and it takes so much chakra that we might as well not. I made Minato shelve that one for now, and now we’re trying to invent Lord Second’s hiraishin from first principles. It’s great fun! Maybe my sense of fun is skewed now. Or maybe I’ve always thought weird stuff was fun. Sometimes Nori and the Yamanaka and Nohara-san come watch us because they think it’s funny when we’re frustrated. Personally I think they’re just bored out of their minds and have done enough training for one day.

I read a lot of Tsume-san’s letters. It’s weird how I feel like I know her family. I kind of want to ask you to drop by the Inuzuka district and say hi to her little girl. That’s kind of weird, isn’t it? But she’s said I’m as good as Hana-chan’s aunt if I want to be, just like she’ll be my kids’ aunt. It turns out Kiinu-sensei is HER aunt, so she already sort of knew us! I love people so much sometimes. I just love people so much. The heart of Konoha is good and brave and just occasionally I’ll remember that we’re doing this to protect our precious people and not as punishment for imaginary crimes.

Love, love, love love love, Kushina

 

5-13

Miko: Urgh. That’s pretty much it. Urgh. Everything sucks and I hate patrol. I have awesome calves though, I hope you like them. Other than that I kind of want to die. I think I’m getting my period but you know what? That doesn’t make it better. Blurghhh. I hope you’re having a better time than me, I’m only writing because I think the courier’s coming soon and I want to have SOMETHING.

Love (and blergh), Kushina

 

4-30

From the desk of the Hokage

Outpost  Ri’s   shinobi will be relieved on 05-29 , including Outpost Commander  Sarutobi Daisen   . The replacement commander among the shinobi remaining will be   Uzumaki Kushina   .

Signed and sealed, Sarutobi Hiruzen.

 

5-14

Miko! This is a quick letter because the courier just arrived (and immediately passed out, as they do) and I have time to write again before I have to sprint off for patrol. Old Sarutobi is making me outpost commander for the next three months?? I’m kind of freaking out! Why would he choose ME? What on earth is the commander putting in his reports??

OKAY BYE, SORRY I DIDN’T HAVE A CHANCE TO READ YOUR LETTERS YET, LOVE KUSHINA

 

\--

 

4-16

I just wanted you to know I got your letters! I almost sobbed at the post office. Such indignity! Just as I asked, you wrote so many letters that I don’t have time to read them now. I’ll bring them with me on my mission and I’ll read them during my watches. We’re going to a hot spring, so I can even read them in a private room. I’m sure you’ll enjoy imagining me in the hot spring. Sometimes I think of you that way. Ugh. That might be too forward. I’m going to post this before I have second thoughts.

Mikoto

 

4-25

Dearest Kushina: I’ve returned home safe from my mission at the hot springs. First and foremost I want you to know that I did think of you while I was in the bath, and it made the experience much more enjoyable. I think I said in my last letter that I was being too bold to ask you to think of me bathing, and then I read your letters. I couldn’t explain to my partner why I was laughing, or why I was so red. When the whole jounin corps starts calling me Tomato, at least I will have taken the nickname from you.

It seems ridiculous to be receiving your letters almost two months after you wrote some of them, but I think by now we have no further complaints against the couriers; we’ve used them all up. I just wonder what you could be doing now, what letter you may be writing today. I hope you’ve found the people at the outpost more welcoming than most of the jounin corps. It sounds like you’re among friends, which is a weight off my heart. On the back of this letter I’m sure you’ve already noticed the seal you sent me last month—I did my best to copy it, but my calligraphy isn’t as good as yours. It does seem to work, though. Inside, hopefully, you will find two bottles of Nanami’s shoyu, about 1 kg of fresh ginger root, 4 kg of beef, and enough buns to last you a month or your whole outpost a week, depending on how generous you’re feeling. I’m sorry I’m not a good enough cook to know what else you might need, and I very much hope that my assumption is correct that this is a preservation seal. I haven’t had time to test it.

I know that there aren’t many flowers in the north, even this late in spring, so I’ve also included a branch of cherry blossoms. If they do come through withered and stinking of spoiled meat, please don’t tell me about it. My heart may break.

Love, Mikoto

 

\--

 

5-15

Miko! How I wish I could kiss you right now! Not only are you the perfect woman in more ways than I can count (your kenjutsu, your grace, your composure, your kissing technique… I could go on) but you’ve saved us from another two weeks of bleak food. I don’t think anyone could have guessed that your letter would get here right when we started running out of anything worth eating, but the whole outpost is blessing you for it. The preservation seal worked great, darling! Our Yamanaka members won’t shut up about how nice it is to see cherry blossoms again, and Isui-san actually scrounged up clay to make a pot with earth release! She made Commander Sarutobi fire it for her. Everyone who wasn’t on patrol was standing outside watching him blow fire at it. Hiro and Tsume and I just about busted a gut laughing. Now it’s in the rec room and the Yamanaka water it religiously. Not to speak of the reception of 4 kg of fresh beef!

I’m writing a spice list on the back of this letter, in case you feel like sending anything else. Imagine I’m doing those cow’s eyes you can’t resist. This will aid you in finding the motivation to send me spices. Also? Fresh vegetables are a spice now. Let it be known.

Oh hell, Commander Sarutobi is yelling at me to get off my ass and go on patrol. See you later!

Love, Kushina

 

5-27

Hi Miko. Can’t believe it took almost 3 whole months for me to see real combat. As you can see, I fucked up my left hand again. So sorry. You know how it goes: I’m at my best when I’m attracting attention! And attacks! The good news is no-one else is badly wounded. That’s extra good because half of them are getting relieved in two days. For once we actually know when the courier is going to come, hey? Urgh. This is gonna be kind of a long one, even though I’m using my right hand, because I’m laid up in bed and bored out of my mind. Minato was kind enough to preemptively get me paper, though I think he thought I was gonna use it for sealing. He’s sitting with me now trying to untangle hiraishin still. It’s a pretty ambitious project for a guy who started learning sealing a month ago!

So, about the fight. First time we’ve ever run into a joint team of Kumo and Iwa nin—I don’t think they normally want to put in the effort to coordinate. This was some kind of special force, though. I don’t think I’m allowed to tell you the details, but suffice it to say that they were a lot scarier than most of the teams we find trying to sneak over the border, who are spies and couriers and trappers and things like that. ie, these guys fought like real sons of bitches and had some crazy techniques I’ve never seen before. This one guy had some kind of bloodline ability that made him do uhhhh lightning… ropes? It was scary as hell, and as if that weren’t enough there was one of those bomber guys from Iwa with explosion release. It’s good we stopped them, cos they were definitely up to no good. Sealing chains beat lightning ropes any time! After a while!

Don’t worry about me, dearest. When have you ever known me to be not fine? Even if I don’t try to use you-know-which chakra on purpose, I heal faster than anyone else. My great pal can’t resist healing me up! I think he likes to see me running around, if only so he doesn’t get bored.

Maybe that’s weird. The last time I talked with him he basically called me a hypocrite for whining to him about not being able to move. And also a hypocrite for calling him dangerous. Like, I know! Whatever! We’re kind of both already freaks! I just wish he wasn’t such an ASSHOLE! I’d rather be friends if we’re gonna be stuck together all the time, you know? But I’m not sure I believe he feels the emotion of friendship. Or any emotions besides… evil and angry. Should I even bother to try?

Ummm let’s see, what else can I write about? I’m so colossally bored that I’m going to write down the rules of the card game me and Tsume and Hiro came up with. Commander calls us the Troublesome Trio which honestly I’m flattered by. Okay here goes. It’s basically a matching game where you have to get cards from the other players but you don’t know what they have until you ask. And you can only ask once in your turn, unless you guess write the first time, but if you guess wrong your turn is over. SO when you’ve got all the cards in one suit that’s a match and you get 20 points. But if you have all of them except the special you can get 10 points. If you have all of them except the ribbon card it’s 15 points. The thing is once you declare a match you can’t add any cards to it, so you COULD wait to get the special card and get more points, but that gives everyone else the opportunity to try to steal your cards and then you can’t make a match at all. The rest of the rules kind of change, and we keep adding new ones whenever we feel like it. One of my favorites is the one where if you guess wrong not only does your turn end but you have to make up poetry on the spot. And you know how horrible my poetry is. I like to torture people by being bad on purpose.

Ugh, Miko, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m actually too tired to keep writing. Til next time! Love love love love love, Kushina

PS: I’m sending this letter home with Tsume, so you’ll get to meet her at least! She wants to meet you too. I told her a lot about your siblings.

 

\--

 

5-2

Dearest Kushina: Your Mikoto is a bit of a fool. When I returned from my mission two weeks ago I didn’t even think to check for more letters. I felt spoiled already by receiving four from you! Yesterday Miharu brought me another one that had apparently been sitting in the post office for days! I am so glad to hear that you are still working on the medic-nin problem, or at least that you were three weeks ago. Mikori is indeed walking well, and even running. Michiru is doing her best to get him into trouble so that she won’t be in trouble alone. Lecturing her proves useless; you know how ill I can resist pleading faces from those I love, her or you or our brother. I pray my mother doesn’t learn how to use them, or I fear I will be lost forever.

This week I had a sabotage mission, and spent most of it thinking about weddings. Call me a silly girl if you want, or sentimental. I’m both. Mostly I was wondering which of us would wear black, or both, or neither. I think you’d look very handsome in black, but maybe I just want to see you in my family’s colors. Wearing white seems too strange to me—an assassin doesn’t want to stand out even at her own wedding!—so perhaps we’d both play the part of the husband. And in more style than most men, I suspect. This is a daydream, though. I’m not asking you to marry me! I should have thought before writing. I don’t mean to say I think you wouldn’t want to marry me—but I don’t like to assume. I feel as much of a mess as you usually are. It’s unfair and unforgivable. You’d do better to come home so that I could be the composed one between us.

Don’t come home. It hurts so much to tell you that, but I don’t want you to be a deserter. If only I didn’t have to endure another four months without you!

 

5-9

Dearest Kushina: I suppose it is my duty to tell you faithfully what happens, even when you won’t like to hear it. I’m in the hospital right now for blood loss and to make sure my leg heals properly. But cheer up, dearest—by the time you read this I will certainly be out and causing trouble for Kumo again. All my siblings have been visiting. Michiru comes to brag about her marksmanship when she does tests at the Academy, and Mikori comes to brag about how many pickled plums he can fit in his mouth. Michiru is doing very well—so well I worry. I hope she doesn’t graduate early. I don’t want her to see a battlefield until she is much older than she is. I tried to tell her not to look too much like a genius, but I think I knew from the start that it was a lost cause. She wants to serve her village and protect her family, but she doesn’t know what that means. Even with her sister laid up in the hospital, she can’t understand why I would be afraid for her. She was too young to remember when our uncle died, and by some blessing she has managed not to know personally any of the casualties of this war. We are so lucky, Kushina, to have our family as intact as it is. She has three siblings and a wonderful mother, and though Father is permanently stationed in the field she will have him too. Death God willing.

I’ve made myself depressed, and I need to do physical therapy. Stay well, Kushina.

 

5-17

Dearest Kushina: I don’t have very much to write, but I hope I can make you a little happier reading this. We took Mikori and some of our younger cousins on a walk down Cherry Blossom Street. It’s emptier than it was when we were children. I remember nine or ten years ago Miharu and I tried to go with Mother but we couldn’t find a day when it wasn’t packed with people. We ended up sneaking out of the house at two in the morning so that even the full moon flower-viewing crowd had gone home. The moon was starting to set behind downtown at that point, but it was still almost as bright as day. We climbed trees for hours, and when we woke up our beds were covered in flower petals. That’s how Father knew we’d snuck out, and as punishment he made us clean the whole house from top to bottom.

Didn’t you spend a lot of time in the cherry trees when you were young? I think I remember a story about you beating up some hapless classmates and going home with blood on your knuckles and flower petals in your hair. I think it perfectly sums you up.

All my love, Mikoto

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Kushina calls the Hokage "Sarutobi-ossan." He was a kind of distant uncle to her after Uzushio was destroyed in about the same way that he was a grandfather to Naruto in canon. Alsooo I jet-lagged myself so bad writing this. Trying to figure out when letters would arrive where was such a headache, 0/10 for the couriers who take time to run overland. Please invent hiraishin post.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HHH! pretend I posted this BEFORE the thing that was previously marked as chapter 4. this is your update this week. sorry for the MESS there were more letters that I forgot!! left them in a box in my attic  
> (also some of these letters are a wee bit spicy)

6-8

Dear Miko: OOPS. We haven’t been working on medic-nin reform for a while. I still have all the notes you made, and I DID read all of them, but me and Minato have been getting stuck on arcane sealing bullshit. I dunno, maybe we’ve done all the thinking that’s useful by now. I’ll bug old Sarutobi about it when I get back, can you remind me?

Other than that I’ve been really busy! I had to get my outpost commander training with a broken arm. I think if Yonshaku wasn’t so scared of me he’d have been laughing his ass off whenever we went through the rec room. Basically being an outpost commander just means you have to assign patrol teams and make decisions about prisoners or injured. And I had to practice being official and looking like an authority. It’s easier with Hiro and Tsume gone, I guess, because now it’s not possible to have fun here anyway. All the new arrivals are super serious (and we still don’t have a medic-nin because border outposts are “low risk”) so I’m having to pretend to be serious too. Minato is REALLY bad at Swordfish (we finally named our card game… just in time for them to leave!) so I don’t bother playing it any more. It’s good I wrote the rules down and sent them to you.

More about commander stuff: I don’t know if any of my subordinates takes me seriously, but they do listen to me. It beats making up your OWN patrol teams. I guess if I ever have to make an actual decision we’ll see. Anyway it sucks cos I feel like I’m not allowed to have fun any more. Maybe I’ll get over it. I also have to do reports on everyone’s performance and the state of the outpost, people we capture, stuff like that. Even less time to write to you, boo.

Wish you were here!! Or I were back in Konoha really!

Love, Kushina

 

6-18

Dear Miko: Aren’t you proud of me? I managed to save some of your letters for a week before I read them! I didn’t reply right away because sometimes I just like to reread them, you know? Anyway, your wedding idea is fantastic, of COURSE I want to marry you, though I don’t know how secret it will have to be. Try and feel out your mom, real subtle-like, to see if she’ll be okay with it. I have a lot of faith in your siblings, and I know Hiro and Tsume and Minato will be there, and of COURSE Kiinu-sensei, and if we wait til the war is over I bet I can get old Sarutobi to come as my dad. Otherwise Hiro’s gonna have to do it, and how dumb would that be!

Not that we’re not being very silly. We kissed twice and both went off to war in opposite directions and now we’re talking about getting married. It’s just that I’ve been in love with you for years and years, and sometimes I forget that we didn’t get together til a couple months ago. I always kind of felt this way when we were apart on long missions. But now I know you’re feeling it too. I love you to distraction, and I mean that literally. Yesterday Yagi had to ask me why he was on two patrols at once three times before I could stop thinking about you. Turns out the reason he was on two patrols at once was ALSO because I was thinking about you. Oops. Even if you stopped being distracting right now I wouldn’t know until September. Boo, Mikoto. I can’t believe you.

Oh hell I lost track of time. You distracted me again. I’ll be back from patrol in… ten hours. I’ll keep writing when I wake up.

OKAY I woke up and I have three hours before I have to be anywhere. I’m writing you while making porridge because you know me, I can’t ever do just one thing at once. Forgive the crusty bits.

Anyway! In reply to your hospital letter I say, TAKE BETTER CARE OF YOURSELF. What am I going to do if my beautiful Miko is limping when I get back? I’d die of worry! Also, you need to tell me: how many plums CAN Mikori-chan fit in his mouth? I demand to know. And Michiru… I dunno, Miko, weren’t you dumb at that age too? I sure as hell didn’t understand war when I was eight (or is she nine now? remind me of when her birthday is), and I think maybe that’s okay. Just be very stern with her about not graduating early so she’s ready to protect her team. She’ll probably eat it up. Good luck on your physical therapy!! Retroactively I guess, since you must be done with it by now. Couriers are such bastards, aren’t they?

Your last letter, the cherry tree letter, is the one I keep tucked into my vest. Some day we’re going to climb cherry trees together, aren’t we? Next spring we’ll be together and I’ll pick flower petals out of your hair and you’ll pick them out of my hair and we’ll have a picnic and it will be just stupidly romantic. Even if we have to be up at two in the morning to do it. You really have a gift for words, Miko, every time I reread this letter it strikes me all over again how beautiful it is. I can picture you and Miharu perfectly, snuggling up in the dark and then waking up and realizing how sneaky you hadn’t been! I’m so flattered to hear that “covered in blood and flowers” is how you think of me. I wouldn’t call myself nearly so beautiful. In fact, I’d say that “blood and flowers” is the perfect image for you!

Stay well, my blood-speckled lily. Love, Kushina.

 

5-29

Dearest Kushina: We’ve received word that Father is dead. Assassinated—he was the commander of the southern Field Country forward camp, so in a manner of speaking it was only a matter of time. We’re going to have a funeral for him when I return from the mission I’ve been called to. An empty grave. I can’t stop thinking that I’ll die out there and they’ll need another empty grave for me. Michiru has taken to sticking to me like a second shadow. She hasn’t seen much of Father since she was four, but she finally understands that our family isn’t exempt. I’m… all right. I can grieve when the war is over. Oh, God of Death, I can grieve when the war is over.

I’m sorry, Kushina. I can’t finish this letter, but I’m going to post it anyway.

 

6-8

Dearest Kushina: I managed to open your other letters. It’s a little difficult to muster a smile, and a little difficult to believe Father is really gone. It’s hard when there’s no body. Being without him now feels so much like being without him for the last four years, like he might get leave for a few days any moment now and come to visit.

But I’m supposed to be replying to your letters. It’s wonderful that you’ve been made outpost commander. Not that you’ll enjoy it, but you are being recognized. The Hokage knows that you’re one of our strongest jounin, even if you’re still inexperienced, and he’s giving you more leadership experience because he wants you to have it. Believe me, Kushina, the Hokage doesn’t appoint commanders based on pure strength. I know you think no-one in Konoha respects you, that they’re frightened or they hate you because you look a little odd and always speak your mind, but you’ll be a good commander. You’re charismatic, and anyone who can’t see how much you care for your subordinates is a fool. You have unique power to protect those you care about.

And you’re so innovative! I don’t think anyone in history has tried to do what you’re doing with seals (unless that knowledge was lost with Uzushio? I can’t help thinking how lucky we are that your parents made you bring all those scrolls so you wouldn’t forget your heritage). Tell me more about Minato—that’s Namikaze Minato, right? I think I’ve heard of him before, that he’s a sensor, but I know almost nothing about him. You keep calling him a spy, and then saying you’re only kidding. I don’t think you really believe it, or you wouldn’t be helping him.

Stay well. Love, Mikoto

 

\--

 

6-24

Dear Miko: I wish I could be there with you more than ever. You need me, and what am I doing? Keeping the country safe? Hell with Fire Country! All I can give you, since Minato is very emphatic about not letting me run off, is this very late, very cold comfort. I’m not even going to be able to make it to the funeral. But I’ll visit him when I get back. I’ve never had anyone in Konoha’s graveyard to visit, and I always felt weird trying to talk to my parents when they never even got graves. So I just talk to their picture. You must have seen it, it’s not even a photo, just a sketch my Aunt Makurin did. She was very talented, you know, so it’s almost as good as a photo. It has more warmth. It’s me, Mom, Dad, and Ryuumaru. I think I complained that she wouldn’t do one of the whole family, which was probably thirty people, and she snapped at me something like “If you want to spend a hundred hours drawing everyone you know, learn to draw yourself!”

And that’s the story of why I can’t draw for shit.

I think what I’m trying to say is that he’s still here. When you talk to him, he does answer. Your mom keeps him in her heart, and it’s your job to make sure Michiru and Mikori get to know him too. I know you’re busy. Aunt Makurin was busy too. We make time, don’t we? It’s the most important damn thing we’ll ever do.

Well, for the rest, THANKS for your kind words! You always do know what to say, your head so full of logical thoughts and goodness. Swoon. You really know how to sweet-talk a girl! You’re making it sound like he’s grooming me for Hokage or something, and let’s not lie to ourselves, while I AM going to get that hat off him eventually I don’t think he or anyone thinks I’m worth that much yet.

Anyway, you wanted to know about Minato? Let’s see. I’m pretty sure by now that he’s not a spy, but he still kind of acts like one. He’s a real weirdo, he takes everything that anyone says absolutely seriously and if he knows something about it he’ll go into a monologue. He’s like a walking encyclopedia, which is cute but very annoying sometimes, if I wanted to know one thing instead of five hundred things. But he seems to have a really good memory for seals, and he’s getting better crazy fast! If I hadn’t been studying sealing for like 12 years I’d be really insecure about it.

Miko. I’m super insecure about it. He’s going to catch up with me and then when I can’t teach him any more he’ll invent sealing I haven’t even thought of. I kind of hate him for it, like he’s taking away the thing that’s supposed to be mine, but how am I going to say no to him? How can I deny anyone the opportunity to help keep Uzushio alive in any small way, and especially someone who loves it as much as him? And he’s so serious about using it to protect Konoha. He’s sort of desperate in the same way I sometimes feel, to get better as fast as he possibly can so he’ll never fail again. You’ve felt that way, haven’t you? Like if you didn’t study and train until you dropped it would be your fault when someone got hurt? I’ve seen you training, Miko, since before you learned how to stop before you passed out. I think you know what I mean.

Sigh. Got some things to think about. Write back so I don’t have to do the work. And because I miss you terribly. Love, Kushina

 

7-6

Dear Miko: Attend the tale of how bold Kushina resolved a minor dispute and returned peace to the kingdom of Outpost Ri! We captured an Iwa nin who we think might actually be kind of a high level intelligence officer—I mean, Aburame’s patrol captured him. I wasn’t there. But they brought him home and started arguing about where they should bring him, since Ra has (perennially) an Uchiha but Ru has, according to the last courier, an actual real officer from T&I. I stepped in very cool and professional and told them that breaking habits when we have a chance to gain something is one of the finest qualities of shinobi. Which I pulled out of my ass, by the way. I’m not actually completely sure there really is a T&I officer at Outpost Ru, but I’m putting my faith in our couriers to not be useless gossips and actually check their facts. I know we give them a hard time as a joke but actually they work real hard and I feel kind of bad.

In conclusion we sent him off to Ru and when the patrol that took him there came back they said the other patrol they met confirmed that the courier was right and there was a T&I officer. I guess old Sarutobi figured the Uchiha at Ra weren’t doing the trick, which kind of makes sense since Uchiha aren’t really trained in interrogation as a clan! Genjutsu isn’t a substitute for sheer horribleness. I can sort of imagine you interrogating someone, but, forgive me Miko, I don’t think you’d be that good at it. You just aren’t that scary. Is that a mean thing to say? I love you too much to be a good judge. I’ve seen you waking up with your hair doing that extraordinarily stupid thing it sometimes does. You know what I’m talking about?

Hahahaha whatever. Love you Miko. Write back and tell me how proud of me you are. Love, Kushina.

 

7-15

Dear Miko: Nothin’ good. Spirits are low among those of us who have been here for four months already, and it’s kind of infecting the newbies. One good thing is we have an Akimichi now! She’s really hard-working and she never stops keeping everyone’s spirits up. And, this goes without saying, she is an amazing cook. I’m learning SO many good tricks from her, I can’t wait to try them on you when I get home. Even Minato is learning to cook (with some whacking as encouragement)! Surprisingly she has a lot of tips for making seasoning and frying fat go a long way, but I guess it’s not that weird when you think about it! The Akimichi have been going to war in miserable conditions since before Konoha was founded, and they’ve been finding ways to eat well the whole time! It’s lucky I’m head-over-heels in love with you Miko, because otherwise I might have to marry Dosha-san. I don’t think I ever asked what you think is hot, but personally the big muscles look and how she’s like, inexhaustible totally does it for me. Don’t feel insecure, Miko! I love the way you look. I love how every line of your body seems like it was made by a master calligrapher. I love how your muscles are the close dense type you can barely see, and how it makes people underestimate you. I love your forearms. Is that weird to say? I love your strong grip, how you trained it on sword after sword and now you can probably crush rocks with your bare hands. But also how your hands fit in mine perfectly, and your long fingers. I love your cutting eyes, how it feels like you could slice a man in half without even activating your sharingan, and I love the secret smile you give me when someone’s being an idiot. And best of all I think, I love how you make me feel like I’m as strong as Dosha-san.

As you can see I’m coping with boredom and frustration by imagining every part of your body in great detail. I pledge to put my hands on every inch of you when we get home. UNLESS YOU DON’T WANT ME TO. In that case I will kiss you as respectfully and gently as a shy newborn calf. I just get a certain impression from the way you kiss, you know?

UGH. ONLY TWO MORE MONTHS. There is no world outside of this outpost. There are no pillar trees left. Just rocks and gravel and stupid scrub trees. It’s so terribly dry and it smells of nothing but dust. I’m going crazy. On the bright side I’m 19 now! I hate how I’ll never catch up to you, but at least I’m not FOUR years younger than you any more. It’s just a month but it’s weird every year.

Love and groans, your Kushina

 

6-22

Dearest Kushina: My missions are getting longer. This past one involved a great deal of undercover work and intelligence-gathering as well as an assassination. Konoha simply can’t replace shinobi as fast as we’re losing them. Michiru says they’re doing formation drills in the Academy now. I’m afraid for her. Every day it feels like this war is taking more and more from me. It took you, it took my father, now it’s threatening my sister. I’ve never been gladder that Miharu isn’t a shinobi. I can only hope this cursed war ends before Mikori has to even think about it.

Take care of yourself, Kushina. I know you’re reckless, and that you have a tendency to sacrifice yourself for those around you because you believe you’re too strong to be killed. But do it for me. If I really lost you I don’t know what I would do. At least I can help you take care of your nutrition—on the back of this letter you’ll find your preservation seal with the spices and vegetables you requested plus another 2 kg of beef. Money is a bit tight in our household right now, so I couldn’t give you as much as I wanted to. Mission pay is going down in every rank. I’m not sure Konoha will be financially solvent after this war, but it’s not really my problem as long as I get paid enough to get by (it will be your problem soon enough). I’ve also included a little hydrangea that Michiru dug up from the park for you. She and Mikori painted the pot, and she’s left you a note with it. Perhaps your outpost will enjoy taking care of it, if they liked the cherry blossoms so much. I hope you have enough water for it. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to go without green things for so long. Perhaps as difficult as it is to go without you.

Because my mission was so long I missed Tsume-san, but Miharu said she stayed for tea and Kuromaru-san spoiled Mikori terribly. I’m going to visit her tomorrow, assuming I’m not suddenly assigned another mission. She has two weeks of light duty following her return, as will you in September. I’m looking forward to it. For the rest, I’ll save my congratulations for another letter.

Take care of yourself. Mikoto.

 

7-1

Dearest Kushina: I think I may have joked about being suddenly assigned another mission in my last letter. I’m swearing off jokes forever. Only yesterday was I finally able to visit Tsume-san. She’s an excellent host, and apparently much more exuberant in her own home than she is as a guest. I was introduced to little Hana very thoroughly, and in fact I spent half of tea holding her on my lap. She’s a very sweet girl, and I know you’ll be delighted to meet her too. I’ve also had news that Kiinu-sensei is scheduled to return from her deep cover mission sometime in the next month, so you may receive a letter from her before you come home! I never asked before when she was coming back, given how suddenly she left, and I have cause to regret not spending any of my free time with the Inuzuka before now. Not just because I could have had news, but because despite their rough manners I like them a great deal. Tsume-san and her sister Obu-san are very affectionate; I think I had more kisses yesterday than in the last month! No, Kushina, not that sort of kiss. Just on the cheek or on the forehead. And a great number of hugs. Obu-san and Tsume-san seem to think I’m rather delicate, because among themselves there’s more punching. Would it be rude to punch them first, I wonder?

I don’t think I finished replying to your letters. Let me see. You talked about the capture of an intelligence officer, and your first difficult decision as outpost commander. Congratulations! I hope your comrades are according you more respect. Otherwise I shall have to enlist Obu-san to hit them. As for your friend, I’m not sure how good my advice will be, considering your and his unique situation, but I will try. It seems to me that in the past your interactions have prominently been colored by anger—his at, as you put it, not being able to move, and yours at his antagonism. I truly don’t know what kind of emotions he feels, but you may have more understanding of him. Did you insult him? It’s all you seem to say to him. I know you have your pride, but he doubtless has his.

It’s so odd to talk about someone like him this way. As if he were… Kushina, do you really think anyone is intercepting and reading our letters? Speaking of him as if he were human makes him seem a very different kind of thing. Not a rabid beast but a man going mad in prison. From what you’ve told me, he is intelligent, and feeling. But it’s hard to believe that your aunt and the Shodaime would do this to him if he were. You introduced me to Mito-sama once, and she was clearly a good person, if weary of her purpose. You said she called him a weapon and nothing more. But isn’t that what we all are?

In any case, I find that everyone has a reason for being an asshole. Many people are abrasive and cruel because it makes them feel powerful. Many because they enjoy seeing others in pain. Many because they are frightened. That was a rather long-winded answer to your question—to summarize, yes, I think you should bother to try. If it doesn’t hurt you too much to speak with him, I think you will be hurt less in the long-term if it is possible to befriend him. I just don’t know if that’s true.

Think on it; so will I. All my love, Mikoto

 

7-4

Kushina! Hiro here, we’re at Tsume’s house teaching the kids to play Swordfish. They’re very bad at it. I should have started betting candy. Then again, Tsume would have caved my head in if I did. I missed your friend Mikoto as I was having a well-deserved bathhouse day (I just got back from a mission) with my brother and then putting some of your cooking tips into practice to impress Sana and Yuuga-chan. They’ll never know it wasn’t me who came up with all that! They didn’t even suspect! Zero credit for you!

Hey, Kushina, I wrestled Hiro for the brush, and he’s shitty at wrestling so I kicked his ass. If you squint, the ink blots kind of look like a dog, don’t they? Well, moreso after I added the tail and tongue. Kuromaru says hi. Hana’s being good, and as it turns out I was right! Three puppies for one girl! Greedy little thing, but not too bright as she’s named them all Haimaru. She’s awfully spoiled, no thanks to your Mikoto. I’ll have to give her lessons in tough love. Stupid of me not to ask for a spar, but I can fix that after she comes back from Frost Country. She’s overworked, your girl, and I hope you appreciate her more than Konoha does. She’ll have gray hairs by 25. Then again, won’t we all? Fuck the war, fuck Iwa, fuck Kumo. Fuck everyone who says anything about Hatake, did you know people are STILL talking shit about him? What the fuck would YOU do, huh asshole? Write back, or else.

Love from Hiro! AND HEAD BITCH TSUME

 

\--

 

7-24

Dear Miko: No good news from home, huh? Shouldn’t there have been some festivals? I’m trying to remember if they had Tanabata last year, but I can’t. I’m pretty sure they had one two years ago, but I guess the war wasn’t as bad then. In any case it doesn’t sound like you’d have time to go anyway, which isn’t fair! Someone should take Mikori-chan and Michiru-chan! I suppose Miharu can do it. But really. You’re such a fantastic sister that old Sarutobi’s gonna catch my fist if he doesn’t let you off. I’m worried about you! It sounds like you’re taking too many missions. It sounds like it’s much worse for you than it is for me. But by the time you get this it will just be two weeks until I get back. Hang on Miko. Just hang on a little longer for me.

Dosha-san said she could just about kiss you for the spices and veggies, which I’m hoping was a joke because I don’t want to have to be jealous. And Isui-san is going mad to take care of the hydrangea, it’s a little funny and a little concerning. She keeps going on about soil acidity and nitrogen levels and things. I might have to ask you to send some fertilizer, or at least teach Isui-san’s husband my seal. In case you feel like it, she says you can just ask for Tatsuma in the Yamanaka district and someone will be able to help you find him. I’m kind of excited that more people might be getting into sealing! Minato is coming along well. I’ve had to tell him off for wasting chakra zapping all over the place with hiraishin now that he’s worked it out except for fine-tuning. He wouldn’t listen to Kushina so I had to yell at him as Outpost Commander Uzumaki. The slightly newer recruits haven’t heard me yell that much so they’re being extra obedient right now.

Thanks for your advice on my friend! I’m trying to work something out. I don’t think I want him to be a person either, really, but… he is. I’ve not been fair to him at all, and I feel horrible about it, but I can’t let guilt keep me from trying again! I’m going to meditate right now since I gave myself today off. I mean, don’t take that as me being lazy. I’ve just run patrol for the last five straight days so today is me and Watatsuki. I’ll write about my results when I’m done.

Okay I just meditated and yes, he’s still an asshole. We got into a shouting match because I told him I was JUST TRYING TO HELP and he said I WASN’T HELPING AT ALL and I should just LEAVE HIM ALONE and it basically degenerated from there. Miko, I think that maybe… just occasionally… not being able to control my temper might be a bad thing. Don’t laugh all at once now. I just have a lot of experience getting hassled by assholes (hassholes?) and he really feels like just another asshole who is hassling me. I need to keep in mind how much it sucks to be him but he is doing his damndest to distract me.

Sigh. Will try again later once we’ve both cooled off and let you know. LOVE, KUSHINA

 

7-26

Dear Tsume: I’m sending this to you because I actually know where you live, but show it to Hiro anyway. I miss you guys! There’s no-one cool here any more except Akimichi Dosha-san, who’s really legendary and you’d better believe I’m learning tons from her. I’m trying to get into her good graces so I can convince her to have a party for me when she gets home. There’s more women in this batch but they’re all so dull. Morino and Kamizuki are just ultra serious, they never laugh at my stupid jokes, and they call me Commander Uzumaki. Can you imagine!

Also, Minato doesn’t count as cool because he’s a huge awful nerd. Today he tried to get me to tell him the history of the cave of the mole king, which if you didn’t know is a really common sealing component that helps create area effects. Like, I’m sorry, I didn’t ask?? I just need to know what it does?? In summary I laughed at him a lot and I wish you were here to laugh at him too, because he deserved so much more making-fun-of than I could provide alone.

Hiro: tell your family about me and how great I am at cooking or I’ll kick your ass. If you don’t get me invited to dinner what’s even the point of you? Also I want a picture of you and Yousuke and his family. I bet Yuuga-chan has grown since last time you were around to show me photos!

Tsume: give Hana a kiss for me!! And all three of her unimaginatively named puppies. Or like, punch her gently, whatever it is that passes for showing your daughter you love her. I did hear you and Obu kissed Mikoto a lot, which is hilarious. She thinks you’re treating her like porcelain for not getting punched at all. I think she’ll be down to spar. ;)

Stay well you guys! Get into lots of mischief and tell me about it! We’ll go drinking when I get back next month. Which is pretty much when I’d get any replies from you anyway. Whatever!! See you soon!!

 

8-3

Dear Miko: Progress on the quest to be a better friend! Last night I was meditating before I went to sleep and I meditated extra first so I’d be super calm. You’d be so proud of me, I kept my head even when he started insulting me and insulting Aunt Mito and talking about how I could never understand him. I said, “Well I’ll certainly never understand you if you don’t tell me anything, you know!” That shut him right up for ten entire seconds. And then he was like “Why would you want to understand me?” and I was like “We’re stuck together and I’d rather have friends than have enemies!” and he was like “Just go away I don’t want to hear it.” So I went away and went to sleep and here I am writing you this. I actually am making breakfast right now and I’m about to have to go on patrol, but that’s a little update for you. Love and kisses! Kushina

 

7-23

From the desk of the Hokage

Outpost  Ri’s   shinobi will be relieved on 09-06 , including Outpost Commander  Uzumaki Kushina    . The replacement commander among the shinobi remaining will be   Watatsuki Gourou  .

Signed and sealed, Sarutobi Hiruzen.

 

8-8

MIKO! I have a date! We’re being relieved on September 6th, and if we really book it back to Konoha we can be there on the 11th! Or the 12th if people aren’t feeling it. Grab a sensor and wait for us!! With your permission I’m going to RAVISH you as soon as humanly possible. No, I don’t know how to do that. One of us may have to ask Tsume for advice, or Kiinu-sensei if she’s back already (!!!). Can you do that for me? There’s no-one here I can ask and at least one of us should be able to do some ravishing. This should get to you, what, about two weeks before I do? Holy cats! I might not even be able to send any more letters after this! But I’ll write you anyway. Love love love love love your own Kushina

 

7-12

Dearest Kushina: once again I arrived from a long mission to find your letters waiting for me. There is no better welcome-home present, except on the day when you are there instead. Your letter from the 24th was a great comfort to me. It’s amazing how you manage to be so wise and yet so totally boneheaded. I’m going to tell Michiru and Mikori about Father, from before the war started. I don’t know if you remember him very well, but he was the sort of man who was very strict yet always acted for the good of the family. He used to punish me and Miharu terribly if we misbehaved, with days and days of chores, but he was infinitely patient with Michiru, who may have been the most difficult baby in history. He grew up during the second world war, and when I was a child he would tell us how very lucky we were to have been born in a time of peace. When we got the news about—I suppose they’ll be calling it the third world war once it’s over—he disappeared for two days, and we found him in about half a square kilometer of forest that had been burnt to the ground. He begged me not to graduate early, but I was just as much of an idiot as Michiru is now. Maybe she would have listened to him, if he’d been here.

As for sealing… Kushina, there’s no shame in not being the best at something. I know it’s a foreign concept to you because you are the best at so many things, but it is all right not to stand out. I never have, and look what it got me? The most brilliantly shining woman in the world is mine, and I have enough to provide for my family. I’ll have the opportunity to make a family with you. Maybe that doesn’t actually address your insecurity, but at least you know that if Namikaze Minato surpasses you I won’t run to his arms and leave you in the cold. Your prodigious sealing ability is among the least interesting of your many good qualities, although it’s possible that it could jeopardize your future bid for Hokage. But Kushina—even if it does, you will have contributed greatly to the safety and welfare of Konoha. As the clan elders teach us, individual honor pales before the honor of the clan and of the village. Those who matter to you will always recognize you.

In conclusion, how dare you accuse me of being so desperate to protect my loved ones that I passed out almost a dozen times while training? And while I’m at it, how dare you accuse me of being anything less than terrifying? For shame, dearest. You’ll destroy my fragile ego.

While I’m at it, you must not marry Akimichi Dosha, no matter how excellent a cook she is, or how strong. I will duel her for you. I was however very pleased to read your list of your favorites among my qualities. They’re not the same ones I would have picked—really, my forearms, Kushina?—but you’ll want to know I very much did imagine your hands describing each as your words did. I had to make a quick excuse for why my ears were so red when Miharu came across me in the garden. She’s convinced that you’re teasing me about some man or other, I suppose. But please stop being insecure about how much I want you to kiss me. I want you to put your hands on every inch of me very much.

Now that I’ve made sure Miharu isn’t coming, let me tell you all my favorite parts of you. The first that comes to mind is your wicked smile, very like a fox yourself. You have a good face for smiling, a strong jaw, and ever since you grew up I’ve been wanting to kiss it off your face. Oh, “strong” describes so much of what I love about you. You have such a solid presence that just standing next to you makes me feel more real. And more protected. Do you remember the first time you took a sword for me, how you stood there with forty centimeters of steel right through your gut, as immovable as the earth, and held that rogue nin where he was until I could kill him? When you hold me you are as immovable as the earth, so hot and sure. I love your unapologetic hair—I want to brush it for you—and I love, well, the shape of your body. Ugh. That’s too embarrassing. To imagine running my hands down from your waist to your hips to frame them… your gorgeous thighs…

I fear that Miharu is going to sense the heat off my face from all the way across the Uchiha district. I’ll write again later.

 

\--

 

8-16

Dear Miko: So close I can almost taste it! Now I understand the sort of jittery buzz that the last rotation got right before they got sent home. It’s so terribly hot here right now. I’m not sure I even need to be writing letters to you, because depending when the courier comes I could get them there faster by myself.

 

8-20

Dear Miko: I WANT TO BE BACK!!!!! I get so frustrated cooking with Dosha-san these days because she’s so PATIENT and I am so VERY MUCH NOT. I want to throw myself onto the ground and have a tantrum. But I can’t. I’m the “outpost commander” or something and I need to “have dignity.” Stupid Minato. You wouldn’t know dignity if it kicked you in the face.

 

8-23

Dear Miko: I’M DYING

 

8-27

Dear Miko: things are going a little better with you-know-who. We ALMOST managed to have a civil conversation, by which I mean he was extremely snide and condescending but I didn’t shout at him at all. Sometimes he threatens to eat you, and if I thought he actually meant it I’d be furious. But he’s just trying to rile me up. Try harder, asshole.

 

8-29

Dear Miko: yeah, I definitely don’t need to be writing to you any more, it’s just a waste of paper. I’m going to beat the courier home for sure. I just want to talk to you!! I want to kiss you until our lips are swollen and we have to eat shaved ice and everyone who looks at us will know we were kissing and they’ll all say Wow what a couple of incredibly hot women it’s too bad they only have eyes for each other. And they’ll say Kushina is suuuuch a good girlfriend, we should make her Hokage immediately, we were all soooo wrong about how she’s a freak and a weirdo, nothing could possibly be more normal and correct than wanting to bang the loveliest girl in all Konoha

 

9-4

Dear Miko: SO FUCKING CLOSE!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> home again! home again! lots of kissing! medium amounts of dogs! If you are reading this live I'm very sorry, I messed up last update and the new content is actually the *previous* chapter, which contains the rest of the letters between our gals during Kushina's stay at the border outpost. for noticing this mistake I would like to thank the excellent agenderarcee, who is a very good beta indeed.

The run back to Konoha is kind of like torture. Kushina is still, technically, the commander of this six-person unit, so she has to take care of them instead of pushing them as hard as  _she_  can go. She could probably run straight to Konoha without stopping to sleep, but Minato and Yonshaku don’t have anything like her chakra and she is a responsible fucking leader, dammit.

So she stews and takes a watch every night, to let her team get some sleep and also so she’ll have more time to jiggle her leg frantically, picturing over and over the moment when she can throw herself into Mikoto’s arms.

On the second night, when he takes over watch from her, Minato lightly touches her shoulder and whispers, “Are you all right, Kushina? I know we’re all eager to get home, but you seem… possessed.”

With some effort, she stills her leg. “That’s just my eager face. I mean, there’s nothing good out here! I don’t know why everyone else isn’t  _more_  excited to get home! Literally everyone I care about is in Konoha!”

He blinks twice, quickly, and looks at a point just to the right of her face. “Everyone?”

“Okay, you weirdo, I might like you a little.” She elbows him, which startles out a yelp and a small smile. “But Mikoto, and probably Kiinu-sensei by now, and Tsume and Hiro and Miko’s whole family! I guess it’s different for you. You still never found anyone to write to. But you’ve got to be excited about  _baths_. We can go to the bathhouse, Minato!”

In the dim lanternlight he turns noticeably red and coughs. “Not  _together_ , obviously.”

“Oh, who cares? It’s not like either of us has anything the other hasn’t seen before. Gender-segregated baths have their uses, but what if I want to talk to  _all_  my friends? Just as long as your weirdo sensei isn’t invited, huh?”

Minato smiles a weird forced smile, like he’s thinking about something else. “Kushina, I… is it possible that… you might be, er…”

“Spit it out, will you?”

“Nothing,” he mumbles. “You should go to sleep.”

She smacks him on the back (not very hard, since people are asleep) and goes to get into her own bedroll. “If you ever actually decide to tell me, I’m all ears, you fucking weirdo. Night, Minato.”

“Good night, Kushina.”

 

He’s pretty much weird for the rest of the trip back, and he clearly has  _something_  he wants to ask, but she has no clue what it could be. Normally he’s only this embarrassed about any mention of his parents. Is he trying to ask Kushina if she’ll be his family? That’s really sweet. It makes her smile whenever he starts to stutter his question, and that just seems to confuse him, and really it’s all very funny. She’ll just offer to adopt him later, after she’s spent a day or two wrapped around Mikoto and can exist without jiggling her leg.

“Not to be a horrible commanding officer,” she says, six hours from Konoha and one hour past sunset, “but would anyone mind running through the night? Beds, you guys. Beds, and all the people you’ve been missing for six months. Consider it. We’ll stop here for food and a break, and I want all your answers at the end.”

“I’m up for it,” says Nohara immediately, bless him.

Everyone else makes noncommittal noises as they get out their water bottles and start gulping. Nobody’s all that eager for food, no matter how hungry they are, because it’s all ‘ration balls.’ Nobody knows what ration balls are made of, because they don’t taste like any one thing particularly, but they’re dry and difficult to chew and Kushina has to drink a huge amount of water with them. They must have really high caloric density, but they’re a pain in the ass to eat.

For a while it’s quiet except the sounds of ferocious chewing and the occasional muffled complaint. Kushina’s not really that tired because even without using Kyuubi’s chakra she has twice as much as her entire team combined. She’s a little more cautious using it for running when they’re far outside the village, but this close to home she can burn as much as she wants.  Minato, though, takes five minutes to stop breathing hard.

When everyone’s done eating, Kushina looks at them expectantly. “Okay, vote, everyone. Everyone for going on to Konoha?”

Everyone raises their hands, even Yonshaku, who looks kind of like shit and  _doesn’t_  have a fondness for Kushina that can be manipulated to her own ends (hi, Minato).

“Great. We’re all in agreement, then. We can take it a little slow because I know you’re all tired, but we’re gonna make it just around dawn. Then we can all pass out in our wonderful fluffy beds in the arms of our loved ones. Ready to go?”

“Yes, Captain,” says Yonshaku. She  _thinks_  he’s not even being a sarcastic piece of shit, which is surprising if true. Or maybe he’s just too tired to make fun of her.

“All right! Nohara, set our pace. Forward sprint!”

 

The sun hasn’t yet risen over Konoha’s eastern wall when they make it to the north gate, but the sky is a bright cloudless yellow-green ahead of them. The gate guards, who have clearly been on shift for hours already, glance at their papers and then wave them through, yawning. Kushina tells her team to go home and get some rest, and with many back slaps and hand clasps they trickle away sidestreet by sidestreet until Kushina is alone, looking longingly to the south toward the Uchiha district where Mikoto is probably just about to wake. If she’s even in the village right now. It sounds like lately she’s been on missions more often than not.

She speeds up into a jog again and makes it to Hokage Tower in just about ten minutes. The guy at the desk is looking insultingly awake, he’s probably the type who gets up early and doesn’t even drink coffee, the bastard. Kushina’s not tired from running, but she’s having a little trouble keeping her eyes open. “Team from Outpost Ri, reporting in,” she says. “Commander Uzumaki Kushina, ID number 008904. I sent everyone else home to get some sleep, but they’re all accounted for and healthy. Are you going to want a report or anything?”

“You should have a final report from your outpost?”

“Ah! Just a second.” She has to dig around in her pack, because she kind of just stuffed it in there and forgot about it, but she does have the report. She holds it out triumphantly, and the desk guy takes it delicately from her hand as if he doesn’t want to touch her.

“Perfect. No problems with the changeover?”

“Nope.”

“Then you’re free to go. Welcome back home, Uzumaki-san.”

She musters up a smile. “Thanks.” And manages to stroll out the door before bolting for the Uchiha district.

Mikoto’s house is silent when she gets there, but the sun occasionally peeks out from between the houses and shops and there are a few early risers on the streets. Kushina sucks in her cheeks between her teeth, thinking. Should she wait here? Would Mikoto’s family think that’s weird? Maybe there’s somewhere she can leave a note?

She settles on pushing it under the door:  _Hey, Miko, I’m home! I’m gonna go pass out but you should come see me if you’re in the village. Promise I won’t be mad if you wake me up. Kushina._

And she goes home.

It’s a bit of a haze, really—it’s always surreal coming back to her empty apartment, just as she left it but somehow drained of all its energy. She doesn’t bother to shower, just empties out her arm storage seal onto the living room floor and falls face-first onto her bed.

When she wakes it’s slow. She has to catalogue why she’s so comfortable and then what this strangely familiar smell is and then the hissing sound coming from somewhere nearby. She rolls over, squinting because she didn’t bother to close her curtains whenever was the last time she was here. Why are there noises?

On second thought, it sounds like someone is cooking. This bears investigation, so she heaves herself up and slouches out of her room, knuckling her eyes. In the kitchen she sees a familiar shape, and her heart goes THUMP, and she says in her just-got-up raspy croak, “Miko-chan?”

Mikoto turns around and smiles wider than Kushina’s ever seen, but she’s still careful to lean the spoon on the side of the frying pan before she runs at Kushina and almost topples her over with a hug. “You’re here, you’re really here,” she whispers into Kushina’s shoulder. “And awake. It wasn’t real while you were asleep but I thought I’d surprise you—”

“Hey, Miko,” says Kushina, pulling back just enough to see her face again. “I can’t believe you’re not kissing me right now. For shame.”

Mikoto beams and kisses her, pressing close like she can’t bear to be parted from a single inch of her. “I’m so sorry, Kushina. That was very irresponsible of me. Allow me to make it up to you.”

“Maybe if I eat up your tongue,” Kushina mumbles into her mouth, “I won’t have to eat breakfast.”

Mikoto laughs and tilts her head to smear little kisses over the corner of Kushina’s mouth and across her cheek up to her ear. “I think you’ll find that I need it to be effective at your favorite things, like telling you how beautiful you are.”

“Oh, tell me!” says Kushina happily, wrapping her arms around Mikoto’s waist and pressing their bellies together. “I haven’t had anyone tell me I’m beautiful in six months! Letters don’t count.”

“I told you the shape of your body is just perfect,” murmurs Mikoto. “Maybe I don’t need to use my tongue after all.” She smooths her hands over Kushina’s shoulder blades and down her back, around her waist until her hands rest on Kushina’s hips. “And your hair!” She catches it where it falls from the tail on top of Kushina’s head. “I couldn’t even remember it as bright as it is. You’re like the sun. For a lot of reasons.”

“Oh, I could listen to you all day. But I’d rather listen while eating. Whatever you’re making smells incredible. Just as long as you promise not to stop touching me.”

Mikoto rolls her eyes, rolls her entire head, and takes Kushina’s hand to pull her into the kitchen. Bare minimum of touching, minus points for that. “It only smells incredible because you’ve been eating ration balls for a week. You can make better food asleep.”

“Nuh-uh. The love makes it taste better.” Mikoto glances back at her, half-smiling, so she waggles her eyebrows and says, “You can taste my love any time—” And breaks off, laughing, as Mikoto shoves her face away.

“Put the food in your mouth so you can’t use it to talk. Here.”

She accepts a bowl of omelette and a pair of chopsticks, and then gives Mikoto cow’s eyes from the couch until she sighs and alights on the arm of it with her legs extended over Kushina’s lap. “I’m soooo glad I’m back. I kinda feel like I’m dreaming.”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full.”

Kushina shoves some more egg into her mouth and then says, “Wha’ a’ you palking abou’? I’ mever bu dat.”

“Why am I in love with you, you disgusting creature? You’ve returned just to vex me!”

Kushina makes sure to finish chewing and swallowing before she lays her head down sideways on Mikoto’s lap. “I’m sorry, Miko. If you really hate it, I won’t do it again. I’d even give up being gross for you.”

Mikoto makes a small amused sound. “You’d better not. I wouldn’t recognize you.”

Kushina laughs and takes another bite, and smooths her hand over Mikoto’s ankle just to touch her. It’s like a dream, the best dream she’s ever had, that she can be here with Miko and they both know they love each other. It’s so  _easy_. They already know how they fit together from being teammates and friends for six years. Looking back all the accidental brushes Kushina cherished must have been Mikoto’s shy wish to touch her. While Kushina was wishing they weren’t accidental after all, they really weren’t.

She puts down her bowl and lays her head in Mikoto’s lap again, just breathing in the breakfast-and-swords smell of her. “I love you, Uchiha Mikoto,” she says softly. “I’ve loved you since I was sixteen and you were so impossibly cool that I couldn’t dream of you liking me back. And you did anyway.”

Mikoto strokes her hair, her cheek, her jaw. “Don’t you dare say I have ever been too cool for you, Uzumaki Kushina. Don’t you know I felt like your shadow? You were our team leader who charged into everything. You were my heart before I even knew I was in love with you.”

“Ugh! You’re such a sap!” She turns her head to bury her face in Mikoto’s leg. “I don’t even know how to deal with this! You’re just so—!”

“What are we going to do?”

Kushina looks up at Mikoto. She’s got her serious face on. “Do? Like, besides calling each other stupid pet names and kissing? And…”

“No, I don’t mean… I mean… in public. I can’t imagine you hiding anything you feel.”

“Do you… want me to?”

“I don’t know.” Mikoto shakes her head and looks away, but she’s holding tight to Kushina’s hand. “I at least want time to tell my family before they find out in a way I can’t control. And soon.”

Kushina squeezes her hand back. “Okay, but you know I’m a ninja, right? I’m not  _completely_  useless at subterfuge. Literally if we just didn’t kiss everyone would be dumb and assume we’re just friends because we’re just like that. I could be holding your hand and sitting in your lap and reciting a poem about your beautiful long black hair and some jackass would ask me if I was dating a Hyuuga dude.”

“You… may be right,” says Mikoto, wrinkling her nose delicately. It’s adorable.

“There’s  _got_  to be someone else in this stupid village who likes girls. Tsume, do you think?”

Mikoto taps her thumb against her lip. “Maybe. I don’t know her as well as you do. I would believe Kiinu-sensei, though.”

“Yes! Yes! We should ask her! Didn’t you say she was coming back?”

“That’s right. We should visit her.” Kushina has already started shovelling down her omelette as fast as she can when Mikoto continues, “She’s in the hospital right now. Her mission went bad and she was late returning, so her handler had to drag her back. They arrived a little over a week ago.”

“What! Damn, we  _really_  have to see her. Miko, how long have you been in-village? I’m trying to figure out how much time we have before Old Dumbass sends you out again.”

Mikoto conceals a snort and says, “Don’t call the Hokage that. It’s slightly treasonous,  _and_  rude seeing as he was your sponsor for five years. I got back from negotiations on the Water Country border three days ago, so I don’t think he’ll be sending me out again this week. But who can say? War demands so much of all of us.”

Kushina sets down her bowl and whines, since her mouth is too full to talk. She finishes and swallows and says, “Don’t say that like it’s inevitable, Miko. Get mad. Get mad! Yell at old Sarutobi! Hell, I’ll yell at him for you!”

“Please don’t yell at him on my account, dearest,” says Mikoto, slipping off the arm of the couch to let Kushina stand up. “He does what he has to. It’s only possible to prioritize happiness so far during a war.”

“ _Maybe_  he shouldn’t have let a  _war_  happen! Where the hell did I leave my shoes?”

“Certainly not by the door…”

 

They do eventually make it to the hospital and into Kiinu-sensei’s room. She and Ginmaru seem to be doing a puzzle of some kind together, but she throws it aside when they come into the room. “Kushina-chan! You’re back! Heaven knows I thought I was never going to see you again. Come here, girl.”

Kushina slots herself into Kiinu-sensei’s strong, warm arms and grins. “Hey, oba-sensei. Thanks for making it back in one piece. What kind of teacher goes and does a secret mission instead of taking care of her students, huh?”

She pulls back in time for Kiinu-sensei to flick her on the forehead. “You can say that when you start taking care of Kenta, you little hypocrite.” Kushina makes a face. Kenta doesn’t even have a personality. “Tsume told me you three made friends, which warms our hearts to hear, doesn’t it, Gin?” Gin-san produces a soft warbling howl, and Kushina has to start scratching his cheeks and forehead because she’s missed him too.

“We’re planning on visiting her later in the week,” says Mikoto, while Gin-san rolls over blissfully under Kushina’s hands. “And it would be lovely if we could have a dinner with all of you once you get out of the hospital. How long is it?”

“Eh. Probably won’t be before you get sent out again, Mikoto, so don’t plan on it. I’ll just let you know. But come, sit-sit. Tell me how everything’s been.”

Kushina glances nervously at Mikoto and finds her doing the same. They’re both thinking the same thing. Kushina tries to stifle nervous laughter. “Um…”

“Oh, you finally opened your eyes and started dating? I hope I wasn’t as stupid as you when I was your age.”

Kushina can only laugh more at Mikoto’s frozen, wide-eyed expression of surprise. “And to think you were scared to tell her!”

“And you weren’t?” Mikoto snaps.

“Little idiots,” says Kiinu-sensei fondly. “You thought I was going to make a big fuss about it? Much as it might seem that way at your age, you’re not the only women who love women in this village. The stories I could tell you about my youth.” And she winks.

“Oba-sensei! Do you like girls too?”

“Yeah, I do. You know, I figured you two out years ago. I’m always on the lookout for people like me, especially kids, because they need protection. And you ought to do the same.”

“Well,” says Mikoto regally, “are you going to tell us stories or not?”

Kiinu-sensei’s eyes crinkle. “Oh, I  _was_  going to save you the embarrassment, but since you insist…”

 

It’s pretty embarrassing.

But it’s good. It’s a balm on Kushina’s soul to hear about Kiinu-sensei getting into dumb situations and getting her heart broken by pretty girls and sarcastic girls and fierce girls. She holds Mikoto’s hand tightly the whole time and her face starts to ache from smiling. It’s getting on toward teatime when a nurse finally comes in to give Kiinu-sensei snacks and say how nice it was to see jounin still taking care of their teacher. They kiss Kiinu-sensei on the cheek and she sends them off to have a good time outside while it’s still warm.

“What do you want to do with the rest of the day?” asks Kushina. She wants to be swinging Mikoto’s hand, energetic and joyful, but she restrains herself. No matter what Kiinu-sensei might say, the hospital isn’t really a safe place to be in love.

“I’m surprised you don’t want to run off to get ramen,” says Mikoto.

Kushina’s back straightens. “I can’t believe I forgot! Yeah, let’s go get ramen!”

“Oh, I shouldn’t have reminded you.”

Kushina elbows her. “Why’d you say that if you didn’t secretly want to go get ramen, huh? Don’t lie to me, Miko, I can see riiiiight through you.”

“Kushina?”

She stops and takes two steps back to lean around an open door. Minato’s inside, sitting up with stupidly perfect posture, apparently working on a seal. “What are you doing here?” she asks. “There’s got to be nicer places you could be doing sealing. And also? Relax sometimes, would you?”

“Ah, well, I came to interview some of the doctors, since Mikoto-san recommended it, and I ended up thinking about healing applications for sealwork. Oh! Hello, Mikoto-san. I don’t think we’ve formally met.” He stands up to bow and gets ink on the edge of the table, but doesn’t notice.

“The infamous Namikaze Minato, I presume?” says Mikoto.

“Uh—infamous?”

“I heard you were—”

But Kushina slaps her hand over Mikoto’s mouth. “Shut up, Miko. Don’t tease the poor boy. He’s fine. He’s great. You wanna come get ramen with us? You’re going to go cross-eyed if you spend too much time looking at seals.”

“I don’t know if I believe that,” he mutters, but he does blow a faint flame over the paper to dry it before starting to roll it up. “You would have gone cross-eyed a long time ago if that were true.”

“You’re right, I’m just fucking with you. So that’s a yes to ramen?”

“I’ve never had it before, but if you like it that much…”

Kushina already knew he’s never had ramen, but it still kind of blows her mind. Mikoto, though, raises her eyebrows with an air of disbelief. She’s known Kushina too long to remember that not everyone likes it.

“Great, it’s on me, then. We’re gonna be kinda rich as soon as the pay for border tour comes through later this week, and for now I think I have enough for a dozen bowls.”

Minato trails awkwardly a little behind them until they get out of the hospital, and then they hop the rooves to Ichiraku. It couldn’t be clearer that he doesn’t know how to talk to Mikoto, and he seems like he’s feeling extra nervous today. Probably because he’s just spent hours and hours silently wracking his brains on sealing stuff he doesn’t quite know yet, the dumb idiot. Kushina makes sure to sit in the middle so he won’t have to be next to Scary Miko.

“Yo, Uncle! I’m back! Did you miss me?”

Teuchi-san grins and puts his hands on his hips. “Of course I did. You’re my best customer. It’s good to see you too, Mikoto-chan. I miss you when Kushina-chan’s away. And you’ve managed to rope another poor soul into your antics?”

She slaps Minato on the back. “This is Minato, he’s a big nerd. I’m teaching him sealing. Whaddya want, Minato?”

“Uh, shoyu?”

“Lame. I’ll have the usual.” Teuchi-san gets busy measuring stuff out, and Kushina takes pity on Minato. “So, are you gonna do anything fun with your two weeks off? I haven’t decided yet, but probably a lot of partying.”

“Um.” He scratches the back of his head. “I was just going to work on sealing. I need to get better as fast as I can, and I don’t feel right if I’m not improving myself.”

“It’s important to rest too,” Mikoto chides, in the same tone she always says it to Kushina. “Kushina has thoroughly convinced me of the health benefits of having fun. You know Tsume-san, don’t you? You should come with us to visit her.”

Kushina blesses her perfect, beautiful, understanding girlfriend for being on board with the quest to make Minato have fun without her having to say a single word. Her hand finds Mikoto’s under the counter and squeezes it gratefully. “I won’t hear any no’s,” she tells Minato. “Even if you’re not friends with her now you totally can be. And I bet we can get Hiro there too. We can have a picnic! Miko, we’ll totally have a picnic! The weather’s really nice right now, I bet we can scrape something up before we have to leave, as long as we tell people today.”

“Certainly,” says Mikoto. “We can talk to them after you’ve finished demolishing your traditional eight bowls of ramen. And Minato, you’re more than welcome to come along.”

Teuchi sets down their bowls, and for a little while everyone is distracted. Kushina keeps sneaking glances at Mikoto—because she still can’t believe anyone can look elegant eating ramen—and Minato, because he’s never had it before and she can’t miss this.

“Well? What do you think?”

“It’s fine?”

She  _tsk_ s at him. “Leave it to you to not even have a funny reaction. Ramen isn’t merely  _fine_.”

Mikoto whaps her over the head. “Leave him alone. Not everyone has your enthusiasm.”

Midway through her third bowl of ramen Minato starts to stare, and she winks at him. “You ain’t seen nothing yet,” she promises. And proceeds to eat four more bowls. She’s just about finished with her seventh when she notices Mikoto turning around in her seat.

There’s a black cat sitting on the stool next to her, and once she stops slurping noodles Kushina can hear it saying, “…Usana-san wanted to let you know that Kashiro-sama spoke with Lord Third and made sure you won’t have a mission so you can attend the negotiations. And she wants you home for clothes fitting.”

“Negotiations?” asks Kushina, as Mikoto slides down off her stool. “With the clan head? I didn’t know you were that important, Miko!”

But Mikoto isn’t smiling as she turns around. Her face is strangely blank, the look she gets when she’s about to kill someone. “I’ll tell you about it tomorrow, Kushina. Sorry I won’t be able to talk to Tsume-san and Daruma-san with you. Let me know what you decide.” And then without even saying goodbye she leaves. It makes Kushina feel cold. Miko is hurting, and she won’t tell her why.

“I don’t need the eighth bowl,” she says, and starts digging around in her wallet for enough to cover the meal. “Minato, come on. Let’s go find Tsume. See you, Uncle.” Minato hurries after her as she marches off down the street and speeds up into a run for the Inuzuka district.

Like the other clan districts, it’s sort of a closed-off neighborhood without that many streets leading into it, though it’s not a compound like the Hyuuga and Aburame have. There’s a showy gate above this entrance, painted red and white with stylized wolves guarding it. There are also some real guards, or maybe they’re just Inuzuka playing cards. To be safe, Kushina greets them.

“Hey, guys, how are you?”

One of them glances up. “Oh, Uzumaki. Fine, what’s up?”

“I’m looking for Tsume, she’s home right now, right?”

The guy actually sniffs the air. Inuzuka are so wild, it’s kind of awesome. “Yeah, she got home from training a little while ago. Her house is the big one about a quarter kilometer down this street, on the right. Is she outside, Gen?”

Gen lets his mouth hang open as he sniffs the air too. “Yeah, you’ll probably see her on the porch.”

“Thanks, guys!” says Kushina. “You’re amazing!” And she breaks into a run again.

Tsume is on the porch with Kuromaru, and she’s already standing up and grinning by the time Kushina sees her. “Hey! You idiots made it home! C’mere, Kushina, I’ve got some sweat to bestow on you.”

“Eugh, you disgusting bitch!” says Kushina, laughing as Tsume envelops her in a sweaty, stinky hug. “It’s great to see you alive and well.”

“Yeah, you too. Oi, Minato, don’t be shy. You don’t want some of this?”

Minato, looking more like he has been browbeaten into submission, gingerly accepts a hug. It clearly involves more back-pounding than he was expecting, and Kushina has to laugh at the shocked expression on his face. Sheepishly he begins to smile too, and says, “It’s good to see you again, Tsume-san. You’re as lively as ever.”

“Oh, drop the honorific, you twerp. You might as well be my little brother. Any family of Kushina’s is family of mine.”

And here she was thinking she’d have to adopt Minato so he wouldn’t have to ask! Now Tsume’s adopted them both and gotten rid of any problem. And, yes, Minato is blushing. He’s so fucking  _cute_ , where does he get off being so cute? For good measure she gives him a noogie. “That’s right,” she crows. “You’re never getting rid of me. Anyway, Tsume, we were thinking of getting together and having a picnic or something to celebrate me and Minato getting back from border tour. Hopefully in the next couple of days, since Mikoto…” All of a sudden she remembers that Mikoto might be here for longer than they thought, but she isn’t happy about it. She frowns. “I’m not sure when she’s leaving, so we were hoping to do it tomorrow or the day after. Hiro’s in town, right?”

“Yeah, he got home from a mission a couple days ago. He’ll love a chance to show off his cooking. Anyone else coming?”

“Eh, we could maybe invite Nohara? I wasn’t going to, but maybe we could get Hana-chan and Miko’s little brother and sister if we do it on a day of for the Academy. Maybe Obu-san would want to come?”

Tsume wrinkles her nose. “Nah, leave her at home with the brats. I’d rather not have to think about my kid if I’m gonna have a picnic. Not that I don’t love her and the triplets, hell, they’re sweet kids, but just. Grownup time. Y’know.”

Kushina can’t really imagine not wanting to be with her kids constantly and show them off to everyone, because obviously they’ll be the cutest kids in the whole wide world. She’s actually kind of disappointed she won’t get to spoil Hana at the picnic. But that just means she’ll have to spoil her now. “Speaking of the brats, I wanna meet them! I’ve been hearing about Hana-chan for ages and I finally have the chance to squish her fat little cheeks and tell her she’s the best kid ever. What kind of auntie would I be if I passed up this chance?”

Tsume laughs, showing off her pointed teeth. “A shit auntie! C’mon in. I’ve got some extra barley tea, and Hana-chan is drawing with her other aunt. Minato, stop looking like you’ve got a stick up your ass. No-one here’s gonna bite you until at least the second date.”

Minato goes even redder at that, but he does come in.

Actually he ends up spending more time with Hana than Kushina does, because Kushina gets distracted meeting Obu (seldom has she experienced more kisses than this in the space of half an hour!). Minato starts drawing dogs with Hana, which is totally precious. He’s going to be a great dad some day. The thought makes her heart feel weird, kind of like it’s being squeezed, but she can’t figure out why.

Tsume comes to see Hiro with them; more hugs are exchanged, and like always Kushina gets a thrill when Hiro’s family says they’ve heard a lot about her. They haven’t heard  _that’s the freak girl from the dead city_  or  _she’s a bitch who thinks she’s too good for the rest of us_. They’ve heard that she’s good at cooking and loves stupid jokes and is the sealing expert of the whole world.

When Hiro’s brother Yousuke suggests that he and Sana could come with Yuuga-chan, Tsume admits defeat and promises to bring Hana too. They all end up staying for dinner and getting a little bit drunk—even Minato, who it turns out won’t shut up about political history when he’s tipsy. He and Hiro and Yousuke get into a big argument about it while Kushina and Tsume teach Sana to play Swordfish. All in all, a successful night.

It’s nearly midnight when they say goodbye, the three of them leaving with their arms around each other for support. Kuromaru is the only one who isn’t drunk, but he’s so full that he’s not helping keep them up, the jerk. He and Tsume peel away at some point, leaving Kushina and Minato to wind their way toward the unaligned shinobi district where they both live.

“Kushina,” says Minato in the very serious voice that makes her think he’s about to start lecturing her on what it takes to become Hokage.

“Minato!” she says happily. “What!”

“I have something important to tell you. Kushina.” She stops walking, overcorrects, and then gets her balance. Looks at him, looking flushed and determined in the moonlight. “I’ve been in love with you ever since the Academy. And I’m only more in love with you now that I really know you.” When he sees that the only thing on her face is confusion, his face crumples. He loses eye contact and mutters, “I knew this was a bad idea. I messed up everything. I’m sorry.”

“No, shut up, listen. I already have a beautiful—I mean, uhhh, I have someone. But you’re really cute and you have  _sooo_  many talents. I can’t even remember them all, that’s how many. You’re gonna find a great girl and I’m gonna be here cheering for you and making sure she has pure intentions, got it? Or even a guy, who cares! We’re siblings now, like Tsume said. No take-backsies.”

His eyes widen. “You and Mikoto—!”

“Shh!” She presses a finger over his mouth. “You can’t tell anyone. You know how they are. Girls and guys like each other! No-one else gets to like each other! Get married and have sex! Whatever! We can still have sex. Haha, oh my goshhhh. Don’t tell her I said that.”

“I… I won’t tell anyone,” says Minato, still with that wide-eyed seriousness.

“Ugh, you’re  _so_  cute, too. You’re just a big old cutie. You’re like a teddy bear who knows everything about the founding of the elemental nations. C’mere.” She pulls him in to put a sloppy kiss on his cheek, and maybe she misses a little and gets the corner of his mouth, it’s not a  _crime_. “I’m going to  _sleep_. I will see  _you_ , I will see  _you_  on, the day that’s in two days. This is my building. Okay, good night.”

She doesn’t look behind her as she tries four times to unlock the door, and doesn’t think of anything as she falls into bed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A picnic! Kids! The author not knowing a thing about going to the doctor! Uchiha drama?!!

It’s weird making breakfast for just one person. Which is to say, she accidentally makes breakfast for twelve people and then has nothing to do with it. Why does she have two dozen eggs? Did Mikoto do her shopping yesterday?

She eats six people’s worth of breakfast and then leaves the rest on the stove to get crusty and awful because reheated omelette isn’t that good. Then she washes out her water bottle and refills it and wanders out to her favorite training ground, the one in the shadow of the three Hokage carved into the mountainside. When she was little she used to train here because she thought she could absorb some kind of Hokage-ness from them; now it’s just habit.

First she does her taijutsu, which consists of some running and controlled jumping and the exercises that make her feel cool, and some reflex stuff, and then swinging from things by her adamantine chains because why not?

Once she’s worked up a sweat she does cooldown, drinks down her whole water bottle, and then sits on top of the water, by the little cascade coming down from the mountain. Closes her eyes. Opens them in Uzushio, as it might look six months after the rebuilding efforts started. Kyuubi is sunning himself in the plaza next to the fixed up administrative building, trying to look very casual as if he isn’t still in chains. “Morning, Kyuubi-san,” she says. “Sorry I didn’t come visit for so long, we were basically sprinting the whole way back to Konoha so I didn’t have time.”

 **I wish you’d stay away longer** , says Kyuubi without even opening his eyes. **It was getting to be so peaceful without you.**

“Admit it, you missed me.”

He cracks open one red eye. **Yes, I did. I won’t miss again next time I have the opportunity.**

She blows out a frustrated breath, ruffling the hair that’s fallen in front of her face, and then tucks it aggressively behind her ear. “Ha ha. You’re a real comedian. I _was_ gonna come and see if we could do anything about letting you see and feel stuff, but if you’re gonna be that ungrateful…”

Now both his eyes are open and looking at her. **And why would that be?**

“I figured you might be bored of only fake sunshine. You might want to see what’s going on, you know, since we have to share my body. And just! It’d be cool if you had a little more freedom! I can’t properly free you because I’d die, but I’m trying to help you out here!”

 **How kind** , Kyuubi growls. Kushina is starting to think he says things sarcastically because he actually means them. But it would be embarrassing if he knew she knew, so she doesn’t mention it. She just says,

“And I thought it would be cool for you to learn some sealing. Do you already know sealing? You’ve had a hell of a long time to learn.”

**Not the primitive kind humans employ. But yes, I know sealing.**

“Right! Then let’s get started.” She crouches to put her hand on the ground, and the seal on her belly appears, magnified and glowing gold, on the paving stones. “I’ve studied this seal before, Aunt Mito gave me her notes—” Every time Kushina says Aunt Mito’s name, Kyuubi produces an almost subsonic growl that shakes the very ground. She ignores it. “—so I know that this part here creates a mixing zone for chakra only. You can see around the edge there are these glyphs to exclude thoughts from travelling between us except when I’m in here. That includes senses.”

 **I’d be trading the ability to see whatever inane thing you’re doing for the price of never having a quiet moment again** , Kyuubi summarizes. **Who _wouldn’t_ take a deal like that.**

“Look, you don’t have to! I’m just telling you what our options are! And I could modify it to be selectively permeable only to sense stuff and strong thoughts. I bet I could find a way to let you block it out if you didn’t want to hear it.”

 **Perhaps** , he concedes. He is _such_ a grumpy old man. Are there any bijuu who are nice? Or fun? **And this part?** He taps a piece closer to the edge with one claw that’s longer than she is tall. She tilts her head to look at it.

“That part… means you can give me your chakra but I can’t give you mine. Not that you really need it. And actually, I don’t trust you not to try and steal it just to be petty.”

He bares a _very_ large number of teeth. **And you say friendship is your object. Just like a human.**

“I’m just being realistic! I know you hate me and kind of want me to die! I want you to be happy or whatever, but I’m not risking my life so you can do dumb pranks on me!”

 **You’re learning** , he says.

 

After she’s had a shower Kushina goes over to Mikoto’s house. On the way she gets to say hi to all the grannies who run stores in the Uchiha district, and she makes sure to buy something from all of them. All of them give her free candy anyway. Master of manipulation, Uzumaki Kushina.

Mikoto is still helping with breakfast when she gets there, which makes Kushina feel like maybe she should have just brought her extra omelettes over here instead of eating them all. She gave herself a bit of an upset stomach during morning warmup. But she gets a warm smile from Miharu and Usana and a double lapful of Mikori and Michiru (or at least half of Michiru, as she’s too big to really fit). “I always love coming to your house,” she says. “It’s such a pretty house, and for once today the kids are being quiet, huh?”

Michiru tries to bite her, which is no less than she really expected.

“Anyway, is it okay if I steal Mikoto for a while? I want to do some training and we also have a picnic to plan. Oh! Tsume and Yousuke are bringing their kids, so you can consider Michiru-chan and Mikori-chan invited too. And Miharu-san. It’s tomorrow around noon, if you want to come.

“I’m afraid I’ll be working,” says Miharu. “And Micchan will be in school, won’t you?”

“Ugh,” says Michiru, sliding off Kushina’s lap. “Blah blah. Picnic sounds better, thank you.”

“Michi’s mad!” says Mikori delightedly. “Mikori gets to go and Michi doesn’t!”

“Shut it!” Michiru pretends she’s going to hit her brother, but Kushina catches her hand.

“How’d you like it if Mikoto-nee-san hit you, Michiru-chan?”

“Everyone in this house sucks!” says Michiru loudly, and runs out the door, grabbing her shoes on the way out instead of putting them on.

Everyone except Mikori sighs almost in unison, looking after her as the door slams shut. “She wants to be grown-up so badly,” murmurs Miharu.

“Then it’s probably for the best we don’t expose her to Kakashi,” says Kushina. “He’s her age and he’s already a chuunin. She’d explode.” She gets only looks of incomprehension, and realizes she hasn’t even mentioned him to Mikoto. “He’s Minato’s little brother, kind of. Or his apprentice. Very serious kid. I’m making it my personal mission to get him to crack a smile.” Well, not that she’d be able to tell.

“I’m about done here,” says Mikoto with a soft sigh. “I’ll leave Mikori to you, ane-ue. I want to do some menu planning with Kushina.”

Kushina catches the edge of Miharu’s grimace as she tells her sister, “Good luck.”

Something is _up_.

Kushina lifts Mikori off her lap and puts him down on her chair, and he immediately wriggles away to bother Miharu. By the time Kushina has put on her shoes Mikoto has her apron off and is putting on hers as well.

“Where’s your mom?” asks Kushina softly as she opens the door for Mikoto.

“Kikue-san next door is sick,” Mikoto murmurs, sounding distracted. “Mother helps her out in the mornings when she doesn’t have work. Kushina, there’s something I should tell you.” She’s silent for almost a minute as they walk toward Mikoto’s favorite training ground, as Kushina tries not to stare anxiously at her. Then she takes a deep breath. “There was no point writing to you because you’d get here before my letter got to you, and then I started to feel like I was hiding it from you, dearest, and I felt so bad I didn’t want to tell you. I didn’t want to make you unhappy. But negotiation I’m set to attend on Thursday is—a marriage negotiation.”

“The clan heir,” says Kushina numbly. “But—but why does it have to be you!”

Mikoto swallows, still looking straight ahead. “There are very few jounin-level women in the clan,” she murmurs. “I was even considered for ANBU. Kashiro-sama wants someone who can defend his son.”

“That’s bullshit, Miko, and you know it! He can have as many bodyguards as he wants—he’s going to be the commander of the military police! He doesn’t need to ruin your career so you can have his babies and only protect him!”

Mikoto flinches, and Kushina tries to catch her hand. She _hates_ to see Miko looking like this, cowed and afraid instead of facing down the world with her hand on her sword. “I don’t know how I can get out of it,” Mikoto whispers. “Or if I even—if I should. I have a duty to my clan…”

“Are you gonna be happy?” asks Kushina, ignoring the fact that _she’ll_ be miserable. It makes her sick to think of Miko stuck in some guy’s house, pregnant with his kid and not allowed to go on missions. “Miko, if you’re not gonna be happy it’s my solemn duty to bust you out even if I have to knock out your clan head. Don’t do this.”

“Tell me how, Kushina! I can’t make myself an unsuitable match without bringing shame on my family!”

“What’s the least amount of shame?” Kushina mumbles. She’s starting to feel bad for insisting, which is stupid because she _knows_ Mikoto likes her, she _knows_ Mikoto doesn’t want to do this. But she still feels bad. “What if you… what if you couldn’t have children?”

Mikoto stops and looks at her. “I’ve never been tested. I’m scheduled to go to the hospital tomorrow afternoon, after the picnic. But how can we fake that?”

“Uhhh… bribes? There’s gotta be some sympathetic nurses who know how much arranged marriages can suck!”

“Maybe,” says Mikoto, and sighs. “I feel a little better, having a plan, but for now I’d rather not think about this. Let’s just train.”

 

The two of them spend all the next morning cooking—Mikoto says it feels like a concession from her mother that she’s able to do this, and Kushina is starting to feel the sword hanging over their heads. Mikoto is near-constantly tense now. Has she been hiding this from Kushina?

“Relax,” murmurs Kushina, laying her head on Mikoto’s shoulder. “Have a good time at the picnic. We’ll fix this in the evening.”

“You know you won’t be able to come with me,” says Mikoto. She strokes Kushina’s hair, and Kushina wiggles her head into Mikoto’s neck like a cat until she laughs. “I’ll try and forget. If nothing else I’m a master of being polite. And if anyone can make me forget to worry—” She turns around, capturing Kushina’s chin with her hands for a kiss. “—it’s you, dearest.”

“I hope you know that’s _such_ an old lady pet name to have,” says Kushina, a little breathlessly. “You sound like you’re my mom or somthfmm.”

Mikoto draws back. “Don’t compare me to your mother. I’m sure she was a lovely woman, but I’d rather be me instead. Old lady pet names and all.”

“I’m happy you’re you too!”

 

They’re late to the picnic.

It’s good, though. It’s _wonderful_. Border tour might be the best thing that ever happened to Kushina, because it was finally unavoidable for other people to talk to her, and guess what! She’s really cool and some people like her! Suck it, every single fucking chuunin in Konoha! Now she gets to bring _her family_ together, and _their_ families, and now it’s like she has extended family and she kind of maybe almost cries to see Sana and Mikoto quietly talking about fashion or child care or whatever it is they’re talking about.

And the food is really good. Kushina _always_ springs for seafood if she has the time and money, and it’s pretty clear most people from Konoha have never had good eel or squid before. How would they? Konoha is just about as far inland as you can possibly get. The downside is that, uh, it’s _really_ expensive here. And thus only for parties. There’s this one old grandpa in the marketplace near the Nara district—

“Hey, Kushina-san, we made it!” says Minato. He’s doing a great job of pretending he didn’t confess his love to her a day and a half ago. Unless he was blackout drunk?! Concerning. But hey! It’s Kakashi!

“Great to see you both!” she says, beaming. “Hug for Minato, c’mere—and for Kakashi I have nothing since I know you don’t like to be touched. But I do have food, and it’s amazing, and you’d better learn to appreciate it.

“Okay,” says Kakashi. He is definitely the kind of person who hangs out in the kitchen at a party instead of talking to anyone. She’ll have to socialize him, like a feral puppy.

Moments after Kakashi starts heaping a plate with fish and some kind of eggplant curry Yousuke made, Tsume comes sniffing around, saying, “And this must be our newest chuunin. Are your dogs ninken?”

He looks up and nods stiffly, his mouth already full. He swallows without chewing ( _ouch_ ) and says, “Not quite yet. They’re still puppies, but I’m starting to train them in tracking.”

“Three puppies is quite a handful for one person—I should know, my daughter’s going to have to deal with it. Here, I’ll introduce you to the triplets, and I’ve got some tips you might find useful…”

So that’s going well. Kushina looks around for another conversation to nose in on until Mikoto takes her arm and sits her down next to Sana and Obu and Minato and two kids. “And you said _I_ wasn’t going to be able to relax,” she teases. “Let it be, Kushina. The food is good and everyone here is friendly, except perhaps your young chuunin. The picnic isn’t going to explode if you don’t defuse it.”

Kushina sticks her tongue out at her. “I just want everyone to have a good time, Miko.”

“You haven’t hosted very many parties before,” Sana observes. “You’ll get used to it. Just relax, Kushina! You’re home and it’s a beautiful day and Yuuga and Hana-chan are being so good. They can feel how peaceful it is. It makes you want to just lie down in the grass…”

Kushina glances at Minato, who is already lying down on the grass on his stomach, explaining ants to Yuuga. She grins at him, and he looks up just in time to catch it and smile back. “Well, Miko, do you mind if I lie in your lap? The grass might still be wet, you know.”

“Of course not,” says Mikoto, but she rolls her eyes. “You can just listen. Sana-san, please continue with what you were saying.”

“Well, my aunt was my midwife, so I was lucky to already know her. But she was also an established midwife for the whole district already—I’m sure you know one or two in your neighborhood already.”

Kushina closes her eyes and smiles as Mikoto cards gentle fingers through her hair. This is the kind of thing she’d like to be able to share with Kyuubi, the feeling of peace that comes from knowing you’re surrounded by friends, by people who actually like you. She’s had little enough since she came to Konoha, and for him it’s even worse. He’s only talked to two people in the last eighty years and he didn’t like either of them. She imagines him saying something rude about how much he doesn’t care for inane human small-talk. ‘When am I ever going to have a baby?’ she thinks in his gruff rumbly voice. ‘Learn this shit yourself.’ It makes her smile, because in her head he sounds kind of like an uncle with a very secret heart of gold.

She still wants to share it with him anyway. She wants him to see that humans aren’t all bad like he thinks they are, that they care about dumb little things just like whoever he used to be friends with. The other bijuu, maybe? She imagines forty-meter-tall monsters having a picnic and gossiping about the hurricanes one of them caused. ‘That’s nothing,’ says Kyuubi. ‘I burned down nine forests.’

Tap tap tap. Kushina opens her eyes to find Mikoto tapping on her arm to draw her attention to Yuuga and his handful of ants. “I’m really impressed you managed to get all of those,” she says. “But you should probably put them back. I bet they miss their home.” Yuuga twists his mouth, but he goes to put the ants back. As he’s scraping them off his hands, dozens of them are probably getting crushed.

“I haven’t had the chance to tell you yet, Kushina-san,” says Minato, who is gently helping to relocate the ants. “Or… or anyone. I’m being assigned a genin team.”

“Kakashi won’t be happy,” says Kushina. “He’s used to having you all to himself.”

Minato laughs softly. “I think Hokage-sama wants him to learn to work with others. He has, um, a little bit of a complex about being independent.” The words _considering what happened to his father_ hover oppressively above them for a few seconds before he continues, “I’m excited. I really like kids, and even though I know Academy graduates don’t like being called kids…”

“We can tell,” says Mikoto, smiling warmly at him. “Kushina told me how you were inseparable from Hana-chan when you met.” Minato flushes and looks down. He’s being cute again, quit it.

“So when is graduation?” asks Sana. “I feel like we should make presents for them or something.”

Kushina exchanges an amused look with Mikoto. It’s a very civilian outlook to have, but still very cute. “Officially it’s in two days,” says Minato. “I’m going to meet them then, but I might do a little surveillance first on top of what I got from their files. Kakashi can help.” Kushina notes that Sana looks mildly alarmed by the concept of surveilling his future students.

“As an exercise, ask him to notice strengths of his teammates-to-be,” Mikoto suggests. “I don’t know him well but I already get the impression…”

“That he’s an elitist little asshole?” Kushina finishes. Mikoto whacks her on the arm and she laughs. “What! I love him, but he _is_.”

 

***

 

Coming away from the picnic, away from Kushina’s knee touching her own, away from teasing Minato about his adoptive brother—going to the hospital feels like walking to her execution. Everything seems too quiet for the number of people her limited chakra sense can feel. Everyone in the building is grim. There is, after all, a war.

She waits for just a few minutes for the doctor to come out, and performs a warm but professional smile for the woman. “Thank you for seeing me,” she says.

“No trouble, no trouble. So you’re here for a reproductive health checkup. Planning on getting married?”

“Maybe,” she says. She doesn’t really try to make the smile look genuine this time. “The negotiation is on Thursday.”

The doctor doesn’t seem daunted. “Right this way then. First I’m going to do a general checkup with a chakra scan. I’ll go slow—you’re a shinobi, aren’t you? I’ll try not to make any sudden moves. And… you look good. Healthy weight. You have regular periods?”

“I take pills to avoid having them. It’s more convenient.”

“Hmm,” says the doctor, and takes up a clipboard to write something down. “To diagnose any potential problems I’m going to have to do a blood test and a deep scan. That will involve touching you. Is that all right?”

“Fine.”

She lies like a doll on the examination table while the doctor draws blood and feels her belly with fingers and chakra, hoping against hope that there really is something wrong with her and she won’t have to ask the doctor to lie.

“Well, barring any ominous blood test results you look very healthy. While you’re here, is there anything else that’s bothering you?”

She swallows. “Can you… can you put in your report that there’s something wrong. Something that will take years to go away.” The doctor is already wearing the kind of sympathetic face that says _no_ louder than words, so she sits forward and says, “ _Please_. I can’t marry him.”

The doctor’s apologetic smile makes her feel vaguely nauseous. “You have a sweetheart. I understand. But it is illegal for me to misrepresent your results on official documentation. It could affect your combat ability, which would result in a court martial for both of us. Maybe you can find another way to be with the man you love.” She almost pats Mikoto on the arm, and Mikoto knows she sees her tense to keep herself from slapping the woman’s hand away. The doctor draws back quickly. “Now if that’s all, your blood test results will be in tomorrow. I’ll have them sent to your house. Is this address right?”

Mikoto looks at the clipboard, nods, and stands up. Her ears and the back of her neck feel hot, and her clenched fists seem to itch.

She runs home at a dead sprint, unable to bear any more self-control. And by home, she means her training ground. She has nothing more than a few kunai on her, but it’s enough to make deep holes in the centers of the practice targets. She stops only when her vision becomes too blurry to distinguish the targets from the trees they’re hanging on, and then she does taijutsu exercises with her eyes closed, and then she blows a fireball at the ground under her feet until she can hear it cracking.

And then, once it’s no longer burning hot, she lies on the warm earth with her face pillowed on her arms and tries to think of nothing at all. Of Kushina’s squint-eyed smile and her poppy-red hair and her strong legs and her graceful hands that only have the scribe’s callus because she doesn’t use weapons. Of the way she radiates energy and courage, and it’s all Mikoto can do sometimes to try to absorb a little.

She’ll be brave on Thursday. She has to be.

 

The negotiation meeting is held in the late morning, in the clan head’s large receiving room. Mikoto is wearing a very beautiful white kimono that she realizes with a feeling of dread could double as a wedding kimono. She’s politely quiet while her mother and her mother’s brother—for lack of anyone more like a father, oh she _misses_ him—while they introduce themselves and her. The only thing she says is a few formal words of greeting.

The heir, Fugaku, is even quieter. To the eye of a jounin and a spy, he looks like he doesn’t even know that anyone else is in the room. Mikoto wants to activate her sharingan and memorize his strange blank face, like she sometimes watches Kushina during a fit of laughter. But the clan head would notice, as would his wife and parents.

So she sits quiet across from Fugaku, studying him from under her eyelashes, and tries to make herself listen to her uncle haggling for her price. It won’t matter, in the end, because she isn’t going to agree. But she’s never been to a marriage negotiation before, and she isn’t sure when they’re going to ask. Or _if_ they’re going to ask. It may be that the longer she stays quiet the more ashamed her family will be, so she should just speak now.

Speak now.

 _Now_.

Her heart thuds in the pit of her stomach.

She can’t interrupt the clan head while he’s talking. Neither can she interrupt her uncle. She should have refused as soon as her mother told her two weeks ago. She should have refused to come here. This is her last chance. If she stays quiet today it will be taken as assent and she will be married before the ceremony ever happens.

She has to speak now.

“That price is acceptable to us as well,” says the clan head.

Mikoto’s heart thuds into her mouth and she spits it out: “No.” Everyone in the room turns to look at her, except Fugaku. Only his eyes move. He looks like an allegorical statue of stoic tiredness. She takes a deep breath and says, “I should have spoken earlier, but politeness is not easily overcome. I didn’t want to shame my family. I still don’t. So please let this not reflect on my family. I did not consult with them. This is my own choice, and if you must ostracize anyone for it let it be me alone.”

“Why?” asks the clan head, eyes boring into hers.

“I—I want to dedicate myself to protecting the whole village, not just to one household. Fighting is all I know. I am not disloyal to the clan, but our fate is tied to the village. I will be of more use to everyone as a jounin than as—” She almost chokes before she can get the word out—“as a mother of heirs. Please reconsider.”

Fugaku’s eyes flicker and close. Is it relief or disappointment? Does he care which woman he marries? Is he in love with someone too?

“We do not want an unwilling bride,” says the clan head, and Mikoto nearly slumps in relief. “I will not ostracize you. But this opportunity will not come to your family again.”

She makes a full bow on her hands and knees. “Thank you, Kashiro-sama. Your mercy is admirable.”

“You will take your leave now,” says the clan head’s mother.

They stand, and they leave. Mikoto’s hands are shaking, so she folds them into her sleeves. “Why didn’t you say something earlier?” hisses her mother. “There is no dishonor in refusing a negotiation, but every dishonor in leading the clan head on with promises we don’t intend to keep!”

“Because I am a coward,” says Mikoto. “I’m sorry, Mother.” She will not cry here, outside of the clan head’s house. She will not cry in the street.

“What am I to do with you, Mikoto? What kind of an excuse is ‘I want to serve the village first’? You can have nurses and fight anyway. You just don’t want to marry Fugaku, but why not? He’s a fine boy, strong and handsome. And he will be clan head.”

“I love someone else,” says Mikoto faintly.

“You should have told us!” says her uncle. “We would have arranged for you to marry him instead!”

“A woman,” she says, and then, realizing what just came out of her mouth, she bites her tongue.

“Not in the street,” says her mother tersely.

The walk home is silent. Her uncle leaves them at the door, giving her mother a look that clearly says _this is your problem now_.

“Mikoto,” says her mother, “you cannot reject the clan heir for a _woman_. You can’t even marry her.”

“Who says I can’t marry her? Who says I _have_ to marry her? It doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me! How are you going to have children? Do you want to keep me from ever being a grandmother before I die of a heart attack? Is this what your father would have wanted?”

“There are a great many war orphans in Konoha,” she snaps. “If I can give them a loving home then I consider that a duty to my village and to righteousness as well. I believe Father would have wanted me to be happy, and if he didn’t realize I can be happy with a woman then he was wrong. The dead don’t know any more than we do.”

“Mikoto—”

“I’ll talk to you again when I’m calmer.” She flickers around the corner of the house and runs for Kushina’s apartment, hampered by her formal kimono. She could go faster if she slitted the side, but it’s too beautiful to bear ruining it. And she makes it, anyway.

She knocks for a full minute, but Kushina isn’t in. She isn’t carrying her key right now—why would she carry it to a marriage negotiation?—so she sinks down in front of the door. She could probably find Kushina in the marketplace or in her favorite training ground, but she is too tired to try right now. It simply isn’t fair that Kushina isn’t here to hug her and stroke her hair and tell her that her stupid mom doesn’t matter anyway.

Her mother _does_ matter.

She does the breathing exercises Kiinu-sensei taught her when she became a chuunin, for clearing one’s mind in preparation to resist torture. She’s only once had to use them for that purpose, since she isn’t often _caught_ on missions, but they’ve served her well in other ways.

She’s quite forgotten what she was upset about by the time Kushina comes home and stops dead a few steps away. “Miko? Why are you… I mean, you look _gorgeous_. But I feel like you’d normally change before you come over to see me. Running in that would be a bitch and a half.” She offers a hand and pulls Mikoto to her feet, tilts her head down in an invitation. Mikoto presses up and kisses her gently, and then murmurs against her lips,

“I’d rather talk about it inside.”

“Uh! Yeah! Wow! Okay!”

Mikoto watches Kushina fumble with her keys, red-faced and smiling a dopey smile, and her own blank mood starts to fade into soft embarrassed laughter. It ruins whatever suavity she might have had, and Kushina glances at her and starts to laugh too. “You’re so smooooth, you know? I thought I was being professionally seduced!”

Mikoto covers her face with both hands and shakes her head. “Just unlock the door, Kushina.”

“I hope you know you’re sooooo cute. Fine, fine, I’m unlocking it. Come on, you dork. Do you want tea? Is this a kind of tea and sympathy situation? Wait, you _did_ get out of it, didn’t you?”

“I did,” says Mikoto. “Green tea would be appreciated.”

She folds herself into the corner of the couch, uncomfortable in her tight formal clothes, and watches Kushina over the top of the counter as she tries to figure out, of the four places tea can sometimes be found, where the green tea is. “I figured you’d be more upset if you hadn’t got out of it. Like you’d have your assassin face on again. Oh, fuck, is this seriously where I left it? What was I _thinking_? Also you don’t look like you’ve been crying.”

“I don’t cry,” says Mikoto. It’s true; she hasn’t cried since the beginning of the war. Since she became a chuunin. Since just after Yuuya died.

“Maybe you should,” says Kushina distractedly, trying to find her firelighter. “But tell me what happened! I was scared to death when you told me the doctor wouldn’t help you—and you couldn’t even tell me in person! I thought you’d been locked up!” She abandons the stove to hurry around the counter and press a kiss to the corner of Mikoto’s mouth. Mikoto wraps her arms around her and tilts her forehead against Kushina’s, and then registers the noise.

“You’ve left the gas on. You’d better light it.”

“Tsk!” says Kushina, and jumps to her feet again. She lights it with a spark of lightning between her fingers instead of even touching the firelighter, and puts the kettle onto the burner. She’s halfway back to the couch when she turns sharply and takes it _off_ the burner to fill it with water.

Mikoto sighs softly, because she sometimes can’t believe she’s in love with this woman. But she waits until Kushina is settled back in beside her before she says, “I almost waited too long, no matter how much I told myself I had to be brave like you. I made a… a speech about how I’d rather protect the whole village than just one household. In retrospect I don’t think even the clan head believed it, but he didn’t want an unwilling bride anyway. So he let me go. Mother… wasn’t happy. I, ah, I ended up telling her about us. More or less. There was something of a shouting match, and I came here.”

“You’re the dumbest smart person I’ve ever met,” says Kushina, an old joke. “And that includes Minato now.”

“And you’re the smartest dumb person I’ve ever met,” Mikoto replies, as is traditional.

“I resent that,” says Kushina, and kisses her.

“That’s why I say it. Oh, Kushina, I don’t know what’s going to happen when I go home. She’s going to tell Miharu. I’m afraid she’s going to make my sister hate me.”

“Dearest darling idiot, Miharu has known you for twenty-two years. She’s not going to hate you just because your mother tells her you like girls. It _can’t_ be like that.”

Mikoto lowers her eyes and purses her lips, understanding what she means. “You mean you don’t want it to be like that. But I told you how Mother reacted. She said I couldn’t marry you or give her grandchildren.”

“Hmph,” says Kushina, pushing her face into Mikoto’s neck. “I know you love her, but she’s being a selfish old bat.”

Mikoto sighs and strokes her hair and doesn’t say anything. Maybe it’s true, but it’s hard to think of her mother as anything but selfless, as hard as she’s worked for all of them.

Several minutes later the kettle boils and Kushina falls off the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to note here that Fugaku got his mangekyou sharingan, like, a couple weeks ago tops. He’s having a hideous time trying to pretend nothing’s wrong and interact with living normal humans and do abstract things like negotiate to marry a stranger. I hope I can put him in more in the future!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mmm yeah I write so much of this fic that I HAVE to start posting every week. it's so long, y'all. anyway this chapter has GENIN, MILD HOMOPHOBIA, and bewilderingly enough TACTICS

Mikoto gets tapped for a mission almost immediately after the negotiation, which is pretty suspicious. But she just goes quietly and kisses Kushina goodbye and says she’ll be back in a week. That’s a day after Kushina’s two weeks leave are up, which means she might not even see Mikoto again before her first mission. And that is insupportable. It’s pretty well known that if you declare a romantic partner the missions office will try and make sure you have time off together, but Kushina’s not sure she’s willing to declare Mikoto to the missions office. Or even if they’ll accept it. Kiinu-sensei will probably know.

On the plus side, she’s so lonely that day that she works like hell and finishes designing the alterations to her seal some time after midnight. Kushina takes herself down to the ruins in her head to show it to Kyuubi. “Finished,” she calls out.

 **And right in the middle of a perfectly good nap** , Kyuubi growls.

“Well, you’re awake now.”

He stretches his long legs and sits up with all nine of his tails twitching. **You really exemplify courtesy. Let’s see it, then.**

“And _you’re_ a hypocrite,” she tells him cheerfully. “Here we are. You can see here I’m going to put in a filter you can open or close depending on if you want to feel what I’m feeling and all that. And I added a thing that if _I_ open it you can use my body, in case I’m about to pass out or something. Y’know, for insurance. You need my body as much as I do, so.”

Kyuubi rolls his visible eye. **I cannot imagine that coming up, but I don’t really care. It’s your funeral.**

“ _Our_ funeral.”

**_I_ will reform from natural energy. _You_ will die. And funerals are a human custom anyway.**

“Then why do you say stuff like _it’s your funeral_? Did you pick it up from _me_? That’s just too cute.”

 **Are you going to alter the seal or are you going to YAP ALL DAY?** Kyuubi growls.

“Both! No, I’m kidding, I really can’t talk and seal at the same time.” Kyuubi lets out the most long-suffering sigh she has _ever_ heard and flops back onto the ground so he can pretend to ignore her. That suits her fine. It takes a lot of concentration to alter a seal, and she has to make sure she immediately replaces anything she gets rid of, or, well, she’ll die. Still, no pressure. She _is_ the world’s greatest sealing master, after all.

Eventually Kyuubi sits up again to watch as she uses her imaginary giant golden brush to make her changes. There’s really a lot, because Kyuubi’s requests are complicated. But she likes the challenge.  She hasn’t slept in almost an entire day! That’s how much she likes the challenge! There’s no way this can go wrong!

And… it doesn’t. It goes perfectly. Kushina might not be able to remember her own age right now but she can sure as hell alter a seal. She sits up and twists to work the imaginary kinks out of her imaginary back. “Aaaall done. You want to test it out?”

**Might as well.**

And so Kushina closes her eyes, and opens them in her own room instead of a sunny plaza. “Can you hear me?”

**Unfortunately, yes.**

It sends a thrill through her to hear his voice just coming into her head like that. She’s not sure it’s a good thrill, but maybe not a bad one either. “Can you feel what I’m feeling too? Can you feel this?” as she taps her hand on her knee.

**Yes. It’s quite pointless.**

“Aw, do you need to add a grumpy comment on every time you say yes so you’ll sound enough like a mean old man?”

She gets the sensation of a door slamming sort of in the back of her chest, which she takes to mean that he’s cut off the connection and is sulking. That’s good because it means the filter switching works too!

The sun is rising already, painting spots of warm yellow light high on her wall, so she decides sleeping is for losers and starts making an elaborate breakfast, the kind she’ll make for their kids every day. Oh, drat, she’s out of pickles. She’ll probably have to learn how to pickle to be a good mom. Certainly her mom and all her aunts knew how. Maybe Sana can teach her?

But once she _has_ the breakfast, though it’s a very nice breakfast despite the absence of pickles, she doesn’t really want to eat it. She drinks the soup and then stares at the fish while it gets cold and gross. She just feels weird, she just all-over feels weird.

Well, one way to cure that. Training! She jumps up, leaving her mostly-untouched breakfast on the counter, digs around for her shoes, and goes on a run around the outer wall of the village. Then she does some strength and agility exercises and desperately looks around for _something_ else she can do because she’s _bored_ and kind of _manic_ from _not sleeping_.

She decides to methodically check every training ground, from number 0 on up, to see if Minato and his kids are there. Cool jounin spar. Empty. Shitty chuunin doing shitty target practice. And there they are! Wow, that was easy. It’s really lucky he likes training ground 3, huh?

It’s only several hours _after_ she introduces herself that she realizes she completely forgot to make a good first impression. Right now she just yells, “MINATOOOOOO!” and does her best to crash down on him from a tree. He dodges and the ground cracks under her feet instead. She stands up, smiling, and says, “I can’t believe you haven’t introduced me to your other kids yet. Hey, Kakashi.”

Kakashi looks balefully at her with all the weary contempt an eight-year-old can muster. Or maybe he’s nine by now?

“You should have asked,” says Minato, in a rare display of fortitude. “Kushina, this is Uchiha Obito and Nohara Rin. Team 7, Uzumaki Kushina.”

“Nohara!” Kushina swoops down on Rin, who’s a cute little girl with a shuriken-patterned skirt, a little older than Kakashi. “You wouldn’t happen to know Genji, would you? Ohh the tattoos are _so cute on you_. Your chubby little cheeks!”

“Um, I guess I know him?”

“Say hi to him for me! Oh, you’re the sweetest little thing. And you! Obito-kun! I don’t mean to let you think that I don’t adore your chubby little cheeks too.” She squishes them, and he starts struggling to get away. It’s even cuter. “I’m best friends with your auntie, or fourth cousin or something. You probably don’t even know her. Anyway! I’m Kushina, your future Hokage, you know!”

Behind the kids Minato has covered his face with his hands; Rin and Obito are kind of staring at her like they don’t know what she is, and Kakashi is studiously picking nonexistent dirt off a kunai. “Kushina,” says Minato, finally looking up, “when was the last time you slept?”

“I dunno, yesterday? Morning? I can’t remember when I got up. I was doing important alterations to my seal, which was way more important than sleeping.”

He frowns quizzically. “Which seal?”

Oh. Right.

“Just a seal. Carry on with your training. Or I could help you!”

“I—I don’t think that will be necessary, Kushina-san,” says wide-eyed Rin.

“All right, I’ll just watch.” She plops her butt down against a tree and folds her arm and smiles out at them and taps her fingers taptaptaptaptap.

Minato keeps glancing over at her as he directs the kids in another training exercise, which involves blindfolds. Kakashi’s good enough to move around all right, but not good enough to avoid his new teammates erratically stumbling into him. It’s _so_ cute and Kushina deserves a genin team yesterday.

 

She wakes up, confused and already holding a knife. A kid with big black hair is standing in front of her with his hands raised in the universal _I don’t have weapons please don’t attack me_ gesture. Oh, yeah, that’s Uchiha Obito. She rubs her eyes and then puts the knife away. “Sorry for scaring you, Obito-kun. It’s an instinct, you know. Never wake a sleeping jounin from less than a meter away.”

“You’re a jounin?”

She gets up and stretches and grins at him the fox grin she learned from Kyuubi. “Sure am. In Iwa they call me Bloody Chains, unless they’ve thought up an even cooler nickname for me since I last checked.”

“Well, I’m gonna be a jounin soon. And then I’m gonna be Hokage, so watch out!”

She grins, delighted. She’s going to like this kid. “Oh, you’re fierce! If I wasn’t planning to be Hokage forever and ever, you’d make a great Fifth. You want to show me your moves?”

Of course he wants to show her his moves, he’s like ten. He puffs out his chest like a little rooster and starts on a flashy exercise they don’t teach at the Academy, some kind of Uchiha special she hasn’t seen Mikoto doing—it’s a taijutsu form, and she mostly sees Mikoto with kunai or a sword. He ends it with a fireball that chars the trunk of a tree and sets a little patch of grass on fire.

She applauds and spits a water bomb onto the burning grass. “Pretty good for a genin! I guess I will have to watch myself. In a couple years, anyway,” she adds, so his head won’t get _too_ big. “So what happened to the rest of your team?”

He shrugs. “Minato-sensei’s working with Rin-chan, and Kakashi won’t spar with me. He says it’d be a waste of his time. Idiot.”

“I’ve thought he was an idiot since the first moment I met him. Talented, but tragically stupid. I’ll go beat some sense into him.”

They find Kakashi doing some exercises with his shortsword nearby, and Kushina directs a Look at him with her hands on her hips until he stops what he’s doing to look insolent at her. “Why the hell do you think you’re on a team, Kakashi? To ignore your teammates? Huh? You can both fight me, and you’ll need all the teamwork you can scrape up out of your miserable little souls, or I’ll destroy you.”

She doesn’t wait for them to agree before she manifests several chains and goes straight for the kill. Obito yelps, Kakashi dodges, and a second later she has in her wicked clutches one genin and zero chuunin. But she noticed Obito doing a clone susbstitution, so she’s free to squeeze him until he pops like a balloon.

“Aw. I missed,” she says. “I won’t next time, lightning boy.”

She does manage to catch Kakashi a few times, and she makes sure to leave opportunities for them to save each other. Even Kakashi, who is apparently incredibly dense at anything involving cooperation, eventually understands what she’s doing. She’s very proud of herself _and_ them when they look at each other and come running at her more or less in sync. Kakashi is the distraction because they think she’ll underestimate Obito. Aww.

She carries them over to Minato both wrapped in chains so they won’t have a hand free to sign a substitution. “How’s it going with Rin-chan!” she says, and dumps the boys onto the ground next to her.

“What do you think, Rin?” Minato asks, without even flinching at the delivery method.

Rin is breathing as hard as her teammates are, and she takes a moment to wipe sweat off her forehead with the back of her arm. “Um, pretty good? I think I know what I have to work on. What were you _doing_ , Obito-kun, Kakashi-kun?”

“Fighting the Beast,” Obito groans. He’s still lying on his back. Kakashi makes a disgusted noise next to him and starts to sit up.

“Nobody ever taught them to be humble,” says Kushina with a smile. “I’m doing a public service.”

“Why do I get the sense that you’re trying to usurp my team?” asks Minato, sounding honestly perplexed. “Lord Third did give them to me, you know.”

“I deserve a genin team, dumbass! Maybe I’ll go yell at old Sarutobi and make him give me one. I’ll leave you to your _important alone time_ with your team. But you’re all invited over for dinner. And remember: Kakashi has to come or I’ll hunt him down. You need to learn to cook and I _will_ teach you.”

This glare is of the _stop meddling with my life_ variety. It’s so nice that she’s learning to read him already.

 

They come for dinner! It just feels good to have kids in her apartment, feels right. She shows them all the right way to chop vegetables, and after Minato privately tells her Obito doesn’t have parents either she makes all three of them learn her curry recipe. She always enjoys watching people get more and more concerned as she keeps measuring more chili pepper into it. They don’t call her the Red Hot Habanero for nothing. Well, they don’t call her that at all any more because she got into a couple fights that illustrated what would happen if they tried. And the name has always been totally unrelated to her curry habits. But whatever.

She’s pretty sure everyone has a good time, which she needs for her pride as a hostess. Kakashi gets to not say a single word and stuff himself with food, Obito gets to boast about what a great ninja he’s going to be, Rin gets to ask question after question, and Minato gets to answer them.

He still defers to her as the expert on sealing, of course. He knows she’ll kick his ass if he doesn’t.

By the end of the night Kushina has decided to adopt Obito, and Kakashi too if she can swing it. Rin still has a mother but maybe Kushina can negotiate something with her too? Rin and Obito are such sweet kids, and Kushina wants to make sure they don’t lose that sweetness to the war like Kakashi already has. And maybe even her grumpy little snow spirit still has some sweetness buried down deep.

When the kids have all helped clean up and left Kushina grabs Minato’s elbow to stop him leaving. “Minato. Should I adopt Obito immediately, or does it make more sense to wait until Mikoto and I are married and I’m actually legally his cousin?”

Minato stands there blinking stupidly at her for a good ten seconds before he stammers, “Uh, I, I don’t know if it works that way? Shouldn’t you ask him?”

Kushina flips her hair over her shoulder to show her contempt. “Are you implying he might _not_ want me to adopt him? Please, listen to yourself.”

“What I’m saying is that he just met you. Shinobi children don’t immediately trust someone just because she helped with training for one day and invited them to dinner. Would you have agreed to let your jounin instructor adopt you on the first day you became a genin?”

Kushina thinks back, frowning as she tries to remember being thirteen. “Um, yeah. She was cool as hell and honestly I would have killed to get adopted by that point. Fuck! I should make her adopt me!” Obviously this was not the answer Minato wanted or expected, because he slumps a little and looks away into a corner of the ceiling. “I get what you’re saying though. Do you know when his parents died?”

“According to his file, the last caretaker he had was his grandmother, who died early last year.”

“And he’s been living on his own ever since? What the fuck is wrong with this village? I thought I was getting special treatment because I was a foreigner, but you do this to your own kids? I’m going to yell at old Sarutobi first thing tomorrow. And pick up adoption papers.”

“Just… just prepare a coherent argument to yell, all right? It’s best to have actionable proposals when you—”

He cuts himself off as she claps his shoulder hard enough to make him buckle a little. “You’re my kind of guy, Namikaze Minato. Also, you’re going to have to help me come up with a coherent argument to yell at old Sarutobi.”

 

She spends a lot of the next week in the library, because she can’t make Minato do all of it, not when he has a team to train and she’s on leave. Adoption law is actually irritatingly complicated, and for every major clan there’s some kind of precedent for an exception. No Uchiha child has ever been adopted by someone outside the clan, apparently, because of the possibility that people would do it just do get their hands on the sharingan. The Hyuuga are even more paranoid. But clan laws aren’t in the public library, so she can’t say what the hell they’re doing instead of making sure Obito has someone to take care of him.

Since Mikoto isn’t back yet she goes to see Granny Kotori who runs the penny candy store. She buys a couple sweets just to be a paying customer and then malingers all afternoon with her list of questions about the procedure for kids with no close relatives still living.

Around the third question Granny Kotori asks, “Who is it you’re so worried about, Kushina-chan?”

She puffs out her cheeks. “Absolutely everyone, Konoha’s adoption laws and orphanages are a _mess_. But, uh, right now I’m worried about Obito. I don’t know if you know him…”

“Obito-kun!” Her face cracks into a beaming smile. “Of course I know him! He’s as much of a favorite with the grandmothers of the clan as _you_ are, Kushina-chan. He’s always asking to help carry things or find something I’m looking for. His teeth should be rotting out of his head, the amount of candy I’ve given him. Let me tell you, Kushina-chan, you’re not the first one who’s tried to get him a good home to stay in. But he’s always refused.” She sighs and shakes her head. “When a boy gets it into his head that he’s a man, there’s no dealing with his pride. He doesn’t want to trouble anyone, the poor mite.”

“Well, he’ll find that I won’t take no for an answer. He doesn’t even know how to cook properly! And he’s been on his own for three years!”

“Tsk. You tell that to the elders, dear. They won’t have it. You’re not even from Konoha, let alone from the clan.”

“What if I married into the clan?”

Granny Kotori’s wrinkly face squishes into a sly smile. “You’ve been hiding a secret beau from me, Kushina-chan? Naughty!”

She takes a deep breath and decides: fuck it. “The only thing is I don’t know if the Uchiha will recognize my marriage to a woman.”

Granny Kotori blinks at her. Blinks again. “That’s not really what one would call a marriage, Kushina-chan. You couldn’t even, ah, produce heirs.”

“And that’s one reason why I’m concerned about adopting.” Kushina scowls, daring her to say another word. When she doesn’t, Kushina leans back and folds her arms tighter and says, “If the clan won’t let me adopt him, I’ll just have to make sure he comes over to my house every night. And then when I’m Hokage I’ll make sure _everyone_ knows women can get married and then I’ll adopt Obito for real, you know!” She tosses her hair over her shoulder and looks at Granny Kotori challengingly.

She’s looking at Kushina with a sort of vaguely pitying look that says, _all right, have it your way_.

“Thanks for the advice,” Kushina growls, and turns and shoulders open the door. It shouldn’t hurt so much. She’s just an old lady who runs a candy store. But Kushina has thought of her as an aunt since the day she found Kushina in frustrated tears after getting beaten up by three older boys on her way to see Mikoto. Granny Kotori picked her up and gave her a handful of free candy and bandages, and at age thirteen Kushina decided she would die for her.

She’ll see eventually. When Kushina’s Hokage, no-one will be able to stop her.

For now she’s got a genin to steal.

She goes to see Granny Nanami at the corner store near the shrine to Susano’o and asks her if she knows where Obito lives. Granny Nanami’s delighted when she hears Kushina’s going to sneak-adopt him, and Kushina doesn’t mention who she’s going to marry, and everything’s fine. Obito isn’t at home because he’s on a D-rank somewhere with his team—Kakashi must be enjoying that, huh?—but now she does know where he lives. Should she get him at practice? How can she get him to stay the night? And it really wouldn’t be fair not to kidnap Kakashi too, but she can’t do them both at the same time or her flat will get set on fire. Hmm. Well, Obito first. He’ll be easier to crack.

She waits until they’re just about to get done with training and then swoops in to mess up everyone’s hair and grab Obito. “Come on, you still don’t know jack shit about cooking, and that’s frankly a crime. You’re coming to my place to make dinner, got it?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he says meekly.

“Great! Kakashi, no need to look so smug. I’m coming for you tomorrow. Minato’s told me about the kind of trash you consider food, and I won’t be having it. C’mon, Obito-kun.”

He walks half a step behind her, so she takes his shoulder and pushes him forward to walk next to her. What, is he intimidated or something? “So what are you learning?”

“Dodging,” says Obito. “It’s not that cool, but Minato-sensei says it will keep us alive. Also I’m not that good at it yet and Bakakashi keeps giving me bruises. I don’t know why he’s on a _genin_ team if he’s so great.”

“Well, in some ways you’re ahead of him. You know a lot more about teamwork and dealing with your own emotions. It’s just that lots of people think that doesn’t really matter compared to how good you are at killing people. Kakashi, for instance.”

“Dealing with _emotions_ isn’t going to keep me safe,” he says, unimpressed. “All I get out of it is sometimes Kakashi makes fun of me when I c—get something in my eye.”

“Hmm, how to put this. What do you think Kakashi is going to be like when he’s my age?”

Obito looks up at her like he can’t even understand the question.

“He’s going to be even better at killing, and if he doesn’t learn any better he’s never going to speak or go out with friends or do _anything_ but repeatedly fuck up his own brain to be a better and better ninja. He’s not going to be happy. I knew a couple people who just let themselves die because they couldn’t take it any more. So yeah, knowing how to deal with emotions will save you. It just takes a longer time to realize it.”

“Shinobi kill themselves?” he murmurs. “Like… like the White Fang?”

“Like the White Fang. He was a great guy, but I don’t think he could have taught Kakashi how to value his own life even if he wanted to.” At Obito’s wide-eyed look she says, “Yeah. He was Kakashi’s dad. I wouldn’t mention it if I were you.”

Obito turns his serious stare on the ground, and she lets him think his deep thoughts until they make it back to Kushina’s apartment. She gets her shoes off and puts her keys away and says, “So what have you always wanted to learn how to make?”

“Ummm, maybe just really good beef? Wait, uh, I should figure out how to make vegetables taste good. Minato-sensei and all the grannies are always saying I’ll die if I don’t eat vegetables. But they suck.”

“We can do both! I have some good beef and some good vegetables. First I want you to know how to pick out good ones—you can come to the market with me some time. Here, come look at this. It’s a little old because it’s been sitting on ice for a while, but see how it’s still crunchy? Snap off a leaf.”

The cooking lesson goes really well. Obito has kind of a talent for getting things when they’re perfectly cooked, and he’s not as forgetful as Kushina is. Everything’s worth it when it all comes together over rice and Obito takes his first bite and she can practically see stars appearing in his eyes. “Ifs goob! If fo goob! I mabe bis!”

Kushina has to suppress laughter. “You sure did. Think you could make it again without Auntie Kushina breathing down your neck? I’ll give you a recipe to follow, so don’t worry about memorizing it. I can’t memorize a recipe if my life depends on it.”

Obito swallows and looks up at her. “But you didn’t use a recipe for this.”

“Yeah, that’s ‘cause I made it up. Some day you too will have the fantastic Uzumaki Kushina intuition for good cooking! Now c’mon, this won’t be as good tomorrow.”

He eats like he’s starving, which he may well be, seeing as he’s a growing boy and he lives alone. Kushina eats like she’s starving because she’s rarely ever actually full; she burns calories like cheap paper. She does have to make Obito slow down a couple times, though, so he doesn’t choke. It’s like he hasn’t had food that’s actually good to eat in years. “It’s not going to disappear, you know,” she tells him. “Except down your gullet.”

“Mmg fmf mm,” he replies.

She makes him help clean up from dinner and then shows him some sealing stuff she’s working on. He’s even pretty interested! He asks about Minato’s favorite seal, the adapted hiraishin, and she has to tell him she doesn’t have the control to use it. She manages to spin it like she doesn’t need to be any faster than she is, which _is_ true. But she also has never successfully used it. Whatever. The point is he stays until late, and then she makes up a spare futon while ignoring his protests that he doesn’t want to impose.

“It’s really fine, it’s not like there’s anything so dangerous in the village that I—”

“—literally already on the floor so I don’t know why you’re still whining about it. There’s your pillow, there’s your blanket, I’ll teach you something good about breakfast in the morning, so just go to sleep.”

His shoulders slump a little in defeat. “All right, Kushina-san. Thank you.”

She messes up his hair and goes into her room to her own bed.

She barely has time to watch Obito make a decent omelette the next morning before someone knocks on her door, ditches before it can open, and leaves a mission order. She scowls at it as she kicks the door shut; Obito, who’s still at the table, seems to be trying to read it from two meters away.

“Mission today. I’m going back to the front. Fuck, Mikoto’s literally coming home tomorrow. Can I get you to give her a note, I don’t think I’ll have time to talk to anyone else before I leave. What kind of bullshit is two hours’ notice? I have to pack for two weeks? This fucking _sucks_!”

“What kind of mission?” asks Obito, wide-eyed as a little owl. Unattended egg hangs off the ends of his chopsticks.

“Eh, lessee, it’s not classified… going to support Commander Hyuuga Shuusaku up near Hot Water. Expected to give tactical advice and act as a frontline fighter. Oh, that’s just typical. Pick one or the other, old man.”

“You’re a tactician?” Obito says loudly. “But you’re so—shit, I mean, crap, I mean—”

“Ah, don’t sweat it, space-case. Nobody who’s ever met me thinks I should be a tactician, including me. Old Sarutobi’s just going crazy from stress. I’ll find out what I’m really s’posed to be doing when I meet Shuusaku. I can show you how a jounin packs, if you want.”

Of course he wants. Obito’s such a sucker for literally anything a jounin does. Starstruck. Easily impressed. He’s bad for Kushina’s ego, probably. He wants to learn the storage scroll when she comes back (yes!). Then she checks the time, and with eight minutes to spare she dashes off a note for Mikoto, shoves it into his hand, and sprints out of the door yelling, “Take the key with you! I don’t have time to lock up!”

Now he has a key to her flat. Stage 1 infiltration complete.

The gate guards give her the stink eye for being two minutes late, but they let her go with no hassling. It’s going to be a lonely run up to the northern border. Too bad she can’t work hiraishin, or it’d be a _much_ shorter one.

 

She makes it to the Hot Water front forward camp two days later, shows her mission scroll to some guards, and gets shown to the commander’s tent without even time to put down her pack. Not that she’s carrying it on her back, but it’s the principle of the thing, isn’t it?

“Commander,” she says when she enters.

“Uzumaki. You’ve been recommended as a strategist-in-training. Come. We’ll see how you do.”

“Um, with respect, sir, I really only know tactics as far as I carry them out myself.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Tell me where you would put yourself, then. You’ve been briefed.”

By a stack of paper, yes. Packets are kind of shit briefings. Not brief enough, and sometimes the words squirm around on the page. “…Yes.” She shifts closer to look at his giant map. There are markers to represent ongoing or upcoming operations. Which one is the most important right now, with the greatest need for a distraction? Or, well, destruction. “Honestly I think all your operations in the next day or so would benefit from me getting into _their_ forward camp. If you move some things up a little you can maximize that impact. Especially if you give me a convincing target—I could pretend I’m going for their commander, or _actually_ go for their commander, or just try to burn the whole thing down. If I had a team with me they might be able to plant something that would explain the attack? And last time I went in alone I passed out five minutes after, so I’d feel better with some backup.”

“Hmm,” says Shuusaku, totally neutral. Well, you horrible old man? How did she _do_? “There are a few potential targets I would genuinely like to secure. I’ll be sending you with a small infiltration team to distract while they get codebooks. You will need to draw out and neutralize a significant fraction of their forces—say eighty shinobi—to have a chance of leaving them unprotected.”

“I’ll need someone to watch my back, then. Eighty in one day is a lot. Even for me.”

“The roster of active chuunin and above in the camp.” He gestures toward a packet of paper sitting on the other side of the table. “Read through it and tell me who you want. But be quiet.”

Kushina sits to go through the packet, wondering why she’s getting such a long leash. She knows the type of shinobi she is: force of nature, dumb brute. Point her at an enemy and watch the fireworks. She’s not the kind who’s supposed to be thinking while she fights, or really at all. So who’s told Commander Shuusaku to treat her like—like his apprentice? Old Sarutobi? _Why_? The kid in her says it’s because she’s the next Hokage, _obviously_ , but she knows she isn’t there yet.

She shakes her head a little and forces herself to concentrate on the list. It sucks that there aren’t any pictures. She’d probably know half of what’s written in here if she could just put faces to names. She starts scanning through for good defensive fighters. Here’s Akimichi Chouza, who as the heir of his clan is honestly too important to come with her. She puts him on her mental list: might as well see what she can get away with.

“Uzumaki.”

She looks up at his sharp tone, panics for a moment, then realizes she was wobbling the table from jiggling her leg so hard.

She mutters, “Sorry,” clamps her hand over her knee, and turns back to the packet. With Chouza to watch her back the rest can be infiltrators. Here’s a Shiranui, they work with poisons and this one’s rated 25.5, more than enough. Here’s an ex-ANBU, and why the hell is Shuusaku letting her see this information? Just in case she picks an extra, some clanless woman she’s never heard of with tokujou skills in genjutsu and kenjutsu. Actually maybe she should go on the top of the roster, because of the genjutsu.

“I’ve picked out a team…”

“Go on.”

“Akimichi Chouza to play distraction with me. Ichinose Tatsuka and Fujishiro Goryuu on infiltration. I have a third picked out but I don’t think they’ll need him.”

“Hmm. Approved. You’ll be acting squad leader.” He writes out something on a piece of paper (he has a whole _pile_ of slips to write orders on, what a nightmare), stamps it with a seal, and hands it to her. “Find a runner to fetch them. You’ll begin at one hour before noon tomorrow.”

“Thank you, Commander.” And she bows and goes out. There are a couple youngish genin hanging out near the tent, so she snags one and tells him to find her team and bring them for briefing.

No-one questions her orders. No-one so much as _looks_ like they’re aware of her reputation as a human sledgehammer. She’s starting to feel like this whole thing is just a fever dream. Everyone is so polite? And they just follow her orders? They _are_ professionals, she supposes.

Her team’s part of the plan goes off without a hitch. Despite the fact that she doesn’t love killing, there’s something immensely satisfying about working with Chouza, another powerhouse—it makes them untouchable, nothing but the epicenter of a region that causes death. In the end, the Kumo camp doesn’t _have_ anyone specialized enough to incapacitate them, so everyone who’s left alive just picks up and flees. Their codebook doesn’t come with them.

When they’ve all come back to themselves Chouza claps her on the shoulder so hard her knees almost buckle and calls her a beast. She sits next to him in the mess tent and dazedly receives congratulations as news of more and more successful operations comes in.

“There’s no need to look so shocked,” says Ichinose, looking amused. “You never saved an entire camp’s collective ass before?”

“ _I_ came up with that plan. I wasn’t… I’m not a tactician, you know!”

“Sounds like you are after all,” says Ichinose. Her sly, narrow-eyed smile makes Kushina blush under the attention for more reasons that one, and really it’s probably lucky that she already has a girlfriend. She has enough problems without making a fool of herself in front of a cute tokujou who is almost certainly sending different signals than Kushina is receiving.

Her next operation a few days later is as a bodyguard to the tracking squad that’s going to sniff out where Kumo moved their forward camp to. Kumo very obviously has a flee-on-sight order for her, which ends up being kind of annoying because they can’t _let_ scouts escape so she has to help chase them down. They have some kind of lightning-based body flicker, which makes it extra annoying, and really they only eliminate the scouts by luck. But their mission is done, and Kushina is called in to help the commander plan another rout.

“Remember that your tactical importance isn’t limited to how many enemy casualties you cause,” he advises her. “You are also a propagandic weapon of fear.”

 _Wow, you really know how to flatter a girl_ , she doesn’t say, because that’s cheeky and/or insubordinate. She just nods and tries to picture the lay of the land by looking at the survey map.

Later she asks him why he’s training her at all, and he gives her a cool look, eyebrows raised. “Propaganda works on both sides. The Bloody Chain is for this reason an excellent potential leader.”

She’s not sure how to feel about that.

She’s not sure if this is leadership on her own merits or not.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which the Hokage is a JACKASS, my favorite OC gets introduced, and Kushina finally gets a little quality time with Kakashi

She doesn’t actually get to go home after her two-week mission. Instead she gets sent to sit in on negotiations with Kiri, where she’ll learn about diplomacy and incidentally look very threatening. This is the running theme for the next several months: she’s sent from commander to commander in the field to advise them, and bewilderingly they keep listening to her. At every place she goes, she makes a public appearance or two to kill dozens of enemy shinobi; she watches her bounty climb until it’s an absurd amount equivalent to the heroes of the second world war, the Sannin and the White Fang. Every month or so she gets a few days off to spend in the village, and it’s even odds whether Mikoto is there. Either way she spends the time frantically reading up on tactics or hunting down jounin she knows to run simulations with her. The only difference is that sometimes she gets to read in Mikoto’s arms, with gentle fingers going through her hair.

Two months in she finds out that Minato’s team has started taking missions outside the village when she goes to bother him and he’s not there at all. Anxiety spikes in her gut. But they’re C-ranks. They’ll be fine with a jounin and a chuunin. She makes Mikoto promise to check on them when they’re all in Konoha at the same time.

And she doesn’t have much time to think about it. Kumo and Iwa start sending out their own heavy hitters in response to Kushina’s appearance on the battlefield, and she’s the only person Konoha has to counter them, at least until Kiri stops fucking dithering and lends them the Seven. Even part-time would be fine! Kushina _cannot_ be on two fronts at once. The night after she faces the eight-tails jinchuuriki and his brother she lies sleepless and in excruciating pain in the medical tent—at least until she flees to the inside of her head—sick with apprehension because she can only imagine what the five-tails is doing to her comrades in the west.

Kyuubi starts up a low hostile rumble, and she thinks wearily, _Yeah, yeah, I know. You’re not just weapons. But if I’m a weapon, I get to say that._

 **No** , he snarls. **When the war ends you will be human again. We will never be people to your kind.**

If _the war ends. And I’m going to be Hokage, you know_. She used to say it as a challenge, with determination. Now she says it with bitter certainty. _I can change people’s minds. If we’re not at war I can go public about being a jinchuuriki and then no-one can hate you. The Mizukage candidate’s a jinchuuriki too, you know._

 **Do you ever get tired of that word?** Kyuubi sounds coldly furious, for no reason she can understand. **It’s one thing to be called a human sacrifice, but to call yourself that is demeaning.**

_I’ll put that on the list of stuff to fix after the war. Quiet and lemme sleep._

**You don’t sleep.**

_Oh, how would you know?_

**I’m the one who has to heal your mind and body, you stupid whelp.**

_I’ll fix it after the war!_

 

It’s a long list. Right at the top is _not enough medics_. Second is _anyone should be able to get married_. Third through infinity-eth Kushina is too tired to think about. Five months into her training she gets the order to return home and this time, even before collapsing on her bed, she storms old Sarutobi’s office.

“Hey! Old man! I don’t know if you’ve noticed but—oh fuck off.” She glares at his ANBU guards until they stop looking like they’re about to attack her and just stand in her way instead. “If the number one Hokage candidate can’t bother him, who the hell can? Lemme in.”

“Please do,” says Sarutobi’s voice from inside.

They let her in.

“Hey old man, nice to see you’re in good health, haven’t died of stress yet, yadda yadda. Give me a _break_. I can’t fight this whole war on my own, you know, and there’s only so much I can cram into my head! I _need_ leave. The longest I’ve gone without a mission for almost a _year_ is one week, and I’m going crazy!”

Sarutobi closes his eyes. “I understand, Kushina. I wish it weren’t so. I’m afraid of what will happen if our strongest deterrent against enemy action disappears for too long. But it isn’t fair to you.”

“Damn right it’s not,” she says, on the edge of tears of frustration cut short and half-relief. “So you’re letting me have leave?”

“I’m reducing the length of your missions.”

Kushina clenches her jaw and looks at the floor. That’s probably the best she has any right to ask.

“You won’t have anything longer than a week, with two-day mandatory leave. I pray it will be enough.”

“Thank you, Hokage-sama,” she mutters.

“Keep up with your studies,” he says sadly as she turns toward the door. “One of these days, why don’t you spend the day with me? Study something besides war.”

“Sure.”

Being Hokage isn’t at all like being the Bloody Chain. The Hokage intimidates by _not_ appearing; soon she can upgrade to threatening people from home. She’s not sure any more whether being Hokage is worth it. It’s not the glamorous lifestyle she imagined when she was ten, but it does come with some measure of real power to do good. What she wanted was for people to look at her and see someone worth admiring, that’s all. But the only people who really _admire_ the Hokage are children. It’s propaganda. The best she’s going to get is if everyone acknowledges she’s terrifying.

She slinks out of Hokage Tower and walks at a human pace to her apartment, unlocks the door, and slouches inside. The smell of stir fry hits her nose, and she perks up. “Obito, is that you?”

“I heard you were coming back today,” he calls from the kitchen.

She swoops on him. “You’re the beeeeeest! Best nephew anyone could ask for!”

“Get off! I’ve got hot oil and I’m not afraid to use it! And stop calling me your nephew, it’s weird.”

She aggressively messes up his hair, and notices it’s longer than it used to be. “Hey, you want a haircut while I’m here? I’m pretty good with a pair of scissors.”

He ducks under her arm and shoves her away. “No, I’m growing it out. All the best shinobi can kick ass even with long hair, so everyone knows how cool you are just from looking!”

He doesn’t say he means her, but she knows he does. So she messes with his hair again, laughing, and only then registers another presence in the living room. “Miko! You came too! Ohhhh, I missed you!” She throws herself at Mikoto, who catches her and gracefully twists so they both fall onto the couch. She burrows her face into the side of Mikoto’s neck and breathes her in, their arms tight around each other.

“I missed you too,” says Mikoto. She sounds tired in a way that says _and I know I’ll be missing you again in two days_.

“Listen, I got the old man to agree to not give me missions longer than a week. I’ll be home more often now.”

“Study hard,” says Mikoto, and kisses the top of her head. “Let’s find a way to end this war.”

“You have too much faith in me,” Kushina mumbles into her shoulder. Everyone does, but at least with Miko she doesn’t mind as much. It’s a woman’s job to have too much faith in her girlfriend.

“Do you want to actually eat this or are you gonna sit there all night eating each other’s faces?” says Obito loudly.

“You are my _least_ favorite nephew,” says Kushina. Never mind that her other two nephews are dead and also technically they were cousins or something. “I would love some stir fry. They don’t have real food out on the front, I have to take what I can get.”

Two bowls appear on the floor next to the couch, and Kushina disentangles herself from Mikoto to start shoveling down beef and vegetables and delicious, delicious sauce. “You’re getting better at sauce,” she says with her mouth full. He seems pleased, at least. “Tell me how things are! It’s been more than a month since I saw you!” She doesn’t ask how it’s going for Mikoto, because she already knows: Mikoto has been spending most of her time, when she’s in-village, at Kushina’s even when she’s not there, because of the rumors in the Uchiha district about why she wasn’t good enough to marry the heir. Even though Miharu is as sympathetic as she can be, walking to her house is getting to be a bit of a trial.

“Missions are okay,” says Obito, and Kushina quickly tries to pretend she was paying attention the whole time. “It’s mostly courier stuff. Really training is more exciting. I’m _so_ close to beating Kakashi in taijutsu. His tininess will be his downfall.”

They both end up sleeping over, because Kushina and Mikoto start playing go ‘for tactics training’ and Obito loves to commentate and try to point out their schemes in real time. It’s _good_ , going to sleep and knowing that her entire tiny, growing family is there with her, sleeping with Mikoto in her arms. This is what she’s fighting for.

 

In the three days old Sarutobi _generously_ gives her, she infiltrates the Nara district with expensive tea and homemade daifuku to see if she can find anyone to teach her. She’s not going to fuck up again like two months ago, when she got most of three squads killed in one of her operations. She was at the graveyard this morning promising them to get better, with Kyuubi giving unwelcome sarcastic commentary until she shut the door to her mind in his face.

She goes to the clan head’s house, because she’s worked with his son and his daughter more than any other Nara. They’re both also being put in positions of strategic command, with the difference that they already know what they’re doing.

“Shikaku-san?” she calls. “Shikan-san? Are you in?”

A very loud sigh comes from inside. “Maybe. Depends why you’re asking.”

“I brought sweets and tea,” she says, and before she can mention that she also wants a favor she hears someone get up inside and the door slides open.

“Well, how can I refuse?” says Shikan.

“…and I also wanted to ask if you’d teach me some better tactics and strategy.”

“Yeah, shoehorn it in after I already opened the door,” she mumbles. “Come on in. My piece of shit brother’s not home right now, so I’m what you’ve got.”

Shikaku has never struck Kushina as a piece of shit—he always seemed pretty diligent and serious—but maybe it’s just the prerogative of a sibling to complain. “It’s not like I’m settling for the worse option,” says Kushina as she comes in and settles down at the kotatsu. “Help yourself. The tea can be for later if you want. I’ve seen you work, and you’re both just as good as each other.”

“Flatterer,” says Shikan through a mouthful of mochi. But she sounds pleased, and heaves herself to her feet to get some tea started. Kushina would guess that she spends a lot of time in her brother’s shadow (pun intended) as a woman and backup clan heir. “I know you don’t get a lot of time in-village,” she calls from the kitchen, “and I can only teach you so much in a couple days, but I’ll do my best. You got way too much pressure on you for a novice. Hokage-sama’s not being fair.”

She shrugs, wanting to agree. “I’m the most powerful shinobi in the village right now, and I’m basically winning the war for Konoha. Propaganda and all. He’s getting me ready for the hat.”

Shikan looks over her shoulder, eyes narrowed. “If you think you’re winning the war single-handed, it’s probably because someone wants you to. Unless your ego’s really so big that you think fighting on the front lines is the only part of war that matters—and people might say that about you, but I don’t think it’s true. Damage done to political ties, alliances, and command structures is more important than damage done to troops. And it’s ANBU that does that—isn’t your girl ANBU? Ask her for a lecture some time.”

“We try not to talk about work too much,” Kushina mumbles, but it’s not like she doesn’t know anything ANBU has been doing—Mikoto assists them often enough. She feels ashamed for dismissing Mikoto’s missions as the same dull work that happens during peacetime. She just totally believed the hype about herself because she wanted to. She wanted to think she was the strongest and most necessary and—and she had to be doing this, because if she doesn’t have to be taken away from everyone she loves for nine days out of ten, why is she? “I didn’t want to think, I guess, that I didn’t have to be doing what I’m doing. Of course one person—or, or brute strength—doesn’t win a war.”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself, Kushina,” says Shikan. She comes to sit back down and pats Kushina’s shoulder. “It just means you’re not immune to propaganda. You don’t spend as much time listening to Inoichi infodump politics as I do, and that’s not a character flaw. Let me tell you something. You’re not the only Hokage candidate—you’re just Sarutobi’s.”

She frowns. She can’t think of anyone else who’d fit. “Who else?”

“Another war hero… a candidate favored by the village elders…” She raises her eyebrows when Kushina just keeps frowning at her. “Someone with a brilliant tactical mind…?”

“But he’s dead,” she mumbles. “And you can’t possibly be talking about Jiraiya…”

Shikan sighs heavily. “I’m talking about Orochimaru. She’s Danzou’s candidate.” Well, that would explain why she was at the negotiations with Kiri. But _what_? “She has the support of most of the elders, so even though the clan heads don’t like her as much she’s got a pretty good shot. And she might not stand out much during this war, but she did take down Blue B.”

“ _What?_ ”

“You didn’t hear? It was a couple years ago. She infiltrated Kumo disguised as a doctor and gave him something that made him go crazy so he’d go on a rampage and have to be put down. Or so I hear.”

Okay _that’s_ fucked up. Who _does_ that? “I heard Kumo got a new jinchuuriki, but nobody said why or how.”

Shikan shrugs. “Danzou isn’t the type to shine a spotlight on his candidate, and Orochimaru isn’t the type to ask for it. It’ll come out when it’s useful to them. Shitty way to run a rumor campaign in my opinion, but he didn’t ask me, did he?” She sighs and looks out the open door into the garden. “He’s underestimating the importance of popularity. People just don’t like Orochimaru. I think it’s going to be you, unless you mess up really bad. But you’re too young for this, you’re, what, twenty-two?”

“Twenty. I don’t look that old, do I?”

“Oi, are you calling _me_ old? You look like a child. A tiny baby. You shouldn’t be Hokage, you should be babysitting.”

“I _will_ take my daifuku and leave.”

Shikan pulls the tray of sweets toward her protectively. “Right. So, training.” Kushina laughs, and she releases it, smiling. “First, you should be playing shougi against a decent opponent. Second, I hope you’ve been reading all the big names. If you don’t know who I mean you’re hopeless and you need to beg the Hokage to fire you.”

“Of course I’ve been doing both of those things,” she says. “I’m dumb, not stupid.”

That makes Shikan laugh. “And third, you should be going over campaigns and operations from this war and the last one with people who are better than you, which I know for a fact you’ve been doing because Shikaku is always complaining about how you’re either bothering him or bothering the commander so he can’t.”

“Right. What’s number four?”

“That’s all of them,” says Shikan, and shrugs. “You’re legitimately doing all you can, and I respect how hard you’re working. Relax with your friends while you’re in Konoha. Staying that wound up will kill you sooner or later.”

“But I’m still getting people killed!” Kushina almost yells. “How do I—”

“Oh, be quiet. You’re hurting my ears. How do you become the perfect tactician who never does anything wrong and never loses a soldier? Go to sleep and dream about it. Or write a novel. That doesn’t happen in real life.”

Kushina slumps over her folded arms, letting her forehead hit the table as she bites down hard on her lip. “Then what’s the fucking _point_?”

“You really are a kid,” says Shikan, and she sounds sad. “Just because some people die doesn’t mean you didn’t save anyone. It’s a war. That’s just what happens. We’re up against terrible odds until Kiri decides to get off their ass and actually confirm the alliance. Look, why don’t we play shougi? You won’t find a better opponent who’s not busy today.”

“Yeah, okay,” she mumbles.

Her heart’s not really in the game, but she gives a decent accounting of herself. That is, she loses badly, but she’s a lot newer at it than Shikan. Then they go over the game (which Shikan has naturally memorized) move by move, and Kushina gets commentary until her head feels like it’s stuffed with down.

She stays until Shikan and Shikaku’s mom, Oyodo, gets back from wherever she was and starts making dinner, so that night she doesn’t make it to Team 7’s practice to heckle them. She still has one more day, though. She makes sure to do her morning meditation _on_ the training ground where they practice so she can’t possibly miss them.

Mostly her morning meditation consists of her trying to fit the peg labelled OROCHIMARU into the hole marked HOKAGE and totally failing. Kushina knows what a Hokage is supposed to be like: cool and trustworthy and at least personable, if not friendly. Well, okay, there was Lord Second, but never mind him. Kushina’s aiming to be like the First, fun but badass. She can’t imagine anyone _trusting_ Orochimaru, she’s just creepy, okay? Not that Mikoto’s wrong to kind of admire her since she is really good at her job but—she just doesn’t fit! Okay!

Kushina is still trying hard not to admit that Orochimaru will be a better Hokage than her when Kyuubi kind of nudges her to let her know Kakashi’s about to get here. He’s gotten into the habit of being the one to pay attention to her senses when she’s meditating, to prevent anyone sneaking up on them. Paranoid old bastard, she thinks fondly.

**You’re only interested in keeping _other_ people in one piece, so I guess it’s my body now.**

That’s actually really sweet, in the right light. If you squint.

“Heyyyyyy, Kakashi!” says Kushina, springing to her feet. Kakashi pauses warily a couple meters away. “I can always count on you to be punctual. Wanna warm up with me?”

“What are you doing here,” says Kakashi.

“You know, some day I’m going to teach you actual manners. Until then, let’s stretch. I’m here to spend time with my favorite genin team before old Sarutobi ships me off to who-knows-where tomorrow. By which I mean I need to make sure Minato isn’t going soft on you.”

“No chance of that,” says Rin as she appears out of the trees. “Minato-sensei always makes us work ‘til we drop. Um, it’s nice to see you, Kushina-san!”

“You too, Rin-chan! At least _you’ll_ stretch with me, even if Kakashi is excited to get muscle strain injuries. Won’t you, Rin-chan?”

Kakashi stretches with them, but from a meter away, as if he’s afraid anyone who happens to walk through might think he’s _with_ them. Next time she gets back from the front, Kushina is definitely going to make him come over.

Two minutes later Minato appears to beam at Kushina and generally how nice his team is being. “I have some good news for you all,” he says. “Which will have to wait until Obito gets here. Good morning, Kushina. I haven’t seen you in a long time.”

“You know how it is,” says Kushina, a little wistfully. “Uzumaki are just too cool to be allowed to rest. Anyway, this is my last day in-village so I want to help out! If there’s any way I can terrorize these children that will help them get stronger, just lemme know!”

“I think Kakashi has sparred with me too much,” says Minato. “He’s getting bored.” Kushina looks around at Kakashi to watch the subdued look of dread creeping onto his face. She smiles at him, and he backs away a little more. “But until Obito arrives I’ll warm up with you. We can do a couple sprints to get our muscles loose.”

Obito is _very_ late. He arrives already panting around some kind of hard candy and when Minato turns a stern look on him he says, “I’m sorry, Sensei! I can’t make Granny Kotori get up any earlier! She goes shopping _every_ day at 7:40. Hey, Kushina-san!”

“Tch,” says Kakashi. Obito glares at him and opens his mouth to retort, but Minato interrupts before he can.

“It’s hard to tell you off for helping out civilians,” Minato admits. “But I hope that for more important missions you’ll reconsider your priorities. Now, the good news. You’re all aware that the chuunin exams are coming up.” Obito and Rin’s heads immediately snap up to look at Minato eagerly. “Right, you have it! Now, our team is a little unusual, seeing as we already have a chuunin, but since Kakashi will be working with you two for the remainder of the war—however long that may be—he has permission to be your third during the exams. Don’t rely on him, though. Kakashi, I want to you to try and use skills at a high genin level.”

“Yes, Sensei.”

“We’ll do the forms after training today. And with that, let’s start. Kushina, Kakashi is all yours.”

Minato takes his two genin off to do whatever they’re doing, and Kakashi takes a couple steps sideways like he’s thinking of circling around Kushina. “Don’t look like I’m going to kill you,” says Kushina, rolling her eyes. “How’s your lightning release coming along? I said I’d help you out if you wanted, but you never asked.”

Kakashi’s shoulders relax a little bit and he unsheathes his shortsword. “I’m working on channeling lightning through a sword. Stand back.”

Amused, Kushina steps to one side to watch Kakashi stab toward a tree. His shortsword shoots a little bolt of lightning and burns a little hole in the trunk.

“Geez, be a little nicer to trees. They do so much for us. That’s a pretty good technique, but do you know what else happens to a sword when you imbue it with lightning chakra?”

He nods. “It can cut through other blades. But my sword can already do that.” He holds it up, and he must be channeling a different kind of chakra into it, because it glows white. He twirls it around a little, and it seems to leave a streak of light behind it.

“Damn, I wish I had a sword like that! Not that I even use swords, but it’s _really_ cool.” He looks quietly pleased, score one for Kushina’s flattery skills. Manipulating an eleven-year-old is so masterful of her. “So what do you do when someone attacks _you_ with lightning?”

“Dodge.”

“What if you’re pinned down?”

Kakashi is silent, frowning slightly.

“If lightning goes through you, it can stop your heart. Your own lightning can do that too. You’ll never get safety training on this in Konoha, because there’s literally four people who use it in the whole village. If we were in Uzushio you’d have learned how to handle it as a genin, but…” She sighs. “Don’t let lightning pass through your body if you can help it—direct it to the ground another way. But if it has to go through your body, make sure it misses your heart. Do you think you can direct lightning while it’s inside your own body?”

He hesitates, which is good considering how highly he thinks of himself. “How can I practice that if it might kill me?”

“I’ll help. Try it just in your arm, and I’ll make sure it doesn’t go _out_ of your arm. I’ll have to touch your shoulder, though.”

Kakashi shrugs (because he’s too cool to actually agree) and lets her circle her hands around his upper arm. She’s not much of a sensor, what with Kyuubi’s chakra burning a hole in her stomach, but she can still feel the lightning through her fingers as it fizzes up toward Kakashi’s shoulder. She redirects it through her own body, down the side by her ribs, and into the ground through her knee. “Where are you trying to put it?”

He just kind of frowns.

“It’s got to go somewhere. You can’t keep it in one place, that’s the nature of lightning. So think about where you’re going to lead it to.”

It’s not too long before he figures out he can lead it in a loop, and immediately after that he figures out he can burn himself that way. And then he manages to expel it back into the ground. He’s almost a frighteningly quick study, the way he knows precisely the limits of his body and mind, the way he always goes just a _little_ beyond them.

“Now I’m going to hit you with a little lightning. Think about the path it’s going to travel. Got it?”

He nods; she hits him with a little lightning. To her great relief a little scorched spot appears on the ground by his foot.

“What were you going to do if it had gone through my heart and stopped it?” he asks.

“Why are you only asking this _after_ you already let me do it??”

He just shrugs, and doesn’t say anything.

 

This time when Kushina rolls up to the southwesternmost forward camp, she’s immediately hustled into the commander’s tent and given a twenty-man detachment to take back a huge chunk of southern Field Country. She’s already pretty familiar with the front here, having been here several times and doing a bunch of studying besides, so it’s a short meeting. Mostly what they have to tell her is new intelligence concerning a counteroffensive by Iwa. When it’s over Commander Jougo’s lieutenant pounds her on the back and tells her to go meet her shinobi—“Though they all know you by reputation anyway,” she adds. “One of these days you’ll end up at the same camp as Jiraiya-sama and we’ll put him under your command.”

Kushina flushes, confused and a little alarmed. Her, command Jiraiya? Isn’t that going a little far? She wanders over to the mess tent since it’s about that time, wondering vaguely the whole way when people started actually respecting her instead of grudgingly following her orders. She sits down with her food at a table that’s not too full and starts going over her list of subordinates again, too embarrassed of her command status to talk to anyone. Making friends (or at least finding people to laugh at her jokes for half an hour) was a lot easier before she got to be a big deal. She spends a little while listening in on a nearby conversation—some of the chuunin are talking about a guy called the Yellow Flash, who runs faster than the eye can see. He’s _very_ efficient at killing. Is there a lightning user in Konoha who she missed?

“Yo, Kushina,” says a familiar voice, and Tsume sits down next to her.

“Tsume! I’ve missed you terribly, you know!” She grabs Tsume for a side hug, and gets hugged in return. “When’d you get assigned here?”

“Almost a month ago now. They still working you to the bone?”

“Eh. Soon there’ll be nothing left of my bones.”

“Well, start growing new ones. Oh, you’ll be pleased to know my aunt is the head of the Inuzuka at this camp. She’s been missing you.”

Kushina brightens. “There’s a couple Inuzuka on my list, maybe I can make an excuse to talk to her.”

“An excuse.” Tsume snorts. “Like you need one. Gimme that, I can help you track them down.”

It’s easier with Tsume there. If people see Kushina joking with a friend, punching her in the arm, they don’t treat her quite so much like a detachment commander. It’s too bad Tsume can’t come with when they leave just after dawn the next morning—she’s got important tracking work to do. But Kuromaru gets up early so Kushina can kiss his head before she leaves, so at least there’s that.

A couple hours of running puts them right near an Iwa-occupied town, which intelligence suggests is the launch point for Iwa’s northeastward push. Kushina sends two shinobi in to put an ear to the ground and the rest to patrol the dead brown bamboo forest in small groups while masking their chakra, to see if they can pick up anything else. She stays put with her lieutenant, a guy called Haru, until the spies come back to report.

“According to the villagers they haven’t been here for long,” says Tsunoka. “There’s still a lot of unrest, and every couple days some dumb young man gets it into his head to start a fight with the shinobi and gets beaten for it. They’ll be happy to be rid of Iwa.”

Kushina has seen the kind of looks people give Konoha shinobi in the towns _they_ occupy. It’s all the same to them.

“They’ve seen a sort of a muster recently,” her partner adds. “The general feeling is that a big operation is coming up in the next day or so. About four hundred shinobi total, but maybe not all of them will be moving.”

“Do we wait and ambush them,” says Haru, “or bring the fight to them?”

“An ambush further from the town would limit civilian casualties,” says Kushina, and hesitates. Taking on a fully mobilized detachment rather than surprising them while they’re encamped will also mean more of her people will die. But they signed up to be soldiers, and the townspeople didn’t. But she’s promised to protect the shinobi under her command.

Maybe she needs to also promise, just to herself, to protect civilians too.

“Picking off the ones at the back will be our best bet for now. I’ll take a couple heavy hitters and distract them from the front. I don’t think Iwa’s used to me having large squads, so they might think it’s just three people.”

“All right. Who did you have in mind?”

They haggle for a little while. Teams come back in to report, and Kushina sends them to set traps along the most likely routes a ways from the town. She snags enormous Inuzuka Genkou and Akimichi Tsunami to do some team practicing; they camp near one of the potential routes and sleep uneasily. They wait the rest of the day, until sunset when a runner appears with the news that Iwa is moving.

Kushina leaves Haru with most of the shinobi and makes her way out with Genkou and Tsunami to lie in wait. Her whole body seems to itch with the tension, like she’s growing too large for her skin. She concentrates on breathing techniques to keep warm in the chilly wind, trying not to think about the future at all. It really doesn’t work.

“They’re coming,” says Genkou. “Just about two hundred meters off.”

“Thanks,” says Kushina. Wait for it… and… _now_. She drops off her stalk of bamboo to hit the ground with the force of an avalanche. The ground shudders, and she’s standing in a crater while someone yells “Scatter!”

Iwa shinobi jump in all directions, but so do Kushina’s chains. She can hear Genkou somewhere doing his dog tornado thing, and the shape of an enormous woman balloons out on her left.

A strange feeling lights up behind her, and on instinct she strikes out at it with another chain—apparently a human? Because it yells in pain. **Behind you** , says Kyuubi’s voice, an entire second later. She doesn’t have time to give him more than a general impression of _way to be on time_ , because more Iwa nin are trying to get past her and she can only do so many chains at once. She draws a kunai to shoot lightning out toward a squad trying to move between her and Genkou—the smell of burning meat fills her nose—and then a cloud of fog billows in, as if a Kiri shinobi decided to shroud the battlefield.

It’s not a Kiri shinobi. And it seems like the fog is some kind of signal, because all the Iwa shinobi stop trying to get past her and start trying to retreat. A moment later she finds out why when the fog explodes outward, suddenly scalding hot. To her right Genkou screams; to her left Tsunami leaps away with an earth-shaking landing; Kushina herself grits her teeth against the pain and thinks: _Can you keep my skin from melting off long enough for me to fight this guy?_

 **It would be more efficient to give you a chakra cloak** , says Kyuubi. She has the impression that he’s grimacing.

 _I do have a cover to keep_ , she reminds him.

**And I have your skin to save. If it becomes necessary, you’ll have the chakra cloak whether you want it or not. I’m not letting my host die of something like steam burns, that would be too humiliating.**

_Well, then. I’ll make sure it’s not necessary_.

 **It’s another host** , he says suddenly. **My… the five-tails.**

_Fuck. Thanks._

For now she uses her own chakra as a sort of cloak, keeping it close to her skin to stop the steam from burning her. She still can’t see much through it, and it seems to muffle sound strangely too. She has barely enough warning to dodge out of the way when she hears two quick footfalls and then—and then it’s like a meteor has fallen next to her, throwing her into the air where she lands in a crouch against a stalk of bamboo that has been knocked a little sideways.

She still can’t see anything inside the steam, but it seems her opponent can sense what’s in it—is it full of his chakra?—he comes flying out at her, and this time she has a bare fraction of a second of warning from Kyuubi to dodge aside and try to wrap him with her chains. He does some kind of insane move to redirect their momentum so they can’t get around his arms. Has he been training _specifically_ to fight her?

And then he grips her chains and yanks.

“Holy SHIT!” she yelps, but this time she can’t dodge so she just has to brace herself. He’s just going to punch her, it’ll be—

His punch has the force of an exploding fucking volcano, and the heat of one too. CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH she flies through four tree-sized stalks of bamboo before she lands on her back on the ground, struggling to breathe. Okay. She is _not_ going to beat Han of the Unrivalled Strength in taijutsu, it’s just not going to happen. But she does have a couple more tricks up her sleeve—ha, literally!—she pulls out a brush from the storage seal on her wrist and quickly scribbles the first seal that comes to her head on an enormous fallen leaf, slaps her hand down on it to absorb it for future use.

She has to abandon her brush and heave herself off the ground with her chains when Han falls from the sky again. He makes a bigger crater than _she_ did, which is very uncool of him. As he’s standing up she slaps the ground to lay her seal, one that should paralyze him and sap his chakra. Not that it will do much good against a jinchuuriki, but she can at least use paralysis.

If it would fucking take! He has too much damn chakra! She blocks a kick that trails steam with a chain barrier and still skids ten meters backward along the ground. Think, Kushina, fucking think. You need a better seal. She doesn’t have much time to think of one, though, because Han is the fastest person she’s ever fought, after the Raikage’s son. It takes everything she has just to avoid getting her skull caved in. This time she lets him land a hit so she can get a seal on his arm. Bad move, maybe? Fuck, ow. Fighting one-handed is very cool and absolutely nothing to Uzumaki Kushina the Bloody Chain, obviously. She pulls out another brush to switch seals while he’s fighting paralysis.

This one is a seal that turns ninjutsu against the wielder. If you try to spit out an ocean it will force itself down your throat; body flicker and it will send you into the nearest tree at top speed. Hopefully Han will get burned, or go the wrong direction, or explode steam inside his blood or something super horrible like that. The catch? She’s not fast enough to touch him without taking another hit.

Hell. She _knew_ she should have practiced writing with her chains. This is going to hurt like nothing else.

She roars in pain as he kicks her in the chest, but gets her good hand onto his foot. When she lands, though, all she can do is try to breathe, making little abortive half-sob noises as each one sets her broken ribs on fire. _Kyuubi_ , she pleads. _Heal me, heal me, I’m going to die. Oh, god of death, I’m going to die._

 **Get up** , he snarls. **We’re not finished yet. Use your chains and do some blocking for once.**

She levers herself up, unable to stand up straight for the pain, but she can feel Kyuubi’s already working on it. She just needs to dodge once. Just once. She can do this.

In fact, Han doesn’t even make it to her before the seal activates. There’s an explosion a ways off, a hoarse yell that’s the only sound she’s heard him make, and he staggers toward her out of the mist. She didn’t know what to expect, but as he gets closer she can see that his right leg has been almost blown apart by the steam he tried to use to speed up. It’s healing fast—the five-tails doesn’t want him to die any more than Kyuubi does Kushina—but right now he’s debilitated.

She manages to get her chains around his good leg, forcing him to put weight on the bad one and fall to the ground. That’s her chance: she cocoons him in chains until he’s not even recognizably human-shaped any more, and lets herself fall to her knees, panting and still sobbing from the pain.

What the hell is she going to do with him? There’s not really anything but her that can _contain_ a jinchuuriki, so she can’t take him prisoner. She wouldn’t get far anyway. Can she kill him?

Hell, _can_ she?

 **Don’t** , says Kyuubi in a low growl. **My sister has enough problems. Just cripple him, something that will keep him away from the front. Finish what you started and take his leg. Even a bijuu can’t regrow that.**

_You’re assuming Iwa won’t pull Gobi-san out and kill him anyway if he’s useless for fighting._

**So? She’ll be better off that way, and they won’t train a new host quickly. She won’t be forced to fight for the rest of the war.**

Kushina staggers back against the base of the bamboo and looks down at the gold-chained shape in front of her. She doesn’t want to destroy someone’s leg in cold blood. Killing him would almost be easier. But she can’t break her promise to protect Konoha with everything she has.

Two chains separate from the mass and curl around his leg. Somewhere under there his eyes are open wide, terrified he’s about to die and unable to do a thing about it.

She twists.

Snaps.

There’s a muffled scream from inside the cocoon of chains, and blood gushes out onto the ground.

“How are we going to get home,” she mutters, feeling sick. “I can barely walk.”

**Don’t walk, then. Run. It’s that or die when they come back and find you here.**

She bites back another sob, grits her teeth, and runs. _Fuck you, Kyuubi_.

 **You’re welcome** , he sneers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A note about Kushina’s touch-and-place seals—we’ve seen Minato using them, but only on hiraishin because it’s the only seal he uses when fighting. Kushina is a lot more versatile, but it would be kind of OP (and a little nonsensical?) if she could place any seal just by touching something. So I figure she has to internalize a specific seal by drawing and absorbing it, and then she can place only that seal until she internalizes a new one.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Kushina has some kind of graphic nightmares; Kurama flip-flops adorably on whether he actually wants to kill her or not; several tender moments with Minato; a broken promise.

After she made it back to the forward camp but before she passed out, she asked Kyuubi to stop healing her. **What** , he said flatly. **Are you an idiot** _._

 _No, I’d just rather be stuck in the hospital in Konoha than stuck fighting out there_. He was silent for a little while, so she said, _I’ve had enough fighting for one month_.

Being stuck in the hospital is pretty bad, but she hardly has time to get bored what with how much she needs to sleep, and did she mention the nightmares?

Kushina has a naturally vivid imagination, which means that she doesn’t just _see_ blood welling up from where she walks, she also _feels_ the sick crunch of cracking bone and the pressure of her own chains wrapping around her, tighter and tighter until someone grabs a hold of her leg. Often it’s Kyuubi, dipping a claw into her blood to write seals on her. Sometimes the two of them talk like nothing’s wrong while they methodically dismantle living, unresisting bodies.

When she wakes up she always hopes he can’t see her dreams the same way he can hear her waking thoughts.

 **Another one** , he grumbles, the second time she wakes up that night. **This is getting annoying.**

_Sorry! My bad! Guess I should have ignored your advice after all and given him a clean death! Fucking oops!!_

He pauses, and she can feel him looking out of her eyes at the half moon outside. **I’m not saying it’s your fault. It’s useless to place blame, anyway. I’m saying that if you go inside yourself to sleep I can help you.**

_I’m good on showing you my dreams, thanks!_

**You think it’s anything I haven’t seen?** he says contemptuously. **I’ve lived thousands of years. I was a god of vengeance before they trapped me here.**

 _I don’t care if you see some weird gore_ , she mutters, _but some of it is… kinda rude._

 **Salacious?** he asks, apparently enjoying himself.

_No, you weirdo. I mean my sleeping brain hasn’t got the memo that we’re friends._

**It’s smarter than you are. We aren’t friends. If the seal didn’t prevent me, I would kill you in a heartbeat. You’re worried about showing me that you don’t trust me. But as I said, I have lived thousands of years.**

She takes a deep breath for a properly dramatic sigh, winces, and starts coughing, which only makes her ribs hurt worse. “Whatever,” she says out loud. “Fine, it beats ripping off someone’s leg for the twentieth time.”

She relaxes her body and goes inside herself to the central plaza in Uzushio, where Kyuubi lounges propped up on his elbows, with his back legs and tails spread through Shiota Park. Although she knows the rest of the village still needs work, this place at least is pristine, even if the buildings have moved a little to accommodate Kyuubi. She could walk inside the buildings and they’d be just like she remembers them, just empty of people. That’s why she doesn’t go in.

“So how does this work?” she asks, hands on her hips. “I just go to sleep? There’s not even any beds in here.”

 **Are you a ninja or aren’t you?** he grumbles. **Just meditate. It’s probably the same.**

“Probably? You don’t know what’s going on any more than I do! You’re just trying to trick me into thinking you’re a lot wiser than you actually are just because you’re old!”

 **Whelp.** He stretches out a hand and lets it fall on top of her. Part of her thinks it’s supposed to be _playful_? But the rest thinks _I’m about to get my leg ripped off!_ and manifests chains to tear his hand away.

“Don’t!” she says, scrambling backward. “Don’t—just—”

He gives her a pointed, malevolent look, and then looks at the chains wrapped around his arm.

“Yeah,” she says shakily, and dissolves them.

 **You do know that if you feel trapped here you can leave instantly** , he says. **Whereas I cannot. _Don’t_ think I’ll allow you to bind me.**

“It was instinct,” she mumbles. She’ll do better next time, she’ll probably do better when she’s not fresh out of a nightmare.

For some fucking reason Kyuubi thinks this means he should do it _again_ , pinning her to the ground with one finger that’s as big as she is. His claw, dug into the street by her head, is as long as her arm. **You’re safe** , he growls. **You get that, idiotic human? I could hurt you and I am not going to because our interests align. STOP. FLINCHING.**

Oh.

He doesn’t want her to be afraid of him.

Slowly she lets her hands come up to touch the claw whose point is tangled in her hair. Smooth and white, not like the claw of any real fox. “You just startled me,” she says. His huge head seems to be hovering over her, quietly watching, and against all reason she actually does feel safe. “I do trust you, you know, when I’m not already panicking.  I’d probably do the same to Mikoto if she suddenly pinned me. Except she wouldn’t do that as a joke, because she’s _considerate_.”

 **Mm** , says Kyuubi, and he lifts up his finger, hooking his claw behind her shoulder to pull her up to sitting. **I take opportunities for levity where I can get them, these days. And you’re such a prime target.**

“Why, Kyuubi-san! I’m shocked! I’m offended! I can’t believe you consider me the butt of jokes!”

He bares his teeth—a smile, probably—and taps her chest gently with the flat side of one claw. **Go to sleep, Kushina.**

It’s the first time he’s ever used her name. She turns away from him to hide her grin, and she goes to sleep.

In her dreams something large and warm hovers over her. It’s dark, but not frightening. It’s a reminder that she mustn’t hurt anyone.

 

All of Team 7 visits her in the hospital, even Kakashi. She attributes this to the fact that they got home from a mission all of half an hour ago and he’s being dragged along for the ride. “We passed the exam!” says Rin happily while Kakashi sulks in the corner. It’s obvious, because of course she and Obito are proudly wearing their new vests, but Kushina pretends to be a little surprised anyway.

“That’s wonderful! C’mere and give me a hug, Rin-chan.” Rin hugs her, and she gives Obito the stink eye until he sits down on the edge of the bed and lets himself be hugged.

“How long are you gonna be on bed rest?” he asks, once she releases him. He doesn’t get off the bed, though. _Kids_. It makes her want to cry, a little.

“Maybe as much as two weeks!” she says happily. “No fighting for two whole weeks! All I really need now is Miko and some proper food, and I’m all set.”

Obito makes a face. “How is being stuck in the hospital better than fighting?”

She reaches over to ruffle his hair with her good hand. “Try taking an A-ranked mission some time, Obito-kun,” she says. “Try taking twenty of them in a row and then get back to me. I don’t know if you heard, but I got these from fighting the five-tails jinchuuriki, Han of the Unrivalled Strength. I’m _not_ that excited about going out there and fighting another jinchuuriki.” Kyuubi growls in her head. He _really_ hates that word, huh?

All the chuunin’s eyes widen, even Kakashi’s a little. “You fought a jinchuuriki and _lived_?” Rin whispers.

“I didn’t just live, I won! I don’t think we’ll be seeing him again in the next couple years.” She glances at Minato, feeling sick, and finds him looking concerned as he watches her. She jerks her head a tiny bit: _I want to talk later_. He nods minutely, and they go on.

“Maan, Sensei, why aren’t you that cool?” says Obito. “Could you fight a jinchuuriki? You have a nickname like Kushina-san.”

“Ah, well…” Minato rubs the back of his head, embarrassed. “Not everyone with a nickname is as good as Kushina.”

Kushina tries to sit up and wheezes in pain. “You didn’t tell me you have a nickname!”

“Careful, Kushina-san! They call him the Yellow Flash.” says Rin. “Because he can use hiraishin—whoosh!”

Rin is _so_ freaking cute. Kushina needs to adopt her immediately. “Man, I heard some guys gossiping about you, you know! They thought you were _real_ cool. One of the best ninjas in Konoha, they said.” She raises her eyebrows at him, and he blushes. It’s so easy to make him blush. “Course, I thought they were talking about someone who could use lightning release to speed up. I never thought you’d have figured out how to use hiraishin in an actual battle, that’s pretty cool! Tell me all about it. What are the tricks?”

He tells her the tricks, which is mostly having a crazy good 3D picture of the environment and understanding momentum and junk like that, which is frankly all stuff she’d have a hard time with. He gets embarrassed after too much praise and makes his chuunin talk about their own new skills, and then it gets late and they trail off one by one because they’ve got things to do that Minato doesn’t need to supervise.

He sits on the foot of her bed. She feels kind of dumb asking him to stay just so she can tell him she ripped off someone’s leg. “Hey,” she says.

He gives her a questioning look, his head slightly tilted like a dog’s. It’s cute.

She sighs. “I did something awful to Han, Minato. To make sure he wouldn’t be able to fight for the rest of the war, or really never again. I was gonna kill him, give him a nice clean death like he deserves, but Kyuubi said—” She freezes—bites her tongue and looks at him wide-eyed. He stares back, solemn and unsurprised. Slowly she looks away, looks down, bites her lip. “…Kyuubi said it’d be better to let them both live. So I—with my chains, you know, a shinobi with one leg can’t fight. You’ve never _ripped off_ someone’s limb before, I keep having nightmares about it.”

He scoots closer on the bed and hesitantly offers his hand. She takes it and squeezes it. “I’m sorry,” he says.

“Why should you be sorry? You didn’t start the war. You didn’t make me fight him.”

“I wish I could protect you,” he murmurs, stroking his thumb over her knuckles. “You’re so much stronger than everyone else, but that just means the Hokage has to put you in more danger. I want to take some of that weight for you. It’s crushing you.”

The words _well, get stronger then!_ stick in her throat. She remembers him frantically working on his seals at all hours of the night, using up his whole leave training except when she made him relax. “It doesn’t have to be your job,” she says instead. “Just come visit me while I’m stuck here. That’ll help more than me being worried about you going out and fighting anyway.”

They’re quiet. Minato looks out the window at the trees just starting to bud. Kushina looks down at their hands. Minato’s thumb is still absently stroking hers. “You weren’t surprised to hear that I’m a—” She hears Kyuubi growl before he ever does, and finishes, “—a host. For Kyuubi.”

He frowns dreamily out the window instead of looking at her. “It’s obvious to any sensor who’s seen you use its chakra. Which, uh, I suppose is only me and Isui-san and maybe the medic from Outpost Tsu. Unless you’ve been using it on the front…”

“I don’t when I can help it,” says Kushina. “I’ve got plenty of my own, anyway.” She doesn’t voice her relief that he doesn’t think it’s a big deal. In other countries jinchuuriki aren’t treated very well. The three-tails host occasionally comes to Kiri-Konoha negotiations in mostly the same capacity as her, to be intimidating and maybe learn something. He keeps his teeth bared always as if to ward off anyone who might apprach him; the one time she ever talked to him she found out that he’s treated with the same suspicion and violence as people with bloodline abilities—and that he seems to think neither is news to anyone. She wanted to tell him how they are alike, but no matter how she aches to find another person who is like her it would be treason to say anything to a foreign shinobi.

“Kushina?”

“Everyone else has two jinchuuriki,” she mumbles. “Must be nice to have someone who gets it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I’m not asking you to wrestle a bijuu into submission and seal it inside of yourself, you colossal nincompoop. _Relax_ about not helping me enough, okay? I didn’t make friends with you so you could do my bidding like a devoted minion. I made friends with you because you’re kind of cool, even if you’re a dork. So stop apologizing for things that aren’t your fault.”

They sit in silence for a while, holding hands. Then Minato has to leave, and she’s alone again.

A lot of people stop by, though. Obito comes with homemade food hidden in seals so she can scarf it down without the hospital staff knowing, and she tells him he’s the best nephew ever and also that he _needs_ to brush his hair now that it’s getting long, here, she can show him how. Dosha comes with food that she does not bother to hide, as if she is daring the nurses to tell her to leave. Mikoto returns from her latest mission and covers Kushina with kisses and tells her everything that happened. Hiro’s family visits a couple times with sweets, Obu and Hana-chan and the triplets come by, and she even manages to convince Shikan to come and play shougi via a series of increasingly emphatic notes delivered by sweet, long-suffering Rin.

Despite everyone coming to see her, and despite the fact that she has as many sealing references as she could want, she’s antsy. So is Kyuubi. This shouldn’t be the only way they can get leave from the front! But they endure the hospital for nine days, and finally get released for the last two sweet days into the early spring sunshine and the new buds.

Mikoto is on a mission, and Tsume and Kiinu-sensei are still on the front, which kind of ruins it. But she does get to bother Minato’s team and Hiro’s family, and Kyuubi heals her the rest of the way up since nurses aren’t watching any more and she finally gets to work out again and it’s _great_.

And then Sarutobi breaks his promise.

He doesn’t even have the guts to do it in person, either. A genin messenger gives her a mission scroll: appear on the Shimo front, then go with the diplomatic team to complete final negotiations with Kiri, and if they’re successful escort reinforcements to the Hot Water front. She’ll be acting as the Swordsmen’s squad command/liaison in what Sarutobi is clearly hoping will be a decisive strike against Kumo, and the scroll says three weeks minimum. She can practically hear old Sarutobi’s stupid meaningless apology. “I’m sorry, Kushina, but with you out of commission for two weeks you need to make a strong appearance to ensure that your continued presence is known.”

He’s also given her _just_ enough time to pack and rendezvous at the gate, because he knows she wants to hit him for this and he’s a coward. “Get lost,” she tells the messenger, who’s waiting around for a tip. He jumps and hurries away like she just threatened to kill him, but she’s too angry to care about scaring people right now.

She shoves all her things into her pack, her pack into her arm, then she rewrites the date and pins up the note that hangs intermittently on the wall of the entryway: _Away for a mission, take what you need and clean up after yourselves. Back      around late March   . Love you Miko._

And she goes.

She devastates an underground base in Snow Country, located by the Yamanaka tracking unit, without ever going in, crushing everyone inside under a rockfall with no warning. Then, to make sure they know who did it, she’s told to attack the surviving guards who were outside and let one of them go.

She lets all three of them go, because she feels bad. One or two more Kumo nin isn’t going to make that much of a difference. And they’re so young…

The commander pushes her off to Outpost Fu to meet the diplomatic team. For once she gets to take a shower in a real hotel and wear fancy clothing. It’s the only good thing about these negotiations, really: she gets to look nice and smell nice. Instead of her normal jounin uniform she’s in white and turquoise, a short dress slitted up to the thigh in colors that make her hair stand out like the sun. Tight shorts and a scroll case strapped to her thigh to remind everyone that she’s prepared to kill everyone there. It’s half bodyguard, half seduction mission, with a long red sleeveless coat licked with white flames to give a little of that Hokage candidate flair. It’s her favorite outfit in the world as of today, and she spends almost an hour before the meetings asking around to try and figure out who designed it. She doesn’t find out, but she does extract a promise from a chuunin aide to do it for her. The girl looks terrified enough that there’s a good chance she will, especially if Kushina hunts her down about it later.

The three-tails host is there too, looking like maybe a thousand ryou to Kushina’s million-ryou look. He’s not really cleaned up at all, just in the colorless Kiri jounin uniform with his enormous hair everywhere, but the ‘I don’t care what I look like since my job is just to kill people’ look works for him just fine. She goes over to stand by him in the neutral territory between the two parties, you know, for solidarity. He looks at her from the corner of his eye, arms crossed over his chest, and gives her his pointy smile/grimace. She replies by smiling brightly and saying, “It’s been a while, Hakatsuchi-san. I hope you’re doing all right.”

The smile widens. “Better than you, Uzumaki,” he says. “I heard you got into a fight with a jinchuuriki again.”

“It wasn’t all that bad,” she says. “Worse than the first one, I’ll admit, but I _did_ win. Do you see a lot of combat? Since Kiri isn’t technically at war—well, until today, I guess.”

“That’s cute,” he says, although nobody shorter than her has any business calling her _cute_ (except Mikoto obviously). “I wonder if you can figure out where the blood for the Bloody Mist comes from. Go on, I’ll wait.”

She feels a little bit of an idiot, but she can’t let him get the upper hand here! “At least you’re good at it, I guess.”

“Oh, and you’re not? Don’t be shy, Uzumaki. You’ve survived two bijuu hosts and I heard you can fight forty shinobi at once without breaking a sweat.”

“Aw, you don’t have any accomplishments to brag about?” she says with fake sympathy. He laughs.

“Like you said, I haven’t been at war. There’s not a lot of opportunities for daring deeds. I mostly just clean up other people’s messes. Still, in a way, I guess that’s what you do too. Now that I think of it, I am looking forward to seeing you in action.”

“Here’s hoping—oh, shoot, I think we’re supposed to be sitting down. See you _later_.” To her delight her returns her wink as he goes to his seat. She sits down across the table from him, next to Orochimaru who’s the head of negotiations on the Konoha side. And she watches him covertly from under her eyelashes while she studiously takes notes and helps support Orochimaru’s points. He’s a little bit of a puzzle, but she likes a challenge.

 

***

 

“They’ve been good, no matter what Obito might tell you, and only minor injuries. They’re on an in-village C-rank now. I’ll show you.”

“Thank you, Mikoto-san.”

She smiles at him. “It wasn’t any trouble at all. I’m a little short on company these days, and your chuunin are good company. Last night we occupied Kushina’s flat for dinner; you should come to dinner tonight.”

“You’re very kind, Mikoto-san,” he stammers. He has trouble meeting her eyes, especially when she’s smiling at him. Uchiha Mikoto is… intimidating, even (or especially) when she’s being polite. He doesn’t need her to tell him where his chuunin are, since he’s a sensor, but he can’t make himself say it when she offers him her arm. Confused, he takes it and lets her sweep him along down the street.

“There’s no need to be nervous, Minato.”

“I do a lot of unnecessary things,” he says, and then spends a moment berating himself for sounding stupid.

But she’s laughing. “Do you consider being nervous a hobby of yours?” she asks. It wrings a sheepish smile out of him.

“I’m sure a lot of people do. Including you, Mikoto-san.”

“Please, drop the honorific. We’re practically family.”

He flushes at that, shocked but pleased, not having had anything he could call family between the time he was six and the time less than a year ago when Inuzuka Tsume informally adopted him. He used to think Jiraiya-sensei could be family, but…

Well, it doesn’t matter now.

“Thank you for saying so—Mikoto.”

She doesn’t say anything else, which is less stressful—at least for him. He’s only seen her anxious a few times, about the marriage negotiation and nothing else. Like Kushina she seems to have no trouble talking to people. She has the same level of charisma, although it’s a different kind. Her presence commands respect but also seems to put people at ease. Most people. He feels guilty for being intimidated by her since she must be working so hard to be approachable, but he doesn’t know how to stop.

“Do you ever, um, get intimidated?”

She raises her eyebrows at him. “Everyone gets intimidated. I find Kashiro-sama intimidating, and I’ve faced a lot of intimidating foreign shinobi.”

“How do you _stop_? I’m sorry if this is too personal.”

“It’s not,” she says, and smiles. “The truth is that I never stopped being intimidated. I just try to raise my courage and muddle through. If you’re intimidated by _me_ , I’m sorry and I’ll do whatever I can to earn your trust. It’s… you could say it’s a kunoichi thing.” He looks at her uncomprehendingly, and she continues. “You wouldn’t believe the kind of trouble women have if they _aren’t_ a little bit scary. Kushina hasn’t had those problems, since she’s, well.”

“More than a little scary,” Minato finishes, nodding.

She laughs. “Exactly. Because I normally try to be polite, I get a lot more harassment. It’s lucky that in shinobi culture it’s generally acceptable to pin someone to a wall with a knife, or I wouldn’t have any polite recourse.” He glances at her; she still looks like she thinks it’s funny. He makes a mental note to never cross her, not that he’s quite sure what that would entail. He’d _never_ try to flirt, even if he didn’t know she’s not interested in men. If he were a woman, though…

No! Too much.

“Do you ever get that sort of thing? You’re good-looking, and far too polite.”

“ _I’m_ good-looking?” he says. His voice squeaks embarrassingly.

She pats him on the arm with her free hand. “Most girls must love you.”

It’s true that he’s turned down a lot of dates, mostly because he was too busy rather than because he didn’t want to, since turning someone down without a reason is very rude. But when he does have time to go on dates he inevitably leaves feeling like everyone involved has been disappointed. “…Not really,” he says. “I don’t think I’m really what they expect from a man. Or, uh, a person.” He adds, “I’m not really sure what they _do_ expect. I feel like it might be simpler to be a woman just because people only expect you to be—you know, nice and good at cooking, and anything else is a bonus. I’m sorry if that’s rude. I don’t really know what it’s like.”

But Mikoto is still smiling when she shakes her head. “I really couldn’t tell you what anyone else expects from a woman. Personally I expect a level of intelligence, morals, a sort of liveliness, I suppose? This must be boring.”

“No, not at all! It’s like getting to know you.” He briefly thinks of asking what Kushina looks for in a woman, and feels ashamed.

“All right then. The minimum is what I would look for in any friend. Someone I enjoy talking to and being with. The rest is based on… hmm, physical presence. Charm. I really couldn’t tell you what it is about Kushina.”

“She fills up the room,” says Minato mournfully. “Just having her pay attention to you feels like…” He stops himself, because he is _very_ in love with her and he shouldn’t be and it must be extremely obvious to Mikoto.

Mikoto just pats his hand again. “We can continue this later, if you want to. Your team is here.”

And they are: Rin and Obito looking curious and pretending they weren’t listening in, Kakashi giving him a judgmental look for reasons best known to himself. “What were you talking about?” asks Obito.

“My dear nephew,” says Mikoto, “if we wanted you to know we would have told you already. I’ll see you all at dinner.” She gives Kakashi a pointed look, then unhooks her arm from Minato’s, waves lazily, and flickers away.

He has to take a moment to collect himself because talking to her is so different than talking to his team. He takes a deep breath. “Okay. Debrief from your mission.”

“Why do we—” Obito starts.

“Good question. Rin?”

 

Dinner is nice, although Kushina’s apartment feels empty without her. Things are a lot quieter when she’s not dominating the conversation, and though he’d never say so Mikoto’s cooking isn’t as good.

He gets questioned about his mission and tells his team that half of it is classified; they end up making a game of it, to see what questions they can ask that he’ll actually be able to answer.  He allows it because it’s a good exercise in information gathering, but he enjoys it too. Even Kakashi seems to be enjoying himself, which is something to encourage if possible. Minato is always worried about him, a small, pale serious boy who hasn’t smiled once since Minato met him. It’s slow work getting him to even acknowledge his teammates, much less actually like them. Although Minato really isn’t sure how he’d know if Kakashi _did_ like them.

Obito stays the night because he’s too sleepy to leave, and apparently he’s used to staying here. Kakashi is not. He leaves early.

Once Obito is snoring in Kushina’s bed, Mikoto starts filling the kettle for a third pot of tea; says softly from the kitchen, “I find you a little frustrating.”

He starts. “Huh?”

“Everything about you is hidden. I understand why you’re one of our best infiltrators. Do you know, Kushina thought you were a spy for the first two months she knew you. Who are you, Namikaze Minato?”

There are too many different things going on in what she just said, and right now he can only focus on—“A spy? For _who_?” She laughs softly and forms a few hand seals for a fire technique that starts the water boiling almost immediately. “Who am I? I don’t… I’m a jounin? I-I’m not very good at cooking yet, but I’m trying to learn. Um. I like kids! That’s definitely something.”

“How do you like cleaning?” asks Mikoto, smiling.

“I like it a lot,” he says, wondering why she asked. Does she need something cleaned? “It’s kind of soothing to make sure everything’s in the place where it belongs.”

She laughs out loud at that. “Are you trying to advertise yourself as the perfect housewife?”

“Um? Not on purpose? I don’t really understand what you’re asking, Mikoto-s—mm.”

“According to you, you have only feminine virtues. Not bravery or diligence or skill in battle. You want with all your heart to be useful to someone else.” She stops whisking tea into the hot water for a moment and glances at him over her shoulder. “I’m sorry, that’s too blunt.”

It is, a little. He’s confused, and normally it’s his policy to compliment people who confuse him, because it’s better than making them feel bad. “It’s not too blunt! I think women’s virtues are very important, and I very much admire people like you who can do all of that and be—well, you know, very good shinobi as well as… elegant and beautiful.”

“Do you want to be elegant and beautiful, then?”

He’s never thought about it. He accepts a cup of tea with murmured thanks and looks down into it. “I—I don’t know if I’m allowed to.”

“And who’s going to stop you, Minato?”

He stares at his tea, his eyes slowly widening as he thinks about it. It seems like it would be _rude_ to try to be like them, soft and lovely and so tough from defending themselves. It would be rude to arm himself with their weapons, and no-one would ever say anything. No-one _would_ stop him. He… could do it. But he shouldn’t.

But maybe… she’d give him permission.

Maybe she’d be willing to teach him. Mikoto is everything he’d like to be: she’s poised, unruffled, yet somehow warm under all of it. Right now, for the first time, his chest aches at the thought that he could be like her even though he can’t imagine he would ever fit the way she does into that role.

But still, because he’s trying to muddle through his intimidation and be brave like Kushina, he says: “Will you teach me?”

 

***

 

Kushina’s been given two three-person squads for the escort mission, presumably in case the eight most dangerous people from Kiri decide to attack her. Personally she thinks they’ll be worse than useless since she’ll just have to protect them, but it’s still kind of comforting to see familiar faces. Even if they’re faces who don’t much like her.

Escorting the Seven Swordsmen is kind of a nightmare! They never stop projecting their I’m-going-to-murder-you auras, which sure, she can accept is a useful defense mechanism if you’re in the Bloody Mist, but they can stop aaaaany time. _Hakatsuchi_ gets along fine without it.

The first night, she spends some time getting to know the Swordsmen, because as their liaison she’s in charge of figuring out their deployment. And guess what? They’re all individually nightmares too! She’s starting to think that maybe? Kiri is a fucking _terrible_ place. For example, when she asks Kuriarare: “What kind of tactics do you use, and who do you prefer to work with?”

He just strokes his giant needle sword and doesn’t say a word.

The only who actually _likes_ to talk is the one with the giant butcher knife, Biwa. Specifically he loves to explain things, including the other Swordsmen. He only gets about two minutes in before the rest of them start threatening to kill him, but she does get some useful stuff. “They don’t even care that I’m giving away village secrets,” says Biwa cheerfully. “They just get annoyed when I talk.”

“Don’t I know the feeling,” sighs Kushina. “Some people! There’s so much interesting stuff to talk about and they don’t want to hear any of it. Go sharpen your sword somewhere else, then.”

Biwa laughs. “Water Country has the most interesting politics in the world right now, and Akebino won’t listen to anything that’s not about food. Once I think I managed to hold his attention for an entire minute to tell him a plan to keep him from getting killed.” Akebino throws a knife at him without looking up from his own conversation, and Biwa narrowly dodges by leaning his head a little to the side. “Speaking of, would you like to estimate the chances of meeting patrols from Kumo? You _do_ have a plan, I hope. If not I can come up with something. Gratis.”

“Well, the chances go up as you get closer,” she says. “Where we’re heading, the chance is 100%. But while we’re behind our own lines, minimal. ‘S a big forest, you know. I do kind of want to hear the big plan, though.”

“The big plan,” says Biwa, as if he’s considering carefully, “is this. If a Kumo squad comes, the seven of us kill them, since we work together better. Plan B means you and the three-tails get involved. It won’t come to that, but it’s always nice to have a backup.”

“Man! I was expecting something really elaborate after all your deep thoughts earlier!”

“Fight me,” says Biwa. “I’m bored.”

“Oh, _there’s_ the Seven Swordsmen in you. I was starting to wonder. I’ll fight you, but it’s gonna be weird.” She gets up and starts stretching, and doesn’t take off her armored vest because she’s friendly, not stupid. “I don’t even have a sword. I have some throwing knives, but I don’t really fight with them.”

“But you _are_ required to demonstrate basic proficiency with a sword before you can become a genin,” he says. “I can lend you one.”

“No? We have to demonstrate basic proficiency with ninjutsu?”

He blinks, apparently at a loss. “So you don’t know _any_ kenjutsu.”

“I know which end to hold. Look, I could destroy you hand-to-hand instead if you want.”

He grins as he stands up, to show his improbably large number of improbably sharp teeth. “You’re twenty centimeters shorter than me and your specialty is sitting at home with a brush. This will be funny.”

“For me,” she says under her breath.

The promise of a fight seems to catch the other Swordsmen’s attention as not even direct questions, addressed to them by name, have been able to. The Konoha nin watch uneasily from the other side of the camp like none of them has ever seen a friendly spar before.

Biwa strikes her as the kind of guy who will eventually make the first move, even if he pretends to be cool and collected. It doesn’t even take long; he’s excited to see how the Bloody Chain of Konoha fights, so he directs a kick at her chest. She catches his foot easily and twists, forcing him to do a kind of cartwheel to regain his balance. In the back of her head she can feel Kyuubi sitting up and taking notice as well; it feels like a sharpening of her focus, a new power in her heartbeat. She drives after Biwa with sure strikes, letting him block so she can get a feel for how she moves. She’s not in this to humiliate him, after all, even though she could with all the openings he leaves. He isn’t used to fighting without a blade, but he’s fast enough and strong enough that he almost makes up for it. He does seem impressed when she blocks his strikes instead of dodging or redirecting, even though she considers it more of a party trick than anything else.

Kiri nin are trained _totally_ differently than Konoha nin, and nobody has ever mentioned it. Maybe it’s not important, but Kushina thinks it is.

He gets bolder and more vicious. He uses his knees and elbows and his height advantage and throws her across the clearing into a tree. She sticks the landing and pushes off at top speed headed straight for his stomach—and she lets him catch her by the arms and throw her. It’s kind of fun, like partner acrobatics! The next time he charges her she throws him too, straight up in the air.

He doesn’t seem to appreciate how fun it is, though. He’s just getting frustrated he can’t hurt her. “Lighten up!” she calls. “Here, watch this!”

In the end Suikazan, who seems to be the leader of the Swordsmen, gets bored with ‘fighting where no-one gets seriously injured’ and tells them to settle down so everyone can sleep. Kushina sticks out her tongue when his back is turned and starts pulling her stuff out of her arm to go to sleep.

“You’re a real piece of work,” Biwa tells her.

“Thanks,” she says. She’s been told that enough times that she’s gotten good at pretending it doesn’t mean _you’re a freak_ or _I wish I were allowed to kill you_.

“It wasn’t a compliment,” he says, unrolling his sleeping mat. She was hoping that from a fellow freak it _might_ be one for once, but it looks like that was too much to hope.

She sighs. “It never is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I lied, Shikan is not my favorite OC it's Hakatsuchi. It was originally Yagura before Agenderarcee pointed out that he's like, 5 years old or something right now, lol. ALSO [here's Kushina's kickin new outfit!](https://kushina-liker.tumblr.com/post/175504368266/hokage-candidate-kushina-looks)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which Kushina flirts with everything that has a pulse and some things that don’t. [Hakatsuchi pic!](https://kushina-liker.tumblr.com/post/174627820528/a-tiny-kushina-and-a-tiny-friend-for-her-the) Also, a notice: this is now a once-every-two-weeks thing again, because I'm no longer depressed enough to only be able to write Naruto fanfiction.

It’s officially decided: Biwa Juuzou fucking sucks. Kushina’s never met anyone else who was friendly right up until she beat them in a spar and only _then_ decided to hate her. Because that’s a totally stupid and petty and _stupid_ thing to do. Is she here to make friends? No, she’s here to escort a team of prolific killers to a place where they can kill even more people. That doesn’t mean she’s not going to sulk about how her cool new friend hates her because she’s better than him at taijutsu.

He would have kept being chummy if she let him lend her a stupid sword and lost to him.

One maybe-good thing that comes out of it is that Hakatsuchi is now really excited to fight her “whatever way she wants.” But it’s not really clear if this is the friendly kind of fighting or the sizing-you-up-for-later-murder kind of fighting. She’d _like_ it to be the friendly kind. But she doesn’t get to find out just then; hanging out with the three-tails host too much would look kind of bad to her subordinates. She has to take care to appear loyal, even though she _is_ , because “being friendly” is a suspicious activity. Whatever.

She hears Torii whispering to Kawase that the whole thing with Biwa was a trick to humiliate him, as expected of the Bloody Chain! She wants to yell at them, _Iwa fucking calls me that, not you, not my own people, it’s not a COMPLIMENT_. And she’s in a bad mood the rest of the trip up to the Hot Water forward camp, but she can’t take it out on anyone because she’s their commanding officer so she just seethes.

Alliances shouldn’t be like this. Her people and the Swordsmen should be talking and getting to know each other. They should be building trust between their villages. It shouldn’t be like they hired a bunch of mercenaries. She’s just _exploding_ to complain to someone and she has _no-one_ and it feels _rotten_.

“What is this like for you?” she asks Hakatsuchi, the night before they’re set to make it to the forward camp. He looks at her with one raised eyebrow. “This atmosphere! Going away to war, I guess. Everything.”

“I like the atmosphere,” he says. “It’s festive.” He sees the look on her face and laughs, showing _all_ his sharp teeth. There are several rows of them in his mouth, interesting. “Lord Third threatened the Seven very thoroughly and they’re on their best behavior even though they’re excited. And the war—do you really need to ask? I can’t _wait_. New people to kill, new places to do it in. I always feel like it’s kind of a waste killing other Kiri nin.”

“The scary bloodthirsty look would work a lot better for you if you did the killing aura,” she observes. “And if you were about forty centimeters taller.”

“I’m told it’s a side effect of Sanbi-san’s presence,” he says, unabashed. “Most Hoshigaki run on the taller side. I can’t tell you how disappointed my wife was when I stopped growing around age fourteen.”

“Your—” Kushina’s face contorts in absolute confusion, because she would _not_ have guessed that in a million years.

“Hah! Everyone makes the funniest faces. Go on. Ask.”

“Why were you married when you were fourteen?”

He springs suddenly to his feet, grinning. “Beat me in taijutsu and I’ll tell you.”

She gives him a look. “This is probably our last rest before we have to go fight who knows what unspeakable enemies.”

“I have the stamina of a god, and you have the stamina of an Uzumaki. Who cares?” Reluctantly charmed, she gets to her feet. His grin widens even more, and he says, “But if you lose, you have to tell me something.”

“I won’t even bother to think of something to tell you,” she says, flipping her ponytail haughtily.

“You won’t have time until after I’ve pounded you into the ground. Start!”

The _thing_ about Hoshigaki Hakatsuchi is that he doesn’t fight even a little bit like a turtle. He fights very fast and very precise and Kushina gets thrown to the ground three times within the first minute. She gets up, breathing hard, and watches him from a distance, trying to come up with an opening or a weak point. But he’s just standing there in a defensive stance, totally immovable. She slides down into a matching stance: _come on then, why don’t you try me for a change_.

And he does. He’s a little less polished on the offensive, still good, but when she sticks her feet firmly to the ground with chakra he can’t throw her. He’s obviously doing the same thing, so it turns into more or less a boxing match, nothing but barely pulled punches to vital points. Quickly, though, she gets bored not being able to do any kicks and just kind of commits to letting herself get thrown sometimes so she can try more exciting stuff.

“Why are all your attacks nonlethal?” she asks as they’re grappling, both stuck in place and neither strong enough to push the other away.

“Taijutsu is just to surprise people,” he says. “When they’re on the ground I pull these out.”

His pressure disappears and Kushina stumbles forward until he kicks her hard in the chest—no, kicks off from her chest and does a neat flip and lands a couple meters away with his two swords drawn. Ow. She _could_ be still healing!

Or… she thought they were swords. They’re literally just the handles. She squints at him judgmentally.

“I don’t need to see blood if I want to kill someone,” he says cheerfully. “I just enjoy it. I could suffocate you instead. Or—” He flickers behind her and suddenly he’s holding a jagged red-orange knife to her throat. It wasn’t a knife a moment ago, so what the hell?

“If that’s taijutsu I’ll eat my scroll case,” she says, deliberately keeping her body relaxed. If he wanted to kill her he would have.

“Right, _this_ is taijutsu.” Quick fingers jab behind her shoulder and her arm goes numb.

“Tsk. All right, you jerk. I’ll come up with a secret to tell you. Why don’t we have a sealing contest next for _your_ secret?”

“Nah, I’ll tell you,” he says in her ear, so close behind her that her instincts yell at her to get distance. She ignores them and turns her head just enough to see him from the corner of her eye. “Since the hosts have to be related to the Mizukage, I got married to Lord Second’s daughter as soon as I got Sanbi-san.  It’s not privileged information, you could have asked any of the Swordsmen if you wanted. I just wanted to fight you.”

“Why?”

He just laughs like it’s a stupid question.

She leans back into him until the back of her head is on his shoulder and she can see the tightly closed gills on his cheek. “We friends now?”

She sees his sharp-toothed smile in profile, and then he pushes her up to her feet. “You owe me a secret, Kushina.”

“I’ve got a girl back home too. We’re not married yet, but we will be someday. Once I become Hokage it’ll be legal and we’ll adopt a million kids.” It’s kind of a test, to see if he’ll leave once he knows, or tell her off or quietly distance himself or call her _a real piece of work_.

“Aw, and here I thought you were flirting,” he says, fake-pouting.

The thing is she _was_. Fuck. It’s easy to say she’ll never look at anyone else, but it’s hard to actually do when she’s so far from home, so far from any comfort. She shrugs because she can’t quite figure out what in all of that she actually wants to say, and whacks him on the shoulder as she walks past him. “C’mon. I guess we should get some sleep.”

 

They arrive at the forward camp and are all immediately hurried into the commander’s tent. Shuusaku shows Kushina, Hakatsuchi, Suikazan, and Biwa (because the rest of the Swordsmen aren’t in the least interested) the path they’ll be devastating as two units. It cuts across two routes that have been identified as probable supply lines, as well as three current encampments and a munitions store. It comes close to the battlefield where the Raikage and his sons are too caught up fighting _literally thousands_ of Konoha shinobi to notice their support being cut off, but they’re not supposed to engage with him until they’ve completed their mission.

“When,” says Suikazan.

“As soon as you are ready,” says Shuusaku. “We have prepared a place for you to rest—”

“Now,” says Suikazan.

Shuusaku inclines his head, and Kushina curses the dumbass leader of the Swordsmen for hating sleep. But she’s gone longer on less, and Hakatsuchi’s a host too, so if _they_ can run on pure bloodthirstiness she guesses there won’t be any problem. She just likes to curse him, really, because she doesn’t like him. Just as long as they don’t make her fight the Raikage on this little rest.

She stands up. “No time to lose, then. Shall we, gentlemen?”

Someone laughs, she doesn’t see who. Probably at ‘gentlemen.’ But they follow her out to divide into teams. She manages to get on the one with Hakatsuchi: him and her and Kuriarare with the needle and Kabochano with the explosion sword. And off they go in a blur of speed, until it turns into a blur of destruction. They’ve been more or less ordered to destroy every bridge and supply cart they see, and Kabochano destroys a lot of road as well. Because what use is a sword full of explosions if you never explode anything?

He seems to have a lot of fun at the munitions store. Kushina stands far away so as not to go _deaf_.

But the Swordsmen aren’t truly happy except when the squad meets enemies. Kushina doesn’t have to do hardly anything with how eager all her new teammates are for a taste of blood; just what might delicately be called ‘cleanup.’ That is, she doesn’t clean up the mess the three of them leave but she does sweep up the fleeing Kumo nin like a dust brush made of golden chakra and death.

Hakatsuchi complains that he didn’t get to see her work, and she gets more involved in the next one. None of them are specialized teams, and it turns out Kushina and Hakatsuchi work together really well, so it’s easier than easy. Like a training exercise. It’s so easy to ignore the death she’s dealing because she wants to impress him. And it’s nicer, in a way, because she can keep that smooth distant feeling that none of it matters, as long as he’s joking about it too.

She’s free from her subordinates, too, free to sit with her shoulder pressed against his at night and listen for the distant sounds of the battle they’re meant to be avoiding; free to feel Kyuubi trying to touch his brother through their skin, a longing that pulls the two of them closer together even if Hakatsuchi doesn’t know it.

**Tell him.**

Maybe she should tell him. He doesn’t seem like the kind of person who would betray her trust. Although it’s easy to _seem_ like that. She’s only properly known him for about four days, mostly of which they spent running around and occasionally killing people.

**Tell him.**

Oh, but she aches to. She wants so badly to believe she can trust him. But not just yet.

“What’s up?” she asks as she idly lights the fire with a spark of lightning.

“It’s too easy,” he says. “It’s irritating. Not just ‘cause I’m bored—they’ve got to have _something_ that can touch us, so where is it?”

“Have you heard of the Sage’s sealing pot?” Kushina asks.

“Yeah.”

It’s something she thinks about a lot. She remembers a moonless night in November when she found herself bound and thrown over some huge person’s shoulder—she realized it was a group of Kumo nin when they started telling her the most lurid stories about the pot that contained the two-tails waiting for her, and that she’d be sealed in with the bijuu if she so much as made a sound. Her vivid imagination made it even more terrifying until years later when she looked it up in a book and traced the picture with her finger. All of them had died that night when panic overtook her—she didn’t know it was Kyuubi then, she just came to covered in blood and surrounded by corpses and cried until dawn. She still feels a little twinge of irrational fear every time she thinks about the sealing pot.

“They only use it on hosts, and who’s to say they’ll keep it to their own hosts? If they bring it out you’ll be their main target.”

“Don’t underestimate yourself, Kushina,” he says. She can hear the grin in his voice. “You always underestimate yourself. Who’s the one with the kill on sight order for elite jounin only and flee on sight for everyone else?”

“Aww, you’ve been researching me? That’s so sweet, Hakacchan.”

He shoves her over, and she lets him, laughing. “Don’t push your luck. I might be short but I’m older than you.”

“If you know my exact age then you researching me is less cute than creepy. That’s not public record.”

“It’s your baby face, dumbass. I’m twenty-four.”

“You’re what! No way. You’re eighteen and you’re lying to me.” She gets back up to sit next to him and shoves him a little with her shoulder.

“What do you want, my registration? Fuck off, I told you it’s Sanbi’s fault.”

“Have you asked him to stop? I bet you get a lot of disrespect.”

“Have I asked him…?” Hakatsuchi tilts his head and narrows his eyes at her. “That’s an interesting question.” Kushina frowns at him. “Bijuu are mindless monsters, aren’t they?”

She _forgot_ what everyone thinks of them. No-one ever mentions it to her; the identity of Konoha’s host is a secret no-one has cared to discuss for a long time. She redirects—“You tell me, you’re the expert.”

“Well, it turns out you’re right. I have asked him to let me grow, and he says it will happen when it happens. Which I guess means when I’m a hundred years old I’ll be as tall as my mother.” He rolls his eyes.

And that’s the end of that conversation, because Kabochano and Kuriarare come back and everyone needs to help skin the young buck they caught.

 

The next day they reach the end of the line dreadfully near the Raikage’s battlefield. At first it just seems to be a section of the woods where the fight already passed through, littered with exploded trees and corpses. But as it turns out the Raikage _is_ there at the time, moving too quickly to see and trailed by several squads of Konoha nin struggling to keep up.

She finds this out about a second _after_ he punches a hole through her fucking lung, crackling with lightning she only has moments to redirect. She finds out when Kyuubi shouts it in her head, too late to do anything, as she’s falling to her knees and then to the ground.

 **Play dead** , he snarls, afraid for the first time she’s ever heard. Well, that’s not going to be hard. **I’m fixing everything enough for you to stand, but you’d better use this time to come up with something clever, because you’re not going to beat him in taijutsu.**

 _Chains?_ she thinks woozily at him.

**Try something a little more coherent.**

He’s dangerous because lightning, right. She can hear it crackling off him as he tears his way through dozens of her comrades; someone shouting orders she can’t quite understand; water sprays over her and someone steps on her hand because she’s just one more body lying on the ground. Think. Wind beats lightning, but she’s no good with wind. Why isn’t she in pain?

 **Consider it a favor** , he growls. **Focus.**

Right. Focus. She can make wind happen if she draws an elemental transformation matrix, _lots_ of wind. She’s not thinking very clearly is it the blood loss—

Kyuubi snarls at her again. FOCUS. RIGHT. She needs something to draw with (wow, just feel all that nice hot blood, just like ink!) and something to draw on (not all of her is covered in it yet) and then she just needs to move her left hand and start. With her eyes closed. It’s fine.

There’s a scream of pain so close it hurts her ears and something that _isn’t_ water sprays over her—but she can’t hurry, she can’t mess this up. The sounds move away through the trees until she can barely hear them by the time she finishes and absorbs the seal. She’s probably only going to get one chance at this. She’s going to need to keep him still.

“Can I stand up yet?” she whispers.

 **Your lung isn’t going to start leaking again** , says Kyuubi. He actually sounds kind of distracted, like he’s working really hard to keep her from dying.

“Thanks, babe,” she mumbles, and staggers to her feet. The pain is still just a dull ache, like it’s waiting to ambush her later. “Can you tell where they went?”

He snorts. **Doesn’t matter if you can’t get there. Can you even walk?**

“‘s like you said before. Even if I can’t walk, I have to run, because the only other option is waiting around to die.”

**All right. I’ll guide you.**

He doesn’t guide her by telling her instructions, which is good because she’s not doing the greatest at words right now. Instead she feels what he feels, which is a knot of fear and anger away to her left. She tracks it at a slow run, trying to be silent, until she can clearly hear the clashing of swords through the trees. _Reckon he’ll stand still at any point?_

He can see the shape of her thoughts just like she can see his; she gets a sort of a nod-shrug.

Chains spring from her back and burrow into the dirt to wait. With Kyuubi’s help she can tell the exact moment the Raikage is above her trap—but when she springs it he’s no longer there. Has he noticed? Fuck, he’s noticed.

He looks at her with narrowed eyes like he’s trying to figure out why she isn’t dead, and for just a second he’s standing still—in that time some kind of red-orange _stuff_ starts creeping over his arm. While he’s distracted a black and grey blur shoots out of the trees to engage him, leaving more red wherever it touches. The Raikage evades; and if Kushina looks closely she can see wires strung all around the trees that are still standing and even through some of the bodies—that must be Kuriarare. Kabochano is nowhere to be seen, so maybe he’s dead. He’s certainly hard to miss if he _is_ there.

But Kuriarare’s net of wires is an opportunity: Kushina’s chains weave into them and finally she manages to catch the Raikage, who’s covered now all over with shining patches of that red stuff. She squeezes, but he’s well known for being impossibly thick-skinned. As the rumor goes, the only way to defeat him is with an extremely powerful wind attack.

She throws out an enormous blade of wind from her marked left hand and cuts a gash into the side of his neck, way too shallow for the amount of power she put in. Desperately she puts more power into a bigger gash, and he bellows a sort of bubbling roar of pain. Again! Again! She wants to throw up, she wants to pass out, she wants him to just fucking _die_ already, oh god of death what the _fuck_ why won’t he die? Another blade of wind, another, one more that’s a huge waste of chakra and his head hangs from his neck by a strand of gristle. One last one and finally, _finally_ she cuts off his head.

Like all successful kills it’s strangely anticlimactic. She stands there leaning against a tree because her legs will barely hold her, feeling blood bubble in her lungs as she breathes hard. Hakatsuchi isn’t in much better shape, bloody and bruised and burned and fallen to his knees. “He was invincible,” Hakatsuchi gasps. “He was fucking invincible and we—augh, _fuck_.” Kushina jolts forward as he clutches at his shoulder, but he slaps her hand away. “Leave me alone, I’m fine.”

“I was just worried about you, you big idiot,” Kushina snarls.

And then she jerks back, because that wasn’t her. She doesn’t use that pronoun. Hakatsuchi is not by any stretch of the imagination big.

“You don’t need to worry about me,” he says, then takes a shaky breath and slumps over, hair covering his face. “It’s just a broken collarbone. I’ve got Sanbi-san, it’ll set in no time as long as I get it back in place. You? He put his fucking arm through your chest.”

She pats her chest gingerly, half to prove to him that it’s all there and half to check for herself. “I’m not gonna insult your intelligence and pretend you imagined it. But I think you get exactly why I can’t admit it happened.”

“Yeah,” he says.

So she closes her eyes and while Hakatsuchi is trying to heal she dives down into the streets of Uzushio to shout, “Kyuubi! What the hell? I don’t remember saying you could use my mouth to talk to your siblings! Without asking!”

He bares his teeth in a snarl. **And I don’t recall doing anything of the sort. It’s not my fault if you don’t maintain the barriers between us.**

“Oh, whatever! You keep being like _Oh Kushina you’d better be careful or I’ll kill you! Never ever trust me!_ But you can’t deny you like the fruits of that trust, can you? You have more freedom than ever because I do trust you in spite of everything you’ve done to me! You can’t tell me off for trusting you and then get mad at me for distrusting you!”

 **Then it is equally stupid of you to be surprised when I break the trust I told you not to give me!** he roars. His hand slams against the ground and his enormous face comes down almost to her level, his hot wet charcoal breath blowing over her. **But I did not break that trust this time** , he says in a quiet growl. **I prefer to be accused of betrayals I have actually committed.**

“Well—then, what the hell?” she says, unnerved by the fact that she believes him and by what that implies.

His head rises again and turns away as massively above her he sits up and folds his arms. **As I said before. You aren’t maintaining the barriers between us. Your seal is too permissive. And it may…** He hesitates, for the first time she’s ever seen. **It may be that at times the seal can’t distinguish between us. When both our emotions are running high.**

She’s silent a moment to chew on that. “It’s going to take a lot of research to correct that,” she says slowly. “We won’t be able to alter the seal until after we get home.”

 **Mm** , says Kyuubi. **And if that scum Sarutobi sends us on another mission immediately, not even then.** He looks down at Kushina as if he’s challenging her to say the Hokage isn’t scum, but she doesn’t have it in her right now. **Until then you’ll have to be careful.**

“You be careful too,” she snaps. “It’s when _both_ of us are overexcited.”

**Oh? You’re not going to shut the door?**

“You’ve saved my ass more than once,” she says. “When we were fighting Iwa nin last month—you sensed that guy behind me, didn’t you?” He nods, his black lips pulling back again to show his teeth. “How? I’m not a sensor.”

**I am. I sense the emotions revealed by chakra. People trying to kill _you_ have a characteristic signature:  fear, desperation, despair.**

She scrunches up her face at him to hide how awful that is. “Wow, thanks, Kyuubi-san. Make a girl feel loved.”

 **If you want to pretend you don’t know how terrifying you are, I can forgo mentioning it** , he says, idly examining his claws. **It’s funny how often you bare your fangs if you don’t want people to fear you. Or is it that you want respect but you haven’t figured out how to get it except through fear?**

“Baring my fangs is my _job_. It’s my _only_ job.”

**What a fine Hokage you’ll make for that bastard. I’m sure you’ll do wonderfully at whatever he says your job is.**

“Sorry, are you trying to pick a fight with me inside my own head? Because I _will_ fucking win, you know.”

 **Sad that the only person you have the nerve to threaten is the one you know you can beat.** One eye slits open for maximum contempt, fuck she hates him. **It may be your job, but you only bare your fangs when it has no consequences for you. You’d never talk back to him, the one who has hurt you and hurt you. All I have done is tell you truths you don’t want to hear.**

“Fuck you,” she says, equally pissed off at him and at herself. “You’re the worst. You’re the _worst_ for being trapped here and—and not being able to do anything but be kind of rude while you’re trying to help me. I’m so pissed off! I hate him, Kyuubi! He shouldn’t be able to do this to us! He should’ve—he should’ve… I don’t know…” She drops her head into her hands. “Everything’s fucked,” she mumbles from between her fingers.

Something large and warm curls around her—his hand, she thinks. Through her fingers she catches a glimpse of his long white claws on the paving stones. **We have the power to fix it** , he says in a low rumble. **You and I, Kushina. If you have the courage.**

“What do you want me to do, kill him?” she says bitterly. “I’d never become Hokage. _And_ it’s wrong.”

**Then what will you do?**

“I’ll end this war. No matter what I have to do.”

 **No matter what?** says Kyuubi, his voice almost a purr.

“It’s an _expression_ ,” she says, kind of annoyed but unable to help smiling at him. “Don’t look so pleased about it. I’m not about to fall for your seduction of evil.”

He props his chin up on one hand so all she can see is the underside of his jaw and a hint of his teeth-bared grin. **No need to worry. I can be much more seductive when necessary.**

 

After a long time the Swordsmen come back. Kyuubi doesn’t quite recognize them when he senses them so she opens her eyes and tenses, ready to fight whoever it is. But she just finds Kuriarare holding up the Raikage’s head by the hair to inspect it. Kabochano is missing his right arm and most of his _shoulder_ and he has some kind of water barrier over the wound to keep him from bleeding out. “You did it,” he says hoarsely.

Hakatsuchi nods. “We’re going back to Konoha’s forward camp. Bring his head.”

“Kushi’s going to meet the others,” Kabochano grunts. Who the fuck is Kushi? She figures it out when Kuriarare tosses the Raikage’s head at Hakatsuchi and vanishes away into the trees. “Figure I might as well die with them, beats whatever suicide mission the Third’d send me on. The others will take Shibuki back for me once I’m dead.”

Hakatsuchi nods and holds out the Raikage’s head to Kushina, which is probably his idea of a joke but seriously the last thing she wants right now, so she just backs away and throws up under an exploded tree.

It’s just over one day to the forward camp. They run because walking might get them caught by a squad from Kumo, and don’t rest until they stagger into the commander’s tent.

Hakatsuchi drops the head at Shuusaku’s feet, and he stares at it. “This is…”

“We found the Raikage after finishing our mission,” says Hakatsuchi. “And I killed him. I thought you’d want proof, and I’m sure you have some use for his head.”

Shuusaku’s chuunin aide steps forward at a gesture from him and picks up the head, looking as revolted as if she’s never killed anyone before. Kushina can practically hear her thinking something silly about the barbaric Bloody Mist that’s _so_ much worse and less civilized than Konoha. Which, well, yes, it is, but it isn’t like there are _no_ Konoha nin who would deliver a severed head as proof of a kill.

“Kushina-san, would you help me seal this?” she asks. Implying: why didn’t you seal this earlier so it wouldn’t be collecting rushes and dirt from the commander’s floor?

“Sure thing,” says Kushina, and pulls her supplies out of her arm. She honestly didn’t even think of it, and not sealing the thing didn’t seem to inconvenience Hakatsuchi at all. She was just tired. She’s still tired, but Kyuubi is being an absolute champion and keeping her from feeling the pain of the blow that narrowly missed severing her spine.

**Don’t worry. I’ll give it back later.**

_Wow. Thanks. Also, way to completely avoid taking a compliment._

“Even after fighting for three straight days without rest,” mutters Shikaku from where he’s sitting by the commander. “Look what he did to them.”

“At _least_ shut up until they’re not in the room,” whispers his Yamanaka.

“Don’t pretend you’re not dying to ask them about it so you can update his stats—sorry, Commander.”

Kushina hands the scroll to the aide, whose name she really should remember but doesn’t, and turns to give Shikaku a look. “Ask me tomorrow. Right now I’m going to go pass out as soon as I can find a spare bit of tent to put my mat.”

“Ask a genin to find you a place,” says Shuusaku. He’s now moving pieces frantically around on his map with a thoughtful frown on his face. “I want a full report of the battle and your mission by tomorrow—say, noon.”

“Understood,” says Kushina, weary and trying not to let it into her voice. “C’mon, Hakatsuchi, you’ve gotta be dead on your feet too.”

He really does seem dead on his feet, because he doesn’t say a single dumb thing as they follow a runner to a tent in a remote corner of the camp. He watches quietly as she sets up her bed and finally lies down with a soft sigh. “G’night,” she murmurs, and curls into his back.

 

When she got this mission, what feels like a lifetime ago, she assumed she’d be able to go home after it was done. But old Sarutobi is too frantic to consolidate their victory on the eastern front, and no-one even mentions the possibility that she’ll be allowed to leave. She gets put in charge of the security team accompanying the body squad that’s going to the battlefield she just left. Basically they just need to make sure no-one surprises them while they’re burning their own comrades and going through corpses from Kumo for secrets. And of _course_ they run into a bunch of Kumo nin doing the same thing. So Kushina fights on blood-soaked blasted ground over a bunch of dead bodies.

She ends up fighting next to Hakatsuchi a lot, because whenever she has the opportunity she puts him on her team. Once she asked him whether he minded; he shrugged and said, “I like you, and it’s not like anyone else gives enough of a shit to watch my back, so why wouldn’t I want to fight with you?”  She realizes now that he never had anyone back home. He’s been a host since before he could talk, and it has always been common knowledge what he is. Nobody ever _wanted_ to get close to him. She doesn’t think even his wife likes him.

Hakatsuchi himself is stuck in a strange uncertain limbo where everyone from Konoha assumes he has authority over the Kiri forces because he’s the strongest, and although nobody from Kiri listens to him they also refuse to tell anyone from Konoha who _actually_ commands them. This leads to some extremely fucking tasteless jokes about which village is _on top if you know what I mean_ whenever he joins Kushina’s squad, which in turn leads to exactly one person getting punched, Kushina getting written up for beating her subordinates, and subsequently a lot of unsubtle threats that promise a proper beating once certain parties are no longer her subordinates.

“Does it bother you?” she asks him once—they’re far away from the forward camp, and away from the rest of their team. “I mean, the jokes they make about us.”

“Does it bother me that for once people are making up rumors that don’t revolve around me drinking anyone’s blood? Does it bother me that people are making up rumors that I regularly get fucked by the most beautiful woman in Fire Country? Yeah, it’s devastating.” But he does sound upset as he sighs and runs both hands through his hair.

“Hakatsuchi?”

He shakes his head and won’t look at her. She touches his arm uncertainly, and he almost flinches in surprise as his head turns toward her with his face half-hidden behind his shoulder.

“Because it’s not true,” he snaps. “Because it couldn’t _possibly_ be further from the truth. You won’t hear those rumors from any Kiri nin because they know not a single person has ever wanted to touch me. Not even my own wife, her family made sure of that—in twenty-two fucking years. I’ve never…” His hand hovers half a centimeter away from Kushina’s knee, trembling slightly in the air.

What else can she do but catch his hand and kiss it and try not to cry? “Look at me,” she says. His slit-pupiled eyes appear from behind the curtain of his hair, baleful and wary. “You’re—you’re perfect, okay? It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.” Except it does, it matters more than anything else in the world. They never even knew what she was and they hated her. And for him—

“You’re not stupid enough to think that,” he says. His teeth are bared in a tiny, pointlessly furious little half-snarl.

She lets her forehead fall onto his and with her free hand she brushes away the hair hanging in his face, tucks it behind his ear. “If I say it enough maybe it will become true. I’m so—I’m so sorry. For what they did to you, I’m sorry this is too little and too late, I wish I could have been there for you when you really needed me…”

“You’re here now,” he says fiercely, as if he’s trying to convince her that’s enough. He’s trying to comfort her about his horrifying life because he doesn’t think he fucking matters anyway. He’s brave and good and even wearing Kiri’s mask of bloodlust he’s far more than any of them deserve. She thinks: _shut up_ , and kisses him.

He’s a shitty kisser. He’s eager, even violent, or at least desperate to make her stay; but when he tastes her blood he shrinks away. She has to grab his face to keep him from leaving and mutter into his mouth, “Fuck off, what’s Kyuubi good for if he can’t heal a couple cuts? Who gives a shit how you kiss?”

His hands clench into fists on the reinforced collar of her vest to make sure she can’t draw back any further. And he lunges forward again to try and eat her from the inside like it will fill the hole in him, the same hole that’s opened up beneath her like a pit in her own chest. “I love you I love you I love you,” she whispers into the hot wet air between them. “No-one can ever take that away from you, okay? I’d die for you.”

He makes a choking noise that must be a sob and grips the back of her head to press their foreheads together. “Stop,” he says thickly, in the way that means _never stop_.

“Won’t,” she says. “You’re too important.”

“Come here,” he murmurs. He leans back and pulls her with him until she’s straddling his waist and he’s impatiently trying to pull his hair out of the way so it doesn’t get caught on the bark of the tree he’s leaning against. She laughs as he gives up and pulls her face down to kiss him again. His eyes are closed; he’s still frowning.

“You are _not_ allowed to frown while I’m kissing you,” she says. “This is a _good_ thing. We’re—we’re affirming our friendship.” He laughs like a rusty hinge, which makes her giggle. “If you don’t look happy I’m doing something wrong, so—hey, look at me. I thought I was the most beautiful woman in Fire Country?”

“Don’t let it go to your head,” he says haughtily, and tips his head back so he can look down his aquiline nose at her. But with his eyes open he looks less like he’s waiting for death in her arms, so she forgives him.

“Well _you_ have pretty eyes, and I want to see them. Feel free to let that go to your head.” In the dim light of their lantern she thinks he might be blushing, which is the most delightful thing that’s happened—all month, really. She leans forward with her arms bracketing his broad chest and kisses him very slowly until he makes the most wonderful little sound and clutches at her face.

They fall asleep in each other’s arms that night.

Kushina’s dreams are paranoid, desperate, a dark confusion of trying and failing to protect the things that are most important. She wakes up unrested just before dawn to stare at Hakatsuchi’s blue-grey face, tense in the cold blue-grey light. She can’t help but think of when she met him on the Water Country border, him making fun of her and delicately testing the limits of her tolerance for Kiri humor. She would have been the only person who would talk to him; it’s always been more than the bijuu inside them that’s drawn them together.

She smooths her thumb gently over the furrow between his brows and promises herself that she’ll protect him, help him fake his death, kidnap him to secretly live in Konoha and tell him she loves him every day. Whatever it takes to someday see him smile for real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thinking about one of my favorite poems of all time, which is a blackout poem of Ezekiel 16:22 by tumblr user bluemantle:  
> “Your father and your mother rubbed salt in. No one looked on you with pity or had compassion enough for you, for on the day you were born you were despised. Live! Grow. I looked at you and saw you were enough.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which: only horrible things, mostly. BUT ALSO our favorite hot scary lady!! coming up: more horrible things. oh I guess I should do warnings. they are somewhat spoily so go to the end notes if you want them.

There’s suspiciously little resistance around the camp they’ve come to demolish. They don’t see any guards, which, okay, maybe they’re just very sneaky, they are ninjas after all. But the camp itself is almost deserted.

“I can only sense… three people,” Kushina murmurs to the squad, in their hiding place in a tree. It’s been pretty easy to convince people that she was always a sensor, since it’s one of the things Uzumaki were once known for. “What the hell is going on here?”

“Decoy camp,” says Shikaku. “They want us to stop destroying their camps, so they’re setting up fakes. It’s probably a couple people with a cloth manipulation technique.”

“So, what, we go home and report that it’s a dummy?”

“Nah, I think we still wreck it,” says Hakatsuchi. “There’s a chance it’s some kind of, fuck, double fake? Like we leave and then they start bringing people in.”

“What he said,” Shikaku agrees.

“You’re the subterfuge expert,” says Kushina cheerfully. “I just pu—oh, hang on, someone’s coming out.” She’s about to point when the person lights up with a blinding flash and she breaks off to rub spots out of her eyes. “Ow! Some kind of signal, you think?”

“I don’t like it,” Inoichi mutters. But when they all look at him questioningly he can’t say why, and just shakes his head.

“Then do we go down there and wreck it?” asks Chouza. “Might as well, right?”

“Yeah, before whoever they were signaling gets here.” Hakatsuchi vaults out of the tree, and they all follow. “Should be a piece of cake anyway.”

It’s a piece of cake. Kyuubi’s range is large enough that Kushina can tell the fleeing Kumo nin aren’t going for reinforcements, or at least that they won’t find them nearby. But she can feel him sort of frowning in her head because something’s wrong. Him and Inoichi, the two sensors, both think something’s wrong, but what exactly is it? She looks around uneasily over the field of burning fabric around them, dazzlingly bright with thick black smoke that hides any sign of the trees. _Something_ is wrong. But what, _exactly_ , is it?

Kyuubi’s chakra spikes in alarm, and in her head he barks, **Genjutsu!** Her eyes clear, and apparently so do his because her borrowed chakra sense lights up very suddenly with the warm pressure of vicious satisfaction moving toward them.

Chouza’s the closest so she slaps a hand onto his shoulder and jolts him with her chakra. He was always quick on the uptake, and it doesn’t take him more than a second to realize what’s going on and reach for Shikaku. That leaves Kushina free to help Hakatsuchi.

They only have another four seconds to get in a formation before the Kumo nin arrive—Team Ino-Shika-Chou on the outside defending, no matter how much more fragile they are (for Hakatsuchi’s sake Kushina feels a wave of gratitude). And hey, she’s a decent mid-range fighter, so it’s fine by her. Her chains fly over the team’s heads, snatching enemies and throwing them. “You know,” she says, “We’re not that delicate. You can let us out into the garden.”

The three of them close ranks in front of her and Hakatsuchi. “I don’t think you want to be out in the garden right now,” says Inoichi grimly over his shoulder. The Raikage’s son—he must be the Raikage now—is striding toward them across the burning field, flanked by two shinobi Kushina vaguely recognizes.

“Jinchuuriki!” he bellows. “Face me like a man! You killed my father!”

“Sure,” says Hakatsuchi. He dodges around Chouza to stand in front like the total idiot he usually isn’t. Fuck, is he excited to get to fight them? She can hear the bared-teeth smile in his voice. “And I’m gonna kill you too. Don’t make it too easy for me, okay?”

“This time we haven’t spent three days putting down your cannon fodder,” A growls. “You got _lucky_.”

Kyuubi can feel his men spreading out around them to prevent any escape. Not that it’s going to be hard to break through—the hard part will be convincing Hakatsuchi to leave if it does become necessary to escape. So she’ll have to make sure it doesn’t!

“Deal with the guys surrounding us,” Kushina murmurs to Chouza. “We might want a clear escape route. I’ll help Hakatsuchi with A’s team.”

“Take care,” he replies, but he taps his teammates and they go, leaving no-one between her and the fight.

It quickly becomes clear that A and his team have been fighting together a _lot_ longer than Kushina and Hakatsuchi. They move practically with one mind: A is intent on engaging Hakatsuchi, so his backups keep Kushina away. But Kushina isn’t _just_ a short-range fighter who can block lightning with lightning. She’s also a seal master who’s learning on the fly to split her attention enough to draw a seal while still fending her attackers off with her chains. This bastard keeps trying to put her under genjutsu (but Kyuubi is wise to it now!) and _that_ bastard has some kind of water technique Kushina’s never seen before that lets her slide past attacks. But once she buys enough time to touch all her chains to her new seal and absorb it, they’re both done.

Next time they block her attacks they _stick_. It’s the work of a moment to wrap them up (like Han no no _nonono_ ) and go for the Raikage. A is too fast, that’s so clear from the way Hakatsuchi is beat up and bloody, but he’s still laughing. He’s still laughing at the man who’s beating him to a pulp. Furious, Kushina whips her chains at A, digging her feet in to hold him back from Hakatsuchi. And he’s caught.

She smiles in vicious satisfaction: he’s not going to be getting away again. Now she just needs a paralysis seal and he’s _done_. She doesn’t figure out why she’s in the air before she slams hard into the ground, barely reinforcing her ribcage against cracking like an egg. She starts scribbling a paralysis seal in the ashy dirt, but she doesn’t manage to finish it before she has to roll out of the way of the same lightning-charged punch that put a hole through one of her lungs two months ago. It craters the ground, and she jumps back to her feet. He’s still holding a fistful of her chains, though, and she _isn’t_ going to win a brute strength contest of tug-of-war with him. She starts wrapping her chains around him in both directions, but he slams her into the ground again.

“I can do this all day,” he says. “You’re just a distraction.”

“You seem pretty distracted,” she wheezes. “So I feel like I’m doing okay.” She really should have gotten Shikaku over here to catch him, some people just won’t fucking _stay still_. “Shika—”

“No,” is his only reply. Before she can get up he yanks her toward him by her chains—she doesn’t have time to dodge, only to reinforce her ribs again and shut her eyes as she crashes into his foot. It leaves her gasping for breath on the ground, unable to even get to her knees.

“If you let go, I’ll let you go. He’s the only one I’m after today.”

 _What the hell_ , she wants to say. _Taking all the credit for my kill, Hakacchan? I’m the one you want. I cut off his fucking head_. But she can’t fill her lungs.

 **Get up** , Kyuubi snarls. **Don’t tell me you can’t. When you can’t walk, you run. That’s the rule.**

His chakra pours into her, opening her airways, she breaths sweet, _sweet_ smoke-filled air and charges her hand with lightning just in time to catch A’s fist. It arcs from their joined hands into the ground, scorching it, and he raises an eyebrow. “You use lightning too. But it doesn’t matter. I use it better.”

Lightning cloaks his whole body—and then instead of attacking her he throws her to the ground again and charges at Hakatsuchi, who’s been trying to heal quickly just out of range. She shortens her chains to try to reel him in but it just drags her after him through the dirt and she can’t get up in time—he’s too fast—he catches Hakatsuchi with his arm and his head—just—

Isn’t. There. Any. More.

He only falls when A releases him. He looks so small without his mass of hair. She can hear each individual breath that passes her lips, each heartbeat, and feel as if in slow motion the boiling chakra rising in her gut like a tsunami. When she screams, Kyuubi is screaming with her, not a word but just a sound that rips her throat bloody. The world goes red.

There’s a blur of motion and a smell of blood and their tail slaps _those people_ away over the burning field. They kneel down by Hakatsuchi’s body to gather him up, but what falls isn’t tears. Something red.

They scream again, and the ground seems to shake with the force of their anger, their grief.

Behind them: someone, a nuisance. Their tails, fanned out behind them, swat away humans like flies. The humans are trying to get to him. They want to hurt him even more. They want to take him away even more. Kyuubi-Kushina turns to watch them, hunched over him and snarling an I-dare-you snarl.

Their gaze focuses in on someone holding a very familiar pot. She knows it, oh yes she knows it.

They’re going to fucking seal her.

She gathers energy in her mouth to destroy the pot, but those men are back, trying to sneak up behind her. She picks up Hakatsuchi and whips around to let loose the ball of chakra, digging a furrow half a kilometer long, shattering trees and leaving nothing. But they got out of the way.

She leaps at the man with the swords, _stop dodging_! Things are happening all around her and there are too many of them and she just fucking wants everyone _dead_. Behind her the lightning man is holding the pot, making hand seals. If he touches her—

He doesn’t.

As she recoils his hand brushes Hakatsuchi—he’s sucked out of her arms and into the pot, and it seals itself.

“ **NO! NO! GIVE HIM BACK!** ” she screams. If she smashes the pot she’ll find him inside _and it won’t hurt anyone ever again_ —her tails sweep out in front of her and send everything flying. She leaps into the air after the pot to throw it to the ground.

The pot smashes and ink pours out, dousing the flames around it like a pool of night. Hakatsuchi isn’t in there any more.

He’s never coming back.

 

Eventually they’re gone. Afterward Kushina will vaguely remember sitting curled around Hakatsuchi’s head, screaming into his blood-flecked hair. She’ll vaguely remember Chouza trying to calm her down and talk her out of her chakra cloak. She won’t remember being carried home, because she’s unconscious then.

She’ll try not to remember sitting with her fists clenched as Kiri’s Fire Country division commander tells her that she did well to keep the three-tails out of Kumo’s hands, with Hakatsuchi’s head dangling from his idle hand by the hair. Kushina isn’t able to speak or even move until a quarter hour after he leaves, because if she loosens her self-control even a little she might destroy the forward camp—

In the end, as much as she’d like to, she cannot forget that.

 

Sarutobi sends her back to Konoha for leave, too fucking little and too fucking late. She can’t bring herself to give Obito more than a weak grimace when she comes into her apartment and finds him studying, with scrolls strewn all over the table and the floor. “Miko isn’t back yet?” she asks.

Obito frowns, hesitating, and it occurs to her to wonder if the news she’s Kyuubi’s host could have possibly made its way back to Konoha by now. She doesn’t _think_ so, Chouza’s team are good people, but… Her heart sinks, and she turns away. “Kushina-san? Are you all right?”

“Why would I be all right?”

She hears him put down the scroll he’s holding. “You’re always all right. You’re always—you always have so much energy. You look kind of scary, like a ghost.”

“Did you hear what happened.” She falls backward into the couch and closes her eyes so she won’t see him looking at her.

“No?”

“Then never mind.”

There’s a silence, during which she kind of wishes she didn’t come back. At this point she’s only good for killing people. You don’t need to put on a happy face to kill people, it’s totally acceptable to be grim and tired while you do it.

“Don’t ignore me,” he says angrily. “I’m not a kid, I’ve _been_ in battles, I know how bad it is. You don’t have to protect me from whatever you think is so horrible.”

“My brother,” she says, her voice cracking over something that’s almost a sob. “I found him, and I had him for—for so little time. And now he’s dead.”

Obito drifts closer quietly across the rug. “He was alive?”

“No. No. You wouldn’t get—I can’t tell you. It doesn’t matter. You’ll hear about it soon enough.”

“If I’ll hear about it anyway, why don’t you tell me? Since it’s apparently not a _secret_.”

She opens her eyes and sits up enough to glare at him. “All right, you wanna know? His name was Hoshigaki Hakatsuchi, and he was the host of the three-tailed beast. He was my brother because I have Kyuubi, and because I was the only fucking person who’d talk to him. I helped him kill the Third Raikage and then I watched the Fourth fucking—” She buries her face in her hands, unable to finish her sentence. She sucks in a breath, trying not to start crying in front of Obito. “I’m the one who killed him, they should have come after me. That idiot took all the credit and I let him ‘cause I thought it didn’t matter. And I couldn’t protect him, I fucked up! And now he’s _dead_.”

The couch shifts as Obito sits down next to her, not touching because he’s a thirteen-year-old boy and thinks hugs are embarrassing. “You’re home now,” he says.

“Did you not hear the part about how I have a demon in me.” She sniffs up a bunch of mucus. She is still _not_ crying.

“Who cares?” he says loudly. “Anyone who thinks that matters is stupid. I’ll fight them for you. Even if you could do it yourself—hey!”

“Hugs are mandatory,” she says into his shoulder. “No getting out of it.”

He scoots a little closer because he’s a good kid, and goes _hmph_ and doesn’t say anything else because he’s even dumber than her about emotions.

“So Miko’s still out on a mission,” she says after a while.

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” She’s relieved, for once, not to see her objectively perfect girlfriend. How can Kushina face her right now? She can’t ask Mikoto to comfort her, given what she did. It makes her want to cry all over again because she’s never, never going to see him smile properly now. And she’s going to have to tell Mikoto and everything is a mess. “I wish I weren’t home,” she confesses softly to Obito. “Things are easier when all I have to do is run around killing people. I don’t have to have feelings.”

“I always thought you were more like a ‘feelings are good’ kind of person.”

“I was! That was before—everything. Before the war. Before I became Konoha’s number one flashy weapon. I shouldn’t be talking to you about this. You can barely deal with it when Kakashi beats you in a practice fight.”

“How many times do I have to tell you I’m not a kid?” But if he was going to say something else he cuts himself off and jumps to his feet. “Oh, shoot, my ink is going to dry out.”

“You have to leave it open for like a month for that to happen,” Kushina sniffles, but he pays her no mind.

He comes back eventually with an improbable number of ink pots, stones, and other various bullshit he really shouldn’t need in order to learn (she squints sideways at one of the scrolls) earth release. “How’s your team?” she asks.

He shrugs. “Okay. Bakakashi still thinks he’s better than us, but at this point he’s really not. Me and Rin could take him down _easy_ if we worked together, and I can beat him now in sparring.” Then he scowls. “He’s taking the jounin test, though, so he’s gonna be insufferable. I guess not that much more insufferable than usual. But it’s not like me and Rin couldn’t be jounin if we wanted. Rin could _literally_ be a tokujou with a medical specialization right now…”

Obito, because he is an angel, helps clean up all his scrolls and talks about all of them and how cool they are, and then goes off somewhere to respect her privacy or something. She leaves all her things still packed and dumped by the door, closes the curtains, and sits in the dark with her head in her hands. Trying to think of nothing, partially succeeding.

She pulls a piece of paper and a stick of charcoal out of her arm and starts trying to draw Hakatsuchi while his face is still clear in her mind, but she’s even worse at drawing than she remembers and it barely looks like a human, let alone like him. She throws the charcoal at the wall hard enough to shatter and leave a little black dent, crushes the paper into a ball, and smears the charcoal still on her fingers all over her face.

Half an hour later she finally manages to get up and rifle through the detritus on the floor of her bedroom for an old Iwa bingo book from almost two years ago. She took it from one of the people she killed in her first ever combat at Outpost Ri, so she could see what her bounty was. She was so vain when she was young, and worth so little money. Hakatsuchi is listed in the back of the S-rank section with the rest of the bijuu hosts, looking a little bit younger and a lot surlier than she remembers him, and with his hair barely contained in a low tail. It’s a photograph he sat for, maybe his jounin registration photo that a spy got a hold of. She’s grateful to them, whoever they are, because it means she can cut it out and slide it into a picture frame in front of a picture of Hana and the triplets. She nudges the frame until it’s right next to Aunt Makurin’s drawing of her and her parents and Ryuumaru. There. Both her brothers in one place.

Someone knocks on the door and her hand flies to the place where her knife pouch normally is. Then she gets up, shaking her head . She opens the door on a kid a couple years younger than her wearing the messenger-on-duty armband. “What?” she says.

“Message for Uzumaki Kushina,” says the kid, and holds out a folded piece of paper.

“Thanks,” she says, and since she’s feeling guilty she rummages in the little bowl near the door for a 10-ryou coin. Who knows she’s back in the village, besides the mission desk and the shinobi on duty at the east gate? And like, a couple random people who she passed in the street?

 _Uzumaki Kushina_ , it reads, in insanely beautiful calligraphy that she is covering in sooty gray fingerprints. _Please do me the honor of taking tea with me at the teahouse on the Street of a Hundred Maples at two hours past noon tomorrow. Should Hokage candidates not share their strength and wisdom for the benefit of the village? Yours in hope, Orochimaru._

She stares at it, temporarily unable to bring to mind any other problems besides _why_ this is happening and the fact that she spent way too long staring at Orochimaru’s name before she realized it did not in fact say Great Big Snake Guy. And did she _really_ just sign a letter ‘yours in hope’? Is she making fun of Kushina? Why is her penmanship better than Kushina’s even though Kushina’s entire job revolves around being good at calligraphy? Is she being one-upped?

She closes the door behind her, still staring at the letter, and then folds it up again after a while. She needs to fucking meditate. But not in here. Somewhere else.

She fills up a water bottle and goes out into the oncoming dusk to her favorite training ground. It has _people_ in it. _Training_. Ugh. She goes to her second favorite training ground, which also has people, so she gives up and goes to the Forest of Death.

At least if there are people there she probably won’t see them.

She sets up a simple array of paralysis seals around her so a tiger or whatever can’t sneak up, and then she closes her eyes lets herself fall. Down into Uzushio’s main square on the hill. Down into a place where war won’t touch again.

But Kyuubi isn’t there stretched through Shiota park. It seems very large and empty without him, and she can’t see him anywhere.

“Kyuubi!” she calls. “You can’t hide from me in my own head, you know!”

She walks along the street for a bit, feeling more than ever how eerie it is with no-one there. Worse, the air is still as it never was in Uzushio. When she was a kid there was always a wind coming off the sea, but now she’s starting to worry that she’s forgotten what it smelled like. God of death, she does _not_ want to go back to Uzushio now. How old was Hakatsuchi when it fell? Fifteen? Was he there?

“Kyuubi, you’d better come out, or I’m going to think really shitty thoughts and be sad!”

No answer. To avoid being even more alone with her thoughts than she already is, she jumps up onto the roof of the nearest building, and then further up the slope until she’s standing on the highest point on the island. From here she can see an enormous orange lump lying on the beach on the windward side of the island, like one of those shapeless half-rotted whales that sometimes washed up there.

When she draws close the tips of his tails start twitching. His muffled voice, coming from somewhere in the mass of fur, growls: **The fact that I wasn’t where I usually entertain you was a subtle cue that I don’t want to talk to you. Obviously I was too subtle, so I’ll be more direct. Go away.**

“I’m fucked up about it too, you know!”

Kyuubi’s tails twitch aside to reveal one eye that gives her a poisonous glare. **If my brother really was still inside of him** , he snarls, **I don’t know what happened when you let him get sealed and then _smashed_ the vessel. I don’t know if his energy will return to the world or if he is trapped somewhere else. Through your negligence his host died, and through your stupidity he may be lost to me forever!**

She flinches backward like he’s slapped her. It _is_ her fault, but he doesn’t have to throw it in her face—“There’s—there’s nothing I can do about it now,” she says, tears gathering in her eyes. “You don’t have to tell me how bad I fucked up, I _know_. But I’m trying not to think about it because I still have to live.”

**Then let _me_ think about it in peace!**

“That’s not good for you. Only thinking about the past. I know you blame yourself t—”

**You don’t know a damned thing about me. Get OUT.**

She ignores him telling her what to do, because, well, it’s the only way she’ll ever get anything done. “I was _going_ to try and fix it, so—so next time this wouldn’t happen. Suddenly having so much of your chakra d-didn’t make me any more—listen, next time—we can fix the seal now so it c-can’t happen again. Like penance!”

**I’ve told you twice already to get out. So GET OUT!**

He backhands her into the side of the mountain.

It probably only hurts because she expects it to, but _damn_ does it hurt, like being kicked in the chest by a steam-powered bijuu host. She falls out of the crater in the mountainside and onto her knees, gasping. He’s never really gotten violent before. Actually he’s been _remarkably_ patient for a prisoner in his situation. And now he’s at the end of his chain, as it were, ha ha. Unlike her he has nothing to distract him from brooding as long as he wants.

She gets to her feet and starts running. She runs all the way to the docks on the other side of the island, sits down with a thump on the end of the longest pier, and leans over her knees to watch the waves that go on forever to the edge of the horizon. She can’t remember now, but she thinks she’s supposed to be able to see the mainland, a dark line of trees far away. There’s no mainland here inside her head. Just an island with nothing around it but ocean forever.

She sighs and lets herself fall onto her side, where she curls up and goes to sleep.

Of course, she has awful dreams; Kyuubi doesn’t feel like interfering right now. Hakatsuchi is still there in her dreams, walking by her side, until he’s not. She has to get back to him, but there are all these stupid things in her way, squads of Kumo nin she has to kill or get around except that there’s no seal on her wrist so she has no paper or ink and she’s reduced to hiding in the underbrush praying that they won’t notice her. They always notice her. She tries running from them but that just makes it more frightening that she can hear them crashing through the forest behind her. Shinobi shouldn’t be that loud. What’s actually chasing her?

She runs and runs and runs until she runs into the coast and out onto the ocean that grows darker and darker as she keeps running until it’s like ink. A lid closes over the sky. He’s in here somewhere, she knows he is…

She wakes up, feeling distinctly unrested, and blinks at the shushing line of the horizon. The sea is its normal blue-green-gray. She turns back to look behind her, and finds Kyuubi watching her through narrowed eyes from the market plaza at the Uzushio docks.

“Came to watch me have shitty dreams and not help?” she says tiredly.

**Yes. Your suffering always does cheer me up. Now, don’t you have anything better to do than hang around here bothering me?**

“Probably. Call me if you ever _do_ want to talk about redoing the seal instead of just being a contrary shithead. See you.”

And she wakes up again. Her ass has gone totally numb from sitting on a rock all night, and she’s wet with dew. Ugh. Having to work out before breakfast is the worst.

 

She doesn’t really have any nice clothes, but she refuses to buy anything _just_ to have tea with Orochimaru. The most normal thing she has is an old green dress that she hasn’t yet gotten ink all over. She wears it over the shirt that usually goes under her armored vest, and leggings because there’s nothing tackier than wearing an entire combat uniform under other clothing. She wishes she could wear some of the pretty clothes that someone-or-other (Damn! She never did figure out who!) designed for the negotiations… but Orochimaru was at all of those. She’d know.

Actually, would that count as a power move? Remind her that Kushina technically has political experience too? But what if this really _is_ a friendly meeting?

Kushina says screw it and digs through her pack for the clothing scroll. Then she digs through _that_ until she finds a plain sea-green yukata. By the time she’s finished messing with her hair it’s ten minutes to two, and she can’t really run in a yukata, so she ends up being a minute late. Still better than her normal record! Ah, but she was hoping to be early, because a Hokage candidate should be responsible.

It’s so unfair of Orochimaru to spring this on her literally the day she got back.

“Um, hi?” she says to the person at the counter in front. “I’m meeting Orochimaru here?”

“Right this way.”

This place is so fancy and traditional and all the waitstaff look better than Kushina, and Orochimaru _also_ looks better than Kushina. As usual she sort of looks like she’s wearing pajamas, but in a really glamorous way, and her skin is flawless and her makeup is flawless and basically: ugh.

“You look lovely, Kushina-san,” says Orochimaru. “Thank you so much for coming.”

“You look great too,” says Kushina. She has a bit of trouble sitting down, and fuck is she going to have to hold seiza for like an hour? There’s a chakra circulation trick Mikoto taught her but she can’t quite remember it… She gets distracted by a waitress coming in with a plate of daifuku and tea. Orochimaru pours some for both of them and Kushina stares down at her tea, which is too hot to drink just yet. “Why did you invite me here? No offense, but you haven’t exactly been eager to share tips as fellow Hokage candidates for the last year.”

“Why, because the war is nearly over.” Kushina’s heart leaps at that, and she jerks her head up to look at Orochimaru with undisguised hope in her eyes. Orochimaru laughs softly. “Yes. As I’m sure you’ve noticed, Kumo is able to field fewer and fewer shinobi. On the eastern front it’s practically just cleanup. The reinforcements from Kiri never came to Field Country, but we have an opportunity to hit Iwa where it hurts. If we can spare anyone, that is. In essence it means that anything less than full deployment in certain areas will allow our window of opportunity to close.”

Orochimaru thinks Kushina is stupid enough to need that explained, even though if she knows this much about the course of the war she has to know that Kushina has been put in command of hundreds of shinobi at a time. What is she playing at? “Of course,” Kushina says. She’s being polite. She’s being _polite_. She is _all_ about compromise between what she wants to do (yell at Orochimaru for assuming she’s an idiot) and what other people want her to do (actually be an idiot but also be nice about it). The ideal compromise would be to be nice about trash-talking Orochimaru, but unfortunately Kushina is not that great at coming up with witty things on the spot. “If you really asked me here just to tell me tons of useful information without expecting anything in return, you’re probably the nicest ninja I’ve ever met,” she says. She sips her tea. It’s very good, insofar as she can tell when tea is good versus just okay.

“I wonder if you do have anything to tell me that I would find useful,” says Orochimaru. “Forgive me, Kushina-san. You don’t maintain a spy network, unless it is so subtle that I never heard any word of it.”

“So you just asked me here to gloat,” says Kushina, and then instantly starts yelling at herself in her head. Too blunt! Dial it back! More compromise!

She can hear Kyuubi laughing at her.

“I do like to gloat,” says Orochimaru, perfectly pleasant as if it’s a normal polite part of the conversation. “But I did in fact invite you here to gather information. You don’t need to tell me anything, Kushina-san. I can get everything I need just from talking to you. Have you ever met my sponsor? Elder Shimura Danzou.”

“No. I never had an opportunity to sit in on a council meeting.” She’s aware that what she’s telling Orochimaru is ‘I have next to no political experience,’ but realistically what is Orochimaru going to do with that information? “I was too valuable on the front, so old Sarutobi never found time for it,” she adds, to make sure Orochimaru knows it’s not a sign of her disfavor.

“That’s a pity,” says Orochimaru. She tips her head to one side and looks down demurely at her tea. “I feel that he’d find you a very interesting acquaintance. I’ll have to make sure he gets you some time with the council before it’s too late. Sensei never did learn how to take care of his students.”

Kushina’s not really sure what her angle is with that, but Orochimaru is offering to do her a pretty significant favor, so she makes a little bow with her head. “I’m grateful for your help.”

“Think nothing of it,” says Orochimaru.

There’s a silence that appears to be awkward only for Kushina; Orochimaru blithely sips her tea and eats adorable little mochi.

“So, um, what is your work like?” asks Kushina when it becomes more than she can take.

Orochimaru smiles at her. “Maintaining information networks, or personal infiltration? They’re both terribly interesting.”

Orochimaru tells her about them, and they _are_ terribly interesting. Orochimaru is a pretty good conversationalist. Or, well, at least she knows a lot of stuff and likes to talk about it. Maybe she’s showing off, but who cares? Kushina’s learning a lot and Orochimaru is happy and it’s actually a pretty successful tea date! Until someone climbs in the window.

“Hey, Sensei! I finally fou—oh!” It’s a little girl with messy hair, wearing almost nothing that isn’t made of mesh armor. She makes a quick, sloppy bow in Kushina’s direction, and then edges behind Orochimaru. “Did you call off tag and I forgot?” she whispers.

“It isn’t important right now, Anko,” says Orochimaru.

“Oh! Do you have a genin team?” says Kushina, because she has the feeling Orochimaru is about to dismiss Anko, and she doesn’t want to miss such a cute little girl. “It’s nice to meet you, Anko-chan. I’m Uzumaki Kushina.”

“I know who you are,” says Anko. She glances at Orochimaru. “Nice to meet you. Um, I’ll just go…”

“No, stay and have tea with us! I bet we can get the waitress to give us another teacup, and these mochi are really good, you’ll love them. I can’t _wait_ to hear all the dirt on what kind of teacher Orochimaru is.” She winks at Anko, who blanches. Kind of like Kakashi, but a lot less subtle. Why are kids always afraid of her?

“Sorry Sensei see you later,” says Anko, and vaults out the window.

“Aww, she’s kind of shy,” Kushina laments. “What about your other kids?”

“Tragically talentless,” says Orochimaru. “I do what I can with them, but I doubt they’ll ever amount to much.” Kushina frowns, because that’s no kind of attitude to take with kids, but she doesn’t get a chance to say anything. “Forgive me, Kushina-san, but I have another appointment. Perhaps we can do this again some time.”

She stands and exits, leaving Kushina somewhat at a loss. Before Anko came in, Orochimaru gave no indication that she would need to leave. “All right,” she says to the empty room. “See you.”

It leaves her at a loss.

She desperately doesn’t want to be alone right now, so she goes straight to Minato’s to see if he’s there. No, probably with his team. Training Ground 3, then. She finds them practicing formations, which they’re _startlingly_ good at. She tries to think when the last time was that she saw them actually fighting as a team, and can’t recall—she’s always seen them training separately against Minato or against each other. She watches from up in a tree until they get beaten to a standstill, because Minato has finally figured out how to use hiraishin in a real fight. Didn’t he get a kind of dorky nickname for that?

And when they’re all lying on the ground soaked in sweat with heaving chests, she drops out of the tree to stand over them. “Look at you all! Proper shinobi! I’ve never seen a team get better this fast! You gonna go kick Iwa’s ass, huh?” Her smile strains for a moment as she momentarily remembers what fighting Iwa nin will actually involve, and then she safely suppresses it again. They’re shinobi. “And I heard _someone_ was taking the jounin test.”

“I took it yesterday,” says Kakashi, with the strongest air of quiet smugness she’s ever seen on him. “I passed, obviously.”

“Of course you did!” Kushina jumps on him for a hug even though she knows he hates it because dammit she needs to hug _someone_. “You’re catching up with me fast. You’re gonna be Hokage by the time you’re eighteen, huh?”

He makes a face and wriggles out of her arms. “I don’t want to be Hokage.”

“What do you mean you don’t want to be Hokage?” Obito demands. And that starts an argument. They’re _so_ cute, Obito and Kakashi yelling at each other over petty bullshit and Rin coming over to lean quietly against Kushina’s side.

“Hey, Rin-chan,” she says warmly. “Nervous?”

“It’s a big mission we’re going on tomorrow,” Rin confesses. “It’s really important. I can’t believe they gave it to a team that’s half chuunin.”

“You’re not just any chuunin, you know. You were trained by the future Hokage and the—what was it, the Yellow Star? It was something yellow.”

That makes Rin giggle. “The Yellow Flash. Sensei always gets embarrassed when we remind him.”

“He does, doesn’t he? Well, I’ll save it for special occasions, then. When I want him to be really embarrassed. But how are your moves, Rin-chan? I already know you’re the best young medic in Konoha, but you’d better be able to defend yourself too. That’s in Tsunade’s five rules.”

“I can defend myself, Kushina-san! My doctor said I’m not going to grow much more so I’m learning a style for if you’re smaller than your opponent. _Please_ don’t make me show you right now, I’ve been fighting Sensei for like an hour.”

Kushina laughs and messes up her hair. “All right, since you asked so nice. But you should show me when you get back from your big mission. Since I missed training, maybe I can take you all out for a good luck dinner. I certainly have enough money…” The shadow of a memory looms over her again and she swats it away with the ease of a decade of practice. “Come on. I’ll buy you ramen. It’ll stop those chuckleheads fighting for at least as long as it takes to finish a bowl.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gore, murder, decapitation, disrespect of the dead! big dissociation. I think there's gonna be even more memory loss in the next chapter.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> taking a break from liking naruto for the summer ttrpg interest, but I'm still gonna update every two weeks if I remember until I get to the end of my buffer! in this chapter: guilt, bad news, cuddling??, and a party

She spends the night with Obu and Hana-chan, because like fuck she’s going back to an empty apartment right now. The wonderful, wonderful thing about Inuzuka is they don’t give a shit about personal space, so she gets to sleep with the warm bodies of two humans and four dogs all crammed onto one large futon. There’s some embarrassment when she wakes up tangled in Obu’s hair and thinks it’s Hakatsuchi, but _definitely_ no despair! Whew! Dodged a water bullet there!

She needs Miko to be home right now. She needs Miko to never come home.

She makes breakfast and helps feed Hana and borrows some clothes from Obu and mourns her pretty sea-green yukata, which is now covered in egg yolk. “It _might_ come out,” Obu says apologetically.

Kushina shrugs, since when is she ever going to need to be fancy again, and tries not to mourn it like it was her brother.

It’s not her brother. Her brother has been dead for nine years.

She goes home because she can’t wear Obu’s old painting clothes forever (and she should probably work out), and under the door she finds a note. It’s in unfamiliar handwriting and says it’s from the Hokage’s office, but she has to assume it’s from Danzou in some capacity because it’s an invitation to the council meeting next week.

That not only means Danzou is acknowledging her, it also means she can’t be given another mission for at _least_ eight days. Good! She wasn’t feeling this ‘being home’ thing a couple days ago but now she desperately doesn’t want to have to leave. If she has to fight again it’s going to be… bad. Actually it’s going to be fine, but the fact that it’s fine will be bad.

She is SO TIRED of chasing her brain around in circles to get a quiet moment. It’s easier when she’s moving, so she runs all the way around Konoha on top of the wall, up the cliff, over the cliff, and back along the wall. And then her head is still thinking thoughts so she does it again. After that there are _fewer_ thoughts, but they might come back so she goes around one more time just to make sure. By that time it’s late afternoon and she _kind of_ has to make lunch, so she goes back to her flat and stares into the fridge feeling extremely stupid but not being able to parse any of the food inside.

She goes out for lunch! Ramen is _always_ a good meal.

“Heyyy, occhan,” she says, slumping down on the counter.

Teuchi laughs. “Did you run here from Tanzaku Gai? You’re _dripping_. I should make you come back once you’ve dried off so you don’t ruin the counter.”

“Dooooon’t make me leave. I’ll eat it standing up in the street. Just give me some tonkotsu, please, or I’ll die and it will be your fault.”

He shakes his head and starts ladling broth onto the noodles. “Should I be worried you were here two days in a row?”

“I used to come every day!” she says, feeling obscurely injured. “You’re my favorite restaurant in the whole village, occhan!” He raises his eyebrows at her. “But oba-sensei said ramen’s not nutritional, so I had to learn to make other stuff,” she mumbles. “But I still love you!”

“You’ll always be my favorite customer. Here you go. Some people aren’t as polite as you, Kushina-chan. Some people don’t appreciate good ramen!”

Kushina nods and buries herself in the bowl. Ramen is heaven! Ramen is what they serve in heaven! For every meal! Specifically Ichiraku ramen, she tells Teuchi fervently.

Nine bowls later (just for you, Kyuubi) she’s feeling full and happy, very ready to take a shower and then maybe bring some sealing stuff over to Obu’s to start working on a new project.

But when she gets home she forgets all of that because Mikoto is sitting in the genkan shrugging off her vest. She looks up as the door opens, her face lights up, and she jumps to her feet with one shoe still on. “Kushina! You’re _back_!”

Kushina catches Mikoto in her arms and finds herself being kissed. “I know it’s been harder to send letters lately and you _shouldn’t_ have even had to, Lord Third kept you so long at the front that I wasn’t sure if you were still alive except when I heard you’d done something incredible—oh, I’m so glad!” She pulls back just enough to look at Kushina’s dazed face and laughs. “What’s wrong? You look like you weren’t expecting me.”

“I—I wasn’t. I didn’t know when you’d get back. And I’m filthy. I should… go take a shower.”

“I was hoping to, but never mind. It will keep. Go and take a shower. I’m going to unpack.” She kisses the corner of Kushina’s mouth again and then starts taking off her other shoe.

Kushina collects her old soft green dress and a shirt to go under it, and goes to shower. Shit, she’s going to have to tell Miko. And then Miko’s going to hate her and more importantly Miko’s going to be sad. Kushina can’t do this to her the moment she’s just gotten back! But the longer she waits the more she’s going to convince herself not to tell Miko at all…

It reminds her of what Miko said when she told Kushina about the marriage negotiation. Something like, ‘I started to feel like I was keeping a secret from you, and it made me afraid.’ For some reason it makes her feel better that Mikoto felt the same way. But the bad thing she did is really much less bad than the bad thing Kushina did.

But she’s got to be brave! And own up and apologize! It’s not like Mikoto can even be jealous of him now because he’s—

She gets out of the shower and starts squeezing the water out of her hair with the towel. Gets dressed and steps out of the steamy bathroom into the rest of the cold dry apartment. “I have to tell you something, Miko. I did something bad, and you have every right to be mad at me, but I want to be honest.”

Mikoto looks up from sorting things out of her pack into piles. Kushina swallows.

“I might have… kissed someone else. Like a lot. And cried on them and held their hand and told them I’d die for them.”

“Who?”

“You—you’re going to laugh at me for this, Miko, I feel _really_ stupid. The, the three-tails host, Hakatsuchi. He was like—like my brother. I know that doesn’t make it better, I broke your trust and I’ll do anything to make it up to you…”

“Was?”

“H-huh?”

“What happened to him?”

Kushina looks away as tears start to grow hot in her eyes. “I let him die. So… so you don’t have to worry about him any more.”

“Dearest, I don’t mind if you kiss someone else who you love. I don’t mind if you comfort your brother in the best way you know how. I want you to be happy. Sometimes I think your heart is too big to be filled with just me, although I do my best. Come here.”

Kushina kneels and leans into her arms and cries into her shoulder because what did she ever do to deserve someone like Mikoto? “I’m sorry,” she says through her tears. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t know what you think you’re apologizing for,” says Mikoto softly, stroking her damp hair. “Trying to love the whole world? It’s the best thing about you. I admire you so much, Kushina.” That just makes her cry harder, wailing a little into Mikoto’s shoulder, because of a lot of complicated reasons. Because she’s not sure she deserves something like this, because she can’t believe she has it, because he never will.

“He deserved everything!” she sobs. “He was good and everyone hated him for no stupid reason! I never got to see him smile!”

“Do you want to tell me about him?

“He always pretended like he thought everything was funny. I dunno if you’ve met Kiri nin but they’ve got this thing like they eat blood for breakfast and they’re so tough and they love killing. He always made the dumbest jokes and he was really bad at flirting. He just w-wanted _someone_ to touch him. No-one ever touched him, not even his wife. But he didn’t hate her, he was just so sad. Miko, I’m so so so lucky to have you and Kiinu-sensei and everyone! He never had something like that, he didn’t even have a genin team. I just wanted to see him really smile, just once. I was gonna take him home and make real food for him and who cares if the stupid Mizukage wants him back? And he’d get drunk with us and we’d all make out and he’d _smile_!”

“I would have liked that too,” says Mikoto softly. “You have a gift for finding the people who need love the most and giving it to them.”

She’s quiet for a while, stroking Kushina’s hair and her shoulder. Kushina pushes her face into Mikoto’s side and tries to just breathe. Quietly Mikoto says, “To be quite honest, I was expecting to be having this conversation about Minato. I thought I’d hear that you got drunk and kissed him and had a crisis of conscience and didn’t even think that I’d want to adopt him too.”

“ _Huh?_ ”

Mikoto laughs. “I have a little extra room in my heart too, you know. And I have my reasons to want to build a family with you. It would be nice to have more people around.”

“So… uh… can we _ask_ him? When he gets back? His team went to blow up something important, according to Orochimaru. Sorry, can we though?”

“Absolutely. And have you been making friends with Orochimaru? How _political_ of you. Tell me everything.”

 

Kushina doesn’t _want_ to wait a week for Minato to get back. She has a sort of happy vibration in her chest whenever she thinks about it, tempered occasionally by sadness. But mostly the future looks bright. The war is about to be over, there’s probably no way Minato won’t want to live with them, and she does really well at the council meeting because she’s so focused on getting it right. Danzou gives her some… maybe impressed looks? And the clan heads like her, and Tsume’s there because she’s clan heir and she finally made it home! The meeting’s about economy stuff that Kushina doesn’t understand very well, but what she does understand is mediation.

Afterward old Sarutobi smiles at her and puts his hand on her shoulder and says, “You did very well, Kushina. I’m proud to call you my candidate and my friend.”

For once she doesn’t kind of want to punch him, so she grins back. “I’ll always do my best for Konoha, and if it makes you proud that’s a bonus.”

She kind of floats to the west gate to check if the guards saw Minato and his team come back yet; no dice. That’s all right, he only said they _wouldn’t_ be back _before_ today. She goes every day to chat with the guards (who mostly just want to hear about cool stuff she’s done, but she’s not the only interesting person in the world!). She goes every day for another week, getting more and more concerned. It’s almost impossible that _none_ of them would come back, so they’re just late. They’re taking the scenic route back. Maybe they won the war in Field Country and they’re too busy celebrating to send word back!

On the eighteenth day since they left, most of Team 7 comes home.

She sees Minato first because his hair is hard to miss. Then there’s Kakashi, shining almost as bright. Rin, dark and pale. And no-one else.

“Where’s Obito?”

Minato looks away. Rin looks at the ground. “He’s dead,” says Kakashi hoarsely.

“Very funny. Come on out and have your laugh, nephew. This isn’t a good time for jokes, you know!”

“It’s not a joke,” says Minato softly. “He died because I was too slow to save him. But he died a hero.”

“Does that mean you completed your mission?” asks Kushina, because she cannot, cannot, cannot think enough about that sentence to let it sink in.

“Yes,” says Rin in a small voice. “Kannabi Bridge is destroyed. At the forward camp they said we might have won the war for Konoha.”

“C’mere, Rin-chan,” says Kushina. Mostly because _she_ needs a hug, but Rin could probably use one too. She folds Rin into her chest and holds her, while Minato tiredly goes to report to the gate guards. “You too, Kakashi. Your forehead protector’s all messed up, you can’t possibly be able to see anything—”

“Don’t!” he snaps, slapping her hand away. “Don’t touch it.”

“It’s still healing,” says Rin quietly.

What the _hell_ happened to her kids?

“We’re carrying an important communication that the Hokage will want to see,” Minato is saying. “Kushina, do you want to… come with us?”

“I’m not letting any of you out of my sight ever again,” says Kushina. And that settles that. Nobody tells her to wait outside the Hokage’s office, either. It’s as if she’s always been the fourth member of this team.

Minato presents a scroll and a folded mission report. While he kneels with his team Kushina hangs back against the wall, feeling vaguely sick. Sarutobi skims the mission report, nods, and hands it to an aide. “I’m sorry for your loss, Team 7. Do you want to file for a replacement chuunin?”

“No,” says Kakashi, without pause and sounding almost angry.

“No, Hokage-sama,” Minato echoes.

“Very well. Then you are dismissed. You have a week of mandatory leave.”

They collect their pay in the mission office and then they all follow Kushina to her apartment without comment or complaint. She makes the most lavish dinner she can think of because she doesn’t know what else to do, and then watches them all miserably pick at it. Obito isn’t going to come home. But it’s hard to believe it without ever seeing him. They’ll have to go to this week’s funeral for shinobi killed in action and look at a photograph of him next to a dozen other people who didn’t deserve to die. The war is almost _over_ and only now is it starting to take precious people from Kushina.

“We’re having a sleepover,” she announces as they’re helping wash dishes. “I don’t want to be alone tonight, and I’m sure none of you do either. Like I said, I’m not letting you out of my sight.”

They submit quietly. Obito was the energy of the team: Kakashi is taciturn, Rin a little shy, and Minato often tongue-tied. Without Obito to bait them into talking it’s like they’re already at a funeral. And Kushina doesn’t feel much like making jokes either. She gives each of them a hug before they go to sleep; even Kakashi accepts it without a murmur. If there was ever a boy who needed more hugs, it’s this one. Tomorrow, maybe she’ll feel up to scheming, but tonight she lets Rin curl up into her side and then goes into her head to sit on the longest pier in Uzushio. She’d like to imagine Rin with her so they could both be somewhere sunny. But she doesn’t think it’s possible.

 

It’s another month before Iwa will admit defeat, but Kushina doesn’t have to go back to the front lines just yet because she’s at the negotiations with Kumo. There’s the Raikage who gives everyone else a vicious killing look but _especially_ Kushina; there’s the frostily silent Mizukage who’s been doing unspeakable things to his village for the last thirty years; there’s his dour advisor with the eyepatch whose name Kushina can’t remember; there’s Orochimaru looking like a knife given human form; and for once there’s the Hokage. He plays the stern but forgiving father, which Kushina can tell irritates everyone else as much as it irritates her. Kumo can be welcomed back (‘back?!’) into the alliance as long as it pays all these steep reparations…

Kushina’s pretty sure that the Raikage would die before he’d actually ally himself with Konoha, and she figures everyone else knows it too. He’s just playing nice long enough to get Kumo’s strength back up, and then he’ll declare an end to reparations unless Konoha wants another war. It’s what Konoha did after the first world war, after all. But they’ve got to milk Kumo for everything they can get before then to make up for losses during the war. Iwa’s going to be even harder because of… well, reportedly, The Way The Tsuchikage Is. That’s also why it’s taking him so long to admit defeat.

In early July he somehow finds a thousand extra shinobi to send out in a last-ditch invasion of Field Country. By the time Kushina gets there they’ve already destroyed two forward camps and are advancing on the third. She meets them in a meadow—with regret, because although she’ll fight a lot better in an open area in case this goes wrong, she’s kind of going to be salting the earth here.

With odds like a thousand to one it’s not surprising that they think they can take her. Just two years ago about eighty people at once was her limit. This is their chance to get rid of Konoha’s host once and for all, so none of them split off to continue toward the forward camp. But they’ve made a mistake: they allowed Kushina to prepare the field.

No-one outside of Uzushio has ever made a seal as big as the one Kushina was asked to design, almost half a kilometer across. It means that when she activates it none of the Iwa nin are anywhere near the edge, and they don’t have any chance of fleeing. So Kushina stands in the center holding a ram seal while a thousand people gasp and start clawing their throats. Not only does the seal make it impossible to breathe, but it also slowly drains their chakra. They _will_ all die here, it’s just a matter of whether any of them will make it to her before they do. So she lets her chains fend off sword attacks and watches dying shinobi try again and again to use earth release to disrupt the seal, as if she wouldn’t have planned for that.

It’s not even like fighting, really. She feels like a pest exterminator. She wishes he were here to tell her it’s fucked up, but then to laugh so she could pretend it’s not _that_ fucked up. And then they’d go home and have ramen and he’d have his with tons of shrimp and everything would be, well, less fucked up than it could be.

Once they all look like they’re dead (Kyuubi’s still not talking to her. She wouldn’t talk to her either.) she scuffs the trigger of the seal with her toe to break it and walks away. She’s going to burn the design notes when she gets home, and if anyone asks she must have brought them to make the seal and then accidentally lost them.

(It’s Orochimaru who asks. Kushina gives her her best rueful smile and shrugs like _what can you do?_ )

For the next week people keep coming up to pound her on the back and congratulate her, once the news comes that it made the Tsuchikage decide to surrender. One woman did all this! The rest of Konoha must be even more terrifying! Kushina is a little unsure what she’s being congratulated for, because she doesn’t remember it. She _did_ design a seal, but the design seems to have gotten lost so she’s not sure what it did. She definitely stood in a field and watched—

“What were we talking about again?”

Mikoto frowns at her. “You’re not usually this forgetful, dearest. I suppose you must be tired of talking about it by now, but you can just say so.”

“Farming?” she hazards, although she hasn’t talked about it that much. It was about a field, at least, or something like that.

 **You’re a _real_ piece of work** , Kyuubi rumbles smugly in her head. Okay, why? Also, shut up.

“We can talk about farming if you’d like to,” says Mikoto, the best girlfriend in the universe. Her hands start idly braiding Kushina’s hair. It feels nice. “Do you want to have a vegetable garden once we get a larger house?”

“That’d be nice. We could have fresh pumpkin in the autumn… fresh tomatoes in the summer… I’m a sucker for sweet potatoes, personally. Remember when Kiinu-sensei let us buy them and roast them even when we were on missions? We should hang out with her after I get back from the treaty junk.”

“You’re not going to propose inviting everyone we know to an enormous festival?”

Kushina sits up straight suddenly, making Mikoto pause in her hair-doing activities. “Miko! I just had the most amazing idea! Let’s invite everyone we know to an enormous festival! In the cherry grove by the river! D’you think… well, does your mom like me again yet? Would she want to come? And maybe some of your cousins? I think it’d be cool if we could have lots and lots of people…”

“I’ve… _spoken_ to her, at least,” says Mikoto. She starts undoing the braid, combing her fingers through Kushina’s hair.  “She seems more or less resigned. I… don’t think I want to invite her just yet. But Miharu will come, and Mother might let my younger siblings come. I’m afraid that my cousins don’t speak to me any more, aside from Azumi and Koharu.”

“Get them to come, then. I’ll see if Dosha and Shikan want to scare up some friends from the big three, and I’m sure we can find plenty of Inuzuka who want to come… D’you think Teuchi-san would come and do a ramen stand? It’s not exactly festival food, but…”

“I think Miharu can find some people who do festival food, and perhaps Dosha-san has connections.”

“And we’ll have to get fireworks,” Kushina adds.

 

Everyone is already kind of in frantically-get-stuff-done mode, so the festival is organized in just a couple of days. Kushina’s having the time of her life running around checking on people to make sure they’ve all done _their_ part, and also making sure that Minato and his kids are helping instead of moping. Still, by the time everything is prepared nobody can say where Kakashi is. Kushina has looked everywhere for him that she can think of, but she’s no tracker. She pauses on a rooftop near Minato’s apartment (of course she looked, even though no-one lives there any more) to ask a favor.

_Kyuubi, I know you’re mad at me, but can you help me find Kakashi?_

He doesn’t reply, so she shuts her eyes and goes down into Uzushio. “Kyuubi?”

But he’s only sleeping in Shiota Park, breathing softly in time with the salt wind off the ocean. Maybe she shouldn’t disturb him, but she’s kind of worried about Kakashi… She creeps closer, half hoping he’ll wake up so she can pretend she wasn’t _trying_ to wake him up. But he just shifts a little in his sleep and uncurls his hand toward her. She should _not_ think that an enormous thousands-of-years-old god of vengeance is cute, but, uh, he’s adorable.

She hops over his arm so she’s standing in the area fenced in by his arms and head, and sits down carefully to lean back into his shoulder. His fur is soft, just like a real fox; like always his breath smells like he’s been eating charcoal. She might be _stealing_ this moment of peace with him, because he doesn’t really want anything to do with her, maybe not ever, but so what? She’s selfish. She’s always been selfish. She turns to bury her face in his fur and just sits in his warmth, shadowed from the morning sun by his long nose and his long ears.

A long time later he stirs. Drowsily she feels the wind of him raising his head and sits up too.

 **Hello, Kushina** , he says, sounding really not all that angry with her. He yawns—and when Kyuubi yawns his head seems to split in half, like it’s about to turn inside out and be nothing but teeth. **Just came to sleep on me, did you.**

“Um, I came to ask a favor, but I didn’t want to wake you up. You looked so comfy.”

 **You’re too sentimental** , he says. Wow, she can feel his voice vibrating in his shoulder and in the ground! And he sounds kind of… fond of her? Time to milk it for all it’s worth.

“Well, you know me. I can just go if you want, but I was hoping you’d help me find Kakashi. He’s a little bit missing and I’m worried about him.”

**Hmm. Could be difficult. That one has never felt malice in his life. Go back and we’ll look for him.**

Kushina goes back, feeling a little wrong-footed by how not-mad Kyuubi is. He’s like a solid presence in the back of her head, and she’s starting to be able to feel when his chakra reaches out. **Grief** , he says. **The whole village is sick with it, but your boy’s grief is sharper. Self-blame. Self-hatred. What do you know, he does feel a little malice.**

Kushina tries to feel his chakra sense, alarmed, but he’s not sharing right now. “What do you mean he feels malice?”

 **He’ll only ever turn it inward.** As if that’s supposed to be reassuring?! But Kyuubi lights up a point a little outside the village proper, and Kushina leaps toward it. When they’re close enough she realizes that Kakashi is kneeling by the killed-in-action memorial stone, looking tinier than ever with his head bowed and shoulders hunched inward. Only a moment after she gets eyes on him he tenses and stands up.

“What do you want?”

“Well, everyone else is getting ready to party and you weren’t there. I thought I’d come check on you. You haven’t been at home a lot either.”

“I don’t have anything to do inside a house,” he says. He still hasn’t turned around. “And it’s too small for four people.”

“Well, we’re getting a bigger place as soon as we can. I think the housing market’s about to get better, so I’ll watch for that. What kind of house do you like?”

“I can just get an apartment.”

“Look, you can waste money on an apartment and I’ll make you come over and sleep in the guest room anyway, or you can just live with us and add the money to our food budget so we can eat fancy stuff.” He shrugs and puts his hands in his pockets and raises his head to look past the stone into the trees. “I am very difficult to say no to,” says Kushina. “So I’ve heard. You might as well get used to having a family.”

“There has to be a better replacement for him,” says Kakashi.

She scowls and jumps out of the tree to stand in front of him with her hands on her hips, bending over to be at his eye height. “Don’t give me that, mister. I’ve been trying to adopt you ever since I met you, which if you recall is before I’d even heard Obito’s name. You’re not a replacement for anyone. You’re yourself and you need feeding up and people you can depend on.”

“You’re not very dependable,” he says, still somehow managing to avoid her eyes when she’s looking him right in the face. “I’m surprised you’re not dead already.”

“ _I_ ,” she says, “am the host of the nine-tailed fox, and he won’t let me die. Right, Kyuubi-san?” He catches on quick and takes over to say, “Of course not. It would be inconvenient for me.” Kakashi yelps and jumps back half a meter. “Oh, be quiet. If I wanted you dead, do you think I couldn’t have killed you where you stood?” Kushina kind of pushes him out of the way and says, “Be nice. Anyway, there you have it. No-one more dependable than us!”

“Why did your eyes do that,” says Kakashi.

“Huh?”

“They were glowing red.”

Kushina metaphorically looks at Kyuubi and he metaphorically shrugs. “No idea. Kyuubi-san doesn’t know either. Just one of those things, I guess! Anyway, are you coming to the festival or not?”

“I don’t know why you’re asking if it’s impossible to say no to you,” says Kakashi. He starts walking away toward the river, and she skips after him.

“Thanks for indulging me, Kakashi. I know you don’t like parties, but there’s gonna be good food and Tsume and Obu will be there and Rin’s always happier when you’re around.”

“You just want to keep me where you can see me,” says Kakashi, so balefully that she has to laugh at him. It only makes him look more baleful.

She leaves him with Tsume, Obu, and Hana and their five dogs coaxing him to summon his puppies so they could make friends with the Inuzuka ninken. Kyuubi, who is in a really _mysteriously_ good mood, directs her toward Dosha. Dosha is hanging around a food stall run by her little brother, chatting people up and generally being a comforting/smoking hot presence.

“Kushina!” she says with a broad smile. “I was starting to wonder if you were going to miss your own party! Come here and try this.”

Kushina accepts an enormous hug and a toothpick with what looks like it might be takoyaki—oh! Heaven! It is! “I could not be more in love with you both right now,” she says. “I am blessed to know you. I’m so blessed for everything I have.”

“It’s just takoyaki,” says Dosha’s brother. He is being very teenaged and he is missing the point.

“You’re missing the point! The war is over and we’re all still alive and octopus is cheaper than ever!”

“That’s true,” he concedes. “Try some of this.”

She tries some. It’s maybe the best thing she’s ever tasted? She’d probably stay at their stall all day if Mikoto didn’t come and tell her off for not dancing. So they dance, and she dances with Tsume and Minato and Hiro and a couple strangers she either hasn’t met or has forgotten, and she eats way too much fried food and gets kind of drunk off of ‘partying’ and tells all her worst jokes and laughs _very_ loudly at them. Around dusk she hunts down her most precious people—Mikoto, Minato, Kakashi, and Rin—and gathers them under a cherry tree to watch the fireworks. Well, Kakashi is _in_ the tree, of course he’s in the tree, but whatever. At least he’s there. Mikoto leans into one side of Kushina and Rin leans into the other and she lies back on Minato’s legs and they watch fiery flowers bloom in the sky over the river and everything, for once, is okay.

She closes her eyes and feels her family around her and smiles up at the sky. She can feel Kyuubi smiling too, kind of. _What are you so happy about?_ she asks. _You’ve been in a good mood all day._

**In case you haven’t noticed, the war is over. The whole village is celebrating. I haven’t felt a trace of malice in days. Just because you haven’t seen me happy doesn’t mean I’m incapable of it, Kushina. Once, a very long time ago, I lived in a place where people were content to help each other however they could. It was my brother’s influence. It was hard to be unhappy around him.**

_Your brother? Which one?_

**You won’t have heard of him. He wasn’t a bijuu. I think you may be a distant descendant, though. He always did have more chakra than was good for him.**

_Tell me about him!_

Kyuubi snorts in her head. **You never stop asking questions, do you? Lucky that I’m in a good mood.**

_Luck has nothing to do with it. I know when to make my moves!_

He laughs. **Well, his name was Ashura. Much like you, he was an absolute idiot with a knack for making friends. I didn’t meet him until he was already an adult—he was my older brother, and to hear him tell it he’d been travelling around making the world safe for his younger siblings on our father’s behalf.**

 _Can’t imagine you having a father_ , says Kushina idly, opening her eyes again to look at the stars. “Oh! A shooting star! Did you see that!”

“They’re beautiful…”

**I knew him for a very short time, but I know he was a good man. He couldn’t live long after giving birth to us, so I mostly heard about him from Ashura. Father was the first host. I’m not sure he knew that freeing us would kill him. I don’t think I would have minded if he hadn’t.**

_There’s so many people we don’t get enough time with. I wish you could have known him for longer. I wish you could have met my family._

**There’s still time** , Kyuubi rumbles, interrupting her melancholy. A slow smile blooms across Kushina’s face.

“Yeah,” she whispers. “There’s still time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is in fact Kakashi’s first time hearing that Kushina is a bijuu host! I’m not sure Kushina knows this because Kakashi never looks surprised about anything. How alarming would that be though!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which we learn more about Kushina's memory problems; Kurama does his best to be distracting; finally, an inauguration!

Kushina receives a semi-public commendation for something she doesn’t remember doing, and sweats through the whole ceremony, hoping nobody will ask her to describe it. Not that anyone receiving a commendation has ever been asked to describe what they’re being commended for, and in any case it seems like everyone knows.

Kushina just focuses on looking humble yet happy to serve her village. And complaining to Kyuubi. _Couldn’t they commend me for one of the really important things I actually did? Like taking out Han of the Unrivalled Strength and getting nightmares for months? Or killing the fucking Raikage? I_ did _do that, right?_

**You did. You also did, in fact, design a massive seal that would paralyze and drain the life out of a thousand Iwa nin.**

She rolls her eyes at him in her head. _Yeah, right. I’d remember something like that. That’s—that’s awful! I’d remember it!_

**I’m becoming a little concerned, Kushina. I thought you were pretending not to remember in order to conceal your design notes.**

_But I don’t even have those. I lost them or something._

**No. You destroyed them.** For a moment all she can see is her own hands holding a stack of sealing designs—a spark of lightning and they burst into flames and quickly crumble to ash in the dirt—and then she’s looking at the faces of the three Hokage up on the cliff behind old Sarutobi once again.

She takes an unbalanced step backward and Minato glances at her, and a couple other people look at her, and she pretends she was just shifting to be more comfortable. But. What the fuck. She can’t just _forget_ things because she doesn’t want to think about them. Yeah, it’s true she can barely bring to mind Hakatsuchi’s death as a vague series of impressions, but she was really upset then. She was fighting for her life. Designing a seal and then deliberately waiting for a thousand people to fall into her trap… sounds very different. It’s as if she was never there at all, even when she was doing it.

 _I don’t understand_ , she tells Kyuubi.

 **Of course you don’t** , he says. And doesn’t explain any more than that, the bastard.

Minato sticks himself to her side as soon as the ceremony is over and gives her a Concerned Look, which on him is more of a sad puppy look. Most of his looks are. He’s so cute, what the hell.

“It’s nothing,” she tells him. He looks puppily unconvinced. “I’ll tell you when we get home.”

“You don’t seem very happy about the commendation,” he observes.

“Well, no! I feel like I should be commended for something cooler! You know how many cool things I’ve done. Or even like, doing tactics, which is a way less common skill than killing some people. What about you? You don’t really scream ‘hardened killer,’ you know.”

He shrugs. “I guess I don’t care one way or the other. I don’t need recognition for the job I do. I’m just trying to keep my village safe.” He’s completely missing the point of the question, but she lets it go.

“Anyway, I wanted to look at a couple more houses before you reminded me we had to go to this. It’s kind of late but I think we can still get to one or two.”

“That’s a good idea. Oh, but I kept meaning to ask you about the seal you used in the Field Country campaign.”

She lowers her voice. “The thing that I was going to tell you when we got home is that I don’t remember it, so it might be best if you don’t ask.”

“Er… about the seal design? I just wanted to know how you managed to draw such a large seal in a short amount of time…? And maybe how you spaced and sized the elements of the seal to compensate for the change in scale?”

“ _Oh_ ,” she says, relieved. “Yeah, that’s all theoretical stuff that I already knew. I just never had a reason to make a big seal. So, say I was trying to make a big version of the type one area effect paralysis seal…”

She ends up having to get out a brush and paper to illustrate what she’s talking about, because in her air diagrams she keeps forgetting where everything is. So she’s not exactly looking where she’s going, and she bangs into a woman, making her drop everything she’s carrying.

“Oh! I’m so sorry, let me help you pick that up!”

“Don’t touch me,” snaps the woman, and gathers her things up haphazardly before hurrying away.

Kushina stares after her bewildered, and eventually manages to say, “What was her problem?”

“I don’t know,” says Minato, frowning. At the same time, inside her head, Kyuubi says, **She’s afraid of you. Many of the people here are afraid of you.**

“Afraid of me? Why?” She realizes she said it out loud, flushes, and then pretends she meant to the entire time. “I mean, civilians have always been pretty fond of me, even if the shinobi here hate foreigners for no good reason…” She glances around and _does_ find a wide bubble of open space around them. “Hang on… you don’t think they’ve heard…?”

“Heard…?” says Minato. A second later he gets it. “You think that your high-profile encounter with the Raikage two months ago got back to Konoha.”

“That’s _such_ a delicate way to put it. But yeah, basically. I guess it makes sense that civilians wouldn’t know what to do with it. Actually, can we take a detour? I wanna test that theory.” Because if she’s testing a theory she’s not a target of hatred and fear! She’s just investigating some other nine-tails host.

“Yo! Shikaaaan! Are you hoooome!”

After a long pause and some shuffling, Shikaku’s single narrowed eye appears between the door and the frame. “Why are you yelling. It’s naptime.”

“What, like I was supposed to keep track of exactly when you lazybones are asleep?”

“Naptime is from 1:30 to 4:00 every single day,” he says wearily. “In the entire district. _And_ the two neighboring districts. She must have told you that, you come over often enough. Anyway, she’s home but you’ll have a hard time waking her up. She could sleep through a hurricane.”

“Is Kushina out there yelling?” says Shikan’s sleepy voice from somewhere in the house.

Shikaku throws his arms in the air. “I can’t believe this. You might as well come in, I guess, but keep your damn voices down. I’m going back to sleep.” He opens the door and then shuffles off deeper into the house. Kushina starts taking off her shoes, with Minato hovering uncertainly just outside the door until she punches him in the leg and tells him to come in.

Shikan appears pretty quickly and waves them over to the table, which she leans over on as if she’s going to fall asleep again. “Wh’s’p, Kushina,” she says into her arms. “Not like you t’visit at naptime.”

“First of all, sorry I visited at naptime, I didn’t realize you had, y’know, a designated time for it. The reason we’re here is, mmm…” Kushina draws up short. She will have to actually mention what the rumor is in order to ask if Shikan has heard it. Maybe. “One or more civilians may be afraid of me for… a reason. Which at one point was confidential.”

“Are you talking about the nine-tails thing?” She looks up from her arms and chuckles at Kushina’s expression. “Yeah, I know about that because I badgered my brother until he told me. But I did make him promise not to tell anyone else. No, _his_ team didn’t leak it to anyone but Commander Shuusaku.” With what’s visible of her eyes she gives Kushina a significant look. When Kushina fails to interpret it she sighs and says, “Someone else leaked it, someone who already knew before the war. You can’t think of anyone who might have a stake in making the civilian populace afraid of you.”

“No…?”

“ _Danzou?_ ” says Minato.

Shikan nods, looking pleased. “He always was pretty half-assed about his rumor campaigns. But at least there’s some logic to the timing of this one. It’s not just that Lord Third is getting reading to appoint his successor—Konoha’s spy networks are just starting to report what’s been common knowledge in Kumo for two months.”

“But why would Danzou want civilians to be afraid of me? He’s supported me so far as a Hokage candidate! He even got me into the council when old Sarutobi wouldn’t! He basically said he was impressed with me!”

“Kushina, I think he’s trying to hedge his bets,” says Minato. “He has kind of a reputation for…” He scratches at the side of his chin like he’s trying to think of a polite way to put something.

“He’s an ends justify the means kind of guy,” mumbles Shikan. “And his means have been known to be pretty fucked.”

“We’re all shinobi here.” says Kushina doubtfully. Is he really going to be doing something worse than the thing so terrible Kushina’s brain refuses to remember it?

Shikan shrugs. “It’s just a reputation. He’s very careful not to let anyone know anything definite. But people are afraid of him, and that’s the way he likes it. And he’s an absolute _bastard_ with zoning laws.”

 _Zoning laws_?

“Among infiltrators it’s pretty well known that there’s a division of ANBU that’s not under the Hokage’s command,” says Minato quietly. “Although when an ANBU member makes threats, it’s difficult to tell which division they’re from.”

“And when they’re making good on threats you’ll never see them at all,” says Shikan.

Quick question. Why are all of Kushina’s friends so freaking ominous?

 

Kushina’s invited to every council meeting, which means she starts to get what Shikan meant when she mentioned zoning laws. Danzou is very interested in redistricting the village. The last couple of meetings she went to it didn’t seem like a big deal, like he was just taking care of minor administrative business and the clan heads were getting upset about it because they didn’t like him horning in on their territory. Metaphorically. But in fact he is very literally horning in on their territory! Shimura Danzou talks a lot about making clan lands public for the good of Konoha. And Sarutobi just sits there and lets him argue with the clan heads and does _nothing_. He doesn’t get involved. Surely it’s the Hokage’s _job_ to get involved?

“Shimura-san, can you explain your policy more fully?” Kushina says, playing the ingénue. “Maybe I don’t quite have the context to understand how this helps.”

Danzou gives her an unreadable look, and for some reason the Hyuuga clan head gives her an openly contemptuous one, although he seemed pretty pleased to have her interfering last month. Actually the Sarutobi clan head doesn’t look pleased with her either. Did she just ask a really stupid question?

Danzou starts talking about how vital it is for clans to put aside their personal concerns for the village as a whole, which Kushina is pretty sure is making everyone angry. By the end of his speech all the clan heads have redirected their ire at him and come down solidly against the redistricting. So Kushina feels like she’s done a good day’s work pointing it out!

At least until Kyuubi’s malice senses ping her as everyone’s leaving the meeting and she catches the Senju clan head whispering to Sarutobi Fujirou: “…fox is a liability. I don’t know why they let her…”

Kushina’s stomach drops, and she leaves the building quietly.

 _Attempts_ to leave the building quietly, because Orochimaru appears by her elbow to walk her out. “Council meetings are certainly more interesting with you here, Kushina-san,” she says softly. “I always am glad I managed to get ahold of you.”

“I thought you wouldn’t be excited about what I pulled in there,” she says, raising her eyebrows, trying not to sound to upset.

Orochimaru chuckles. “My dear Kushina, please don’t mistake Danzou’s patronage for agreement on policy. I happen to be convenient for him, and he for me. In council meetings it’s generally true that no-one wants to speak against him. He’s the only proactive politician in Konoha. It allows him to take advantage of a system in which clans expect to look after their own interests and trust the Hokage to make the important decisions. Unfortunately, as you’ve seen, Sensei leaves most of it to Danzou. The result is that the man with the loudest voice makes all the policy decisions.” She shakes her head minutely, adopting a sorrowful expression. Kushina squints at her.

“Why are you telling me this, though? Aren’t we rivals? I, well, I kind of figured the whole thing about sharing our knowledge for the good of Konoha was just a cover for information gathering.”

Orochimaru laughs out loud this time. “You really are a delight! I wish more people would speak their minds. The reason, Kushina-san, is that Danzou is completely uninterested in the game. He only cares about winning, which makes everything terribly boring.”

“You could play against him,” she points out, a little amused.

“I prefer players whose moves I can’t predict.” Orochimaru smiles sweetly at the chuunin manning the mission desk and steps forward to hold the door open for Kushina. “I hope you’ll indulge me, Kushina-san.”

She rolls her eyes. “I play for actual stakes, Orochimaru. If you have fun it’s incidental.”

“Oh, perfect. That’s just what I’d wanted to hear.”

She gives Orochimaru a look that tries for reproving but probably just hits ‘that’s kind of cute.’ It shouldn’t be cute! Orochimaru is playing games with people’s lives, but Orochimaru being playful is _charming_. And… it’s undeniable the way she plays is useful to Kushina.

Ugh. Politics is going to turn Kushina into a _politician_. This sucks.

But whatever. She can go home and not do politics until next month, unlike when she’s Hokage and she’ll have to do them all the time. The position is looking worse and worse as a… way to spend time. But Orochimaru can’t be Hokage! She likes politics more than she likes helping people! Kushina can’t even imagine what kind of strange laws she would make because it would be more fun. No, Kushina has to be the competent one here.

“I’m hooome,” she calls into the new house (geez, they need more furniture!) for whoever might be there. Kyuubi briefly points out where everyone in the house is, thank you Kyuubi, and Kushina goes into the kitchen to swoop up Mikoto from behind. “Heyyy, Miko. Dja miss me?”

“Always, dearest. Put me down so I can kiss you.” Miko only gets better at kissing the more they practice. Mmm. “How was the council meeting? Ah! Doesn’t that make you sound like the Hokage already?”

“Oh, don’t, Miko! Being the Hokage is dreadful, but I’ve got to do it because Orochimaru thinks politics is a fun game! I know you admire her, and she is _very_ pretty, but she just won’t be a good Hokage.”

Mikoto kisses her again and says, “Well, she’s excellent at the job she does now. I see no reason for her to stop. I know that however unpleasant you find being Hokage you’ll do wonderfully.”

“Ahhh, Miko you’re the best girlfriend in the worrrrrldddd. Also what are you making.” She wraps herself around Miko’s back and peers over her shoulder. Miko laughs.

“Beef stew with potatoes. Rin is doing grilled squash for a side.”

“Oh! Rin-chan! Forgive me for not saying hello.” Kushina descends to kiss Rin on the head. “It’s _so_ sweet of you to help out even though you’re a guest.”

“I like to help however I can, Kushina-san.” Ugh. She’s the sweetest girl in the entire world. Kushina doesn’t deserve her.

 **And so easy to keep track of** , says Kyuubi, in for some reason a really snide voice. **I’ve rarely met anyone so full of repressed negative emotions. She’s like a beacon.**

_What?_

**Hm?** he says, like he’s not paying attention, the faker.

_We’re talking about Nohara Rin, right? The most helpful girl in the world who just loves making other people happy?_

**If you don’t want to hear it you don’t have to listen.** Kushina looks at Rin again, smiling while she flips over slices of squash on the griddle. She doesn’t look like she’s full of repressed negative emotions.

**Yes, that’s why we call them repressed.**

“Rin-chan, will you help me set the table? It looks like dinner’s almost ready.”

“Of course, Kushina-san!”

Kushina grabs some bowls since they’re in kind of a high cupboard, and she goes with Rin into the dining room. In a lower voice she says, “Hey, baby, are you happy?”

Rin looks around, her smile dimming into a look of puzzlement. “Why wouldn’t I be happy, Kushina-san?”

“You have lots of reasons to be unhappy. You’re a shinobi. You lost a teammate just a few months ago. I know Miko’s still upset about that ten years later. It’s okay to be upset, you know?”

“Do I seem upset?” asks Rin anxiously. She’s wondering if she’s _hiding_ it well enough. So it is true. Kushina’s heart aches.

“Not unless you happen to be able to sense emotions. Kyuubi-san told me you’re always unhappy, and I wanted to check up on you. It’s something you can talk about.”

“Kakashi’s depending on me,” she says with a kind of apologetic smile, and puts down the last of her silverware. “I don’t have it as bad as him anyway. It doesn’t matter.”

“Hey, it matters to me! If someone I love is sad I won’t rest until I’ve done everything I can to make things better for them! That’s the Uzumaki Kushina promise, you know!”

“You don’t have to go that far…”

“Of course I don’t have to! I do it because I want to. I just want you to know that it’s normal to feel guilty. Hell, I just wanted to die for a couple days after I—after I got my brother killed. But just because I get over things fast doesn’t mean you have to! I just—I’m no good at this, sorry, Rin-chan.” She runs a hand through her hair and looks up at the ceiling, leaning back against the table. Her throat feels a little tight, like every time she tries to talk about Hakatsuchi. “Kakashi still spends three hours every day talking to the Memorial Stone. And Minato’s grieving in his own way. All of you are hurting for the same reason, so you don’t have to hide it. You don’t have to be strong all the time for their sake. Okay?”

“Okay,” Rin says, smiling at Kushina. Kushina smiles back until Rin turns around to go back into the kitchen and Kyuubi shows Kushina a brief flash of the terror and emptiness radiating off of her. She’s afraid of Kushina now, not because she’s a host but because she knows what Rin is feeling.

Kushina clutches her chest and tears sting her eyes. _I… I didn’t help at all. What can I do for her?_

 **If I knew that I’d tell you.** He sounds as bitter as she feels, like maybe he’s angry too that they can’t help her.

She doesn’t have the energy to shout any more, so she kind of slinks into the kitchen and says, “Hey, Rin-chan, can you go hunt down Kakashi and tell him dinner’s ready? I’m sure you know where he’ll be.”

“Sure, Kushina-san! It shouldn’t take more than about twenty minutes.”

Kushina watches her go out the door with a sinking heart. She looks as cheerful as ever.

“What’s wrong, dearest? You look…”

“Rin’s having just as much trouble as Kakashi, but she won’t admit it. She says he’s depending on her. It’s… I’m really worried about her.”

“You and I will scheme,” says Mikoto. “We’ll find a way. You’re well known for being very determined.”

“Mmmghf. You always make me feel better, Miko. But I’m not sure if I can help her. She doesn’t trust me with this. She doesn’t trust _anyone_ , not even Kakashi who’s in her same position.”

“Only trivial problems get solved in one conversation. Give yourself time to help her. Sometimes the best thing you can have is someone who will let you be weak—I’ve appreciated you being that for me more than I can tell you.” She leans up to kiss Kushina very gently on the corner of her mouth. “We’ll talk about it after dinner, okay?”

“Yeah,” Kushina sighs. “Thanks, Miko. You really are the best. I’ll go bug Minato, it’ll take at least ten minutes to get him to stop whatever he’s doing.”

“It’s faster for _anyone_ else,” Miko calls after her. “You always get absorbed in it too.”

“Don’t tell me what to do!”

Dinner is _nice_. Everyone is nice. Kushina finds it difficult to forget just how hard Rin is trying to be nice, and she’s quiet for the whole meal, thinking. Since nobody else in this house is _fun_ , it means it’s a quiet dinner. Kushina makes Rin go home afterward instead of getting her to help with dishes like she usually would. At least when no-one else is around Rin doesn’t have to pretend to be happy. It’s probably a little better for her when she’s alone.

Kushina frets about it while she washes dishes until Mikoto tells her to stop frowning and pushes her toward their room. Kakashi has already vanished again and Minato is in the workroom doing fun stuff with seals that Kushina is too worried to stick her nose into, so it’s just her and Miko upstairs.

She throws herself onto the bed, and Mikoto observes from her place leaning against the wall. Their bedroom isn’t really furnished, because all the pretty things they have went downstairs where people will be spending more time. They’ll just have to get more! “So what are we gonna do?” Kushina asks, staring up at the ceiling. “How do you even get someone to feel safe being weak?”

“I don’t know,” says Mikoto. She sounds just about as troubled as Kushina feels. “I suppose… it helps if you let yourself be weak too. I used to try to be the strong one for you—this would have been in the couple of years before you made chuunin. And then I started to feel like it was okay to be frustrated or to cry because you had no shame about it. But there’s no-one else in Rin’s life who’s willing to grieve with her. Everyone she knows is trying to be strong for other people.”

Guilt stabs Kushina in the gut, because she is doing a _horrible_ job of role modelling healthy ways of grieving. She can’t just _tell_ Rin it’s okay, duh! “I just don’t have time to be sad,” she mumbles. “I’m gonna be Hokage soon.”

“Kushina, please don’t lie to yourself. You’ve never let yourself be sad for more than a week, even the most devastating week of your life. When Hakatsuchi died you barely acknowledged it. It’s as if you just forget.”

She looks away. She shouldn’t _have_ to feel guilty just because Mikoto and Kyuubi both noticed the same thing, but also maybe the thing is actually bad? It’s not like she _wants_ to remember horrible things that have happened! But she can’t help but feel like it’s somehow her duty. She rolls over and shoves her face in a pillow.

“Kushina?”

“I know, okay,” she says into the pillow.

**Don’t be such a child.**

“Don’t tell me what to do! I’m almost twenty-two and I can be a child if I want to! You throw tantrums all the time!”

**If you _throw a tantrum_ I will be forced to take possession of your body for the sake of both our dignity.**

“I’d like to see you try!”

And… he does. Kushina’s body sits up; looks down at her hand and slowly curls and uncurls the fingers. He stands and steps off the bed and looks at Mikoto. “I don’t think we’ve been introduced,” he says—he uses her voice weird, like he expects it to be deeper than it is—“I’m Kurama.”

Mikoto looks startled, straightening up from where she was leaning on the wall. “Uchiha Mikoto. Ah… Kushina has told me a lot about you.”

“Nothing good, I hope.” He bares her teeth and extends a hand, and hey! Is Miko blushing when she takes it?

 _She is_ my _girlfriend, you know!_

 **What, you’re not willing to share? It looks like she is.** An actual sinister chuckle comes out of her mouth. A sinister chuckle! And Kushina doesn’t know what to say.

Hell. What if Miko _is_ willing?

…That’s kind of hot. Fuck.

That’s the moment he chooses to give her body back so that she’s now in the one in charge of looking seductively at Mikoto while holding her hand. “Uhhhh,” she says. “So that’s—that’s Kurama I guess? Can I just use your name now when I mention you to people?”

**Don’t let it get around that I have a name. It ruins my murderous reputation. And please learn to tell a proposition from a joke, for everyone’s sake, whelp.**

“I have no idea what’s going on tonight,” says Kushina. “Maybe we should just go to sleep.”

“The sun has barely set,” says Mikoto, looking dazedly out the window, “but I think I agree with you.”

 

Eventually they agree that Kushina is probably not going to be a good role model for Rin, ever. Like everything else Kushina is upset about, she does her best to forget it… but it’s harder when she has to face her continuing failure every time Rin comes over. Which is a lot. She doesn’t seem to like being at home much. Kushina hasn’t pried, but Mikoto says things are tense with her mom. Things might be better if they hadn’t absorbed Kakashi and Minato into their house as well, but! Guess what! Kushina fucks up a lot of stuff!

At least in her personal life. She’s doing great on the council, which is surprising given that she knows she’s pretty dumb. Three months after the war ends, people start to accuse old Sarutobi of dragging his feet on nominating the Fourth Hokage, and he admits that the Daimyou said the same thing. Apparently the representatives on the Daimyou’s Council are expected in the capital in a week.

That starts an argument because the clan heads haven’t heard a word about this and boy are they mad!

It also makes Orochimaru glance over at Kushina and raise one elegant eyebrow. Kushina suppresses a smile (badly) and gives her a tiny double thumbs-up. It’s hard not to like a weirdo like Orochimaru, though Kushina has the sense that a lot of people wouldn’t agree. Is she creepy? Yeah, but so are all Kushina’s other friends. She actually reminds Kushina a lot of Minato.

She almost laughs, imagining telling either of them that. They’d both be outraged.

“ _Who_ do you intend to recommend?” the Hyuuga head is saying. “Officially you have been endorsing Uzumaki Kushina, but she is no longer a suitable candidate.”

“For what reason?” says the Nara head. “She has an impeccable record as a field commander and tactician, and she’s already shown how useful she is on the council.”

“You know very well what the reason is—”

“I’ll not have a demon leading Konoha!” the Senju head shouts over him. Kushina notes carefully who nods in agreement: Hyuuga, Shimura, and Sarutobi… and Uchiha doesn’t look like he _disagrees_.

“Do you endorse Orochimaru, then?” asks Aburame Shibi in his soft, level voice. He’s about Kushina’s age, actually, and he’s only been clan head for about eight months, since his father died. He’s friends with Minato, so even though he doesn’t talk much Kushina’s kind of hoping he’ll support her.

“Orochimaru has her uses,” says the Hyuuga head, as if Orochimaru is not sitting two seats away from him, “but I do not believe that she is appropriate either.”

“If not the two candidates who are actually trained for the position, then who would _you_ recommend?” says Yamanaka drily.

“Why not the Yellow Flash?” the Sarutobi head puts in. “He’s well known in the ranks…”

Kushina can’t keep quiet any longer. “Yeah, but have you ever actually spoken to him? He has so little charisma that sometimes when he gets put in charge of a four-man cell they forget who their leader is and pick a new one. I mean, it only happened twice, but it was kind of a blow to his self-confidence.”

“ _Twice?_ ” murmurs someone across the table in disbelief, as everyone turns to look at her.

“Now that you’re acknowledging I’m in the room, I’d like to tell you why you should recommend me. You’re probably thinking I’m not suitable because I have Kyuubi-san and we’re friends, or because I wasn’t born in Konoha, or because my hair is red, which a lot of people hate me for for some reason. One: Kyuubi-san is a pretty cool guy and an awesome asset. He knows a lot and he’s really good at thinking of stuff I don’t, so together we’re actually smarter than any other single Hokage. Two: I might not have been born here, but I love Konoha with all my heart. I love all the people here, everyone I’ve worked with and the civilians in the market even if they avoid me on the street now, and I will defend them with my life. Three: I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m easily the strongest shinobi in the village—maybe barring Orochimaru and Lord Third. But I wouldn’t bet on it. Four: me having red hair has nothing to do with anything, except that I’m easy to identify from a distance. Thank you all.”

And she sits down.

“Kushina-san makes some good points,” says Orochimaru pleasantly. “I believe that she will make a fine Hokage, especially if she has the benefit of experienced advisors. I am aware that I am not a likeable person, which I have come to believe is a quality of primary importance to the Hokage position. Charisma is a personal quality, but wisdom can be distributed. Thus Kushina-san is the best choice, demons nonwithstanding.”

“No, no, I think the demons are important to address,” says Tsume’s mother Zui, lounging in her chair. “What’s everyone got against demons? You think none of us have unnatural powers? Hyuuga-dono can see through the back of his own head. Akimichi-dono is forty meters tall sometimes. Remind me what Kyuubi-san has done?”

“Its destructive potential—” Senju starts, but Akimichi starts talking over him and then everyone is just shouting.

In the end it falls out like this:

Ino-Shika-Chou, Aburame, and Inuzuka are all for her. Sarutobi seems reluctantly convinced. Uchiha abstains because of course he does. Senju, Shimura, and Hyuuga are against her but don’t have a better option because they’re unwilling to endorse Orochimaru. And anyway two of those against are only here for symbolic reasons since the Shimura and Senju clans have maybe twenty members together. So basically it’s six to three and _most_ of the council leaves reasonably satisfied. Of course if the other village elders agree with Danzou it will just be old Sarutobi and Shikaku (recently appointed jounin commander) who’ll support her. She looked it up and apparently they also bring the ANBU commander, but as nobody but the Hokage knows who that is it’s useless to speculate.

Soon Kushina might find out, though. The thought of learning secrets like that gives her a little thrill, just like it did when she was twelve.

 

Kushina receives word before the Daimyou’s Council even get back: start preparing the inauguration now, because the sooner the new government consolidates power the better it will be for Konoha. The first person she tells is Mikoto because they’re out training when the message comes, but the next person after that is Orochimaru.

“I feel like you deserve to find out as early as me,” she says while Orochimaru is reading the letter.

“Sensei isn’t totally devoid of politeness,” says Orochimaru, handing it back. “I received a similar letter not too long ago. Congratulations.”

“Thanks! Um, I know you didn’t really _want_ to be Hokage or whatever—” Orochimaru laughs and she stops, puzzled.

“No, go on. I do apologize for interrupting.”

“Did you actually secretly want to be Hokage a lot and you were just pretending to think it was a fun game? Because you can’t get mad in that case if everyone thinks you didn’t want to be Hokage, you know.” Orochimaru gestures _go on_ and Kushina shrugs. “What I was gonna say is you’re still brilliant at what you do and I’d love your help if you want to give it. I know you’re a lot more experienced than me and also a, well, an actually clever person, so…”

Orochimaru takes Kushina’s hand between both of hers and pats it. “Of course, my dear Kushina. A new Hokage needs all the help she can get. It’s an honor, not only to observe you up close, but to guide you as you make your first impression.”

That’s a little _much_ , but Kushina doesn’t let her smile waver because hey, it’s Orochimaru. “Yeah! And I think seeing both the candidates showing solidarity at the inauguration will make everyone happy. Even Danzou. Well, maybe, I dunno if that guy’s ever happy.”

“Perhaps soon we can meet to discuss it. Over tea again?”

“Sounds good. I’ll invite my other advisors and we’ll call it a date!”

Orochimaru pauses for a moment, and Kushina snickers inside because she actually caught Orochimaru off guard. What, you thought you’d be the only one whispering in the Hokage’s ear? “Of course,” Orochimaru says. “May I ask who those would be?”

“Nara Shikan for sure, and maybe Namikaze Minato. Well, you must know we’re friends. He’s a pretty good spy and a _great_ secretary. And probably Kiinu-sensei. Oh, but I should have maybe another veteran? Maybe Shuusaku-san, he’s pretty cool for being super old and also a Hyuuga, and we’ve worked together a lot…”

“Why don’t you ask him,” says Orochimaru.

They don’t end up getting to the tea date before the inauguration. Kushina’s mostly going crazy about choosing an outfit that will make her look like a Hokage. But also cool and approachable, but also utilitarian, but also maybe a little imposing? She spends two days interrogating everyone to finally find out who did her outfits for the Kiri negotiations and then gets down on her knees to beg for a cool, approachable, utilitarian, slightly imposing, and fun outfit for her inauguration.

Sanae-san, the tailor, looks a little overwhelmed and carefully pries Kushina’s fingers off her impeccable kimono, and says of course, it would be an honor. Kushina hangs around bothering her all day until she produces some extremely cool, approachable, and utilitarian sketches. Kushina adds the kickass sleeveless coat from the last meeting with Kiri, now with 4TH HOKAGE printed on it really big to make sure everyone knows. And then she runs off to heckle everyone else about their part of the preparations.

The inauguration takes place on a coldish windy day with clouds scudding across the sun and then away every so often. It looks outrageously good with Kushina’s coat, and she manages to time it so that she steps up to the railing just as the sun comes out and since she’s wearing yellow it’s like _she’s_ the sun and basically she looks really awesome. Her speech goes perfect because she’s practiced it on everyone in the house until they were all heartily sick of her (Kakashi actually vanished mid-speech, the little demon). And… everyone cheers really loud. She was half expecting everyone to say _Eugh how can we have Kyuubi as our Hokage!_ Maybe they’ll say that eventually and they just like a good party. So she’ll just have to be the best fucking Hokage anyone’s ever seen.

Afterward everyone she knows goes over to Dosha’s house, because it would be very uncool for the Hokage to be seen at a bar getting shitfaced on her first night in office. She doesn’t remember much the next morning, except she can deduce from everyone’s lack of hung-over-ness that she or Mikoto taught Minato the kunoichi trick of burning off alcohol. Also he’s wearing a really interesting shade of vivid blue lipstick that didn’t even smudge while he was sleeping.

“Do you still have that?” she says, pointing at his face. He almost walks into her finger and then stops short, a little cross-eyed.

“I-I—uh, I don’t know.”

“It looks cute on you, but more importantly I want to know the brand. It hasn’t smudged at _all_!” She leans in to inspect it and Minato blushes. He looks _very_ cute, so she presses a kiss to his lips. She swipes her finger over her bottom lip to see if there was any transfer as he turns even redder. Hmm, shit, did she forget to ask him to date her? Whatever. “It doesn’t even come off when you kiss. It’s a keeper, so let me know if you find it. Also, holy shit are we going to be late? Miko, do we have any bread? Mikoooo?”

Five minutes later she finds him frantically trying to scrub the lipstick off in the bathroom, obviously not having eaten breakfast. She takes pity on him and reminds him about makeup remover and also makes him take several slices of toast so that at least they can be late _and_ fed.

Unfortunately there actually _is_ someone waiting in the office, so they don’t get away with being late. It’s old Sarutobi, who wants to show her the ropes of being a Hokage, even though he’s done it twice already. Have some trust, old man! Two hours into his micromanaging she tells him to go home and spend some damn time with his family, or maybe take a nap, can you take a damn nap?

Somehow Orochimaru seems to sense the exact time that they finally run Sarutobi off, because that’s when she appears to inquire about the state of the union. And bring a ton more paperwork Sarutobi didn’t mention, wow, if any Kumo nin want to kill Kushina now? They are welcome.

By the end of the day Kushina has decided that she needs about five more secretaries _yesterday_ , because otherwise she’s never going to get to even go home.

Also, note to self: learn to make shadow clones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kishimoto says Rin has no actual personality because she’s too busy being a generic supportive girl? ONE FINGER OF THE GHOUL’S PAW CURLS SLOWLY INWARD


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH I think you'll all like this one! there is some uhhh attempted suicide though

Kushina’s first big priority as Hokage is to fix things with Iwa and Kumo. Really more Kumo because Iwa got off a lot lighter on reparations _just_ because Sarutobi had already wrung enough out of Kumo—oh, but she can also be setting up a team with the authority to start doing research to enforce Tsunade’s overlooked legislation about _which_ kinds of squads precisely are required  to have medic-nin on them—and of course she has to talk to some clan heads about adoption law and while she’s at it visit non-clan-affiliated orphanages—and it doesn’t take _too_ long to write and give a speech to let everyone know it’s okay for anyone to marry anyone—and—

There’s so much to be done that it’s almost two months before she manages to argue the elders and the council down to being convinced they should try to cancel reparations. But she does finally get a message to the Raikage asking if he’s interested in amending the terms of the peace treaty to maybe include less taking money and more genuine overtures of friendship. His reply a week later is cold but professional, saying that he _would_ be interested in amending the terms of the peace treaty, but also with the hint of an implication that she could have suggested a fairer treaty in the first place since she was _at_ that negotiation.

Never mind that she fucking _did_.

Whatever. The Raikage can hate her all he wants as long as she gets her foot in the door for an alliance with Kumo.

It’s still another freaking month before they can actually get the meeting set _up_ , why does everything take so damn long when you’re Hokage? It’s on neutral ground, near the border between Hot Water Country and Frost Country—though she feels kind of bad because it’s right where a lot of the fighting was. Kushina leaves Orochimaru in charge while she’s gone and takes Shikan with her—not Shuusaku, because as the mastermind behind a lot of Kumo’s defeats A might not be happy to see him (just like he won’t be happy to see Kushina, but that’s unavoidable). She’d like Minato to be there too for his cool head and ability to be polite, but he’s investigating conditions in the farmland surrounding Konoha. It’s his team’s first mission without him, actually. Kushina will just feel better once Rin gets her tokujou certification…

Anyway, on the run to Yu it’s basically just Kushina and Shikan and her two ANBU bodyguards who she doesn’t properly know yet. Both of them are among the approximately _half_ of ANBU that wears masks styled after some kind of cat, which could really use some fixing. She has to refer to them as Green Cat and Blue Cat, which is dumb and unsatisfactory.

She _does_ get them to laugh at her jokes, though. Or kind of snort quietly at her jokes, whatever.

The thing is: on the second day she feels Kurama kind of sit up in her head and stare northward. His focus is so intense that she stops on a tree branch and turns her head too, as if she could possibly see anything. _What is it?_

 **Isobu** , he says. She gets a kind of confusing impression that Isobu—and that’s the three-tails!—suddenly appeared somewhere across the border. **He’s there** , Kurama insists. **Go to him. We have to go to him.**

_I don’t understand what happened. He can’t have reformed already, can he?_

**We’re not going to find out if we don’t _go_.**

Kushina glances behind her at the watchful ANBU and Shikan. “Hokage-sama?” says Green Cat. She _does_ kind of have somewhere to be.

**You can be late.**

_Okay, but can’t we be late for your brother, too? I feel like the Raikage is a little less forgiving._

**Wait any longer and he’ll be sealed, or worse. The last time I had a chance to see him you nearly killed him. You owe me this, Kushina.**

She sighs, nearly a growl of frustration. “Yeah, something came up. This should be a short detour, and I think we can probably still make it on time, but it’s important. I’m sensing—someone I need to talk to.”

“Yes, Hokage-sama.”

ANBU are kind of creepy. But it’s their job to be creepy, so she can’t exactly fault them for it.

 **If he hasn’t already been sealed we need to protect him** , Kurama is saying, painfully intent in his focus as he looks northward. **If he has been sealed you need to find a way to alter the seal. I have some specific alterations to propose…**

He keeps that up, interspersed with comments on how close they’re getting, for the whole way there, a good eight hours. He’s never been this talkative before; he’s nervous. **We’re close. Very close—oh, that’s not good. He’s with your children.**

 _What do you mean he’s_ with _my children? What about the rest of their team?_

 **There’s another one nearby. They’re being pursued. Did they _steal_ him? ** His chakra sense lights up in Kushina’s mind so she can track them directly. Close, now. A hundred meters. Seventy meters and closing, and so very afraid. Fifty meters; frantic pain and the hollow terror Rin always radiates, but magnified. Thirty meters—fifteen—

Rin runs right into Kushina and almost bounces off, clearly not looking where she’s going through her tears, but Kushina grabs her shoulders to steady her. And clear as day she can feel her brother inside of Rin. He isn’t as slow as he usually is, agitated and confused and in pain from the recent sealing. “Woah, there, Rin-chan, what the hell is going on? Who’s chasing you and _what_ did they do?”

“K-Kushina-san?” Rin sobs, tears and snot glistening on her face, and then starts spewing a string of incoherent words that Kushina can only make out maybe half of. And what she hears she doesn’t like: “…inside me ‘nd I don’t… to get rid of it but I can’t! …stopping me from killing… and Kakashi won’t help me and…”

“Slow down,” Kushina tells her, shooting a glance at Kakashi. He’s not looking at her but back the way he came from, tensed and holding his shortsword ready. “You have time to take a couple deep breaths, okay? I’m here, and I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

“‘s not the POINT!” Rin wails, trying to pull away from Kushina. “You have to kill me!”

“I’m not killing you! Just because you’re a host now, it’s not the end of the world, okay, sweetie?”

Rin finally manages to wrench herself out of Kushina’s grip. With her newly freed hand Kushina signals to Shikan and the ANBU to guard against the pursuers with Kakashi, and goes down on one knee in front of Rin. Rin is holding a kunai to her throat with both hands, her arms shaking with effort as she seems to struggle to drive it home. “I can’t kill myself! I’ve tried and tried and it’s important you don’t understand, you don’t—”

Kushina takes the knife and drops it on the ground and holds Rin’s hands so she can’t go for another one. “Why is it important, Rin? Deep breath and tell me.”

Rin takes a shaky breath and manages to get it out. “I wasn’t taken for no reason, Kushina-san. Kiri is p-planning something. If they made me a jinchuuriki, then—I know there’s something wrong, they’re going to wait until the worst moment and then—and then—”

“You think they’ve put a trigger in the seal,” says Kurama. Rin starts and tries to jerk out of his grip, but he doesn’t let go. “It can be fixed. You have the foremost sealing master in the world. Brother, can you hear me?”

For a couple seconds Rin looks like she’s going to throw up—her eyes squeeze shut and she heaves—and then when she straightens up she opens one red and gold eye. “Anija,” says Isobu. “I missed you.”

_I’m really glad we found him and he’s okay, but maybe we can save the reunion for another time? Don’t encourage him when the seal is already unstable! If he breaks out by accident Rin will die!_

Kurama leans forward to kiss Rin-Isobu on the forehead. “We’ll talk later. I’ll make sure of it.” As he relinquishes Kushina’s body he says, **My test served its purpose. We know exactly how weak the seal is. And I hope you were listening to my design notes.**

 _Yeah, yeah, I was listening. You’ll have plenty of time to bother me when we’re actually drawing it. Real-time bothering._ “Rin, baby, if you’re listening, we just need to do some alterations to the seal and then you’ll be safe.” The sound of blades clashing—she looks up and sees a _big_ squad of hunter-nin from Kiri. “Oh, fuck. That’ll have to wait. Stay behind me, I’ll take care of it.”

Kurama is pretty damn angry and ready to defend his brother with everything he’s got; red chakra bubbles up from Kushina’s skin to form three red tails behind her. She just has to be careful not to hit anyone else with them. Ah, and the other chuunin made it, and also a bunch of Kakashi’s dogs. **And one more** , says Kurama. He gives the impression of a grin that bares all his teeth. **Look who’s back from the dead.**

Kushina’s heart skips a beat because she’s already thinking about Hakatsuchi, but she really can’t afford to get distracted right now. She sends hunter-nin flying with every motion, but they’re clever and dangerous and they suck. Sidestep and WHAM and bring out the chains—

“Rin!” shouts a familiar voice.

Kushina turns to look

and it’s like the whole world freezes. Kakashi is diving for a hunter-nin with a fistful of lightning—Rin jumping in front of him as if to shield them—and someone in a lumpy brown cloak is running toward them from too far away—Kushina’s too far away—

“ISOBU!” she yells.

Rin’s eye flashes red and Isobu backhands Kakashi’s arm away, sending him stumbling into a tree. The next moment Isobu spins around and nearly cuts the surprised hunter-nin’s throat before he manages to dodge.

“Don’t let her go,” Kushina orders. “Not till the fighting’s over.”

Her chains snap a hunter-nin’s neck and Isobu says, “Of course.”

It’s cleanup after that. The cat ANBU make sure none of the hunter-nin are getting away while everyone else kneels around Rin, who’s finally in possession of her own body again. Everyone except the cloaked and hooded person hanging back uncertainly at the edge of the trees. “Obito,” she says, and it’s a relief just to say his name, “so help me if you don’t come and hug me right now I’m going to kill you dead all over again.”

Rin starts as if she’s been slapped, but doesn’t look. Kakashi stares. Obito himself slinks over and curls into Kushina’s side, tightly gripping a fistful of her shirt as he stares at Rin. “What happened?”

Kushina puts an arm around his shoulders. Explanations of _how he’s alive_ can wait for later. “She’s a host like me now. But she’s, uh, not happy about it.” She’s not happy about anything, but frankly she wouldn’t want Kushina airing her dirty laundry in front of Kakashi, _Obito_ , Shikan, and a random chuunin. “I need to work on her seal before we can go, the Kiri nin might have left a trigger that could break it whenever they feel like. Rin-chan, do you know where the seal is?”

“My back,” says Rin in the tiniest defeated voice, like she’s heartbroken she isn’t going to die today. It breaks Kushina’s heart for a different reason.

“Everyone else clear out and set up a perimeter in teams of two. Obito, why don’t you and Kakashi go together, I’m sure you have a lot to talk about. Shikan and—you, I’m _so_ sorry I’ll learn your name later when I’m way less stressed out—you’re the other team. Go.”

She makes Obito wait and get a kiss on the cheek, and then they scatter, and then it’s just Kushina and Rin.

“Can you show me your back?” Kushina says, hands hovering over Rin like an idiot. “Sorry, I don’t know how long this is gonna take. And the ink’s gonna be a little cold. Aaand I’ll need some of your blood for it.”

Rin’s hand, still with knife, twitches toward her wrist, but then she goes for the side of her thumb instead. And Kushina hasn’t even gotten out an ink bottle to catch it in yet.

She sighs.

The seal is one she’s kind of familiar with, a four-point seal that thankfully won’t be too hard to turn into a more secure eight-point seal like the one Kushina has. It takes a while to find the trigger, but luckily it’s barely integrated into the rest at all. With a little ingenuity Kushina turns it into the link Kurama’s been badgering her about that will let him talk directly to his brother. “I’m letting Isobu-san keep the ability to take over your body when you’re in danger, but you’ll be able to stop him if you really want to.” Rin’s bowed head nods just a tiny bit. “He’ll also be able to see and feel what you do, and talk to you, unless you shut the door on him.”

“There’s another seal,” Rin whispers. “On my heart.”

“ _What?_ Do you know what it’s for?”

She hesitates. “It’s… Isobu-san says it’s what’s keeping me from…”

Kushina purses her lips. Keeping her from killing herself, huh? “Well, forgive me if I don’t take that off quite yet, Rin-chan. Kurama would kill me if I let anything happen to his little brother, and I’m pretty fond of you myself. I… know I’m no good at doing anything except pretending things are fine, just like you, but things are really not fine. If any friend of mine wants to die this bad I won’t rest until I find a way to make things better, got it? I don’t want to—to have to be your _enemy_ just because I don’t want you to die, but Rin-chan, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing either. I’m just about good for killing tons of people and then forgetting I ever did it and maybe keeping people from arguing at council meetings. Ah, what was I talking about? I don’t know. Everything’s fucked and I don’t want you to be miserable but I don’t know how to help you so please, please, tell me what’s wrong?”

Rin doesn’t say anything, just leans forward over her knees and starts to shake with silent sobs. Kushina forms the hand seal to set her ink, pulls Rin’s shirt back up over her shoulders, and starts rubbing her back in slow circles. “Do you trust me, Rin-chan?” she asks quietly. “Give me the real answer, don’t just tell me what you think I want to hear.”

“Y-yeah,” says Rin. “But… I can’t… tell anyone…”

“What’s gonna happen if you tell someone?”

“They’ll hate me. Or they’ll pity me. K-Kakashi treats me like I’m glass because he made a promise to O—to O—” Rin takes a shaky breath, in and then out. “Everyone has enough of their own problems. I can’t give them more.”

“I just gave you a bunch of my problems. Do you feel like you have way more problems now?”

Rin shakes her head, just a little.

“I’m already having a problem, which is that you’re sad. If you tell me why, it won’t be a bigger problem. It’ll be a problem that maybe has a solution, okay?”

“It’s stupid,” Rin mumbles. Kushina scoots forward to sit next to her and put her arm properly around her. After a while she says, “I’ve always been the one holding the team back. Obito thought he was—thinks—he always thought he was terrible but he was better than me. And I got him killed. It’s like everyone looks at me and they can immediately tell I’m weak, I’m _always_ the one they pick out. And it’s just… I’m not like you, Kushina-san. I can’t… not be… how a girl is supposed to be…”

“How’s a girl supposed to be?” Kushina asks. Mental note: kick Rin’s mom’s ass ASAP.

Rin’s voice gets even quieter. “You’re supposed to be there for other people. It doesn’t matter if you’re sad. You can’t ever make someone else sad, and you have to, you know, look good, and then you have to be a ninja too…”

“Hey, that’s bullshit, okay? I make my girlfriend sad all the time and she makes me sad and then we apologize and promise to try harder. And we’re getting better at it! It’s no good if you help other people but you don’t get any help. Make the boys pull their weight! They can damn well be there for you too. This is really, really important, Rin, because you’re gonna want to be there for Obito now that he’s back. I know you are because you’re his friend. But listen! He’s your friend too! And if you don’t want to tell him he has to be there for you, then I’ll do it! He _always_ listens to his auntie, if he knows what’s good for him. And I’ll kick Kakashi’s ass too. And Minato. I’ll kick _anyone’s_ ass if they’ll start treating you right, baby girl.”

Rin makes a sound that’s halfway between a laugh and a sob. “I don’t d-deserve it… but thanks, Kushina-san.”

“You deserve _way_ more than this.” Kushina stands up and gives Rin a hand too. “Let’s go find everyone else. Mm, damn, I’m probably going to be late for the treaty negotiation with the Raikage… and before you say anything, you’re more than worth it. I’d miss the meeting completely and then grovel to get him to listen, if it kept you safe. Buuuuut also I’d like to try to not be late. OI! ANBU-SAN! KAKASHI! SHIKAN! GET BACK HERE!”

 

They’re not even late, in the end. Mostly because they don’t sleep more than an hour for the last two nights of the journey (except Obito and Rin, who get snoozy piggybacks), but also because they left earlier than they needed to. A little past Yu Shikan made them stop so she could advise Kushina: “If he’s anything like his father he always keeps a sensor with him, and you don’t want him finding out about Rin. She’d better stay back in a safe location, but she’ll need a guard.”

“Got it,” Kushina told her. “Our ANBU Cats will take her and Masa-san camping, and Obito and Kakashi will be my bodyguards.”

Shikan slapped herself in the face on hearing that, but whatever. Shikan can deal. Rin deserves the best protection and Obito deserves to never leave Kushina’s sight again, and that’s why she’s going to meet the Raikage with a twelve-year-old and a fifteen-year-old guarding her back.

…hopefully she won’t need any guarding. But it seems to make Obito feel better, like he’s actually useful. For some reason he’s so far refused to take off his giant cloak, which makes him really not look very official at all, even though the other chuunin Masa’s spare uniform would probably fit him. Since they have one night in an inn before the meeting she tries to coax him into uniform.

“It’s just that you have to come with me for safety, and I’d really rather you at least looked like a bodyguard. You’re already not gonna be very intimidating, you know? Not that you’re not scary, but you kind of look like you’ve been starving in a cave for seven months.” Obito looks away, like maybe he actually _has_ been starving in a cave for seven months. Yesterday he promised to tell her later; now it’s later and she really wants to know. “Obito? Why don’t you want to wear it?”

“Umm,” says Obito. “I sort of made a promise to someone. There’s something I’m not supposed to show you.”

“I hate to pull this card, but I _am_ your Hokage. Also I’m your auntie and I’m worried about you but _also_? This is really fishy.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll wear the uniform. Just go out of the room so I can change.”

She waits outside the room listening to him shuffling around inside. It kind of sounds like he’s whispering?

 **He may be** , says Kurama, very focused on the room. **His chakra was different, but now it seems that another… thing may be with him.**

_A ‘THING?’_

**Almost human. Perhaps your boy is a spy now, hmm? How do you know you can trust him if he won’t tell you where he’s been? Who did he make that promise to? And how did he come to find Rin at the precise moment she was about to die?**

_He’d never betray Konoha_ , she tells him severely, but she’s not a _hundred_ per cent sure. Maybe he would if he thought no-one was coming for him, or if he was being controlled somehow. Kushina swallows and knocks, and Kurama shows her the extra chakra signature disappearing out the window. Obito is up to something, but Kushina has to have faith in him that he’d never hurt his village or his family.

 **One day your faith is going to get you killed** , says Kurama in disgust, and goes off to sulk as Obito calls “Okay, come in!”

He doesn’t quite fill out the uniform, and he clearly hasn’t brushed his hair the entire time he’s been dead, but he looks a lot less like a street kid. “Siddown and lemme brush your hair,” Kushina tells him. “You look like a disaster zone.” Meekly he does, but he also leans into her hands like a cat being brushed. Honestly Kushina can’t believe they don’t have a cat already, with how much Mikoto loves them. “We’re gonna get a cat,” she tells Obito. It makes him try to turn around and look at her, so she swats him on the head. “Stay still unless you want this to hurt even more. Honestly, we _should_ just cut it off, but if you want to be a badass ninja with long hair you can suffer through this.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“What is it you didn’t want me to see, anyway? You seem fine, even if you’re a little skinny. Don’t worry, we’ll fatten you up again in no time.”

The tips of his ears turn red (oh, cute!) and he holds up his right hand. On closer inspection it’s very pale, and… he doesn’t properly have fingernails, just indentations where they should be. Was he _tortured_?

“I lost my arm,” he mutters. “And one of my lungs. They replaced it with this stuff. It’s kind of just goo shaped like an arm. I really… hate it. It’s creepy. And I just want my arm back. And every time I _breathe_ it feels weird. And I’m not sure I need to _eat_ any more.”

Kushina can hear him starting to hyperventilate so she pulls him back to lean against her. Even though she really, really wants to ask what the hell happened to him. “Shhhh. Sh-sh-shhhh. It’s gonna be okay. Sometimes you get a weird goo arm. That’s how life is.” He chokes on a laugh/snort combo and shakes his head. “You gotta make the best of it! Gotta look into the future. Accept the goo. Also, if you stop eating my cooking I’m going to consider that a crime, just so you know.”

He turns around and hugs her around the waist, almost more a headbutt than anything else. And he says into her side, “Thanks.”

“It’s no problem,” she says, circling her arms around his back. “I’ll lend you a hair thingy.”

 

Obito is not totally ready to be stoic and intimidating but he is really doing his best in his slightly-too-big borrowed uniform and Masa’s forehead protector tied over his left eye. She can’t even tease him about how he matches Kakashi, she has to make the correct kind of bow to the Raikage and eye up his bodyguards—most likely, according to Shikan, a sensor and a mid-range fighter.

“Raikage-dono, thank you so much for being willing to meet here in spite of the… bad feeling between our villages.”

A just kind of grunts. He pulls out a chair and smacks his butt down on it and he is really, really not trying as hard as Kushina to make this work. URGH. Come on, compromise, politics is even more about compromise than everything else. If you _want_ to yell at him but you’re _supposed_ to be demure and cater to _his_ feelings, compromise by being polite and going for the throat. Just like Orochimaru would want.

A did not bring an advisor. Interesting.

“Let’s see your terms then,” he says.

“Certainly.” Kushina slides the treaty document across the table toward him. She thinks Obito is trying not to laugh behind her, and A is basically just skimming it.

“Why should we agree to an alliance with _you_?” he says contemptuously. “Everyone in this room knows that Kumo will be free of your reparations in two years, whether you want it or not.”

“If you want to talk about what everyone in this room knows, you could also mention that we all know Konoha could come down on you like a hammer and make it a lot longer than two years, if we really wanted the money. But I’m not going to, because this is an overture of friendship. Frankly I’m pretty sure my elders wanted money less than they wanted humiliation, which is a currency you might actually be _less_ willing to spend.”

His eyes narrow, and for a horrible moment he looks just like his father wondering why Kushina isn’t lying on the ground with her lungs full of blood. “Then you have come to threaten me.”

“That is _not_ what I’m saying. I’m saying that I have very different ideas about policy than my predecessor, and also that as the two strongest hidden villages Konoha and Kumo would make an unbeatable alliance. Instead of reparation money we get honest trade, and you could be at a food surplus for the first time in decades. If you can give some kind of assurance that you aren’t going to break the alliance in a year when Kumo has recovered, everyone will benefit a lot.”

“On the condition that you return what you’ve already taken.”

Shikan taps on Kushina’s leg with one finger, T-E-S-T: he’s testing her to see how easily the weak, young, stupid new Hokage will give up things of importance to her village to appease him. But just because she knows that doesn’t mean she knows what to do about it. If she asked A for that he would refuse on principle, because it’s the Raikage’s job to make his village look strong. Wait… well, that’s the Hokage’s job too, isn’t it?

“Of course,” she says. “It’s not a very large amount of money, so we’ll be happy to return it as a gesture of goodwill.” She can tell from his expression that he smells bullshit, but he can’t prove anything because he doesn’t have spies in her financial office. He probably still thinks she’s kind of stupid, but at least Konoha’s pride is intact!

The negotiation goes on with terms for a trade treaty, and Kushina is pretty damn impressed that A knows all this off the top of his head since he clearly didn’t come here expecting to _actually_ make a treaty and he’s only been a Kage for maybe five more months than Kushina. Still, she has an uneasy feeling that the only way she’s going to be able to preserve this alliance is to make it _really_ profitable for Kumo. This could so easily bite her in the ass later. If, say, she ends up just making sure that Konoha’s historically greatest enemy is really well fed before they attack.

But she’s got to _try_. Even if it’s a stupid thing to do.

They set up a meeting for the financial officers later and do triplicate copies of the treaty and then Kushina and her bodyguards go back to the hotel to flop on their beds and maybe eventually get a late lunch. Kakashi and Obito have been standing up for like four straight hours without moving.

“How are you holding up?” Kushina asks from the floor.

“I don’t get how you’re the Hokage,” says Obito (facedown, muffled). “You’re lying on the floor in your freaking Hokage robes.”

“How ‘bout you, Kakashi?”

“Fine,” says Kakashi, who is sitting in the window, looking way too cool as usual.

“How are you fine?” Obito complains. “My everything hurts. I’ve never stood still that long in my life.”

“You weren’t conditioning yourself for standing still,” says Kakashi. “Weren’t you doing repetitive exercises? It’s a totally different kind of muscle. When you start running ambushes again you’ll get used to it.”

Obito, now up on his elbows, opens his mouth as if to retort, but then closes it again. “Yeah, okay.”

“We have guests,” says Kurama suddenly. Obito yelps and tries to scramble to his feet and falls over, because he’s never seen what Kurama’s eyes look like. Plus the sort of whisker-looking things Kushina’s poked at in the mirror. She laughs at him inside, and Kurama laughs at him out loud. There’s a knock on the door, and he turns toward it and smiles. “My brother and sister are here.” And then very quietly, “I trust them but not their hosts. Stay alert.”

_They’re not supposed to be here, right? The two-tails host isn’t even in the bingo book, so they can’t be old enough to fight. And they weren’t at the meeting…_

**Let’s find out, shall we?**

_Why didn’t you say anything until they were literally at the door?_

**Wanted to see what they’d do.** Then out loud he says, “Come in,” and shoves her to the front.

The door opens, revealing two smiling kids: one skinny fair-haired girl with a long-necked instrument slung over her back, and the other clearly Killer B in an unconvincing civilian disguise that he may or may not have stolen from a monk.

“Heard the Hokage was a host like us, so we came to see what was up with all the fuss!” He steps inside, pushing the girl with him by the shoulder. “Hope we’re not interrupting, Uzumaki-san. This here’s Nii Yugito—”

He looks down at her, and after a moment jerks his head slightly. “Uhh, and—and her shamisen?” Yugito says uncertainly. She whispers, “I wasn’t expecting it, give me more warning next time!” Then louder, “Hi, Hokage-sama. It’s good to meet you.” Her eyes flick nervously to Kakashi and Obito, who are both watching very intently with the relaxed-tense look of a shinobi about to strike.

“At ease, dummies,” says Kushina, waving her hand. “Who brings a shamisen to a fight? It’s nice to meet you too, Yugito-chan. And I guess it’s good to see you again, B-kun, but what the hell are you doing in my hotel room? Does the Raikage even know you’re here?”

B rubs the back of his neck in a way that clearly indicates the answer is _no_ , and slides shut the door behind him with his foot. “My brother’s been real keen on keeping us inside the village since our dad died. We haven’t got to do anything cool in… like a year! We trained and trained and practiced and practiced and we know bijuudama inside and out. It’s time to _party_!”

What the hell is bijuudama? Well, whatever. “I’m gonna kidnap you a little bit, ‘cause there’s someone I really want you to meet. Except… can you guys keep a secret, even from the Raikage? A host-type secret.”

 **This is unwise** , Kurama growls. **We don’t know anything about them.  You could be putting Isobu in danger.**

“Of course!” says B.

Yugito bites her lip. “We’re not supposed to keep secrets from A-sama.”

“Host stuff’s different,” B tells her with great confidence. “Gyuuki’d kick my ass if I did something bad to his sibs. I mean, he can’t actually kick my ass, but he’d yell. And what my brother doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right?” He looks down at Yugito to see her still looking conflicted, and drops a hand down on her head. “You’re really cool for always wanting to do the right thing. But hosts and hosts gotta stick together. _That’s_ the right thing. You and me, lil sis, against the world, right?”

Yugito smiles a little at the floor, and then nods. Kushina is just about to _melt_ from how cute they are. She wants to be that kind of person for Rin! And if B knows his bijuu’s name, isn’t it basically decided?

**No.**

“Kakashi, can you find the camp by smell? If you have to track me?” He nods. “Great, go buy some good food. Something fried on a stick. Nothing healthy, I forbid it. And some fruit juice or something. We’re gonna have a bijuu host party! Oh, here, I’ll give you a seal to keep them fresh. Obito, you’re with me.” She hooks her arm through Obito’s, ignoring Kakashi’s very disgruntled my-Hokage-is-an-idiot face, and  swans out the door with two new friends in tow. “Guys, this is Uchiha Obito. My bodyguard, student, and nephew.”

“Technically none of that is true,” says Obito, and it’s kind of encouraging that he’s this sassy. “Nice to meet you, though.” B tries to take his right hand but he shies away and offers his left instead. He doesn’t want anyone touching the goo arm, huh? And then it’s awkward because Obito thought it was a hand-clasp thing but B was going for a fist bump and really Kushina just loves kids. Obito deserves to be a kid who makes minor faux pas instead of a kid who may or may not have been starving in a cave for seven months.

It’s not a very long run to the campsite—the ANBU cats have chosen a spot just outside of normal sensor range of the town, which means it’s handily inside Kurama’s range. Minato could have found it too, and boy does Kushina hope the sensor A presumably has with him is _normal_.

But when they get there everything is fine, even if it’s really too cold to be having a picnic. Rin is cheerfully playing cards with Masa and the ANBU cats (or rather, as Kurama points out, pretending to be cheerful). She looks up hopefully when Kushina lands and smiles at her. “How did the meeting go?” And then, “Who…”

“This is B and Yugito, of Kumo. For some reason they tracked me down and now they want to party.” B waves, beaming, and Rin waves back a little more uncertainly. “Um, I thought it’d be nice for you to meet more hosts your age?” Kushina offers.

She feels like the ANBU cats are staring at her judgmentally, which is _probably_ illegal because she’s their Hokage, dammit.

“Well, sit down, everyone. Kakashi’s gonna be here with snacks soon. Why don’t you guys, um, tell us a little more about yourselves?”

“Well, it’s not much of a story,” B starts. Kushina has a feeling it’s a hell of a story. He’s that kind of guy.

 

“You go _whoosh_ , and you _push_ , and you get your fix  
  and you keep that 80-20 mix  
  of plus black chakra and minus white  
  and bijuudama crushes everything in sight!”

“Of course that’s just to remember how to do it,” Yugito adds. “You also have to practice a lot. It took me months to get right. Not that we had anything else to do.”

“Penalty for talking without making it rhyme,” says Obito. “That’s interesting but you could have saved it for another time.” He hands Yugito another card and she scrunches her nose up.

“I’d like to let everyone know my wish to stop playing Ultimate Swordfish,” says Kakashi. His completely flat delivery sets Obito and B to hooting, and Kushina can’t tell if he’s concealing annoyance because he’s being laughed at or a smile because he made them laugh.

“Thank heaven,” says Kurama from Kushina’s mouth. “This game is _very_ stupid and I’m tired of listening to it.” He swats B’s hand as B tries to hand them a card. “I’m not even playing, so don’t try that. I thought you might like to know that the Raikage is coming, and he’s angry.”

_How far?_

“He’ll be here in about five minutes at this rate.”

Hell. If he’s that close his sensor knows what Rin is already, there’s no getting out of that. Kushina _might_ be able to win his trust by telling the truth, but there’s always the chance that he’ll take ‘new bijuu host’ for the weakness it is. At least he doesn’t have that fucking sealing pot any more. Well, or he could also go the other direction and demand a war against Kiri, given their nominal alliance. Kushina doesn’t want any more war until she’s at least had a chance to talk to the Mizukage about this. Or ideally not at all.

She pushes past Kurama to say, “Well, stay cool, everyone. I’m the Hokage and we’re allies, so he can’t do anything that bad to me. B-kun, at least _try_ to pretend you’re sorry, won’t you?”

B laughs. “No promises!”

So five minutes later the Raikage drops from the sky, spraying dirt over their picnic blanket and looking in a fine temper. “And what, may I ask, is this?” he growls.

Kushina’s already standing up politely to receive him. “We were playing cards and then we got bored. Apparently B-kun and Yugito-chan snuck out of the village because they were just so excited to see a host Kage, so I brought them to visit Konoha’s new host and make sure they wouldn’t get into any trouble.”

He probably wasn’t expecting her to just admit it. Hah! His eyes narrow and he says, “B, Yugito, you’ll be punished later. After I get to the bottom of why Konoha has one of Kiri’s bijuu.”

“Honestly I’d like to know the same thing,” says Kushina, leaning casually against a tree. “One of my students was kidnapped by hunter-nin and made into a host, and we haven’t had time to question our prisoner yet. We think they might have been intending to unseal Sanbi-san when my student made it back to Konoha. Troubling! It implies they think they have a way to control a bijuu, or they’re pretty damn stupid.” Behind her she can feel Rin radiating shame and self-loathing, poor baby. Kurama really is worried about her if he’s distracting Kushina while she’s trying to talk to the Raikage, huh?

He gives her a mental middle finger.

“This is clearly an act of war on someone’s part, but _whose_ depends on whether I believe your story,” A is saying.

“Yeah, that’s reasonable. I’d really like to talk to the Mizukage about this, and since we’re allies you’re welcome to come. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to have stolen Sanbi-san, or why I would do it on the way to a meeting with you. I thought he was _dead_.”

Kurama growls in her head, and wonders if maybe she isn’t supposed to be talking like Isobu is a person. Will that… somehow make A suspicious? Or is Kurama just growling because she’s the one who almost killed him? Ugh.

“I think I _would_ like to be present for that meeting,” says A. “Send me a hawk when you know the time and place. And stop kidnapping my damn jinchuuriki. B! Yugito!” They jump to their feet and A has already turned to stride away. B shrugs ruefully and waves at Rin before he jogs off after his brother.

Once they’re out of sight Kushina lets out an explosive sigh and falls onto her back on the blanket.

“I think we might officially be the weirdest people in the world,” says Obito. Rin huffs a soft laugh next to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imagine if you will Masa going back to Konoha and like, obviously he’s not allowed to tell anyone what he saw. He desperately wants to explain to his friends why he was playing cards with the Hokage and ~~three~~ two other jinchuuriki but he can’t! He just has to live with the knowledge that the Hokage cheats at cards and he can’t tell anyone! He does teach his friends to play Ultimate Swordfish though. In about a year Kushina will visit the Academy and find all the kids playing Ultimate Swordfish and be like ???


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys I love rin so much. also sorry I'm a day late, due to life circumstances shabbat is confusingly on fridays right now, sort of

When they make it home Kushina decides to take the rest of the day off, since Orochimaru hasn’t managed to set the village on fire just yet. She takes Obito and Kakashi home (and sets Rin an ANBU guard for now, since she insists on going back to her own place). Obito stands there staring in the doorway of the new house while Kakashi disappears inside and she realizes very suddenly that he’s alive. He made it home without vanishing, he’s _alive_!

She laughs and picks him up around the middle and kisses his head and says, “Welcome home, nephew! You’re really here! We—we thought you were dead, you know—stop squirming, I’m trying to kiss you!”

“That’s why I’m trying to get away!” he says, and wriggles out of her grasp.

“Listen for a sec! Your name’s on the Memorial Stone. We all mourned you, okay, you _were_ dead for seven months. And now you’re alive again. This is a _miracle_. Obito, this is a miracle! You’re alive, you know!”

Obito’s skeptical expression wavers until he looks like he’s about to cry. “I am alive,” he whispers. This time he lets her swoop him up without any resistance, and clutches at her shoulders when she squeezes him.

“It’s gonna take a lot of getting used to, Obito,” she tells him. “For you and for everyone else. But you made it, okay? We’re gonna figure everything out and you’ll be safe.”

“Not to interrupt a touching reunion that for some reason is taking place almost a week after you were reunited,” says Kurama, “but you are a liability. We don’t know where you’ve been or how you could have been suborned. So if Kushina’s not going to be a responsible Hokage I’ll do it for her. Let’s make a quick stop at the Intelligence Division, shall we, Uchiha?”

_You can’t do that literally ten seconds after I promised him he’d be safe!_

**Oh, be quiet. If he _has_ been suborned I’m sure you’ll save him and you can go back to squashing him or crying on him or whatever it is you prefer to do.**

But when he takes Obito by the shoulder to pull him away from the door, Obito resists. “You’re _not_ the Hokage, and I don’t have to listen to you. If Kushina-san doesn’t tell me herself I’m not going anywhere.”

If she doesn’t make him go to T&I Kurama will be mad at her, and he’s right that she might be endangering the village. But if she does make him go she’s breaking her promise and what if he stops trusting her? She’s not only responsible for the people she knows any more. She _has_ to put the safety of the village first, but that’s one thing no-one prepared her for. That sometimes the Hokage has to betray her family for the good of the village.

She sighs the red light out of her eyes and looks down. “I want to protect you the best I can, Obito. You come back with half your chest missing and what am I supposed to think, a friendly mad scientist patched you up and sent you on your way? I have to know what happened.”

“I promised I wouldn’t tell anyone,” he mumbles.

“Why?”

“He… he doesn’t want anyone to find him. He saved my life, I owe him that much, don’t I?”

“I don’t want to be mean, but who is your allegiance to? Konoha, or a… a guy? You can’t have it both ways.” Says Kushina, the hypocrite, who has owed her allegiance to way too many things and people above Konoha.

“You’re right.” He looks up with one clear, determined eye, and she’s glad. She’s glad that she’s not betraying him _or_ her village, not quite yet. “Maybe, uh, interrogation can wait ‘til tomorrow? I’ll tell you what happened.” Kushina ushers him inside to sit on the couch in the sitting room while she perches on the arm so it won’t feel too much like an interrogation.

He takes a deep breath and says, “I woke up in a cave, and there were these—” He stops, frowning, with his mouth open as if he’s uncertain. “I was missing my arm, but he’d already fixed up my chest with this stuff.”

“Who, Obito?”

“He said he was—he _said_ —he… Why can’t I say his name? You’ve heard of him before. He was one of the… _dammit_. He’s r… He’s _old_. Dammit, dammit, he _did_ something to me.” Obito’s eye is filling with frustrated tears, his hands clenched into fists on his lap.

“I think we might need to take you to Intelligence _now_ ,” says Kushina. “They might know something about this.”

“I bet it’s genjutsu,” Obito mutters. “He’s really good at that. Since he has—shit. He’s like me, Kushina-san.”

“Like you? Full of goo? An orphan? An Uchiha? A—” Obito is looking at her _very_ intently with one red eye. “I didn’t know you got your sharingan. All three tomoe, too! Wait, are you saying he’s an Uchiha?” Stare, stare. “But there haven’t been any Uchiha missing-nin for like fifty years.”

“Hasn’t there only ever been one?” he asks. The tomoe in his eye spin slowly like lazily swimming fish. It’s kind of hypnotic, kind of soothing. Her heartbeat starts to calm down.

“Yeah, but Lord First took care of him. They buried him and sealed the tomb.”

“Normally you’d burn someone as dangerous as that,” says Obito, with far more confidence than a fifteen-year-old chuunin should probably have. But he is right. “So they couldn’t…” He grimaces.

“You’re telling me Uchiha Madara got up out of his grave, hid in a cave for fifty years, and gave you an arm made of some kind of mysterious goo you can’t talk about? I’m not calling you a liar, but _wow_ is that a story. Are you willing to let the interrogation department have a crack at you? I’ll tell them to be nice. But we’ll let you rest first. Everything’s a little easier when you’ve got some food and sleep in you.”

And so the next morning she walks him to the Intelligence building, where he sticks nervously close to her side as she tells the head of brain stuff to see if he can get past whatever’s blocking Obito from talking. And she comes with them to reassure Obito that nobody is going to suck out his brain. It’s a pretty interesting process, and she’s never been high-ranked enough to watch it before. But the head of brain stuff doesn’t get very far. It’s only about five minutes before he grimaces and pulls off his weird head thing and says, “I can’t get through it. I’d guess that Obito-kun is right about it being a genjutsu, but I couldn’t say for sure.”

“So there’s not _anything_ you can do? This is really important.”

“I understand, Hokage-sama,” (and that’s a shock, people just _believe_ her when she says stuff is important now) “but I’m not an expert in genjutsu. Or many of the other things it could be. I’d actually recommend you talk to Orochimaru. She’s more of a jack of all trades. But if you did want a genjutsu master there are a few Uchiha I could recommend. Have you ever spoken to Elder Naori?”

“No, but I will. Thanks, Yamanaka-san. We’ll try out your advice.”

“Isn’t Orochimaru kind of creepy?” Obito whispers as they walk out the door of the Intelligence building.

“Aren’t I kind of creepy?”

“No, like, the creepy kind of creepy.”

“Minato’s creepy! Mikoto’s creepy! Even Hiro’s kind of creepy when he’s mad about something. Orochimaru probably can’t help it, anyway. Don’t judge her for having bad people skills, she’s a ninja. It’s practically part of the job description to be eccentric.”

“I’ve never even met her,” Obito mumbles.

“Well, you will. She’s one of my political advisors. And she might be able to tell us how to get rid of the thing Madara did to you, so you’ll actually be meeting her really soon. As in right now, today.”

A couple of minutes later he asks, “Why are we going to the Hokage’s office?”

“One, it’s _my_ office now, thank you very much. Two, because Orochimaru should be here. I left her in charge.”

“Hokage-sama,” says Orochimaru’s voice through the door. “So glad to have you back.” Kushina opens it and comes in ahead of Obito. “If you go on this many diplomatic missions, I won’t have given anything up at all to endorse you. It’s like being Hokage myself.”

“If being Hokage is my kid you’re like the aunt that spoils them. You don’t have to live with them.” Orochimaru’s looking past her curiously, so she puts a hand on Obito’s shoulder and steps aside so Orochimaru can see him. “This is Obito, you haven’t met. He just came back from somewhere he can’t talk about and we’re not quite sure why. So we were hoping you’d be willing to take a look.”

Obito makes a nervous little bow. “Nice to meet you, Orochimaru-sama.”

She gets up fluidly from Kushina’s chair and glides around the desk. “Please, Obito-kun. We’re all friends here. Since I’m almost done for the day, why don’t we go to my lab after this for a preliminary examination? I’ll try not to keep you too long, but it will give me time to prepare for tomorrow.”

They follow Orochimaru out. Damn, she really does have more of the Hokage air than Kushina does. It feels like it’s _her_ office that she’s about to lend to Kushina. Obito gives her a skeptical look behind Orochimaru’s back, as if to say _See? She’s creepy_.

Orochimaru’s lab is in the basement of the hospital, which is honestly a pretty creepy place for a lab to be. There aren’t any windows and everything’s bare cement and white tile and the walls kind of hum for no reason Kushina can figure out. She feels bad for consigning Obito to a place like this for however long testing takes. And Orochimaru does have a tendency to get carried away. Didn’t she lock herself in her lab for two days one time because she didn’t want anyone to interrupt her work?

Obito sits nervously on the edge of an examination table (does Orochimaru… take patients?) while she messes with diagnostic seals in various places on his head. He looks kind of silly with paper stuck all over his face and hair.

“He’s not under a genjutsu,” Orochimaru announces after a while. “I have a few other theories that I want to investigate tomorrow. You can take those off,” she adds. Obito starts ripping the seals off his head with extreme prejudice.

“Don’t keep him more than four hours a day,” Kushina tells her. “He needs his sunshine after where he’s been. And everyone will want to hang out with him. Mr. Popular.” She noogies him just to watch him try and get away.

“Of course. Thank you for your forbearance, Obito-kun, Kushina-san.”

They go back home, where Rin has appeared to start making dinner. Did she rope Kakashi into it, or did he volunteer? Either way it’s nice to see them working together. “Obito!” says Rin. Anxious, relieved, Kurama supplies.

_Can you stop reading her mind? Or at least have the decency to pretend you’re not doing it?_

He gets all huffy about that, but Kushina stops feeling Rin’s emotions at least.

The kitchen’s full, so Kushina sits at the dining room table where she can see inside. Her kids, in her kitchen, making her dinner. Kakashi careful and Obito slowly remembering how to use a stove and Rin confident and peaceful. On the outside, anyway. They’re all so fucked up, but Kushina’s not scared for them. They’re here with her and enough love can cure anything. Except stuff like having your arm amputated, but Obito has that taken care of already.

She can’t _wait_ to see the look on Minato’s face when he gets home.

 

Kushina wakes up and thinks she’s dreaming. Her eyes have been open this whole time, she _thinks_ , but she hasn’t been paying that much attention. Her first clue is that she can read the calligraphy hanging on the walls, the titles of the books left in a pile on the coffee table, when her eyes slide over them. She leaps over Obito, out the window, her head turning frantically from side to side, extending her chakra sense to find something she thinks is white. Something that feels like wood pulp or blind cave salamanders.

“Kushina-san?” says Obito behind her.

“No,” says Kushina’s voice. Or, not her voice. “Kushina’s sleeping. What was that?” There’s silence, the night noises of bugs, and he says more forcefully, “ _What was that_ , boy? Didn’t you say your promises to Konoha take precedence over your promises to _Uchiha Madara_?”

“His name is—he—the same as—” Obito sighs. “I don’t think I can tell you.”

“Convenient.”

“Do you think I’m _faking_?”

“Of course not. I’m not stupid. But it is undeniably convenient.”

“What’s that supposed to mean, then!”

“We’ll find out, won’t we, once Orochimaru has pried you apart for your secrets.” She’s climbing back in through the window now, perched on the back of the couch with her face turned down toward Obito.

“Don’t.” Obito’s afraid.

He bares her fangs in a smile.

“Get out of her body! It’s creepy and it’s _wrong_ to use it when she doesn’t know. It’s bad enough you taking her over when she’s awake but this is _worse_.”

“My agreement with Kushina has nothing to do with you, boy. You don’t endanger what’s precious to me, and I have no reason to harm you. Do so… and unlike Kushina I won’t be so foolish as to show mercy.”

“Get OUT!” Obito yells. A light comes on upstairs, making the dark room glow faintly yellow.

“Obito?” says Kakashi’s sleepy, wary voice.

Kushina blinks and looks up to see him silhouetted against his half-open door. “You shouldn’t yell while people are sleeping, you know,” she says. Cold air is coming in the window, so she shuts it.

Obito barrels into her middle and wraps his arms around her. She rests an arm over his shoulders. “Sorry about Kurama, sweetie. He’s kind of a lot.” **Hah.** “I can’t really revoke his access while I’m asleep in case we’re in danger. I _can_ give him a talking-to about threatening my family, though. You jerk. Just ‘cos Obito can’t tell us his secrets doesn’t mean he’s a traitor. What were you after at this time of night, anyway?”

**The _thing_ he was talking to came back. Something white without a proper face, but human-shaped. Before it fled I heard it whispering to him.**

She can feel Kurama’s frustration, as radiant as the sun, that she doesn’t think it’s as big a deal as he does. “Can you tell me if you knew what that was?”

“I know,” Obito whispers. Kakashi is standing like a sentinel upstairs in front of his bedroom door. Can he hear what they’re saying?

“Then we’ll find out if it’s dangerous in a couple days. You really don’t need to be scared of Orochimaru. Old Sarutobi even gave her a genin team, and they’ve survived, haven’t they?”

“…have they?”

“Well, at least one of them has. That’s a 33% success rate at _minimum_.” Finally Obito laughs. “We’ll get you a proper room soon. This doesn’t actually have anything to do with anything, I was just thinking it’s weird you have to sleep down here all alone. You can have Minato’s room if you want, until he comes back. Shit, what I’m saying is we’re going to build an extension. The goal is to have _loads_ of kids. Rin-chan is going to want to move in eventually, of course, and there’s always plenty of war orphans who need a good home. Ugh! I don’t want to wait until we have an extension. We’ll get a cat, that’ll tide me over. One who likes dogs so it won’t get mad at Kakashi. C’mon. Minato’s room for you tonight. Hey, is he going to shit a brick or what when he comes home?”

Her language makes Obito laugh again, and he follows her up the stairs. “Go to sleep, Bakakashi,” he says as they pass Kakashi still standing like a statue.

Kakashi doesn’t reply.

 

***

 

Meditating is awful now. It used to be possible to actually put thoughts out of her head and not be anything for a while, but now whenever she actually manages it she opens her eyes in a strange echoing labyrinth thigh-deep in filthy water.

Today she sits on top of the water and tries to meditate on how cold it is so she can not be anything here, too.

**Rin.**

Cold spreading through the fabric of her clothing and into her bones.

**Rin, are you ignoring me?**

Yes, she’s ignoring him. It should be obvious. But that’s a mean thing to think.

He sighs. She feels the water below her rippling as his breath ruffles the surface. **I was hoping we could talk about the state of your mind. It’s a little depressing, don’t you think? It reflects our relationship, but it also reflects your relationship with yourself.** When she doesn’t reply he sighs again and goes on. **My last host’s mind was kind of like this. It was a tiny little cove with no exit that was always covered in fog. Sometimes when he was with Kushina it cleared a little, enough to see the bay. He almost never visited, though.**

“Why are you telling me this?” Rin asks, giving up on meditating for now. She opens her eyes and looks over at him, just his big spiky face visible behind the grate that separates them.

 **I was hoping my next host would be happier** , he says. **Anija has an island city and a mountain. Underground is another matter, but I guess no-one’s perfect.**

She wants to tell him: Sorry I hate myself, sorry it’s inconvenient for you. Because she really, genuinely is sorry, and she wishes she could will this place into somewhere nicer. She wants to tell him: You can have all of Konoha if you want, you can be me because _someone_ has to and I’d rather not. But she’s afraid that if she let him have the reins it would make her someone dangerous.

“Sorry,” she says.

**So you’re not going to try to change?**

“I haven’t changed in fifteen years. Why would I change just because—” because another person’s here to make her feel guilty for not changing? Plenty of other people have tried that.

 **It’s really annoying when people don’t finish their sentences** , he says mournfully. **If you can’t be honest with me, who can you be honest with?**

“No-one!” she snaps, because of course she can’t. Of _course_ she can’t!

**That sounds lonely.**

Of course it’s lonely. It’s so lonely that getting up every day is like being crushed by a whole ocean.

**Want to come for a swim? Oh, humans call it going on a walk, don’t they. I want to see if there’s anything down this tunnel. Maybe you have _something_ nice in you, even if you try to pretend you don’t.**

That’s just so unfair that she can’t breathe for a second. “That’s the opposite of what I pretend!” she says. “I’m always trying to make people think I’m not awful!”

**And you’re not. You’re just very lonely. _Do_ you want to go on a walk?**

He’s frustrating. He talks past her and she talks past him and he pretends it’s not important. But who is she to tell someone as old as him what to do? She slips between the bars and follows him across the water as he drifts toward where the hallway bends.

They walk for a long time and never find anything any better, which is only more depressing. There really is nothing inside of Rin but emptiness. It sinks in more and more the longer they walk, until finally he says, **Someone’s here to see you.**

She opens her eyes and blinks up at Obito. And puts a smile on her face. It’s always nice to be around him. It’s less difficult to smile. “Hi, Obito. What’s up?”

He flops down onto the grass with a huge sigh. “Just got back from Orochimaru’s lab. She says tomorrow she’ll probably be able to get rid of the thing. I hate it down there, though. It’s so quiet. I feel like I’m going crazy.” He folds his arms behind his head to look up at the sky between the bare tree branches. “What about you? Were you talking to, uh, Isobu-san?”

“Yeah. We went on a walk together, it was really nice. Well,” she laughs, “he said a swim and then realized humans go on walks instead.”

It makes Obito smile. “What’s he like? Since B-san and Yugito-chan never said much, all I know about bijuu is Kurama-san, and he—well, he just sucks!”

“Isn’t he Kushina-san’s valued comrade, though?”

“Yeahhh. I guess. But he’s really creepy. Last night he took over Kushina-san’s body while she was asleep so he could—tell me off I guess. He said Orochimaru was going to pry me apart to get to my secrets. That’s the creepiest thing ever! I don’t get why she likes him!”

“Maybe it’s different if you have to share your head with someone,” Rin offers, not really believing it. Once Isobu gets to know her she has no doubt that he’ll be as repulsed as she’s always afraid everyone else will be.

“Maybe.” He sighs loudly and tips his head to the left so that she can’t see his eyepatch. He hasn’t asked for his eye back, even though Rin would do it in a heartbeat and Kakashi would never refuse. He’s too kind, just like he always has been. They’re both too kind. She feels like there must be something she can do to make it easier for him, but what is it? She still has no idea what happened to him, except that he lost his arm. She dares to touch the thumb of his right hand—too lightly to get a sense of the texture, but he still flinches back from it and sits up, clutching his hand to his chest.

“A-ah, sorry, Rin-chan. It’s not like… I just don’t like anyone t, uh, I’m kinda self-conscious? It’s just weird. Sorry. I don’t want to weird anyone out.”

She smiles at him so he knows there are no hard feelings. He’s blushing. She spares a moment to feel awful that he has a crush on someone like her, and then she says, “It’s amazing that you have such a functional prosthesis. You’re really lucky. Um, I mean, just that it’s really cool and you shouldn’t feel like it will gross people out or anything.” Stop talking while you still haven’t made him feel too awful, Rin.

He seems to brighten a bit at that. “Thanks, Rin-chan. Um, I wanted to see if you were getting used to, you know, being a jinchuuriki okay. I know I wasn’t a great friend before, I was always making you take care of me, and Kushina-san told me if I want to be a good friend I have to help take care of you too. So if I can make it easier, tell me, okay?”

“Thanks, Obito. You’re a really good friend. Being a jinchuuriki does take some getting used to, but I’m sure me and Isobu-san can work it out together!” For a moment she thinks he’s the one sneering _Hypocrite!_ in her head, but he’s not. It’s just her. She keeps the door open that Kushina-san told her about so he won’t feel like he’s trapped in that awful place, but he doesn’t talk to her. She wouldn’t talk to herself either.

**Would you like me to?**

She gasps.

“Rin-chan?”

“Nothing! I was just kind of surprised when he talked to me. Um… I don’t mind either way, Isobu-san.”

 **Lying again** , he sighs. **Well, if I leave you alone we’ll both be lonely.**

“Do you want to do some training?” says Obito hopefully. “I’ve been stuck in that lab since breakfast and I really just want to move. I bet you’re way ahead of me now since you’ve been practicing for an extra seven months…”

He looks afraid for a moment, so she gets up and offers a hand. Too late she realizes it’s her right hand, but after hesitating he takes it anyway. His prosthesis is smooth, firm, and just a little cooler than body temperature, like it’s absorbing warmth from him. She lets his hand go and stretches, because sitting in the cold makes her really stiff. He starts jogging in place to warm up.

And then they fight. Rin has always preferred to fight by dodging and using her opponent’s momentum against them, while Obito still fights just about the same as he always has. Except his new arm is a little slow to react. It’s kind of a shock to be better than him now; she still thinks of him as the best on the team in pure taijutsu, but now it only takes her about three minutes to lay him out on his back gasping.

“I knew it!” he pants, sounding triumphant even though he lost. “You’re amazing, Rin-chan! Did you make tokujou while I was gone?”

“Ahh… No, I don’t know if I’m good enough yet, really.”

“You’re more than good enough! If you were worried you couldn’t be a tokujou on your medic skills because you couldn’t defend yourself, you shouldn’t! I couldn’t even land a hit on you!” He laughs and rubs the back of his neck under his hair. “It’s not like I didn’t practice at all while I was… well, but my practice partners were—mm. Anyway! You should apply. I know Minato-sensei will recommend you, and so will Kushina-san.”

He has so much faith in her. They all do. It’s sweet of them, but it’s also… terrifying to have to live up to their expectations. Not that they know. They can never know.

Minato-sensei drops out of the trees, making Rin jump. “You’re back!” she says. She’s about to ask him how it went when she realizes he’s staring at Obito like… well, exactly like he’s seen a ghost.

“It really is true,” he says. Tears well up in his eyes and he appears by Obito’s side to hug him. “You’re alive! You’re alive, Obito!”

Obito blinks rapidly and squeezes his eye shut and says, “Course I’m alive. Y-you didn’t think I’d die that easily, did you?”

“I’ve seen far too many comrades die to think it’s not easy,” Minato-sensei murmurs. “How did you survive? What happened to you?”

He draws back and Obito looks down sheepishly. “I can’t tell you. There’s a thing so I can’t tell you. Orochimaru is, um, helping out with that, so probably I can tell you tomorrow.”

Minato-sensei hugs him again. “I’ll wait however long I have to.”

A tear tracks down Obito’s face, and he nods.

When Minato releases Obito again (halfway, still with one arm around his shoulders) he turns toward Rin. “I’m glad to see you safe and sound, Rin. But… you haven’t noticed any disturbances in your chakra, have you?”

She wants to cry. She wants to laugh at him. She doesn’t want to tell him. She doesn’t want to lie in front of Obito. “Um, I… did. And then it turned out the disturbance was… Sanbi-san.”

Minato-sensei stares at her with wide blank eyes.

She smiles weakly at him.

He stares. “You’re… a host now.”

She nods.

“What _happened_? I was only gone for two weeks!”

Rin has to laugh at that, and it makes Obito start laughing too. Isn’t it the only option, really? It’s that or start crying again.

 

***

 

“What should we name him?” says Kushina. She taps Minato’s arm with the cat’s paw. The cat doesn’t mind, he just keeps purring.

“My suggestion was Wan,” says Obito, who is smushed into Minato’s side for oh-my-gosh-you’re-not-dead cuddle time. To say nothing of the party Kushina’s going to throw for him when Miko gets home. “Because he says that all the time. Hey, waaaaaan.”

“Wan,” says the cat. Kushina laughs at it.

“How about Naruto? I’ve always liked that name, and it seems perfect for a cat.”

“What do you mean you’ve always liked that name? That’s not a name. It _is_ really cute, though.”

“It is a name! It’s from Sensei’s book. Apparently he was eating ramen while writing it.”

“Hah! Only one way to find out. Hop over to Ichiraku and get a narutomaki. We’ll see if he likes it.”

Minato gives her a Minato Look as Kushina hands the cat over him to Obito. “What makes you think I have a hiraishin seal on Ichiraku?”

“Uhh, because you’re my best friend? Go on, get out of here.”

He gets out of here. Kushina watches Obito scritching the cat under the chin for only about half a minute before Minato reappears holding a single narutomaki. Which means he _does_ have Ichiraku marked. Hah. The cat is a champion and doesn’t even startle when Minato appears, just delicately sniffs the narutomaki he holds out and then chomps it.

Over the disgusting cat-eating-fish-paste noises Kushina says, “And from this day forward your name shall be Naruto. He’s _my_ cat so it’s Uzumaki Naruto, and I refuse to take anyone’s name once we have time for a proper wedding. But you and Miko are welcome to join my clan.”

“His bandit name is Wan, though,” says Obito, while Minato is busy blushing and looking like someone hit him over the head with a hammer.

“Perfect! If he’s not already a bandit he will be one soon. He already stole my heart.” She waggles her eyebrows at him and he laughs.

 

The next day while she’s in her office she gets a snake.

This happens occasionally; Orochimaru is a busy woman and usually finds it more convenient to send a summon to deliver a message than to come herself. So it’s not that alarming when a snake slithers up the arm of her shirt and comes out at her collar (although it is kind of tickly). What’s alarming is what it says.

“Come to the lab immediately.”

It’s still morning, which is when Obito goes, so there’s only one thing _that_ can mean. She leaves a shadow clone at her desk and vaults out the window toward the hospital. “What’s going on?”

“Orochimaru-sama’s patient has had an adverse reaction that led to positive identification of the previously unknown substance grafted onto his chest.”

“Uhhh. Identification. What did she identify it as?”

“I’ll let her tell you.”

Okay, snake committed to being unhelpful. Fine. She’s almost there anyway.

When she gets there, Orochimaru’s lab is a mess. She finds Obito, a shape huddled in the corner with skin so pale it blends into the white wall. (Well, no, not skin.) On the ground there’s shattered glass and, bizarrely, a splintered tree branch green with leaves in midwinter… and on the counter Orochimaru is sprawled near a series of gouges in the wall smeared with blood. Her hand is glowing green, pressed to her shoulder.

“What the hell,” Kushina says.

“Very timely,” says Orochimaru. She sounds like she’s trying to be as cool and unconcerned as always, but she’s clearly in pain. “I gather you were unaware that Obito-kun has manifested wood release, given that he himself claims not to have known.”

“ _No?_ ” She looks around at Obito, who’s still curled into a tiny ball in the corner. “Obito, baby, can you talk to me? Are you okay?”

He makes a noise that could generously be interpreted as a word, though which word isn’t clear. She crunches across the floor and steps over the tree branch to crouch down next to him. “Can I touch you? Is it okay if I touch you?”

He turns into her and buries his face in her shoulder. He isn’t wearing a shirt, and he almost seems to be hiding his chest. He’s shaking, maybe sobbing silently. She strokes his back slowly, the side that’s still flesh. “Okay, Orochimaru, why don’t you tell me what happened?”

“Early this morning I confirmed that there is a seal inside his chest preventing him from speaking of his time in the cave. In order to access and dissolve it I needed to do surgery. I did not anticipate this… causing any difficulty, as the grafted material feels pressure but not pain. Nor did Obito-kun indicate that it would be a problem, but upon the third incision he began to hyperventilate and suffered some type of spasm. He inadvertently impaled me in several places with wood release and then seemed to come to himself. Regrettable circumstances aside, I’m pleased to tell you that we now know what it is: cultivated Hashirama cells.”

“Like… from… the First Hokage’s body? Why would…” Well, no, she can think of a lot of ways Uchiha Madara could have gotten those, but apparently he had some kind of secret lab in that cave to grow them?? So, new question: “Why would he give that to Obito?”

“I suspect we will be able to find that out when I am able to complete the surgery and remove the seal.”

“Do you want to, uh… maybe wait until you’ve seen a medic-nin?”

Orochimaru slides down from the counter, and Kushina can now see more of the places where she was impaled. “Nonsense. I’m perfectly stable. We can proceed now, if Obito-kun will allow it.”

“Are you okay with that, Obito?” she asks skeptically, but he nods and says in a tiny voice,

“I just want it gone. I won’t panic this time.”

So she helps him up onto the exam table and holds his hand while Orochimaru runs a finger over his chest. “It’s healed already,” she murmurs. “Remarkable. I’m going to cut now.”

And Kushina has to watch as Orochimaru peels back a flap of Hashirama goo, revealing Obito’s _beating heart_ with no muscle or ribs or anything in the way. He squeezes her hand so tightly that she has to reinforce it to stop him from snapping the bones, and she can hear his breath start to go out of control. Orochimaru shines a little light onto his heart and then pulses chakra into it; there’s a seal drawn there, which Orochimaru rapidly copies down. “Perhaps it’s best that we have a sealing expert here for this,” she murmurs. “I was planning to cancel it with these strokes—” She demonstrates with her finger.

“Looks fine,” says Kushina in a strangled voice. She makes herself watch as Orochimaru produces a brush and a pot of blood ink and draws them on Obito’s heart; the seal glows briefly orange like dying embers and dissolves. Then Orochimaru just puts the flap of goo back and they watch it seal itself up as if there was never an incision. All in all it is _not_ what a surgery is supposed to look like. It’s unnervingly easy.

“Madara,” Obito whispers. “He said he was doing me a favor. Just because we’re related. But he wanted me to work for him. He said I’d be back. I’m never going back there.”

“Course you’re not, sweetie,” says Kushina. “We’re gonna send a team up there to get him and make sure he can’t ever bother anyone.”

“But he saved my life…”

“But clearly you had an awful time! Keeping you alive is the absolute minimum. Being a good person is more than that.”

“Kushina-san, there’s more. He had these… they’re called Zetsu, I don’t know why. They’re made out of this same stuff and there’s tons of them and they can travel really fast through the ground. Most of them were working for him ‘cause they were connected to the tree, but Guruguru wasn’t. He helped me find you, he said Rin-chan and Kakashi were in trouble and took me there.”

“That’s who Kurama was chasing,” she realizes. “He’s been… eugh, he’s been in our house? At night? Talking to you? I’ll never understand your standards for what’s creepy and what’s not.”

Obito laughs, just a soft little huff of air. “No, he’s pretty creepy. But he’s all right. I wouldn’t have been able to get out without him.”

“We’ll just have to have a talk with him, then, won’t we. Come on, Obito, we should take you home. Orochimaru, for heaven’s sake get a medic-nin to look at you. As your Hokage I forbid you to do any more research until you’re better. I’m taking _this_ so you don’t try to work in your hospital bed or something, and also because I want to see what exactly it did.”

Orochimaru looks down, lips pursed, and says, “Yes, Hokage-sama,” the very picture of a child who’s just been told off but is planning to misbehave as soon as she’s out of sight.

“We’ll walk you up there. Obito, why don’t you find your shirt and we’ll go. The lab will keep until later.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does kishimoto like, know that people have pets? does he think a ninja would never have a pet who wasn’t also a ninja? ???


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I might now be updating every 3 weeks? I can't count, guys. thanks for sticking with me and continuing to write such sweet comments even when I don't reply to them. in this chapter: a traitor! an assassination attempt! a baby!

Frankly, Kushina does not know what to do with the information that a bunch of the First Hokage’s cultured cells have been grafted onto her nephew. She does know what to do with him having wood release, sort of, which is: make him play with it until he can control it. Honestly if she hadn’t finally learned to make shadow clones she would straight up be dying here, because she also has to do all the administrative work that the village pushes on the best killer (and how does that make sense?) and to train Rin in how to be a bijuu host and, because she insists, to help cook dinner every night.

Any time now she’s going to finally be un-busy enough to get married.

Aaaaaany time.

Today she’s helping Rin figure out when she’s accessing Isobu’s chakra and how to do that and how to not do that. Rin is a pretty smart girl, so mostly Kushina’s here to make sure there’s an adult in case she blows anything up. Which she very well might, because she’s practicing water walking, an endeavor that so far has reminded Kushina a lot of fighting Han.

“Hmmm,” says Kushina, waving steam away from her face. “How do you normally measure energy for chakra?”

“Proportionally. I _know_ I can’t do that when I’m using Isobu-san’s chakra, but I haven’t gotten the hang of the other method yet.”

“Maybe explaining it will help.”

Rin takes a deep breath and smooths her hands over her skirt. “If I imagine my body as a vessel that can hold a certain maximum amount of physical and spiritual energy, then I draw exactly enough to fill it from Isobu-san and then I can use the proportional method. But it’s a little difficult to fill it exactly…”

Kushina stares at her. She doesn’t want to tell Rin that her method sounds insane because goodness knows her self-confidence is already in the trash, but what the fuck? “Well, the, uh, the method I use is that I practice a technique over and over until I can reliably figure out how much chakra to make. You know the thing where you visualize a thimble or an acorn or whatever full of chakra when you’re tree-walking? Like that except for, you know, hurricanes and shit. So instead it’s like a wok full of chakra. Or a soup pot or something. My big sister—she was actually my cousin but whatever—she said she’d imagine a bailing bucket scooping up her chakra when she was going to do her tidal wave technique, and then when you throw a bucket of chakra into the ocean, obviously… it goes boom and makes a tidal wave! That only works if you have standardized sizes of bailing buckets, obviously, but there was only one guy who made them because everyone else wanted to make artisanal shit I guess? What was his name… Toki… Toku… Well, something like that.”

Rin looks politely uncomprehending, which is her right when Kushina forgets how to stop talking.

“Well, you know some water release techniques, try it out. Try using about the size of that mini saucepan Miko makes caramel in. See how much water you can spit out.”

Rin nods and starts slowly forming hand seals. She still seems completely astonished when about five liters of water shoots out of her mouth, and stumbles back a little.

“And since you’ve got a whole ocean to work with,” Kushina tells her cheerfully, “you could do a bathtub of chakra or whatever.”

Rin smiles. “I’d still like to be able to use medical ninjutsu, though.” Mm, she’s probably… really disappointed. Damn.

**Close. Terrified. Keep trying.**

_I told you not to read her mind at me, didn’t I?_

“One way to do that is to close the door so Isobu-san’s chakra can’t get through,” she says out loud.

As she was hoping, Rin protests: “But I can’t do that to him! Then he wouldn’t be able to see anything and he’d be stuck…” Where? What kind of place is Rin’s mind?

**I could tell you, but that might count as mind reading.**

_You just asked your little brother, that doesn’t count._

**Ah, the finest in justifications for prurience.** She rolls her mental eyes, waiting for him to finish, because he’s just as curious as she is and he knows it. **Isobu described it as dismal, oppressive, mazelike, and filthy. Even worse than Hakatsuchi.**

 _Shut the hell up about Hakatsuchi. He was doing his_ best _._

But she gets his point, along with a hefty dose of painful melancholy. Rin’s mind is a terrible place to be imprisoned, and now someone besides her is trapped there too. “Right,” she says. She has no idea how long she’s been staring into space; Rin’s expression is as politely attentive as always. “If you don’t want to have to close the door every time you heal someone, you’ll have to figure out exactly how much chakra it takes. You’re going to have to completely relearn chakra control, I’m afraid. But I know you can do it. You did it the first time, and lemme tell you something, Rin-chan. You’re like me. You never give up, even when you maybe should. You never give up until you’ve done what you set out to do. _That’s_ why you’re a fantastic medic and a fantastic friend.”

Rin is looking at her wide-eyed like she’s never gotten a compliment she could believe in before. Slowly she nods, and a smile breaks onto her face like the sun coming out. It’s so shy and sweet and sudden that Kushina thinks this one might be real. “Thanks, Kushina-san. It really means a lot to me. I’ll work really hard, I promise.”

“Well, remember to take breaks, all right? We’re not at war any more, and you’re perfectly capable of going on missions the way you are. Have a talk with Isobu-san about closing the door and see what he thinks about it. Drag Kakashi out for dango or whatever. Paint your nails with Obito. Chill out for an hour and brush Naruto, he loves it.” Rin nods shyly and Kushina beams at her. “Oh! I keep forgetting to ask if you want to come live with us. We’re gonna build an extension soon so you could totally design your own room. You don’t have to answer now, I don’t wanna put pressure on you. But think about it. Hell, you can design a couple rooms even if you don’t want to move in—hey, what do you know, I talk too much when I’m nervous.”

“ _You’re_ nervous, Kushina-san? What do you have to be nervous about?”

“I just want to do right by you, Rin-chan. You’ve got it pretty hard, you know! And there’s all that stuff with your family and I don’t… you know, I don’t want to butt in where I’m not wanted, but I’m worried about you.”

Rin looks down, but Kushina thinks she can see the edge of a bashful smile.

 

Things get weird later that week when Orochimaru walks briskly into Kushina’s office and says, “Dismiss your guards.”

She looks up from the expense report she’s been trying to beat her brain into comprehending. “I gotta say, I really wasn’t expecting my first assassination attempt to be _you_ , Orochimaru.”

Orochimaru gives her a sardonic look, mostly communicated by her thin expressive eyebrows.

“All right, all right. Secret ANBU hiding in the walls, please go hang out on the roof where you can’t hear us for five minutes.” She waits until Kurama tells her he can’t feel them any more and then says, “What’s up?”

"I have finally gathered conclusive proof that, seven years ago, Danzou conducted a series of experiments wherein he attempted to use the First Hokage's cells to replicate his unique wood release, creating material strikingly similar to Obito-kun’s grafts. The experiments were performed on sixty children, kidnapped from the territory surrounding Konoha. All but one died in the process."

Kushina’s mouth falls open. This is _really_ the last thing she was expecting. She can barely…

But Orochimaru isn’t finished. “His scientists have worked on various other projects that require human experimentation, and if you’re interested I have documents tracing some of his subjects from Konoha itself. Additionally I’d like to make you aware that the ANBU subdivision under him, Root, does not report all their activities to the Hokage, although they may pretend to.”

“Okay, stop, stop, that’s enough for now. Can I… can I see your evidence?”

Orochimaru drops a fat folder onto her desk. If she feels sick before she flips through it, it’s nothing to how she feels after she sees the photos of what’s left after the experiments. The written documents, when she skims them, are meticulously compiled mission schedules for known Root members and pay slips for scientists hired by Danzou. How could Orochimaru possibly have gotten all these? Kushina’s no spymaster, but, um, holy shit?

“We’d better get him in custody immediately,” she says, shutting the folder. “I don’t want that sick son of a bitch running around my village any longer than I have to let him. I’ll call my guards and—”

“That may be foolish,” Orochimaru cuts in. “There is no official list of all the members of Root and their ANBU aliases.”

She frowns at Orochimaru for a moment, and then gets it. That’s why she had to send her guards away. So she nods grimly and makes two shadow clones: one to stay here and one to get Orochimaru’s report to Intelligence. “Right. Then we’ll do it ourselves. I assume you know where to find him?”

“Of course. Follow me.”

Orochimaru takes her to a part of town she’s barely ever been in and up to the top of a building that… is apparently hollow inside? Like an enormous well criss-crossed with thick wooden beams. Orochimaru seriously knows a lot about Danzou’s secret base, enough to make Kushina wonder why she didn’t report it to old Sarutobi before now.

She has to stop thinking about that and start thinking about Kurama’s chakra sense bleeding into her awareness. Around them are strange spots that don’t feel quite human—maybe the same amount of chakra as someone suppressing their presence, but no emotion whatsoever. Not boredom, not malice, not curiosity. Something is _wrong_ with the Root agents.

“We’re surrounded,” she mutters to Orochimaru, who just gives a tiny nod. Maybe she figures they’re not going to try and attack without reason. The problem is that Kushina and Orochimaru are here to give them a reason.

But it doesn’t work out like that. Orochimaru leads her to an empty room and purses her lips a tiny bit in annoyance. “Can you sense him anywhere in this base?” she asks. “If he received word from the agents inside he can’t have gone far.”

“No. Nothing but Root agents. And our range is around five kilometers. He’s been gone for a while, or he has a method of instantaneous travel like hiraishin. He _does_ know sealing.”

“Damn,” says Orochimaru under her breath. “He is infinitely more dangerous if we do not know where he is.”

“How dangerous can he be?” Kushina lets Orochimaru lead the way back toward the exit, back through the spooky silent ranks of Root. And makes sure to keep her voice low. “He’s an old man with one working eye and arm.”

“Don’t underestimate him,” Orochimaru murmurs. “He slipped through our grasp this time, didn’t he? There should be no way for him to know until we entered the base. But his information network is not to be trifled with. I advise you to keep only guards you know personally.”

“ _You_ are overestimating how many people I know personally,” says Kushina. “And exactly two of them besides you are ANBU-level.”

“Minato-kun is already your secretary. It wouldn’t be too much of a hardship to have him work in your office.”

“Yeah, all right.”

They make it out, and Kushina breathes a little easier.

Not for long, though.

Look, no-one ever said Kushina wasn’t an idiot. She herself freely admits it. But normally she’s an idiot about leaving her things in weird places or forgetting someone she’s been on teams with eight times or trying to figure out emotions. Not, uh, going to her morning solo training without a guard even though Orochimaru advised her to never be alone. It’s a habit, okay?

So they surround her, eight Root agents Kurama can feel, but he admits that they’re almost invisible, more like rocks than humans. _Damn_ they can fight, though. If she didn’t have her chains for defense she’d be toast within thirty seconds: they work with flawless coordination, creating openings for their comrades to try to get a blade in her back. She’s rarely met any number of normal shinobi she can’t take, but these are some of them. When she spits out a small pond’s worth of water none of them are there to be hurt by it, but they’re back soon enough to start laying wire traps around her again. Honestly? Her only saving grace is that if they kill her she probably won’t die. They can’t know how tough a host is.

Wire cuts into her arms and ankles. It’s supposed to make it impossible to dodge the sword coming for her heart, so instead she just catches it between her palms and kicks the Root agent in the crotch. There’s something very satisfying about knowing that no matter how emotionless a shinobi makes themself, they’ll never be immune to a kick in the nuts.

And hey! Now Kushina has a sword!

She’s rubbish with a sword but it’s pretty useful for channeling lightning. She carves up a couple of their swords and plenty of shuriken that way, and that’s about when they start trying to poison her.

 **This is starting to get really irritating** , Kurama growls. **Help is on the way, whenever Rin manages to find your idiot.**

_Thanks. D’you want to try bijuudama?_

He scoffs. **_Try_ bijuudama? I’ve been using it for a thousand years. Just give me the front.**

She’s a little cautious about letting him fight in her body, since he has way less experience being her than she does, but it’s pretty okay. Muscle memory and the chains carry him until he forms a strange inky sphere of energy in her mouth and lets it go. It creates an _enormous_ crater and takes out two of the Root agents.

But he draws back, cursing, to start purging poison from her blood. It slows down her reaction time enough for one of them to impale her through the shoulder, pinning her to the ground.

That’s when the last one moves.

One Root agent has been standing aside since the fight began, someone different than the others. Nervous, a little afraid, and strangely familiar. When they finally move she figures out why—this Root agent has wood release. Weird square branches crawl over her arms and legs so she won’t be able to get up. **Wood release is used to suppress bijuu** , Kurama snarls. **He’s been waiting for this.** The only seal she has prepared is the standard area effect paralysis seal, but since she’s pinned anyway she turns her wrist and slaps it on the ground.

 _Can you maybe ask Rin how that backup is going?_ she asks. But Kurama doesn’t reply. He is _very_ suppressed. Fear crawls up her spine.

But is she going to go down without any more of a fight? Hell no. Paralyzed or not, pinned or not, poisoned or fucking not, she has her own chakra and her chains. She snaps the necks of the Root agents who got caught in her trap and whips another one out to catch the wood user. When she drags them, thoroughly wrapped and suppressed, into her line of sight, they’re… just a kid. They can’t be more than ten fucking years old.

Well. Fine. She’ll get to the bottom of this when she’s dealt with the other three Root agents. Only… it’s really hard. She can’t see them because she’s stuck staring up at the sky, and with Kurama out of commission she can’t sense them either. She has to just flail her chains around and hope nothing gets through, which, uh, it’s getting through, all right. They seem to be trying to bleed her out rather than getting in close. And without Kurama’s healing, it’s working.

Right about then is when Minato shows up, though she only knows because no-one’s throwing shuriken at her any more. Unfortunately she can’t open her mouth to warn him about the paralysis seal, so he gets stuck until it breaks down.

Kushina can hear feet pacing softly outside of the circle, and Mikoto’s voice says, “I’m standing guard. Did you get stuck in your own trap?”

Kushina can’t nod or speak, but it makes her feel a lot better to know Mikoto is there watching for any more Root agents. Still, it’s a tense and cold and uncomfortable two minutes of very slowly losing consciousness from the poison, before they’re released and Minato almost trips over himself to kneel by her side. His face peers down at her, alarmed. “Kushina? Kushina, can you hear me?”

“Wgfl,” she says. No, not helpful. With great effort she musters all her speaking-ness and says, “Wood spress m’ healing.”

“Right. Right.” He pulls the sword out of her shoulder and cuts her free, then helps her up to sitting (ow ow shuriken everywhere) and only then seems to notice the kid cocooned in chains. “Um… is that…?”

“ ‘s is Danzou’s wood user. Hey, what’s your name?”

The kid says nothing and doesn’t move, but with Kurama back again she can feel that they’re terrified. They think they’re going to die. She uses one of her chains to flip their mask up to the top of their head, revealing wide staring eyes framed by a metal faceguard.

“…Well, all right. Ki-kun it is. Ki-kun didn’t look all that happy to be fighting me, though that could be because it’s _me_ and, you know, I’m pretty badass.” She pulls out a couple of shuriken from her side and tosses them on the ground. Thank fuck Kurama’s back. _Missed you, pal_.

**Just because I can make new blood from chakra doesn’t mean you let yourself get stuck like a pig.**

_What can I say! Sometimes people are trying to assassinate me! It’s not my fucking fault!_

“What are we going to do with him?” Minato says, studying the boy with a faint frown on his face.

“He’s not like the others. Are you, Ki-kun? You’ve still got emotions they haven’t managed to beat out of you yet. And he’s just little, Minato. We’ve got to help him.”

“Help me?” Kinoe bursts out. “I was going to kill you! And I _have_ to—” He stops, mouth open, and with a chill Kushina recognizes the signs of someone physically incapable of saying the next word.

“He’s been sealed,” she says. Because she’s searching his face closely she sees that’s the exact moment he looks away and down. “Hey, chin up, Ki-kun. I’m literally the best at sealing in the whole world. And I don’t mean literally in the way kids are using it these days where they actually mean figuratively, I mean that there’s no-one who can match me, and certainly not Danzou.

He’s silent, looking at the ground. Tough crowd. Or maybe there’s nothing he _can_ say.

“Well, until then you’re coming home with us.” Minato makes a little choking noise. “You’ll be under guard, obviously, but I’m not gonna make a ten-year-old kid go to T&I’s holding cells. Danzou’s place is enough like a dungeon! You don’t have any kind of compulsion to try and hurt me again if I let you go, do you?”

He still doesn’t look up.

“You should go to the _hospital_ ,” says Minato; Mikoto’s firm hand on Kushina’s shoulder says she agrees. “This is a bad idea, Kushina.”

“Lots of people have said that to me for lots of reasons and it’s turned out well so far, hasn’t it?” Minato looks at her with a sort of pained squinting expression that, like all his expressions, is very cute. “Also, the hospital can wait. Kurama’s a champion at healing and I’m a champion at pain tolerance.”

Mikoto sighs a long-suffering sigh, oh but Kushina is so in love with her. “Well,” she says, smiling slightly, “two jounin and the Hokage against a ten-year-old? I don’t think he’ll try to hurt us now. If anything he has orders to infiltrate.”

“Miko!” Kushina whines. “Don’t be like that! He’s a good kid! You can tell! Listen, Ki-kun, I’m gonna let you go, but if you try to attack us or run away it’s right back to the chains.” He nods and she loosens the chains, and he’s perfectly well-behaved the rest of the way home. Kushina sends Minato back to the office with one of her shadow clones and starts making lunch. But as a compromise with Mikoto, she lets a medic see to her first, if only so she won’t get blood in any of the food.

Really, by the time she starts cooking, she feels fantastic.

“You’ll fit right in here, Ki-kun. You’re not the only kid with wood release. You’re not even the only kid who was kidnapped to get wood release and then had his words sealed, which is really suspicious if you think about it.”

Mikoto sighs. “Kushina, dearest, should you really be telling him that?”

“We’re _not_ giving him back to Danzou. You saw the photos, Miko. I don’t care what it takes.”

“You shouldn’t trust me,” says the boy in a small voice. “I don’t get why… you let me into your house.”

“I don’t care how much assassin training you’ve had, you’re just a kid. You’re scared, which, it’s understandable but I can’t stand it when a kid is afraid of me. And you’re not honestly all _that_ good as an assassin. I get what Danzou was going for with the wood release, but I don’t think he knew I wouldn’t kill you? It seems more like a suicide mission!”

The boy doesn’t shrink in on himself like Rin would. Instead he sits very, very still, as if he’s trying to be mistaken for a piece of furniture. Mikoto puts her arm around him and he doesn’t move, and doesn’t move. He’s going to need to be trained to love hugs! If Kushina has _two_ kids she can’t hug, she’s just going to die. She should train Kakashi, too, but where is she going to find the time? She’s just so busy… she really _should_ have let Orochimaru become Hokage.

“Here you are, Ki-kun. I didn’t want to make you wait for rice, so I hope you like omelettes.” She sets down a plate and a glass of milk in front of the boy; he stares at it for a really long time before he slowly starts ripping it into strips with his hands. It makes a horrible mess because of _course_ you’re not supposed to eat an omelette that way, but apparently he doesn’t know that. He’s never seen one.

Kushina swallows and looks away, and Mikoto squeezes her hand behind the boy’s back. She tries not to think _everyone around me is broken by what’s been done to them_ , and instead think _you have a way of finding those who need love most and giving it to them_.

“If you’d like I have some advice that might make this easier,” says Mikoto, holding out a napkin in front of him. “If you use a spoon instead you won’t get your hands dirty.”

He wipes his hands inexpertly on the napkin, leaving a lot of egg bits between his fingers, and picks up the spoon.

“How is it?” asks Kushina, always cruising for compliments on her cooking. And of course she needs to know what her new kid likes to eat!

“Soft,” says the boy. He doesn’t answer the question she’s actually asking, but he doesn’t stop eating it either so he probably likes it. Unless he doesn’t know about not eating food you don’t like. What the _hell_ has he been eating? Did he live in that awful dungeon place Danzou made into Root headquarters?

 **Watch him** , says Kurama. What the hell does that mean? She finds out only after it happens: the door opens, the boy’s nervous tension snaps, and he leaps to his feet throws his spoon like a kunai at the person coming in.

Fortunately that person is Maito Gai, who dodges to the side and lets the spoon whiz past him and stick in the side of the house next door.

“Gai is a friend,” Kushina says lightly. She’s not trying to make him feel bad. “Kakashi’s not here right now, Gai-kun, but if you want to stay for lunch I can make you something.” She picks up the boy’s chair and sets it back on its feet, but he doesn’t sit back down.

Kurama sighs. **I don’t know why you insist on not listening to my advice.**

_Because I never know what it means until it’s totally useless!_

“That is very kind of you, Kushina-san!” Gai is saying. “I would not want to intrude on your hospitality. Perhaps you could point me to where Kakashi might be.”

“Nonsense, you look like you’ve been running around in the cold all morning. I can whip up some soup really quick, and Kakashi will probably be along soon anyway. Come sit with down. This is Ki-kun, by the way, he’s a little on edge today but he’s a great kid. Ki-kun, this is Maito Gai. He’s one of Kakashi’s friends, I find him a perfect gentleman and a joy to have around. Although I guess you don’t know Kakashi yet.”

“I’ve heard of him,” says the boy. At first it sounds like Kakashi’s famous, which is a little weird but cool… but then Mikoto shoots a grim, startled look at Kushina, and she realizes that that probably means _Danzou_ has been talking about him.

“Well, you’ll meet him soon,” Kushina says, like this isn’t creepy and horrible news. “Gai-kun, what kind of soup do you like?”

Kakashi does indeed show up about an hour later, in the middle of Gai’s lesson; he’s teaching the wood release boy to walk on his hands, hovering above him in case his balance fails. But the boy has pretty good balance! In fact, the one and only time Kushina thinks he’s falling over he’s just getting back to his feet because he heard Kakashi walking up the stairs outside. So… when Kakashi walks in the boy is staring at him. He stares back.

“My eternal rival!” says Gai joyfully. “Kushina-san promised you would come, and here you are! My youthful soul is aching to challenge you!”

Kakashi’s eyes turn to Gai. “All right,” he says. “Who’s this?”

“This is my young disciple, Ki-kun! His balance and determination are excellent, and he will be a formidable warrior some day!”

“He’s staying with us for now,” says Kushina. “I’ll tell you how we met later. Go train with Gai! Unless you want soup first, in which case it’s still on the stove.”

Kakashi walks to the kitchen. He chooses a path that takes him right past the wood release boy (who he seems to be… sniffing?) and then turns away while he drinks a great quantity of soup, right out of the pan and way too fast. “All right. Let’s go, Gai.”

Gai cheers as they go out the door. It closes behind them, and the boy stares at it for a long time.

 

Kushina wants to stay and get him settled, but there’s some Hokage stuff she has to be there in person to do. So she gives Mikoto a week of leave to take care of him and also guard him in case any more Root agents show up wanting their wood release user back. He seems pretty out of it, but he doesn’t show any signs of wanting to run away, so that’s good?

That night she introduces him to Obito (“Guess I have a baby cousin now!”) and Rin (“Has he been eating well?”) and explains to each member of the household separately why she suddenly has a new kid. They mostly take it well, except Kakashi, who she has to repeatedly tell off for giving him death glares.

At dinner she says, “If you don’t want to use whatever your old name was, we can come up with another good one. You into that?”

He stares at his chopsticks, which he doesn’t really have the hang of yet, and then looks up at her expressionlessly. He shrugs.

“Gimme something to work with, here. Please express an opinion, because otherwise I will die.”

“I don’t have a name,” he says quietly.

“Ki-kun,” she says. “Kisuke. How’s that?” He nods the tiniest little uncertain nod. “Uzumaki Kisuke is a nice name.”

He looks up again really fast. “You want me in your clan?”

Across the table Kakashi is giving him the Kakashi Cold Stare, but he doesn’t seem to notice. “Right now my clan has one member. I’m looking to recruit anyway. And if you’re a member of my clan I can give you formal legal protection. Uh, well, also the Uzumaki won’t have legal standing in Konoha until we have ten members, so I should really get on marrying these two goons. And then we can adopt you and you’ll be a legal citizen and Danzou can _never_ get his hands on you again. Sound good?”

His eyes refuse to settle anywhere, but when he looks vaguely in her direction she can see they’re filling up with tears. She rests a hand on his back.

“Welcome to the family, Kisuke-kun,” says Mikoto.

“I think we’re officially cousins now,” Obito offers, smiling at him. Rin, sitting on Kisuke’s right side, squeezes his hand.

 

She calls an emergency meeting of the council the next day. The council does not like emergency meetings, although most of the clan heads and _all_ of the village elders are off active duty so it’s not like they have anything better to be doing. In fact it’s the ones who could be working who are the most relaxed about it—Shibi, the Ino-Shika-Chou heads, and Kashiro. Well, Kashiro looks relaxed about everything. Whatever. The _point_ is that when she says, “I called this meeting today to warn you all about a highly ranked traitor,” they all shut up their grumbling real quick. She takes a deep breath.

“I received information three days ago linking Shimura Danzou to some extremely illegal, unethical, and horrible human experimentation. I was hoping to be able to capture him before I brought this up, but yesterday he tried to have me assassinated. Mole is here with us today because she’s ANBU commander, and she’s been helping organize loyalty testing for all the ANBU to make sure they’re not in Root—thank you, Yamanaka-san. The problem is that Root, Danzou’s subcommand, are loyal to him above the Hokage and the village, but they can’t currently be detected. We have a, uh, captured Root member who we’re doing testing on to determine the nature of the technique Danzou used to keep them from talking, which we might be able to use to identify them if Yamanaka-san’s test doesn’t work out.

“Now, this can be a short meeting. I just want you all to know that I’m officially declaring Danzou a missing-nin—”

“That’s preposterous,” snaps Elder Koharu. “I’ve known him for sixty years.”

“Sorry, are you accusing me of faking an assassination attempt, or are you accusing Orochimaru of fabricating intelligence?”

“He holds Konoha’s best interests at heart,” says Koharu stiffly.

“But he did very much try to have me assassinated.” When Koharu doesn’t reply, Kushina continues, “I would like to keep it kind of quiet that one of our elders turned out to be an evil scientist from a melodrama until _after_ we have him in custody. It just doesn’t look great for Konoha, so please be discreet.”

“While we’re discussing what makes Konoha look weak,” says the Hyuuga head, “perhaps we could discuss your unauthorized promise to the Raikage. This council agreed that ending reparations would be acceptable, but not gifting back what we had already been given.”

“How do you plan to address the budget deficit?” Sarutobi wants to know. “We’ll soon be seeing weapons shortages and depressed mission pay again, unless you want to run Konoha into the ground. The shinobi won’t be happy with it. Where is the extra revenue coming from?”

Well. Kushina has been expecting this, but she was hoping it wouldn’t come up until the next normal council meeting. She sighs. “Right. Part of that is made up by trading with Kumo. Since we’re overseeing that and not the Daimyou, we get a 10% cut. That’ll be, ummm… Hang on, it’s in my notes somewhere… I think it was something like a five-year return.”

“Do you really expect our shinobi to be happy with that?” asks Zui, raising an eyebrow. “Most of them can’t afford to plan five years in the future.”

“But as the Hokage I have to! I don’t want to piss off every other hidden village and end up at war again in five years! Hands up everyone who enjoyed being at war for the past eight years? Anyone? No? My job is to prevent that to ensure Konoha’s continued prosperity.”

“That’s what diplomats are for,” murmurs the Nara head. “Forgive me, Hokage-sama, but you don’t need to do all this yourself. There are ways and ways of putting Konoha first when pursuing foreign policy.”

“Thank you, Nara-san,” she says, as politely as she can. He’s doing that fucking _oh you’re too young to know better let the grown-ups teach you to shit on other villages_ thing. “I welcome your advice, maybe we can meet later to talk about it. But I’m also hoping to secure a trade deal with Kiri when I visit next week. You’ve all heard a little about what happened from the quick meeting we had when I got back, but since we’re already here I want to go more in depth now that we’ve looked into it a little more. Because there’s some kind of weird conspiracy shit going on.

“So you know that Nohara Rin was kidnapped by Kiri hunter-nin and the three-tails was sealed in her. We still don’t know why because the hunter-nin we captured had a suspiciously empty head, but we do know that she and Obito had identical anti-suicide seals on their hearts. This is noteworthy because, uh, Obito was presumed dead for seven months and in the care of Uchiha Madara.” Everyone starts trying to talk at once, so she holds her hand up and flares Kurama’s chakra to get them to shut up a minute. “That’s what he says, and we haven’t done any reconnaissance yet, since with the budget junk we haven’t had any spare shinobi. Someone could have been lying to him for an unknown reason. But when Obito came back he’d had a bunch of Hashirama cells grafted onto him, giving him the ability to use wood release. Now, _yesterday_ I met a really weird little kid who can _also_ use wood release, and who has also been sealed not to be able to talk about it. We know this happened seven years ago in Danzou’s labs, because Orochimaru brought me proof that those experiments happened, and he’s the right age. Does this mean Danzou kidnapped Obito? I don’t know. Does it look real suspicious? Absolutely.” A couple people turn to their neighbors to start whispering, and she suddenly remembers what this was supposed to be about. “What this means is we can’t rule out some kind of foreign involvement in the attack by Kiri, which makes it really important to talk to the Mizukage and see if we can’t work out what happened and why. We’re not jumping to any conclusions about that until then. And if that part goes well, we’ll see if we can’t get some trade agreements worked out with Fire Country’s food surplus. Which could bring our return time down to maybe three years. Lastly, if anyone has any solutions to the budget problem instead of just yelling at me for doing a thing I can’t take back, I’d love to hear them.”

And the rest of the meeting is just a normal, way-too-long council meeting. After over an hour, the council splits up with much grumbling. They still get that her word as Hokage is final and they’re not going to change her mind, but they’re starting to sound more mutinous. How the hell is she this unpopular when her platform is _being a good person_?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am for sure setting up an intentional parallel to how future timeline Hokage Naruto always puts his real self in the Hokage office and for some reason only interacts with his family through shadow clones? A shadow clone can DO paperwork, numbskull. Quit it.
> 
> EDIT as of 11/17/2018: oops. I'm so sorry. I haven't actually written the next chapter and also I'm constantly forgetting to own up to it. sorry ppandap, I love you very much but I must disappoint you. if you ever read this and want me to like, summarize what was going to happen with orochimaru?? and everything?? just let me know!! but yeah I'm almost certainly never going to finish this fanfiction.


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